Extract from Honey Baby Middle England

Study In Exile No.5

In which Mary reveals it is possible to be homesick in her own home.
 
Video:
Close up of a suburban carpet. A dog being thrown biscuits. It catches them in its mouth. Sound of crunching as we see its molars.
 
Mary  A cold day but nice. This is a house. A lovely house. Birds sing. Oh how the birds sing! Starlings. Tits. Sparrows! How the English birds sing in my lovely garden so very green on account of the rain, the gentle but persistent rain that falls every day and makes indoors seem so inviting despite the tuitch to stoop and dig my lovely garden whilst humming in English if you know what I mean (whispers) there's nothing wrong with my mind something is upsetting me deep down. (Shouts at her husband) You trod on my crocuses!
 
Ernest  Stand up straight when you speak in public. You're not sitting on the toilet.
 
Mary  My husband thinks he's a chicken. I say, Ernest, even chickens have to wait their turn.
 
Ernest  I do not think I'm a chicken. My wife is mad and has no problem displaying her condition to the nation.
 
Mary  The doctor said have him committed. But I need the feathers! I need the feathers for our duvet because Ernest doesn't like continental feathers. He says they're dishonest and a bit slitty. 'Take my feathers and stuff the quilt,' he says, and that's what I do but when he eats prawns his feathers turn pink and I can't persuade him to eat pies which make a purple feather, yes a more lustrous feather so much easier on the eye when the quilt splits open and feathers fly.
 
Ernest  Sing our song, Mary.
 
Mary  (sings) What is life to me without thee? What is left if thou art dead? What is life without thee? What is life without my love?
 
Pause.
 
Ernest. I am so very homesick. I want to go home.
 
Ernest  But you are in your home, Mary. I am your husband. Here is your sofa. There is your carpet. This is your shelving unit. Look out of the window. This is your view. This is your house.