SEWED LOGS november 2005 - june 2006
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18.12.2005
<E> life seduced me
<2> one is to play shy <E> be relax <E> I am shy too <2> it's about pretending <E> be onest <2> it doesn't work for me - to be honest <E> you like pretending <2> yes! <E> so who you are now <2> just a pearson who talks <A> I am going to push you a bit now <2> push me! push them!
<E> seduction is a life
<A> SEDUCTION ISN'T NECESSARILY A LIFE <A> IT MIGHT BE ONE SINGLE MOMENT IN A LIFE
<E> are you blond <E> I am staring grey
<2> Really bad experience. <2> Have to pretend for a week that I love her.
<A> BECAUSE LOVE AND SEDUCTION ARE NOT REALLY THE SAME THING
<A> HOW HAVE YOU SEDUCED??? <2> I usually start with personal touch. <E> with charm <A> EXPLAIN CHARM
<E> when you look to the eyes <E> you want more concrete?
yes, please
<A> THEN TAKE YOUR TIME
hopefukky <A> FUKKY?! <A> A FREUDIAN SLIP!
sorry, lly
<A> NO PROBLEM!
<C> what was it that attracted you to him <cat> That he was strong and gave me a feeling, he's stabile <C> did you feel strong in your self? <cat> yes, cliche - boys don't cry <cat> Of course, I never do feel strong <cat> though I know I am <C> There's nothing more powerful than a man who DOES cry? <cat> but knowing and They can cry, after I know, they are capable to control their emotions
<cat> well, other things - he had to be tall <C> and? <cat> have pretty hands <cat> not dark <C> and? <cat> seduction or bed?
<C> what is the differenec?
<C> I've found this strangely exciting.
<A> C I AM INTERESTED IN YOUR EXCITEMENT <cat> so did I but hand are slow <A> !! <cat> hands! <1> fingers <cat> yes, right <3> our mind is always pulling body behind...
<cat> I like to be seduced withou <cat> without having a presure <1> that's my girl
15.01.2006
lies are sweet, everybody lives in them
that could make him tragic
he is not tragic he does fall in love but his love lasts only as much as his passion since ge is guided by his libido
<D> it's not his crredo in this life to feel emotions, he needs goals
<cat> do we all have a bit of don juan in us
<cat> I mean the need for absolute freedom
I did not discover it yea goddammit
absolute freedom is not don juan for me
<3> me, me, me just me
he is physically self-aware
<5> so he developed himself into universal man
he is slave of his instincts
<3> what is his instinct? <cat> like an addict he is forever searching for the firsthigh <5> but the quatity of possibilities brought him into a mass with no return
he can be hphysically handicapted
fuck it
<3> hmm <3> pitty <5> i don't think, it's just libido...it's a projection
regret is awaste of emotion
<butterfly> i can't stop being butterfly! <2> all red and everybody silent
In molliere, one feels Don Juan is the champion against hypocrasy <3> is aids more dangerous than bird flue?
ooh we're blue again. does this affect anything?
<3> no
only aesthetics aids is created by men not by birds
<butterfly> but if bird flue epidemic comes then sex will be taboo <butterfly> in a new way
sorry? is it? and bird flue ' do we know that for sure? no
<3> nope <butterfly> well contagion will have to be suppressed and so repression will come in a new way <butterfly> whole institutions will close
I think, he's breaking the law of agreement between 2 people
to me, he's breaking an unspoken law of humanity
the inability to feel anothers pain trust
<3> to be true? <3> sincere <3> ?
<butterfly> hurting another person
not that women were so innocent ot think, that sleeping with a guy means, he'll stay forever
<butterfly> through ones sex
he never establishes these laws so he does not break them we impose the laws on him i don't thing that breaing laws is a big issue
<butterfly> no but breaking hearts is
maybe another word for 'laws' is 'values'
<butterfly> and Dj loved to break hymens too
people can break their own hurts and blame others for that
<butterfly> hurts?
hearts not hurts - sorry
<butterfly> don't go breaking my hurt
what is thid difference?
is there such a thing?
fundamental!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a woman and I want to be Don Juan
<butterfly> fundamental? go on.. <butterfly> me too!
why? women's need for nesting
<3> michel foucault... under the picture of the breaker of the rules of marriage, as the thief of wifes, seducer of virgins, shame of families and insult for men and fathers - appears another person: human character led against his own will by obscure craziness of sex. under image of epicurean is a pervert. he deliberately breaks the law, at the same time driven by kind of fallacy nature far away from any nature... let the questioning was he homosexual, narcissistic or impotent to psychoanalysts.
so fairytales are for girls and latino machos for boys because i want to love without limits and/or constraint. i'm a man and as far as i'm concern you can be don juan freedom? thankyou
<3> woman don juan exist
yes?
<3> no?
you mean nymphomans? donna Juanita
<3> no
I fear being burnt at the stake, beeing stoned to death or tarred and feathered. there stories of women
is this freedom, to sleep wherever with whoever?
no
<3> if you decide yes
to love whomsoever we wish. yes i think this is freedom of a sort
<butterfly> fig leaves..
to sleep with them, not if they snore this is a story
<butterfly> started the whole thing off no? in xtain societies in europe.. <3> i think 2000 years of catholicism fucked up us a lot <butterfly> yes, fig leaves
to fuck and be fucked and be able to walk away as though one has enjoyed a good meal yes this is freedom to me let us not forget cultural differences and the way each culture is expected to behave
<3> good fuck is simply good. if both are satisfied
so there is don juan in all of us afterall in most cultures our donna juanita would be buried with the harshness of disdain
<butterfly> excuse me..there is a difference between penetrating and being penetrated? <3> marriage for example
wrong to walk away
<3> yes <butterfly> i'm on the good fuck and walking away fantasy
<butterfly> obsessive love/sex is different from the fuck you can walk away from like a good meal no?
<butterfly> so outside of couple <butterfly> so outside of norm <3> the fact is you have to conquer. once you succeed it is over <butterfly> reproeductive norm
Who's to say Don juan was not true in his heart to evry love he won
<butterfly> i know men like this
<3> i think <butterfly> i have loved/fucked them <butterfly> i lived with one for many years
he could hope others might be like him
<butterfly> who loved all his many lovers <butterfly> and was addidcted to more and more of them <butterfly> till one day it all blew up in his face <3> a cock with his chickens
the passage of time plays different tricks on us i mean age brings a new sense of awarness
<butterfly> and one of them slashed the tyres of his car as he was leaving her and another one to return home to me and nearly killed him.. <butterfly> he cried <butterfly> not with shame <butterfly> but with loneliness <butterfly> because the women agreed with each other <butterfly> against him
a borderless capacity to love a hunger as big as life its sely to enjoy
<butterfly> remeber leaking the neck?
love aor lust a passion that is addictive
a lust that roars like river making every second charged and full of meaning consumer society conditions us or some of us to always search for new comodities
<butterfly> lust that roars like a river needs time and energy,is exhausting
a self contained inability to 'be' responsible for anothers feelings a clear sense of direction; desire. that's why you need a lot of time - so you can rest in between
<butterfly> and we older ones are supposed to cease this link between spirit, flesh and desire <butterfly> i hate this conspiracy against older flesh
remember the 60s or are you all too young the so called freedom we had did not bring us more happiness
<butterfly> i am certainly not too young to forget this
but you had more sex
<butterfly> DJ wants to possess women like trophies <butterfly> he consumes them <butterfly> and digests them and shits them out
The sex is his taboo. Th e magic gateway to trangress.
<butterfly> yes
he is after a soul, sex is just tool Power is in the transgression power to 'be' god a soul? mother?
<butterfly> power is a technique (foucault) <3> he wants you admire an accept him with all your soul, yes
He did a brave experiment for us i guess power to possess yes, son? he wants to be adored does he?
<3> in a movie in a movie women are fighting which one was his REAL and TRUE LOVE !!!
<butterfly> why we want DJ to fuck us and put us top of his list!
he exposes the establishment no? i believe so
but he's more an actor for small theatre not rock concert <butterfly> how do we stop being his victims in our minds?
maybe you found the God when you dont belive in him because freedom is dangerous it brings doubts
<butterfly> thats why its so attractive
the absence of god is also a god <3> god is me? <butterfly> if you say so
humanity created god. What if humanity uncreates their creation and thinks again?
true paradox
<butterfly> the mind... <3> too hard
i am all for it
<butterfly> me too
22.01.2006 (dj is…)
I recall mustaches and eyes
eyes with the sea behind them black skin brown eyes blue eyes blind eyes deep eyes and leaks on the neck eyes that express desire unashameaby yes focused eyesž mirror eyes sinking in eyes eyes that tell you they already knowyou lost eyes eyes that want, crave, yearn eyes zou can drawn in connected eyes myth ideal communication addicted to love shoe string philosophy addicted to sex noble hedonist addicted to gain everything knicker strong philosphy string knicker string philosphy another tormented artist at work the philosphy of the boudoir wish reader moralitybuster hymen buster hungry woman lover - or hater? the clytoris reader how do you read a clitoris?! well... with your tongur well? with webster online
with seductive words do we become cliterate then? icliterate acclimatised perhaps? express yourself dont repress yourself back to DJ he is beyond the law no? mind reader beyond God liberator Dog beyond dog his own dog dogless doggy style my dog!!! great imposer imposter does he stay for breakfast? sinner patriarch chimpansee he makes breakfast and leaves oh? what does he make?! emperor of feelings melted butter, leaves good taste makes you feel the center of attention king of himself center of your self master big hands very big hands beautiful feet big dick compared to or maybe small dick donkey maybe the prince on a white horse donkey dick`? no surely not??? refined musician the wolf in sheeps clothing false knight dose culture overestmiate woman's admiration for size? night friend juice companion comrade of wine glasses what are his attributes? physical? how is the question of size in reality? kindness kills important or not? size is relative to the other size the size of the receiver brutal honesty that leaves you bruised its not some bloody sports event every man and woman fit together beaten up by honesty thats not true i say what They most want to hear AND mean it he is good product of christianity does DJ like his penis? I say what they most dread to hear and i mean it sure very much does he oil it and nurture it? he is victim of his penis I attend to my penis what do women dread to hear? he demands my attention do I feed it? like a horse, with oats That you love them.but not especially insatiable oats insatiable appetite that you want them. But also them and them and tehm why do women dread to hear that yiou love them?
they don't want to be our mothers slave, master, man, woman, etc that they are not the one and only love we are going philosophical when i still can't picture the guy, the DJ emotionaly underaged raged images ragged images strange childhood he is broad
he has charisma
he is short he is sensual his breath smells of wine and juices as if he just left flesh size doesnt matter his face has laugh lines his eyes have sadness i want to winheart of woman and run away from her withit beautiful and cruel and do what with it? collector collector of hearts his hair is full of sticky unwashed perfume smells of rare speciments trainspotter heart specimums odours of several conquests piling up like olfactory patinae smell upon smell upon smell he dances from the inside his feet never leave the ground rebel with a cause his feet smell of earth and semen nothing is sacred for him he stamps on others feelings i smell horse sweat he dont think about others feelings steak tartare and red wine in a restaurnat remember that one.. I smell food taste wine i smeall white starched tablecloths and the faint whiff of roses ankles crossed alright food sex death hitchcock feet on feet. tarantino hidden dialogues a date under the table the whiff of the dead bourgeois hypocrasy is on the menu the bourgeois is yet to die his knives are sharp DJ has to kill this with his own muscles and ready fuck the sunday diners
he fucks everything and everybody
would you trade your sanity for a look at a vagina ?
depends on the vagina..
he wasn't only LOOKING at the vagina
addiction to sex is not that bad,,,
america is always pathologising stuff addiction to sex is fine america sucks there there if your habit is not fucking others around law and order are there any women here who would like to be him? what is wrong with fucking arround? hestitation
I want to know
fucking others around = hurting them or their feelings (mututal consent exclsuding) the 'intent' is not to fuck others over in the future we maybe won't need to be coupled up so much because we will be able to have babies without sex but giving pleasure to as many womwn as possible women giving pleasure si so generous yes hes like that he convinces himself is he generous to give pleasure, receive pleasure. to be in the moment fucking is not to serve somebidy yes he idealises himself his actions or is he detached
the moment when pleasure is given
is also the moment of power fucking could be serving why should penis and heart be connected? doing ones servise penis and vegina? because the blood serves 'one' body heart and vagine juices why i dont know, but i cant argue thet they arrent the heart is the hallway the vagina is the front door but the heart get so full of sex provincial metaphysics meaning? concentrate! !! so....why can't the house be full? the biggest difference in the world is between being fucked and beeing fucked real good... tennessee williams the party goes onn finally! and on its exhausting and on yawn he sits back and watches fuck is good does it loose meaning in the repetition i ve been waiting for you to say that for so long beautiful ... healty necessary heaven wonderful pleaqse stay and make breakfsdt did someone do a pin-up moment?
whats that?
idol ? guy? to be desired woman? enlight me a picture of a guy or woman you pin up on your wall from a distance is a pin-up i would love to enlight they want you hidden in the drawer
lightenup
they might be shopping kevin spacey jesus..no! guy working on petrol station this is pinup moment in the drawe3r a secret lover you open the drawer and there they are
it would be great
whenever you want? yes on tap like wine
sip when you want
perfect
the world is full of djs
A momentary loss of muscular coordination
lets get urban how did he save your life?
he showed me how to be free
he knew how to wait in cars up against a city wall at night he is only trying to save his own life electric windows in the office in parks all work and no play makes john a dull boy quick, zipless fuck he makes you forget all the firewalls looking for corners long zippy fuck the rules in your head
the zips in your head
in fact he is a victim... of? in the lift fly fucking shared secrets system society power power over on the phone disturbed father figure talking dirty poor guy ok ok we are not all don juans actually no we are not how do you know who your daddy is? cause your mamma told you so an unrepeatable thought crossed my mind seeing your dna cos he said so watching your palm lines upside down on the floor her panties smell of paperback mama's? his of the encylopedia why is anonimity freedom no responsibility
no judgement
abstract imagination no self censureship so not abstract no concrete gesture without motion concrete yes in the eyes gnerosity concrete walls
poor sad fuck
concrete eyes to piss at the icons of the past and not run away look at the piss and laugh women can't aim their piss so maybe that was a man spoeaking maybe fucking like Don Juan is a lonely road revolutionary maybe very lonely in and out
revolutionary?
nonconforming slavery khm
carnival?
yes canibal transgression upside down fest of fuck chaos the opposite of marriage and babies yes just fun man setting himself at gods level non sensible existential the lonely sage of a fallin world
the god of misrule
anarchist? bacchus big noise big nose apollo go go go apollo and bacchus? the birth of violance take off sun and wine psycho who gave birth to violence the creature of the south frustration i smell sweat again repression thyme on dry hills feel the chains sweat is good exspression yes, chewing into the flesh slippery exsplosion sweat on the upper lip submission the thinking animal as if ready to pounce no thinking much like tiger grrrr like animal grrr are men the horny trickster I'm a horny woman so wheres the problem? horny is cool
horny is hot surely
horny beastly how does DJ deal with Donna J? is there interest?
good friends?
good plotters maybe rivalry equals? question of power fucking and equality hmmmm
vanity and love are uncompatible
equals in sex above god extrusion/intrusion postive/negative sun/moon are we cliche? can't escape that women to women is an escape or can be.. how? no penis is penis such a problem? why? no but leads to cliches of dualism the dick the train the falus blah blah one have what one have... two vaginas flatten the field one have vagina a broad field indeed
always tought penis and vagina should be compatible...
they are structurally speaking every man and woman fit together and every woman and every woman problem is mental than? and every man and every man we feel horny for what we desire what about free will?
problem: are we free when torn by our drive and passion??
we just follow
do we follow our drive like animal? follow the rabbit men their dicks follow that dick and women? what are they following? tumbling down the rabbit hole SIC marmalade hic et nunc eat me sic drink me Alice upside down yes please i'll give you if you'll be good behaving... grow bigger or smaller aroused by words words are very sexy words are cool words are sexual organs leading nowhere sometimes yeh sceptic just promising lies the word almost became flesh impossible pragmatic lies almost always play play with us plug and play
make new rules
new rules no rules then go mad desire the red list explain copular red shoes big baby kid gloves hairry nipples latex leather poor lonely boy afflicted by the godess in high heels museum stuff angel gabriel in a box underpants white as snow froma distance frozen sex stink of other women on his breath grapes in the underwear nails in the bath frozen star vengeance on tap fat bastard the clashing silver sound of metal from sword and toothfillings very wet inner mouth HIV positive? that would be cruel could be interesting danger
sex death
does he have clean fingernails? he have clean everything is he vain? shares his flannel vain and in vain does he wear makeup for men? affirmative subtle though? and perfume for women
ah
which perfume? boss for woman
ah
subtle i love a man in makeup eyes, blacked round
permanent makeup
cigar smoke and patchouli born with eyes to kill
he makes you see and smell everything you desire
russian roulette the thrill of sex being linked to death
In every kiss there is abit of rape, Camus, Caligula
oh no kissing and raping are not the same kissing is to explore giving and taking rape is to abuse crossing the line rape is hate kissing can be wild kiss is love wild is not hate same as fucking passion is not hate not always ok i agree first kiss second kiss we are all: passionate and agressive and tender at the same time earloub sucker earlope
neck leaker
antelope khhh how do you write that lick, to lick with the tongue not that african ellegant animal? to leak from the penis, or the cup earlope precum yes deer deer dear kind of freckled such wordplay en-joy jouir welcome are you coming?
prihajam
prihajati mi prihaja to come coming i am coming but in french it is to en-joy better the pen and the penis enjoy the silence
where we are?
onlooker, witness pipping tom .....we took a breath, diversion flasher no, something happened betwen people pipping tom is another wonderful mistake that opens onto new meanings thank you others stopped and held their breath pippinm, apples, fruit, tree of knowledge.. peeping intimacy touched, yeah right wright language is a virus night language is a word
its lonely
jail bird blue bird who said night? blue beard yes, in a cage made of wood i did who's I bluebeard is the dark dark murderous side of DJ where kisses and rape are synonomous
behind lovked doors
forbidden keys don't go and unlock that door you pandora you fool!!! did idiot! you see the blood on the carpet yes, and i folow that blood.... yes do to get to the source of all crime wallpaper off the walls ripped stories go and see the blood run in the streets violence
another door
to many doors blow job upon blow job when the doors of perception are cleansed... like too many sorts of bread... key too big for the lock hands too hsaking klobasa look through keyhole klobasa? klobasa? sausage !! cooking downstairs stronzzo also stronzzo synomins for penis i wish to make a distinction between blue beard and don juan
don't leave me at that bdoor!
sister ann sister ann comin! gimme mercy arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!! walked away polygamy have you found jesus? no nationalism dj doesn't kill women
you can fuck having kids too?
yes but someone needs to stay at home at night and its usually her the babysitter money to watch the cave? ah the cave fire don't follow a man into his cave cause you go blind
i love my cave
jesus the mice party what a solution cavewoman, thats me hello cave woman
I'd get bored in the cave
got to get out i lOVE CAVES should i stay or ... stay caves are cool cavewoman thats me stuck not for me stay and make breakfast
lets have breakfast outside
its to be alone thats necessary and why should only men get this??? to rub your ass against rub your ass against breakfast and you get egg on it what are only men getting? no contemplation time away from partner i like eggs cave time for breakfast l;eave me alone time This is the 21 century i take alone time when i need it so do i i do too its my freedom so? I take whoever i want into that alone time then you are not alone oh yes I am! so in your fantasy? in this day and age a human has to have choices yes nice paradox paradox me being together but alone yes letting the other be alone like: we have no choice than to be existentialist in this day and age? you love more when youre alone the other is also alone but together? fearless digging under the worms even
Peace on earth, come here i love you, will you die for me?, eat me, the end
we have time
05.02.2006 (the best sex you ever had)
so, what kind of women do you like?
<B> considering sex, i mean
<B> young? old?
<9> age dopesn't matter much for me
<9> it is important how she holds my dick
<9> or how she look at me
<B> That's the most important thing?
<B> Can she be ugly as hell if she can hold your dick well?
<9> well, yes
<9> what is ugly as hell for you?
<B> Was the best sex that you have had so far with ugly women?
<9> i could say the best sex for sure was not depending from the way she looked
<B> but you know women, you can never be 100% sure. <9> you felt you could do anything to her and she woud accept?
<B> did you lick her?
<B> what? did she smell like flower? <B> what about her pussy? <9> maybe patchouli
9> i am master anyway
<9> pure sex without emotion is like a soup without salt
oh mother
pure emotion without sex is middle age
<C> have you been a mistress?
<7> Mistress, yes, I have. I decided, I want to keep relationship
<C> did you enjoy the relationship?
<7> hidden from social contact. didn't want ot meet his friends and he mine
<C> was it the secret that 'turned you on'?
<7> It was the point, that we knew exactly, what we are doing together
<7> pitty it didn't last, one can not contionue wthout getting emotionally involved. yes, surprozingly, he spoiled it
<C> how?
<7> by starting to be possesive and curious
<7> he imagined, I'm helding some other guys by the side
<C> projection eh?
did you?
<7> I wanted freedom, indipendence... <7> young <C> is that what attracted him in the first place do you think? <C> was he young? <7> good looking, not especially clever
does cleverness matter?
<C> sorry to ask this but cock size? <7> young and fresh <7> cock - middle, but sporty <7> never liked big, it hurted <C> did he want youvery very much? <7> yes, I was kind of exotic <7> and didn't ask about meals <C> were you out of his normal reach? <7> no cinema, common friend, plenty of time for sex <C> only behind closed doors? <7> wouldn't believe, I ran into him month ago <C> and? <7> nice, promisseng, I got his phone <C> and? <7> din't call <C> you mean you didn't call? <7> maybe <C> why didn't you call? <7> I woldn't know where to take him <C> so he wasn't a friend as well? <7> no <C> how did you feel about yourself after the relationship finished? <7> but a relief becouse he would finally spoil it all <C> I do you look for another secret partner? <7> it was ridiculous to have a primary school conversations <7> sometimes I think about it <C> for a date? <C> maybe an older more mature man? <7> there are plenty looking for a secret relationship, very direct, sometimes young <C> I'd be so scared to meet anonomous
why?
<7> phychos are in movies
<7> I'm not offering anything, prefer one to one <C> its more to have someone to talk about everything with afterwards
<C> I mean after the meeting If it is just the sex, i think there would also be a lonely feeling <7> you would't be lonely for some hours and day after you have a secret. gives you an extra charisma <7> do you need emotional conection to a sex partner? <C> does it make you feel more powerful? <7> more indipendend
<7> boys don't understand our trough
<7> some tears after it, just girls sentiment <7> thing have to go out
12.02.2006 (what I love is…)
what I love is adrenalin pumping
through veins I love demanding opponent. what I love is to take a lover and give her abeautiful afternoon, one she'll never forget, one she'll ache for forever what i love is chasing animals in the forest till i catch them i love when i am irresistible
<7> I love to pley with thougts in blue room
wearing perfect suits, causing attention on places I enter what I love is to love in the sound of rain. sound of wet grass, birdsong, but we're inside, warm looking out, occassionally occassionally..? I love if my opponent, my spectator is clever and likes to play games. only occassionally looking out! I love playing chess with my skin
moving into positions of power on the board
strategy strategy What I love is holding her/him in my arms and knowing they don't want to be anywhere else What I love is to be able to run away what i love is the power of being desired whenever ~i want i love doing things i know it will knock her down (in the bed) what i love is to be wanted i love me what i love is being desired to the point of the lovers obsession what i love is to possess when i sleep What i love is to know that I'm in my lovers thoughts continually what i love is my own body and what it does i love being always one step in front what i love is to know i possess my lovers mind the smell of womans neck under the hair what i love is the smell of sweat i love me willy disguised by perfume what i love is knowing that my own heart will never break i love me willy free willy what i love is that i can go anywhere and I'm always free what i love is to dive into a woman i love vine my beautiful hand
i love my spirit
what i love is to see her helpless i love when i aint when i forget in short what i love is to know i can get away with everything i do the psychology of amebas what i love is to see her at my door, dripping with desire i love her being at my disposition
what i love is telling her I'm busy
hands on my tits and sweat and mangos what i love is telling her I'm busy, but not really being that busy
i love love love when she gets obsessed with why i am too busy
what i love is making her coffee and making her wait
i likey myself i like myself very much me nice what i love is to see another man want her me very nice i am the best when she doesn't want him simply the best
what i love is leaving knowing that soon she'll/he'll be aching for me
when i make her doing what i want
girls talking and talking and then suddenly shut up with that look yea and like and like what i love is when she vanishes anmd just becomes flesh me walking hard on what i love is me me me me what I love is life meaning nothing very much and she/he touching my heart..... just a beat..... that feels good. dangerous In arizona theres a state law prohibiting to walk around with a hard on did you know? ha? what i love is having a hard-on in arizona
what i love is walking into a party knowing there are many lovers all wanting me
what i love is finding ways americans among us? to stop becoming bored of fucking
i love to invade her when she already have her man
i love to cheat him
what i love is for her to be thinking of me when she['s with him
what i love is to be unhurtable what i love is to be in control to give woman an impression, they can tell me mor than their best girlfriends what i love is to be invincable love the flow of all juices what i love is to bring back the art of love love the admiration in the world of the science of love let it flow let your body flow when the juices flow got nothing to lose what i love is impossible love made possible love the feeling i can do whatever I want with her spare me marquiz! what i love is that i can help her free herself and she is willing... I love warm win
what i love is to show here there are no rules
that there is no god watching dogs
what i love is drowning in her smell and walking alone catching the scent after she's gone hmmm
yes all mine what i love is i never need keep her address email
what i love is that she loves me not her husband
what i love is that her husband pays the bills I love being sophisticated delicate you bastard where my eyes look there she jumps, i love that. what i love is finding places to fuck her without being caught good cognac cars in the city at night.. i love to drive her crazy what i love is watching life against walls in the city at night
what i love is not fearing death
death turns you on? yea i am ordinary guy what i love is that she maybe won't wash after i leave not me! When you die the pain is over baby what i love is that sex obliterates everything her humps her humps her lovely lady lumps i love she will never forget me even if she will hate me after leaving
what i love is boasting
what i love is feeling from time to time about how long i kept it up what i love is remorse from time to time what i love is to tell other men about my prowess what i love is guilt from time to time what i love is my prowess
what i love is pity from time to time
i love she drinks me as a medicine what i love is saying sorry from time to time what i love is the spice of guilt, shame,doubt,in the soup of total abandon what i love is to buy her things
what i love are the secret rendez vous and being just alittle late
what i love is to have my fingers inm her when she drives us in her car i love when she takes what she wants what i love is knowing that I'll get bored eventually what i love is my freedom what i love is not caring THAT much
what i love is more than one woman in a day
i love being a virus goodbye farewell a la prochaine enlight me love to infect her with ME me me me What i love are having two women fighting over me what i love is to bury my face in wet earth rub earth on my skin
i love undressing her skin
what i love is having her in the sea more more more more
what i love is that i might just might one day fall in love
when people can see us and they don't know fried eggs
and sailors
what i love is that i might just might one day fall in love and eat my heart out i always fall in love what i love is that i might just might fallin love and.... and want to stay for breakfast what i love is the horse waiting for me outside that i can jump on and fly away on when she becomes mine she is lost i am terrified of caring because it might become boring i love the penetration in all senses What i love is that I might just might fall in love and stay? i love going back to the place i came from
go
i love my cave i love my horse i love my willy i love my freedom i am a wave and he is an elastic band i love my empty address book
What i love is that i might just might fall in love and be mortal
the wave and the elastic band i was abandoned by my mama boo hoo and now i want her back what i love is when i feel i could conquer anything what i love is knowing that wanting to fall in love is bullshit you gotta face your own childhood boy that got in my way i love big tasks what i love is knowing that I'm all things to all people what i love is that i am unique what i love is knowing how easy i am to hate
what i love is to act out love
deep love What i love is how I soak up hypocrasy because it turns her passion on what i love is to look at myself after we have made love i love to be all what she thinks i am What i love is how i bare my teeth and know that i'm the only one really telling the truth what i love is mirros abnove the bed so i can see myself on/in her my humps my humps my lovely lady lumps what i love is to see me
what i love is waiting for people to say I was right you’re right
What i love is knowing the poison tastes good
what i love is getting drunk on the poison
what i love is taking your breath away
i like when you melt in my hands
ME?
what i love
what i love is watching you struggle not to look at me is what i love staying in bed while she make us coffee in the morning
what i love is being faster and slower than everyone else
early morning cunningilus waking her up what i love smiling at you when you are hurting
what i love is saying goodbye
goodbye goodbye i like you screaming give me more (god-be-with-ye) what i love is to be master love you saying you are the biggest and the best what i love is wanting you to phone and then you do what i love is no being the first to phone what i love is my remonatic streak what i love is never needing to phone romantic streak because you love it so what i love is the big ideas in my mind bigger than bed and juices
what i love is the scale of my intellect
against the puny size of the world what i love is understanding the structures of the world what i love is the tingle she feels when i look at her when i am thinking about quantum mechanincs
love to be your god
what i love is touching her flesh when i am solving a theorem
what i love is knowing people have to wait for me
what i love is my toolbox that she admires what i love is that i choose my 'work' what i love is the mathematics of desire me+she=me i love make you believe i am the guy you were looking for all your life what i love are my tears because she loves them what i love is that i have to tear them out of my soul what i love is that they don't know anything, not really about me What i love is that I'm a secret
i love you giving me not just your body, what i want is your soul
What i love is that i am an absolute mystery i am mobile la donna e mobile what i love is that my text messages are ambiguous I love my selfconfidence what i love is my talent for spotting prey in the woods when my face is in the earth what i love is that I know how to awaken your desire what i love is the chase what i love is that i can go on and on and on what i love is language love your weakness what i love is losing count what i love are the words I wait to hear your say What i love is listening what i love is how fragile everyone is What i love is my eloquence what i love is my sensitivity what i love is that you would die for me i love digging in you with words first
what i love is you searching for your words
what i love is that the words are on the tip of my tongue and that i use these words What i love is that i can put the words into your mouth like wine what i love is that i can predict your thoughts what i love is how i am faster and slower than anyone else what i love is that i can taste your tongue which is how i can predict i love illussion of words. unbearable being in words what i love is bending and wisting your words what i love is to feel you fall in love with me via my mouth love you drawning in my sight what i love is watching the hesitancy of your heart what i love is how your moth canoot utter what i love is knowing that we could be together forever but i will run away tonight forever what i love is how many books are written about me ME! ME! ME! i love i am the best
what I love is that i can smash the mirros
i like mirros
what i love is when there is just alittle blood
what i love is when there is just a little pain
i like your suffering confused with pleasure what i love is when a little blood leaves faint traces what i love is to twist her nipples enough to make her wince because she knows then she is MINE what i love is knowing she/he is ALL mine i like you wanted to walk arround with me inside you.
what i love is when you cry
a lot what i love is seeing you haunt those corridors hoping to catch a glimpse of me what i love is choosing tom walk down another corridor and feeling your disappointment driving them all mad i love your nails in my skin what i love is how elaborate it becomes what i love is your passion when i DO arrive how much elaboration on such simple strategy what i love si when you can't wait to see me i like when you cry what i love is hearing you despearte on the phone what i love is pretending i care because what i love what I love is hearing the phone ring and not bothering to get out of bed because I'm too tired about me is that i do actually care about her.them... i love when you grabb my willie in the middle of the street
what i love is you risking everything just to kiss me
i love my skills what i love is literatures what i love is that I'm more important than your children reading your body what i love is that i can make you choose between me and your children what i love is the risk we'll take
what i love is that I can be as malicious as i dare and that you'll love me more
what i love is that other men areso nice being with me just once will mark your life forever, love that what i love is that other men admire me what i love is that anyhting I say is gospel what i love is teaching you things you didn't know about yourself your body nerve endings i love even men can't resist me power What i love is that my power transforms life i love that other men desire me too
what i love is how precocious i was as a teenager
what i love is how i turned my suffering into my strength what i love is how i learnt the truth what i love is that i am beyond the law
what i love is that i am the law
what i love is that you asked me to engrave my name on your skin love their unprotected throat what i love is all the tatoos with my name on them
what i love is that i am such fun
to bhe with
me rules
what i love is making you all laugh what i love is that every love conquered is mine for eternity he he he he ha ha ha ha what i love is that you will never forget me what i love is that I'm lovable what i love is that i can say what i love even if what i love is not love what i love is that I can be ridiculous what i love is that i am really really living in my body what i love is to feelo my hand stroking my own belly and slapping it me me me here i love to show you i am better than your husband what i love is that it doesn't matter in the end because we all gonna die what i love is men desiring me despite themselves what i love is indeed being better than your husband what i love is seeing your husbands confusion love walking in the street and men and women turning their hads after me what i love is breaking your virginity what i love is bring husband and wife together what i love is breaking in love making you addict of me what i love is breaking both husband and wifes hearts and bring them together to comfort oneanother opening you up love you being dependable marriage guidance counselling what i love is how i bring broken hearts together what i love is how i make 'other' people feel honourable what i love is i cause so many words to be spoken about me so many women talking to each other love bringing you to heaven and letting you fall to hell comparing wounds what I love is helping you to lick your wounds what i love is giving you sympathy what i love is the husband trying to poison me with venom in the lipstick i love you love me what i love is how well i listen to you about him what i love is me drawing on the mirror with that lipstick before i fuck you what i love is leaving you a message what i love is leaving you a message on your flesh what i love is leaving you message that i can't make it tonight. sorry bite what i love is being too busy to care what i love is holding more alcohol than you can what i love is swigging it back in one gulp whilst you sip love tatooing your inside with my dick what i love is you saying no when you mean yes what i love is being successful, being toasted what i love is your admiration what i love is your commitment for life what i love is everything before and after fucking being so easy and the fuck being just a fuck what i love is you being available and ready on the shelf what I love ismaking you feel important because it doesn't cost me anything what i love is eating with you love you on the kitchen desk what i love is not feeling hungry
tearing imagine the tatooing i will give you!
love to be the fireman
26.02.2006
are you DJ?
<1> i tried to be once
how?
<1> i was fascinated by women <1> i was regarding them and i still do now as godlike, i cant help it
whilst men??
<1> Always run after them <1> or from them
so they motivate you?! what about men?
<1> inspire
are you attracted to men?
<1> sometimes
in a platonic way? sexually or like an idol?
<1> i wouldnt make this sort of difference between man and women, i think essencialy we do not differ
Freud aside, do you still want to be with your mother somehow?
<1> sexual attraction towards men hasnt happened to me yet <1> no, i see my mother in all things
ah and you are open to the possibility of sex with your own gender?
<1> like a female force <1> a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do
you seem to see women as very powerful do you want to disempower them or stay as with a goddess?
<1> powerfull, tender, fragile, cruel... explain.. <1> Longing makes you idolize the object of desire <1> but the essence of longing is to lose the longing and touch and kiss and fuck
this is very tender and romantic speaking not a kind of macho DJ speaking but a vulnerable man speaking
<1> Dj is not a macho
explain this piht of view
<1> a macho is to stupid to know how to satisfy a woman
not necessarily he is very sensitive connoiser of woman soul how can you be so shure?
<1> no <1> i dont know the absolute truth
as a woman i say macho sometimes gets to the soul you have to be smart to satisfy a woman? this is en epicure of love speaking
<1> you make me put my foot in my mouth
with a good wisdom that is kind of 18th century in some ways
<1> whats the third millenium then?
<1> i think when dj sees a woman he feels pain, a unsurpresable longing
why is that lust a pain?
<1> Beauty has many faces first on the list od dj is satisfaction of woman, i think. all his pleasure comes out of hers...
this is men talking how women like to hear them talk <1> come again?
he he how women want him to talk? i once had lover who was angry that as woman i knew my pleasure more than he did
<1> satisfaction comes from lust which is pain
lust is pain?
<1> nice pain
can't it be a joy? <1> i dont see the difference
it is both at the same time, isn't it?
thepicture of DJ you paint is a man any womean will fall in love with..
<1> isnt that the myth <1> ?
looking for the lost half... my other half
you don't know the abyss on the other side of dick...
<3> no i am a perfect lover
hello perfect lover! and very entertaining partner! I loughed to my tears! superman? odd session very odd why odd? but with an interesting atmopshere absurd! really? this are we I like the confusion of identify
i am perfect lover, too
we are all perfect lovers!
<1> a ship of perfect lovers
05.03.2006
hi, fuck the winter
together?
freezing experience
yea let's fuck the winter
imagine DJ in the snowy curcumstances, they alsway put him on some caribiean sea
my screen is dancing
do we have the author of blue flowers story here?
blue flowers do we have the author of blue flowers present?
have to check some of the authors want to step out? and be somebody i like that fraze some - body meso - body
meat - buddy
cool The taste of love is sweet when hearts like ours meet
Im lost in a valey pf pleasure ...
doesn't work with oaste, sorry c was trying to insert text do we have the author of letter to... Men learn to love the women they desire, whereas women learn to desire the man they love
<8> I wrote a story <8> i cant remember which one
<8> my memory only last 3 seconds <8> i am a human goldfish
tell us about last second
<8> It was ... <8> it was amazing
yes
<8> It was like... <8> Nothing ive ever seen
It was a moment of pure concionsnesssssss
I forgot my avatar What? take it with you Thats nice so that was it? How did it feel to f. - being observed>?
<C> great it turns you on somebody present or watching you?
you like to be watched?
<C> at the time it was, I don't think it would turn me on nowdays
no? you like being master?
<C> i think so
what you like most? <C> it's not about the technique, it's about the feeling
why did it make you feel like DJ?
I mean, it was just once!
<C> cause I did it just to seduce her and have a sex <C> and I did it good, with a style <C> not some kind of mucho bullshit <C> in a classroom, sitting next to her <C> wroting her rhymes in her notebook <C> drawing some pictures for her... <C> big effort for just one sex <C> so, I was nice to her
so you did all what you suppoused she will like?
<C> in a way <C> yes
i also think dj is very different from macho style he likes women
macho one likes yus
just her pussy or ass or legs or bibbies sure the biggest accusation of dj is that he was breaking the rules of sain marriage saint you can't fuck if you are not married
if you don't have permission of authorities <C> am i free to go?
sure
<C> by
it looks we'll all go very soon bye
<C> hey, I just left the stage (C)
to build the snow don juan
<C> fuck, it looks i didn't
i live on the country and the electricity was rock solid
i like rock solid things... we all do
yes we do
thanks for being
12.03.2006
Anna: I am curious that many of the stories are about straying away from the 'right' path
infidelity of course.. the 'wrong' lover/man and we all have experience of transgression of this kind probably and I am interested in the struggle that occurrs when desire and reason fight because this is the core of what we have come to call 'civilisation' in terms of sexual partnering ie to control desire and behave properly ie monogamously the figt between the flesh and the spirit is eternal Tolstoy wrote about it all the time and for women this has always had particular connotations yes Tolstoy and others but the woman who strays is whore down and dirty but the man is bad and magical so this too is a recurring interesting theme we seem to keep coming to I would like us to explore a story with these thoughts in mind not anymore not since women emancipation the struggle between desire and reason i don't agree!!!! re the emanicpation changing this formula much but we can discuss this later ok?
about the friendship that turnes to desire
hello F <F> hello
Your honour is intact? despite desire?
<F> yes
are you in a relationship right now?
<F> yes
is thinking infidelity differtent from doing inifdelity?
<F> it hurts fewqer people?
sure is it uncomplicated how long have you known one another/
<F> 15 years
in this choice to not fuck (i presume) you still desire him? have you been faithful all the 15 years you are admitting the helplessness that sex brings no? sorry syntax went weird is
<F> The questions was to hold the moral high ground
changed
<F> Iwhilst loved in this way, my marriage, life ,everything was fresh alive <F> I thought I was in control, but I wasn't <F> this is a shock
do you respect each other
<F> this infidelity was like a 'fix'. yes I respect both of these men
<F> it was when he comforted me after my husbands betrayal
<F> he was a 'friend' <F> a real friend <F> i don't what my husband would think about that!
desire was on both sides? as if there was no word'desire' - invent others!
<F> .the men were busy making'art' <F> i did not compete. <F> But i did listen alot.
so the men knew each other?
<F> very very well
Anna: I want to steer you back
<F> they were best friends
to finding words for the feelings not the story of how bu the how the how it feels felt desire is like hunger to realise the difference does i behave like hunger? ie start small? become ravenous if not fed??
<F> ok. it hurts. hurts . it aches.
something the head cannot control where does it hurt? it permeates the whole body polymorphously?!
<F> the blood pumps to every cell, nerve
yes you were longing for his company, waiting for his calls, talking, his presence'
<F> . madness in the head. compusion to phone, to wait on street corners
does desire make us strong or weak? felt so guilty for excluding everything else
<F> . to look aloof. just a friend. disembling. acting pretending, disguising, protecting yet being driven <F> but when with this person time/place shrinks
is the dissembling itself extra exciting or just shit?
<F> everything is in its rightful place <F> the disembling is shit
is the chaos of desire actually an ordering device for the psyche?
<F> because really you want to scream, shout laugh and say yes yes yes
like molly bloom are feelings animals? beasts?
<F> they are precious, jewels
that need taming, feeding, riding,running..
<F> if tendered gently and not abused
molly bloom was honest to express her pure desire and for this she was condemmed jewels or animals?
<F> allowed to run wild and next minute still with a cup of tea
very different metaphors a jewel is worn and is olid and solid and precious and animal has a mind of itsd own which is it?
<F> animals. yes. something quivers inside when animals are summoned <F> they have voices for what the brain can't say
instincts
<F> voices, cos its a new place, and the animals would need to lead
do you ever wish your jewels or animals would go back in their box or cage and leave you alone?
<F> I'd have to listen to these animals
who's in charge????? don't like the animal analogy they have no choices we do but the feelings are the animals not us!
<F> no, what is SO awful, is that being morally correct I've killed them
yes yes yes do we have a duty to honour our desires like precious jewels
<F> the animals are me. but they are the voices language new
our desires are what we really are
our esence our desires are what we really are?
<F> this rich place of passion, longing is full of riches
<F> . its such a waste to deny desire
yes yes yes all this changes in the process of ageing but sopmetimes impossible to fulfil them no? yes ageing i know about..
<F> If this passion, is life. Life is a mystery and desires worthy of homage
so F why didn't you go there then?
<F> because i was dishonest with myself and a coward until it was too late
regrets?
<F> also i enjoyed the power and was lazy in respect of this love
you have to be able to live with yourself, desires are also ephemeral
<F> these desires, thwarted or realised are the deepest and finest teachers of life
i am interested still in whether desires overtake us - take us over completely like a madness or whether we choose to follow them ie do we really have a choice in the face of our nature?? we have. many times we don't have courage to do it we are cowards YES it's what distinguishes us from animals the fact tthat we have a choice sticking to what is known... there is maybe a nostalgia for our origins sometimes no? and "safe"
<F> but the excitement is in the unknown , no?
yes and in the yielding to the desire beast's force? how in your story does the
<F> where we meet the shadows, the uncertainties, the hopes, madness , intensity of living
platonic friend slip into the potential lover? is it something like focusing a lens
<F> he loved me
?past tense?
<F> and just kept on loving me
though he is married and having 2 kids now?
<F> year after year. wore me down like water on a stone <F> he is married and with 2 kids yes
maybe platonic friendship is the only friendship it asks nothing of each other and you? so sex changes everything
<F> but it wasn't platonic,
?? ah platonic is when there is no need of sex?
<F> it slipped, it ammended itself. <F> it slipped again <F> it fought itslef
or when we resist to have sex? platonic is when there is no sex whether or not you want it no?
<F> it resisted..... the dangers to the rest of the world and to the feelings of others were too great
i know this one!
<F> thought you might
!! i bet we all do civilisation eros..
<F> its selfish desires versus responsibility and love for others/ desire is selfish?
yes
<F> but its this selfishness that is more real, more poignant to the core of self than any other experience in life
<F> yes when both feel this, is it wrong then to deny this is a pitty...
lost
<F> this fusion of friendship and desire is a one a lifetime treasure
and that too is beasutiful beautiful and painful
<F> to love a friend doesn't mean you should not desire him
once the desire is fulfilled what then?
<F> is desire finite?
is desire liberating? if it takes us to very difficult places it is engine. the force in ourselves
<F> yes, I feel desire or finding the courage to perceive and acknowledge our desires is a revolutionary power and force
where we have to werestle with demons? F this is utopian!?
<F> I'm fed up of running from demons or thinking they are somehow 'other' than me
but also the sadness les demons c'est moi demons are implants we have to take out its the beast metaphor again the hell of ourselves to ourselves because we suffer from our fleshly desires the xtain church and all religions recognise this we should fire out all what do not belong to our true us and try and teach us to shove our desires back in the cage ufff sometimes i long to feel no more desire life would be simpler and hurt less and monochrome.. yes life is never simple
<F> I've gone
YOU ARE STILL ON MY SCREEN <F> hi <F> i am f
hello hi, f F NEVER LEFT MY SCREEN!!
<F> my beast is waiting if you could do whatever you really wanted to do in this relationship , what would you do? <F> i would go with my friend
with eyes wide open? <F> yes
thast you might destryo marriages?
<F> but i would have new one
tell us your philosophy please tell us more
<F> folowing desire <F> being true to yourself in every moment
<F> if my friend turns out everything i desired from my man, than there can't be any questions, can they?
but that is the trick isn't it we can get sucked in by desire driven by the beast destryo everything and then crash with a wake up call that we MADE A MISTAKE!!!
<F> do you know what kind of beast is your beast?
yes i do
<F> it might be that it is very nice beast, too
yes all of us tell all of us yes my beast is something between feline and dragon black, bright green eyes hot as hell and roars inside me melts me down like
<F> my beast is one of nicest beasts i know
nuclear explosion lucky you! where is the roar coming from? from a dark place inisde me describe the dark place
<F> guts. difficult to locate <F> it is light and powerful yet very gentle
fear of falling means you need soft landings <F> human light
i want to get lost!!!! where do you find human light?
<F> would inlight any dark
or the hard fall as well
<F> in another human
i want to get lost ah in another human i'm crying. how can you my beast wants to get me lost in another human
<F> are we looking for this when we look for a relation with someone?
the shaman journey is to get lost so as to find i think i want to get lost in this way but to reassemble a new order yes yes yes i have tried this in my life and? and it has been very very very did it wotk hard and? to reassemble the new order have you given up> not yet! bravo!
<F> what new order?
I'm laughing the shamans return
<F> ?
i'm laughing and crying inside what a journey yes dis-integration re-integration dis-memberment re-membering mad love returing to sanity Breton's book Mad Love rediscovey Dear F how are you feeling? maybe to love, to lose a self in another is the scariest but bravest things to do. and then not to 'blame, the other for that journey, but to awaken from the dream, and face alone the 'pieces', and not lose faith in this love, this process of being a human being and then get up and do it again and again and again boom boom !! there are cults where passion and the erotic are the forice to worship find yourself in yourself and not in another vigourous housework, vigourous cleaning.... penance is a useful tool from the old regime
<F> agree that everything is in youreslf.
vim and vigour yes lauging again yes,but sometimes we are blinded by passion
<F> how we handle ourselves is the question
and passion in the present is not the same as passion in the past where does 'respect' come into this?
<F> passion is good
respect is vital respect is the safety valve
where in the body does respect come from?
the mind? the heart? the heart? the hands? and the heart the same seat as passion?
i feel we have got on a ship
and wisdom and knowing that has been sailing since man/woman began a ship of stories, the same stories in strucutre many times but diofferent with each telling the story of desire and demand and courage love and hate dreams and betrayals nothing has changed in us only technology
does technology have a place in the body?
sure yes technology IS in our body
cyborgs
weare cyborgs this act of writing to you is soooo physical to me you are all in my body at this moment I agree, otherwise I would not have cries and laughed technology makes us write to each other but we write about the ageless things F has gone quiet yes is F ok? things went other way. f. ok
where is F?
is F speaking? yes our whole being potentially comes here except flesh.. later flesh later yes except flesh. and flesh later for shure my flesh is here, with me. breathing feeling sharing this common screen mine too
19.03.2006
I want to pose a question is it possible to change human
nature or do we only change our behaviour but not our fundamental
attitudes?
there is a Serbian saying Wolf change hair not a nature
I think we are progressing
still with underware on...
we are still very NICE PEOPLE
when we speak here !!!! I mean by this are we?! you want our animals? YES! dark sides YES! BUT THIS WILL COME sorry I SHOUTED by mistake!
I mean also that DJ is a project of love
about love but also about all the shit of love and desire aha and all the contradcitions and foolishnesds]and violence and crap of 'love' but it is also about why men still have power more power than women do this I really believe is the truth If we look at the seducer as an archetype we come to some of the ways that things have not changed there are women seudcers and men seducers what is the difference?
woman is a whore while man is cool guy
and this is such an important idea we embody no? women-love-bastards men-can't-love-easily whole idea woman belongs into kitchen is generating what we have. the womans reproductive power is terrifying or women don't walk away from children force to reckon with some women walk away but are hated for this
children are our future?
are they? yes, but the world is getting older they inherit our 'causes' they inherit the 'effects' we leave older should mean wiser... is older not wiser? or are we always 'choosing' our past?
war between old and young is stupid
yes as war between man and women is so is war between the sexes snap!! when some animals fuck it is like they are fighting there is an idea that the older you get the more conservative we become but i don't know this is true i know kids of 20 more conservative than me me too the only bush i trust is my own!
the horror of certainty
the beauty of doubt the horror of being 'protected' the beauty of nurture against what 'they' define is 'their' greatest fear the other the other is alwasy that which makes us fear caught in webs of the fears of the other yes yes and so we come back to men and women no? how here? who here admist fear of the opposite sex~?! please say more admits fear oooh good question I am asking who here among us admits ever having fear of the opposite sex?
I don't just mean fear of the dark
no fear, but had always impression she is hiding something...
does that make you feel aleinated? an ase in the naked sleeve... ??? ace explain please ace of cards? i fear feeling for a man too much like she is giving everything to me, but i felt there was always something not given... what might she be holding back?
desire makes us soooo weak
and vulnerable it could make us sooooo powerful! but unrequired desire is terrible!! especially as women unrequited fear of being hurt is also powerfull fear of having desire and it being met with coldness
fear eats the soul
fear makes us behave as if we had no fear we're back to these 'fears'. what are these fears? makes us behave like we are in charge i think DJ is frightened somehow of women of love of attachment of obligations? i have loved men like this yes yes of being rejected the man who chases women is usually not very happy in himself somehow But i know more than one seducer man whoi LOVES himeslf very much
what happens that friendship is usually lost when friends start to have sex?
what???????? the firendshaip gets deeper no, it doesn't it does it doesn't it does! if becomes something else, with vulnerabilities brought by juices and flesh intimacy is it still friendship than? yes but with pain!
does sex make us different with each other and if so why??
the body talks what the brain can't
they all want him just for themselves
why theirs?????
possession
to possess yes they all want him for himself. he is much more generous! and they want to feel special chosen this is normal no? each of don juan's lovers wants to feel the chosen one this woman does not want to think that the cock that enters her is entering another woman yes why we are so bad in sharing? yuk! perhaps nature's way of protecting us from disease? sharing sex is not that hard if there is no jeallousy there is enough for all... cos it hurts sharing love hurts who here feels jealous? me i do i do, at least i did struggle with it all the time sometimes. but fighting with it very well. raging green eyed monster shame is associated with jealousy i could kill with jealousy and weakness kill yes fantasy kill yes not really maybe think about killing plan it ahha!
jealousy is in oposite corelation with self esteem
who used to live with a 'sex addict' i used to be more angry with him then ther women
for i felt the women to me misled
so often by him he wouldn't tell them he lived with me i am sex addict and he would sometimes fuck them in our ned when i was w]=away and onec i caught him \having sex with my freind this is a nightmare. ultimate betrayals what did you do? who said they are sex addict? don't identitfy yourself but speak to us about this please what did you do? when i saw her kneeling at his cock i thought i was having an hallucination and rtan out thinking i was bad for seeing it!!! then i realised and i becamse enraged peeping or just entering the room? i came home unexpectedly frm work ver surprising and? well it drove me to infide;ity of my own revenge? yes sweet bitter sweet yes
would the sex addict tell us about this?
is the sex addict there? when i fuck i am happy me too it makes me a day is this addiction??! we all are it makes sense of this life does it matter who with? yes yes but this is different from the sex addict who has to conquer new flesh each time i would do it EVERY day me too!
anonymous sex for a woman is not so easy
men are dangerous! strangers are dangerous how dangerous? does alot of the story take palce in ataxi? men hate women who want sex! you mean they could hurt you? yes men love women who want sex no, i don't!
no, men can get very aggressive when they feela woman's freedome this is subtle stuff to talk about does part of it take place in a taxi? yes in taxism cars, everywhere! do you have a taxi festich? ha ha ha ha i do! me too the best hehehehehehehehe i prefer aeroplane fetish ah trains anyone!? oooh yes night trains mmmmm anything to do with travelling well, now when you mentioned... why is this i wonder neither here neither there ah in transit anonymous free no ties no obligation little baggage also travelling is like death sort of like you might never get there limbo maybe our DJ should enjoy travelling!
yes
perfect for meeting strangers there is an urban myth: a couple on a train have sex in front of other people nobody says anything. then they light up cigarettesd and everyone asks them to put their fags out! or in a full bus i don't like other people to watch me having sex on a plane how can people watch you having sex on a plane??? it's the not letting other people see thats the fun i don't want to be watched in reality only fantasy same as on the train it is exciting when you are watched not for me yes for me. sometimes i guess i just couldn't be a porn star when did man/woman first discvoer the excitement of breaking taboo? not long after being together was invented do you think? figleaves? once a couple had sex in a swimming pool. we were three of us. they fucging and me swimming, coming to one meter of closeness. it lasted for 15 min it was beautiful infact did they like you watching? we were all pretending nothing happened. but we were all excited for sure liking sex is not the same as using it for achieving power
ever attracted to someone who disgusts you?
26.03.2006
space without time?
mine too
is there anyone out there!!!!!
yes we are all here frozen again
"mutually vulnerable communities" SPACE in intimacy inside me is space
inside my body there is space very egoistic
do you mean like the theory of ‘packing’ space, where if you took the space between atoms away the universe would be the size of a bit of sand? could be cosy bit crowded. Sorry because cyberspace is new space for human experience it stretches us across the whole globe creates intimate space in our heads i had wonderful text sex with a friend so where are our bodies for wxample here? is this on the right track? text sex with friend sounds good speak on… to choose a mutually good time to talk is first important though . cos its no good if you are cooking the dinner our bodies are hidden in the text
i am hardly waiting for text sex orgasm !! My body is in the text yes do you touch your body? yes so cooking is complicated! its very good on a train it is also very difficult to type and have a text sex... if you meet the friend do you have sex when I see people give private smiles on trains i think now, I know what youra doing! you send instruction then wait. like us now space is an ache do you want to put flesh in this space? space is stretched between yearning and having the text touches the other does the space serve the erotic sensation? different contexts serve the excitiement sure he in one. her in another when you have sex you merge two spaces in one no? yes yes. train and office !! kitchen and beach church and station our bodies are made as two spaces that get merged we are only stretching spaces and contexts prosthetically no? car and bathroom what does prosthetically mean/ it is the development of technologies that extend the function of the body the spaces arrest the time and space so false legs glasses false noses! everything has to stop what has to stop whatever is going on in the spaces between the people.
yesterday when having sex my partner said: i wish i would fell you inside like now all the time.
it's like elasyic across space
i will give you some space
you are invasding my space space. I think of death what the fuck is my space? in london everyone invades everyones space every day when i used to say I need some space my partner would go mad my space is wherever i go now, i take my space with me yes space is a concept my space is moving with me
so we can have sex, and be somewhere else
i can create space ah! my prostitute friend would say she put herself on the ceiling space is created when she had sex with her clients distance myself from my flesh she had to leave her body and give herslef space away from the act space is desicion i have done this imagine someone else into her space instead? not even just not be there the mind is miraculous walk in the park instead? sing cry ( she often cried when her back was turned when they had her from behind) in sex we anihiliate space in loving sex there is no space yes yes yes in loving sex we are back in the womb its like breathing yes yes yes why she was crying when taken from behind? because the client would not see this way how sad for everyone she could cry only when her back was turned
teenagers with no space to discover sex
have to find space bus shelters, cars, parks,streeets so do lovers eskimos have no private space for intimacy where shall we do it? there is no embarrasment amongst the families? whar space will i be? cubicles for porno stages for floorshows rooms for whores bedrooms for the bourgeois and trains for the brave! mutually vulnerable communities... don juan has no fixed abode does he? doesn't have a home no space to call his own his home is in every body he seduce. yes so he invades other peoples spaces he goes to them not the other way round he breaks in! like a thief yes. and domesticate them for a while or break into them but also he is invited to enter thats the point. he is invading them with a permission! yes encouraging the seduced to want to be seduced is the technique no? so he is not a thief? or is he? he's a thief why? stealing choices because he is not promissing eternal life together? by making them impossible
no, because he isn't listening
he is speaking so much i ma sure there is something wrong in perception of time related to him go on.. what happens with him is so ceiling touching that we want it to last forever... so ceiling?? and we are dissapointed instead of being happy we had this kind of fusion... out of the body experience? out and with body the space around a man can be very sedcutive for a woman the space around him... the space he insists on having around him and the space around woman? tell.. still it is like woman have to wait his moves. but it can be oposit, too . I am only interested in taking what i want and giving what i want i admit fear to be an active seducer is also to risk rejection seduction id dangerous sport i don't love you because you did this to me and what you did hurt but i will love you unconditionally for your vanities, mess, forgetfulness, flirtatiousness, bad cooking,
bad temper,
but if you hurt me..... it sounds more like a manifest, but in real life is different...
there are always some conditions... like if you hurt me i will not love you any more...
i think thats where phone texts sex comes into its own for example painless? can blame tunnels!! sex out-of-context no washing up stirring up of desire no need to clean the toilets sauce of desire in the making untouched mouth watering delights i had great phone sex, not text phone many times yes? yes on landlines and mobile! it tends to be rather quick VR suits is when you can feel from what you are wearing? no sex on the phone can take AGES!
you wear suit which is transmitting the touching of your remote partner.
words in your ear.... hmmmmmm 2am is 2pm lovely words in your ear so that the space around you stops altogether and you are just an ear listening a hand holding the phone against the ear you have to be a believer, too... a voice vibrating in your ear believing in what?! legs stiffening
words you hear...
back straightening believe all the words you hear? a crossed line? pun crossing a line... still on a train
under their instruction
they guide us blind thats why fcooking is impossible!
but what a triumph if we could!
handfree phones?! one hand in the pasta...
Vr suit
text for me vr suit, cooking and writing a novel all at once?
touch me baby
is this work sexy? touch me not at all on all my beauty who said not at all? me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me who's me? so in the coolness of our spacially dispersed chatroom we can be philosphers of the boudoir
i think of the waltz
the waltz
i think of all the spiced up dinners the children mught get
wienna waltz?
think of the waltz please
think of the spinning in the arms of someone you have just met makes me dizzy being watched spinning spinning because i want to get off pelvises together, breasts apart and many messages passing between you time stopping world carries on spinning bllod pulsing dance and space is another topic in this topic i am interested in oh yes me too social dancing as a way to get messages across space pelvis together is more salsa than waltz where tango went?
no waltz too
tango most important and io want us all to study it
with waltz you need to be close at the botton for the balance to work for the spinning
the flamenco... targeted dance cha cha silly dance twist but good for smiles and eyes and shout foxtrot good for sychronicity acrobatic rock'n'roll black bottom what? its a jive move ah woman slides under mans legs biting as she goes he he ha ha soory the slow is for pre-sex for whispering i love to dance the rock and roll with a man who knows how woman whisperer. who wants to dance? oh yes please you move through me.....
f, don't be wooden
come down to me left and than right
face me squarely like a man
shit! did i say something? F: don't go, come back ]i will offer you sort of unconditional love pleaaaaseee i wiull show you my I'll do my best!
i would like to walk all round you how can i move you? yield!!!
09.04.2006
themes the Don Juan Project is touching:
power relations gender love transgression desire fantasy nature education pleasure fun the indecent the decent masks games deception jealousy rage liberation passion eroticism confession language hypocrasy tha language of sex the languages of sex fear taboo freedom responsibility the literature of sex vis a vis death life and death antisocial behaviour the attraction of opposites the conflict head and heart heart and head
anatomy of feeling
he ducks and dives
escapes prison etc etc goes where he's sent It seems that DJ is always escaping something obeys the powers that determine his fate nearly dies, lots of times an escapologist in many senses disobeys the powers that detrmine his fate too yes almost seems to obey because he is free inside himself and can never be bought driven by a sense of self, the sexiest aspect of a any human don't you think that inner sense of freedom is yes very very attractive and mnore commonly found in men? he is freer to travel to taste more dip in here, esape there i know men who are in love with their ability to be free but he is rescued by women IN THE PLACES he arrives so in love with this sense of his own freedom these are the men women want to tame! the man is mobile go on.. The man moves, but stays constant. The women change faces, charcters, shapes, and cultures the nunnery is the flipside of the whorehouse Don Juan is at the centre of a cosmic dance? an interesting idea this cosmic or social? the mobile yet fixed man, man as centre of gravity big panaramic social dance is he the sun, apollo? the sun... in and out of shade? ha he's not all knowing is he? he is fallable he wrestles with stuff he is hugely human uncomfortably human in love with life<' i have this image from the old movies of DJ in the 1940s you know, he is alwasy jumping out of windows and into windows on upper floors of houses never the door defying gravity yes yes so this fantasy free mobile man has to come int like an angel through the window from the sky unannounced a big fucking surprise! I gues it depends WHICH woman persona I choose to receive him by a metaphor of taking and possession yes but we let him in to our bedrooms I may prefer to yes yes even if our husbands have locked the door ha because he is our alterego? I want to be don Juan I want to fly into bedroom windows I don't want to feel I have to be bad to be don juan into silk sheets into suprised bodies I want to be a really good lover I do too the best I don't want to kill anybody no no no I don't want to control any body i do I want this person to love me though that is control yes what's love got to do with it love isn't neediness is it the whole DJ myth is about pleasure not emotion pleasure as a liberational force in a corrupt and hypocritical christian society the flesh not being sinful
postmodern don juan
miserable fucjer and lonely
so that we feel pity? maybe does it work? maternal?
sometimes this works
but many women I know including myself do not find pathetic and needy men attractive at all hello i must be going (groucho marx`)
the epic is about shifting locations
moving on moving on moving on the sun keeps turning
we keep turning!
no mother earth keeps moving the mobile psyche is fascinating the ability to keep on moving] and adapting to survive this is the swashbuckiling image of DJ
what does she say to him and what does he say to her
The scene is this:
he has jumped in the window
of living and never knowing that intimacy witth child/blood/ nature they have fleshed it out he wants to jump out again she panics
what is she panicking for~?
what do they each want???? has he just jumped in the window? yes and they have fucked and he needs to jump out did she know him from before? immaterial i reckon they have fucked brilliantly thats all that matters here she wants him to stay? yes maybe a cup of tea? she is panicked at the idea he is going to jump away !!!ha ha got really good cookies i am a really good masseuse take him to the oven!!!!!! your back looks sore.. you look soooooo hungry smell the cookies and the massage oil
give him a joint
glass of vino two glasses open the door a bottle! oisters touch his balls again let a fresh gentle breeze in show him your fanny cchocholates make it so hard to leave sit legs apart on the steps of the doorway fill his nose with your smell tell him you know something about him he thinks is a secret theres the doorway and there's you shut the window and lock it put the key in your cunt tell him you will never never never fall in love withg him its just the sex you like tell him you'll love him 'no matter what'
don't need him
touch his balls again walk away kiss him behoind the ear tell him you are fine with whatever he needs to do ring your other lover in front of him cook him spaghetti..... find life funny do a striptease find him funny laugh very loudly at his jokes listen with your whole life aghhhhhh tell him he has the biggest and best body you have ever seen d.d.t. on him the fattest hardest cock you've ever seen tell him you will always be there when he needs but without any strings intelligent forhead or pressure NO PRESSURE OK? tell him he's the best best best best be everyuthing that you can ingeniously think he'll want and then contradict yourself and be the opposite, cos he'll want that as well start crying because he is so wonderful he moves your waters very deep and is your spiritual twin free like you.. look in his eyes a very very long time till his water be every aspect of humanity.....but maybe be careful about wondering into your own sexual desire waters polish his sword rub his back feed him wine from your moth in a kiss voicing your own desires might just shake the ground go back to the known. lick him on the g spot hug him in a motherly way tell him he's the best best best look small and look up at him to make him feel big and strong sing a song of love dance on the table for him looking the other way retouch your nipple blusher with no knickers on tell him you got a ticket for the match haha suck your fingers tell him to choose the DVD lipgloss your moth turn the lights low ask him to look for the key in your cunt watch him whilst he's talking to others. BUT DON'T DON'T DON'T BEG dress up and undress as many times as you can stand over him whilst you do this so he can see keep the look in your eyes when he joins you in the conversation. Don Juan: gotta go!!!!! She: (panicked) Subtext: DJ: goot get outta here this is getting dange4rously nice she: christ don't leave me alone boo hoo hoo how can you do this to me, make me love you bo hoo hoo i want your babies! She says: GO QUIET AND PLAN REVENGE fine, here's the key, don't hurt yourself when you land on the horse thats waiting below to take you away at a gallpo before my husband comes and finds us a demain!????? YOU KNOW WHERE i AM sorry shouting I won't wait for your call Its cool cool cool (yawn) I'm really busy next week yeah lots on (polishes face with blusher) (brushes hair) moisturizers mouth with lipsalve sits on toilet (does some push-ups) tidies the kitchen puts a few things away vomits walks around in a bit of a daze not recognising herself, quite smelling him on her still (did i really do that thing?) checking for telltale signs vomits again checking the calendar he is meanwhile ten miles away already his horse steaming being very very postive and whinnieying he is laughing because he had a wonderful time pacing the house and his willy is all spent looking out of the window sort of hoping and she was good in bed feeling empty space inside very good and he might check her up next time hes in town looking at phone for messages just in case jumping each time it rigns in case it might be him he likes her house
he felt comfortable there
she smelt nice and was intelligent which helped
she made me think
poetry so as to seduce her he quotes shakespeare she made me feel sexy anthony and cleopatra as he left her eyes lines about a parting being well-made and it broke her heart smiled . he had no fucking idea! because the quote said it should be a parting in which when they meet again they will smile or the parting will not have been well-made
22.04.2006
but there is a little violence in every kiss
a little violence in every thrust
what do we want?
what rests if we throw all away?
27.04.2006
ok girls, what do you /we want to say to this man
like how to boil and egg without burning the pan but you have w onderful erection i love the smell of your armpits but don't wash your arse
I hate that
i know that youre afraid
yu fart like a buffalo if you were to wash your arse I'd suck your cock often i hate the smell of your deodoratnt i love your eyes i wonder if you brush your teeth enough people could very well use the intimates of intimates against you And u could get hurt when you speak of litarature
i am amazed at your knowledge
i love love love your mind
I so much want you to wash your arse. I would mean so much to me. i hadn't realised how much
i want to know whats on your mind when you fuck me you are a disappointment I would like to know where the mind is when you fuck? i mean really
i want to know if you are really capable of the slit between your cock and your mind that you are so proud of
split!! in this u wont ever get to know me freudian slit i mean really know i want to know if you are ever disgusted by me are you really interested? i want to know if you really deep down prefer men or your mother do you panic that you won't manage without me? i love it when women fancy you at parties ah and i know you will come home with me he goes though i am always bloody jealous what have we said? and always imagine you already have fucked them you are like my baby or child
sometimes after making love
you are so so so soft and gentle and vulnerable i want you to speak to me about every dream you had or have for a start sometimes your narcissm makes me want to chop your head off wau yeah I want to get my anger out of the way. clear the table. lay a feast wine. bread and start afresh. see you as a stranger say hell. who are you i want to meet you and feel NOTHING i mean hello i want to fuck you and FELL NOTHING really? hell hell o yes hello. yes because i want to pay you back for the times you have treated me like HOLE understand
All the times I've paid for what you what your mother did
I AM NOT A HOLE yes your fucking relationmship to your poor mother your mother loved you too much and left me with the impossible task of competing with her perfection
I'm not a rubbish heap.
I refuse to be a hole, i refuse to be a slave, irefuse to be a master i feel you would like me better if i wore thongs I want to be free to love you to love you past this anger i think you like porn and this makes me angry and curious you have sweat on your uppoer lip this is a sign of agrression/defence you are an infidel!!!!!!! your brain is in your dick
i refuse to your god, irefuse to be your altar, i refuse to be your worshipper
get me off this fucking pedestal i have vertigo and will fall any minute See I've fallen oh thats great fuck you!! we broke the fucking pedestal too its great here on the ground
what`? you don't like me down here???
I like it down here oh yes id you cant stop worshipping or admiring my hips and lumps and lips don't you like me when my juices surge around me it like an animal instinct and make me rage, weep, keen, care, suffer, explode, give birth????? its like youre a drone and im your be, you were made to worship me
DONM'T YOU FEEL ANYTHING BASTARD???
sun of a bitch hands in my pastry. mind in my papers and poetry, body carrying the shopping, hugging ohh SUN son aye madam too much i the sun ( shakespeare Hamlet) exellent! do you even know the recipe for pastry?! fuck pastry what about me? did you dip your finger in her??? if you did you wouldn't think it importanat enough to remember it did you ever think of me? Yes isnt it so you were made to worship me oh oh tell me now you can only sleep a night through without waking next to me?! hah so why fuck the other ones - you like insomnia?! I've decidid to like you now hello are you crying? come alittle nearer thats your task, you fuck and eat and sleep are you crying now? did i hurt your feelings? thats your purpose in life you see we're angry
is your bum clean?
ha ha did you brush your teeth? Yes its ok come here to me come alittle nearer come to mummy everythings fine dont cry
ill make it better
you are a fucking COWARD don't be frightened see how powerfull i am you run away when the shit hits the fan i could destroy you with one word we were a bit frightening weren't we i can make you sleep and hide or cry or love but hey that who we are yet you are so BRILLIANT I love your brillaince i like you man i want your hands on me i can make you feel the only man on the planet could you listen and take all this womanhood? i want you to take me further i can choose to hurt you if you want i an angry all these slithers and slivers of woman hood but thats because you fucking hurt me so much (anna: all voices not onstage are women ok?) all these shatterd pasrt of womanhood could you look at all these little pieces yes you do i have to speak out like in those posters i cry for fire while im being raped and not be frightened you see yourself in all these little smashed pieces? of course there are woman cromosomes inside me too(XX)? i wish i felt you loved me for what i really am i wish
i wish you really loved me
liked me do i need u to tell me who i am? do you like me? bastard do you feel me? do you hurt? you are looking in the mirror with headphones on what hurts u the most? i seem to refcall a story about a bluebell wood.... ever thought u can fuck someone with your eyes what do you see in all these smasked reflections? why dont u look at me like that like picasso
do you think that your elusiveness is charming??
are we just slithers of something that is the same to you? i know you fancy men too so nothing is safe you can call it instinct if you like I am happy if you love men That makes me feel safe but you cant fool me you can fool me you can fool everyone how do you deal with all these contradictions? when you said what you said you didn't really mean it right? Is that why i drive you mad? you said it to meake me undress right? slit slit slit hole hole hole I say one thing meaning something else. is that what gets to you? i wish we could really really get close... and understand you say we dont have sex enough but according to me we have sex even now bnut your fuckn ego gets in the fumnk way\ in the fumkin way does libido run out? I love it when you make love to me without an erection will you run out? because the focus shifts why dont u defend yourself=? were right arent we? you spent a whole year with me without an erection and i protected you by never ever mentioning it as if it were normal because you were big strong guy and i adored you and you adored me and you were married and stoned and had writers block
and so you couldn't get stiff
and it didn't matter because i am biz=secxual anyway
bisexual
bilingual ah that would be nice it is like a snake with forked tongue your tongue feels stuff in a different way than you hand, right? anna: thank you why didnt u SAY ANYTHING D?
<D> i feel ok. admiring the diversity <D> words <D> flows <D> contradictions <D> anger
I want to know how YOU feel D
<D> ha ha
you feel ha ha? good answer
go on its about how you relate to the generic man that we have vomited on <D> i think the HOLE is guilty for everything
ah!!!!!!!!
<D> black hole
my oh my
<D> sucking in everything
go ON!!
<D> controlling <D> inviting <D> proissing <D> seducing
proissing??? with all those men seeking entry, who could blame her
<D> like mummy does <D> promissing
she does that sometimes
<D> they are like spiders. once they got pregnant they could eat him ...
go on D
<D> it is nature <D> normal
go on d
<D> just <D> we have the brain, too
damn
<D> yes, my dick and my mind are BRILLIANT
indeed I wish mine were Anna; last session someone said in every kiss there is violence yes me love-hate sex-death possibly man-woman too general but go on surrender-denial
<D> it is all the same <D> man woman <D> man man
the exact quotation reads rape
<D> woman woman
i don't agree
<D> same patterns <D> same matrix <D> quest for power
I didn't realise how justified D was to fear me. Thankyou D. I had a dagger and wanted to strike.
<D> hit me hit me
why?
<D> no, it didn't
you want me to stab you? yes
hatrid is at least or also a relationship
hatred is a very strong love-relationship no?
its a relationship
<D> when you accuse me seeing you just a hole <D> for example <D> i understand the anger a hole is also a space! <D> becoming just an object <D> yes
were u ever in such a position?
<D> black hole the mighty one <D> sure <D> i was
just earlier you seemd to agree with the hole stuff as if you wer also angry with women for being the sucking vagina dentata no?
<D> not bad sometimes and horrible many times <D> yes <D> cause women behave <D> as the guardians of the entrance to the hole
ah! you mean we overestimate the importance of our hole?
<D> and if you'll be good boy, you'll be alowed to ENTER
ah!
<D> if not, nothing <D> punishment that is because inside us is precious no? <D> for one week no access
menstruation? <D> inside is heaven!
ah?
<D> menstruation never bothered me
so what is bad about making heaven special?
<D> nothing <D> wrong is the game of awards...
I am pretty sure I am not familiar with denying access to the hole when desire is on the agenda
timing is an art its that the hole needs personality its not desire, its economy of emotions
respect, blah blah
men: have you ever felt like holes?!
<D> ha ha
but if a man seeks entry in u or loves u its a very feminine feeling i must say
you feel sort of flattered and at the same time u think he just wants to stick it in <D> fearful in what sense?
im thinking
<D> yes, he always wants to stick it in
abuse is the right word taking u for advantage because he build an image out of u he has to posess before he knows it
<D> and you, you never take him for advantage? me?
qui moi?
<D> you women
you men! i was talking as man about men
<D> all are the same! bollocks!
WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME look at the statistics
<D> not so very sure...
how many woman rape man
beause we ahve made a world in which our difference is written on every wall,
eye, door, window, road, box toy, colour scheme, peace treaty
tv show, sex shop, cinema,
cigar, soap, perfume, whisky underwear dandy dildo cybersex
<D> if women would be educated as boys i am sure it would be much less women raped, for example
car,war strategy, law yes sir bring them on or boys as women!!! bicyle tyre
cheese twist <D> so when we start to change the world?
we cannot, itsw too late
11.05.2006
you have my kingdom but you can't have my soul
<g> there was a time every second avery beat of breath was consumed filled bloated with jealousy <g> . when fear consumed every living moment of a day
i prefer you dead than in her hands...
if i can't have all of you i do not want any of you
no more ideology!
<A> nothing happened!
<g> thats what people do who really love each other isn't it? they tell each other the truth
i will suck out your beautiful eyes so you won't see any beauty...
<A> i'm telling you the truth
he isnt
<g> you don't ghive a fucking shit about what i feel <g> , infact I'm invisible in this equation <A> Nothing happened!!! <g> the joy is in making me invisible <g> shut out of this intimacy <g> your fucking intimacy <g> that makes nausea flow, <g> left out shut out <g> forgotten <A> o.k. what do you want me to say?
<g> tremours of shock waves <g> can't breath <g> ripping out my own hair <g> because i CAN NOT BELIEVE that you could do what you did <g> this love shredded
<g> this love that made me glow, made me beautiful made me young <g> made me special <g> made me throb with sex appeal <g> which made me attractive to everyone <g> you take that awya <g> i am nothing
<g> prick sliding inside her <g> wanting,her <g> not wanting me <g> wanting lusting sweating narrowing his universe down so that all he could think about was HER
chorus: why can't they see beyond pricks
<g> all he could think about was touching her <g> secret touches <g> secret touches with other people around <g> all the secret touches and looks which made the universe pulse with wanting ther <g> wanting to hold her. aching to fuck her <g> not me
chorus: she would have torn you from me
<g> then the secrets
you fucking fucking fucking shit!!
<g> the phoneca;lls so you could laugh at her jokes
chorus: i'm on her side..
chorus i want to castrate him <g> the phonecalls arranging and looking forward to the next time
chorus: yeah the schmuck
<g> the glances you give me <g> the flowers you bring me <g> the hugs and extra happy smiles you give me <g> you're happy you bastard <g> you're happy because youre fucking her
chorus: maybe his dick is his problem chorus:We are pretty conservativ
<g> he wants her but he needs me <g> aghhh
chorus how long before you tire of her too chorus: yeah we are conservative because we don't like whats happening to g chorus:maybe zou are just not atractive anymore
<g> i think its time to get revenge don't you?
chorus: go girlfriend
<g> maybe its time to feel reeealy good about myself?
chorus: go girl absolutely
<g> maybe its time I go and fuck someone just for the sake of it eh?
chorus: what she has you don't? chorus: revenge is a dish best served cold fuck for your own pleasure
<g> maybe i'll go out there it doesn't matter that i don't know what it is i want anymore <g> and the horrible horrible horrible feeling that its him I want <g> Struggle eh?
chorus: lets not be californian here
<g> so go back out there
ok lets just say he is a fucking dickhead for doing what he did chorus: what was the deal??
<g> the deal was disappointment <g> so indeed what was the deal?
look how ugly the green monster made you chorus: did you expect fidelity?
<g> exactly <g> yes
chorus: did he make promises?
<g> is that the problem?
chorus: is it? chorus: drown him in that sea! cut his willy cut his ties close him into a room for days make him suffer and starve the problem is you can't see beyond cunts and pricks make him begg for life punish him chorus: buy him a cilinder the fucking bastard chorus: what about the bitch? open your voice and screaaaam
<g> I decided to keep him. and just get so strong that he couldn't live without me. then I fucked his friend. and that went on for ever. and for years revenge was sweet.
enough with the philosphy already yeah
chorus: why use sex as a weapon?
why not!
<g> because its sweet and lethal
ah! eye for eye! cling to cunts and cocks of despair sex clouds your mind toth for toth sex is a mind fucker tooth for tooth chorus: a is so quiet there are much more hurtfull mechanisms, psychologically i mean
chorus:do you want to tear the flesh off him?
what hurts the most?
chorus: do you want her to feel like shit ?
can you distinguish sex from love for god's sake?
<g> its the passion in the end that dies
if you were french you might shoot them both <g> yes . <g> dip by drop. crime passionnel <g> now have to shut my eyes and imagine another lover if he fucks me
chorus: maybe he doesn't deserve you is the pride that hurts or heart? what wrong with pride? pride is important too it's the fucking big EGo that hurts what does it taste like
<g> jealousy is a sour taste that turns sweet in the mouth then burns the throat to pieces when you swallow
taste like taste like like battery acid?
<g> its acid in the guts
yeah corrosive
<A> it's also good sex stimulant <g> churns, kills sleep
A has piped up now A turned on by acid
<g> tell me more
wow
<g> talk <g> tell all
go on!!!
<g> want to know everything <g> want to see all the pictures <A> well, you just fuck better when you're jelouse
A's turn to speak now
chorus: tell her everything
chorus: tell her/us ah oh ouch poor poor G
<A> i didn't wnat to fuck with her <A> it just happened
yeah yeah yeah " she made you"
<A> it was like the first time with you <A> she smells like "new"
ah the lure of the new
like new cards,
new clothes
new toy
bodies as consumer delights
<A> it was me that i want a change
what so great about new?
<A> fucking same women is so boring after a while
its all humpy pumpy no? new lips, new smell?
<A> it's like eating same food day after day
chorus: os is it seduction(power) that makes it exciting?
<A> i have to smell different women
i like the same food every day bread, coffee, wine
<A> i want to touch different skin
why?
<A> every cunt smells different
bollocks true
<A> and thats what turns me on <A> little diferrences <A> i don't feel bad about it <A> i'm sure it's natural
chorus: where does the mond come into this? mind? mons veneris
<A> i'didn't promiss you anything
chorus; don't believe obviously she didnt get it
<A> i just get so used to you
thats what commitment is about dickhead
<A> well, you were kind of my property <g> ah ha <A> and a man has to defend whats his <g> at what point did i BECOME your property?
<A> well, it doesn't have anything to do with a mind <A> i just want to feel that sensation of different body juices <A> and if they are the same the sensation vanished
chorus: why?!
<A> i don't know why, but i know i need that change <A> and i need it badly
is it lack of imagination on your part? chorus: why is so wrong if he fucks around? or a repetition neurosis? G doesn't like it!!!!
<A> why do i need imagination when i can have a real sensation?!
go on....
<A> it's enough when i touch womens cloth...
<A> smell a new prfume..
hah
<A> perfume...
predator!!!!
<A> and i read women signs much better
like a skunk sniff sniff sniff
<A> signs of seduction i mean
new smell new territory new prey
<A> then i start fantasies
yeah
<A> i can have a week without touching any women...
can there be such deprivation!?
<A> just thinking about what could happen if...
that is great sacrifice
<A> but after a while it has to become true
chorus: what would you do if you were incarcertated in a mans prison?
<A> not necessary with a women that i fantasies about
ok ACDC no sweat but what would you do? chorus: than prison might be fine?
<A> and after a while i have to change that again
chorus: you did not talk about the man smell <A> I would become a writter <A> they don't have to fuck writers don't fuck!!!????
hjeheheheheheheheheheh no, they are like priests the pen is mightier than the sword..
<A> they also drink too much to be a good lover <A> fucking same women for a long time is almost that disappointing as mastrubating two days in a row
chorus: some times weeks go by
and you worry about 2 days! you are so privileged!
can you seperate the libido from the mind tip of a day: have a nice day: fuck someone!
<A> and i think women knowing that delibarately prolong their relationships with the same man with those "headache" stuff hoping that the men won't get board with them to soon <g> what! <g> sorry
chorus: wow erm hmm thats a theory and a hlf if a man looks only for sexual excitment he is the fucking bore he's right! A do you want to be with G despite your peccadillos?
<g> do you know what. i don't give a shit
chorus: but now everything is ok, no? make him lunch tomorrow
my eyes are beginning to water folks grandma is going to bed
yeah, even paramour sit on the toilet and fart <g> well actually I 'd sort of like to get to know you but hey mate no way no way are you coming any where near my delicious secret parts again <g> I'll talk. i might even seduce you <g> but never never are you going to get me to 'desire' you again <g> i see a little man <g> I see a little man with all his power gone
<A> hey, i can see you still love me!
da capo al fine
<F> We have just witnessed an extravant account from a crisis known to the species of man as adultery <9> it was not really clear what he did to her
every case the same? he fucker her friend
men think of sex every how often? minute is it? something was betrayed wasn't it, even if if it was her dreams?
feelings are very very messy business because something in our flesh makes us want to possess the intimacy as if it were for the first and only time and ours only
<F> we shall point out that when we talk about beings not to refer to all men as sexualy obsessive creatures
exactly agree of course women too can be like this
only usually not as much
predatory
<F> For we have to consider that there are those amongst us who cherish the hidden fruit with honesty and revery <9> read that women think much more time about sex than men
i think about it occasionally! desire or sex? fruit they know how to keep it in their minds yes secret stuff
men are extruded
<F> It is the urge that makes you want to speak the abys
i need to say: there is a new moral code that evolved sometime since the 60s that makes those of us who are not so 'liberated' seem like bad an inverse moral code
<F> It is a notion of those with angelic tendencies amongst us who do not seek perfection in the flesh because it is impossible
hanging in the darness? <F> Hanging in the darkness
there are no angels only feelings of how could you? feeling but are no flesh yet how could you lick another one? prefer him/her to me? ignore me?!!!!! make me invisible so i become a hole an absence a nothing a darkness or just- I thought I own you and now you betrayed my expectations a vortex into which i fall into myself owning no but belonging yes
partnership
pants Hanging like a bat? are you vampiric hanging like a bat upside down and soooo audio-sensitive expecting someone to belong to you demands also some agreement yes? i said belonging its different how?
<9> clinging
this is like crying now after the storm hanging like a bloody bat people don't just fuck, they eat their breakfast together, discuss politics, chat about friends who have been betrayed... yes and imagine if and when they might fuck sonar was used by the military to detect icebergs after the sinking of the Titanic
to avoid the ICE
bats avoid things we have biology in schools
<9> not when they are hanging
people do fuck i have seen them get ready to wow, something new on busses in the park in sauna they look at each other as if the whole world didn't exist yes ,when they just HAVE TO
<9> they fuck with eyes also <F> yet but its not the goddamn revelation of the universe!!!!!!!!!!!!
because the passion eats them up but usualy they are 15-20 but its energy we aren't looki8ng fo revelation F stop being so judgemental raw wild dynamic energy mamma anture gives it to them i have seen older people
<F> it is so overrated and exciting isnt it?
my father and his wife no not overrated its so important because it is what makes us survive no?
<9> yes <F> i just feel it is so overrated
it cuts through our own defences i think jealousy is a seasonal or variable emotion it cuts through the safeety nets i do not think: i am a jealous person and there are the others, who at 00.20 still don't fuck! sometimes i could kill from it, at others i am as emanciapted as F it cuts through the seasons, the knowns, passiona runs amock. and jealously is of that stuff and will not fuck at 1.00 what time do you fuck then?
<9> you want to say we finish and go to fuck
when I'm free, mostly
as you prefer
Go to bed now it is very motivating its caling i fucked before the reharsal bravo~!
<9> chorus: but you have to admit all it is good to fuck. or not?
22.05.2006
THE SEDUCTION DINNER
DJ is wooing There are starched white tablecloths ( yes!) And I believe that steak tartare is on the menu.
remember God is in the detail...
scene.. at dinner good dinner with raw meat... chick we are in a huge dining room with glass chandoliers
where is this [place? i think it is in the middle of the forest, but
very chic guys with suits and white gloves and long coats open your car doors whispering you know, madma, sir, kind of shit sor of kubric sort of I first show my new shoes, than comes leg and then all the silk and than?
MEee long female figure
may I help you madam your lovely dress is caught up a bit may i pull it down/ steps on the pavement I'm the one, all the eyes turn to which is wet with leaves
i like it wet
no, I'm to chic to embarace my entrance
is slip on s leaf
and this guy in the white lgove supports me All the eyes to me, all the conversation sudenly stops ahhhhhh her rythmic movements envelope his eyes my mascara has run down my face in the rain he gets up slowly and she feels his hot breath on her neck shit my mascara! Detail: shoes entering terasse b;lack clickety ones you have beautiful eyes thank you in the rain in the sun (licking her mascara) he says
thank you stars
just eyes in your eyes seat and eat
He ofers her a chair!
stars in your eyes she sits she looks at him with suspicion Are we in two movies at the same time? chair under her butt her silk dress spreads oacross the leather the guy inh the white gloves is pestering her He pretends nothing happened madam, can i take your coat etc
"No you can not"
but he continues with white gloves on she offers her hand
so..there is this red papered room
and lots of tables and chairs in a rainy night discret lightening soft music many candles mascara stuck to her cheeks
everybody almost whispering in her mind of a party obscured to its limits he's wow, well he's.. he's georgeus mascara really itchy hnow he wants to know about her as much as possible "OK, that's him then" so he asks her
tell me about yourself so I can talk about me
"do you think im beautiful?"
"would you care for some champaine?" sure you are so beautiful that hurts no, not sure, she sais "I'd be delighted"
do you tell every woman the same story/
oh no.. She looks onto a table as a young girl eyes all watery from mascare problems "no no u are special" she suddenly feel a pang - like she realises she has falled into some paperback romance let me wipe your mascara he says He ask. "you look somehow nervous" "I have chosen this story only for u"" he says: of course not. but he thinks yes, they are all BEATIFUL she really likes his smell, or maybe its perfume she realises he uses the same one she does his smell is what she likes they like each other's smell oh yea she wishes she were in the story with the steak tartare and the white starched tablecloths but has found herself in a satire O pitiful drama that is life! he likes her smell but it could be herbstory her story he doesn't realise it is his smell too because the perfume was a gift can this magic moment last for ever?
her story, or his story?
or theoir story? my story thor, the god of thursdays why she should trust him? In my story the was no mascara and no perfume, just the light there they were...... O shit i want to be honest, why cant we just lustre our lips together and forget the niceties that seem to get darker and darker because of my mascara That's you f. problem, he wants to lick her mascara away mascara was dripping all over us as black rain you can stick to your mascara if you think, this is atractive movie she begins to get excited by the idea of him i found myself entwined in this scenario for me the atmosphere is much more important and I'd like to read some conversation also have black rivulets running down his cheeks your eyes are even more beutiful without the mascara he says she says: cliches are true if i could see them and tells hij he['s enormously handsome as naked flowers
<D> She says: No, I'm not nervous, just a bit confused,
the waiter comes
interrupts with a grm grm of the throat madam will have? <D> He. Yes, do you mind
LOBSTER! ahhh!
<D> she looks onto table again, gets agin this girly impression. Silence
no lobster today shit she says, like that, no shame than i will have him on this very table piss off were having an intimate conversation, cant u see?
<D> she thinks rapidly, but nothing ocures to her <D> He. Well, do you? Mind?
and DJ begins to think of how lovely this cruscanean lover might be
<D> she. No, I'm glad I her. Lets stop this theme, Ok?
and if he should choose the caviar over her cruchn crucch
. <D> so, champaine? <D> she. why not. Thank you <D> silence.
he would like to tear meat off flesh for fun and she orders steak tartare silencof the lambse
<D> Teh waiter discretly offers her a menu, she doesn't notice him
all she can think of is chopped raw meat
he is obviosuly disgusted by this
he is vegan
<D> He. So, What yould you order?
now he ewants to fuck her he sees her vain pulsing in the distant silence but she's going to eat dead raw meat
and he's having lentils
"I dont want to order i want to reach u"!!
<D> She loughs to loud as she notice the waiter
he is DJ and he needs to keep his coole
<D> She: Sorry
<D> starst to read
he suggests, they share because how can you do this without offering to share your dinner?
<D> and suddenly feels his shoes touching her shoes under the table, look up at him
Words? flesh?
<D> He behaves neutral, gives a littele smile
<D> She: so, should I order for you3
this is not how she planned this evening
<D> He. I want you to decide everything
full of christian passion
she asks
he says waitier we will have 2 steak tartares!! "How was your childhood" i will eat your meat Any traumas, veneral diseases? I have my own meat
<D> She. Wow, big job.... sorry... ok shrimp salat for both,
followed by steak tartare!!!!
<D> strawberries whit cream and... another bottle of Moet <D> He: Won't you stay hungry.
i can put in my mouth everything you do,,,
there is something row in the way you trat me shesays I am not a piece of meat <D> she: Dependes on you. Than break and a lough
he says what you eat you are
a vegetable
meat, also
a balanced meal? surely not <D> She: what should I do. eat sugar
is that possible?
<D> He: Nothing, let me lead you- point my eyes.
lick that ear
<D> she knew, she has lost already
leaking the ear she was not his prey
<D> one look and the felt into a timelessness of his eyes.
what is that she lost? because she had covnerte dhim converted him how could she be after her performance from vegan to bloodhound
<D> What colour they were, I don't remember, they just spread
black blue green you remember brown with big hands small hands
<D> they were bigger and the power his look had made her feel dizzy
eyes with the sea behind them big everything
<D> She noticed, she started to sweatr
the scene is going more melancholy take me take me more blue tones in the camerawwork Jewlery is basic equipment against flesh so she takes her arm her right arm and lifts it high
<D> if there wasn't a rule - no words- she could have hidden her weakness
her own arm and carresses it so that the light can catch the diamonds
<D> behind many pointless words
she does not want to be audrey hepburn like a lonely fire dismembering the diamond she wants to be herself but she is confused about that shine crazy diamond
<D> she thinks: I only have to choices, either to fight or to surrender <D> immediately
she is, he is not an issue her inner voice compells her to make a choice
<D> Her hand unwillingly got under the table cloth and searched for his knee
will you win if you surrender? and now, thankfully we are back in the CU of erotic promise he just wants to creep into me and then fall into the inspiration of a sleepless dream will you win if you figt?
<D> he smiles a little bit , takes her hand and pushes her away
its very very hard nbot to be a cliche she thinks down into the abyss of his demands
<D> Takes his other hand and touches her knee
then she thinks this one is mine though my moment
<D> She thinks: Should I just stay passive
and he smells her, he fibrilates thats a great verb She shudders
<D> what gives him this selfconfiedence
fibrilate lets see his immagination quivers
<D> and is not capable to resist <D> She. OK, you lead
its like an archetype he surrenders to or is it the smell of raw meat on my lips? thus, reduced to four-footed comparisons
<D> the waiter aproaches, she grabs the forks and tries to start to eat <D> her mouth dry
<D> salat feeling like sand
all this subtext is understood from the eyes and suddenly they were by the sea I fall and he stars climbing over me
<D> She thinks: OK, imagine, I was at the seaside
the ooh ahh of the ocean
<D> and suddenly she is being licked
splish splashing my meat waits attack of your meat this way and that
<D> they alone om a sandy beach
in the water still
<D> no rummor anymore, no candles <D> just his hot hand on her leg sand there
everywhere no more money no fancy dress nobody to watch
<D> she wishes, hthe hand would move higher, but he does nothing <D> just stares at her <D> I'll faint
its dark she lingers in his typography she would like him to write on her a bit
<D> no, I'll jump on him and swallow him, his eyes, his beautifull hands <D> his bones, his cock
she doesn't even know his name for sure pulsing with energy she thinks which is not wise his cock fibrilating into the darkness that she should resist but she knows
<D> seh takes his hand and puches her to her pantys
As a shudder of being caressed by a strangers hand she wishes it could be original
<D> a waiter appears, takeing away the plates,,
one of which he has sat on
<D> she almost doesn't notice him, as only a shadow would pass
things suddenly go very slow they are tired of the dinner floating like some happy gools they imagine they have had by the sea on a beach in a forest over their napkins elswhere she wishes ilustres she knew his name because when she agreed to have but hrew it away dinner with him
was 5 minutes
after she had met him, But threw it away with a shrug and two minutes before our story began she was desperate Thats how attractive he was and now how it is?
tongue in cheek
tongue very much in cheek anything happened between them? sure one night her vibrant cherries where still hard and? and she felt as a breeze under her feathery skirt would touch her as he did
she was possessed by DJ her eyes where taken from her
as she saw him walk in
the man she hardly knew but had hear of
she could never believe that an incarnation how hard to was to get to know him how brilliant he was would be so humouress ugly, but brilliant is she happy with that achievemnent? to met him. his knob his third eye pecker, peter, willy, his love of cherries nibbling his love of cherry picking.. nibbling like a bird in spring her lightly he is..irresistable.. as a symphony string one of those men who are ugly but irresistable and mute
they are irresistable because they think wonderfully
intriguing sabout everything every detail of life they are wide awake mystetious and sacred and you feel they would be able to survive anything if they could and this is very attractive the most perfect possible? because it brings out the survivor in the woman primal and vice versa two surivors
suddenly, in paris... he walks with her and tells her
of napoleon she is rapt she bunked off history and DJ is talking about knowledge and power and conquest and emporors and short men with ambition blown away that a premature resentment of the divine could have empowered him so as to prolonge these verses these curious curses i wish to set the scene.. by the black and lonely syntax more detail.. colour? a dash pink? magenta? go on... it has to be a boudoir colour like that word boudoir bordeaux a place to sulk and brood in red bouder=to sulk so they walk and she thinks of napoleon yes he like it when josephine didn't wash him? herself
ne lavez pas
better that way the subxte from historians being that her cunt must have staunk demonstrating the man's sexual prowess hmm lemons boiling with a ghastly dash of entwined public hair
man is very endurable thing
acid like piss so he is DJ not napoleaon napoleon was only a figment of their seduction she is delighted though at ther conversation shes seen better
she finds words exciting
because she thinks in pictures she is polimorphously perverse she is married dear god really?
she stopped
he stopped she wants to understand men.. married? there are the trees and the streets and the lights irrelevant she wants to understand get in their heads he wants... to understand
he thinks
i want to set the scene colour? magenta agreed? desert? cherries dessert white amd cream
<D> strawberries
cool of a bosom that is petrified deffinitely not sherries and bottomless carbone che brucia into that rigid whiteness
by now she is very very involved..
dips her finger into his soft surroundings head over fucking heeels cherries everywhere we need to set the scene
understand the reasons
for suich behaviour
i need to set the scene..
magenta? yes
and close ups?
have to be very close to catch the truth and ups behind those brown blue green black eyes what is he saying now? look into his eyes look into hers scoop her up blue green black brown like your arams are big spoons this is where he takes her to this shabby cliche of primitivism and plonks her down like a shot beast me tarzan you jane she is overcome with lust hes on top of her and hes heavy she can't free her arms but doesn't want to interrupt.. hardly brething i want to set the scene.. breathing now everything is magenta going darker to violet a little orangey light in the distance blazing with fire darkness the end elbourns down! elbourns down! is it always the same each time? or is each time really different? ok we have the light in the scene and...
pinkish
we want to speak like people really speak we want to but we mock instead because passion is very hard to take seriously from the outside i wonder how people really speak do they? really? some yes why? DJ always likes to use words because he is very oral
have we forgotten the starched white tablecloth? since we shifted location several times without warning
though in the end it was what one might expect
of a love story
it was abstract incest it was a story we couldn't really tell
without smiling because we like to think we know better? well...
30.05.2006
well for starters like satre said hell is other people
hell is........:
repetition of the worst situation of your life
pare exemple isolation, aloneness gravity when times stopes and you have to wait when loved person is not seeing you insulted infront of people, you don't respect hell is the inside of my own head when the demons are here when sun is too strong when you feel you don't belong to this world hell is when someone you love cuts themself and you can't stop the blood when you reach out and noone is there discover, that you'll not change the world. Not a millimeter hell is the middle of the night when there's no conscious being there awake to share your nightmare hell is the futlility hell is the thirst of a man at sea aging the recognition of nothingness hell is looking in the mirror in the morning and realising that make-up will not erase it hell is shen someone you love screams at you not being capable to live all your lifes, you decided, you want to a lot of things I read here for me is heaven
hell is when someone you love goes mad
hell is what man can inflict on man hell is when someone mad wrpas you up in their madness and casts you as the other hell is being alone in a dark room wishing you were with the others next door who are laughing hell is sauerkraut your own voice that like an echo comes back to you my head that doesn't stop working hell is insomnia in a heatwave living with people of low ethics
unfulfilled desires hell is not being able to utter
a word hell is terrible phisical pain you know you can't make it stop hell is loving a person whci can not love
hell is desire that is unepxressed
not having a desire hell is fear hell is a phisical pain you know can't make it stop hell is when i betrail my own ethics hell is when i have to face that people really do enjoy torturing each other
when a woman can't be stronger than a furious man
hell is when you recognize bad habits of your parents in yourself when a man is furious when you see your faults in your child hell is trying to get my brain around rwanda
auschwitz
guantanemo bay human insensivity being old and alone paranoia, phobia, psychosis if you walk in the street and you see NOBODY see you being physically un perfect so nobody want to touch you
hell is being unloveable
hell is hatinfg yourself
hell is hypocracy war hell is jealousy knowing everything but pretending as it wasn't there hell is not being able to stop what is hurting you wild nature frustration that knows no end hell is too much beauty
hell the memory you can't erase
hell is the parent who never loved you hell is when you kill your kid inside you hell is your mother's corpse your father's corpse a sense of utter uselesness hell is guilt a sense of utter uselesness
hell is bad faith
human ignorance
hell is the merory that you can't erase
hell is military thinking
hell is the dream last night of senseless murder hell is material greed hell is oil
hell is how little time we have and how many unfullfilled wishes will stay behind us
hell is the possibility that nuclear tests underground cause tsunami, earthquakes,weather and nothing to be done hell is bitterness no bitterness please! without a sun hell is the idea that i might die bitter hell is two thousand years of catholic church
hell is flesh being a problem
hell is i want you hell is growing old
hell is the death of a loved one who didn't want to die so soon hell is being stuck
stuck stuck stuck the knowing that something is forever and you can not change it stuck give him a push! hell is dreaming of becoming unstuck when you are still stuck
hell is ego hell is egoism
hell is me me me me me me me love me love me love me love me hell is hot notice me notice me notice me being forced to betray your friends hell is a face that cracks into the dark mask to betry your principles
hell is when you don't care for any body
hell is mental illness
running round in circles hell is no exit
no way out othjer people
hell is when you don't trust yourself hell is seeing the way out but having no legs and arms to move with
hwen your rights are taken away hell is here below the loss of child when ethics are absent to be paralysed loss loss hell is if you don't have body and there is no space but unbearable noise and you can't cover your ears... hell is a secret you can't share hell is to met DJ hell is to fall in love with DJ
hell is delicious
hell is to meet yourself as you are hell is to burn with desire melt away like buring fat hell is the idea that you can go on living november despite february a black sky in may
absence of love
hell is the thought that it could get worse even solitude, sometimes absence of love yes that is hellish it can get worse yes and probably will and thats a hellish thought
hell is consciousnees hell to me would be to witness my kind being tortured
and not be able to save her your kind? how do people survie this? hell is other people tyhe other people who torture people survive everything hell is right here
hell is that we survive anything
hell is the will to live hell is all around us as if it matters! oh, matters hell shit shoot me down in flames like a plane that lost its wing in a hellish war war probably hell is seeing a loved one disintegrate before your eyes
seeing him transforming to a stranger
hell is trying to figure out how long a lifetime should last and to come to terms with a shorter one hell is a jackboot a gun a unifrom a phone call total control hell is when you want to fuck and it is not possible... hell is unrequited desire
"they had to call and call and pick the worms off me like sticky pearls"
a symphony of hells what would a simp[hony of hells sound liek? a symphony of hells sounds like symphony of hells vey intensive and lod the screech of children
high frekvency
the scream of traffic
bursting ear drums
couples fighting
over washing up and infidelity
silence something really HEAVY you fucking bastard my hell of tenderness is so fucking hurt my hell of pride stung like a bee hit it with its tail
my hell of anger is ohso bloody loud
how loud? simphonic
when you eat your heart out
hell si sometimes very very quiet
and still and long though yes like sitting in the desert hell is absence of sounds aiting for rain that will never come were a bunch of slaves hell would be not being able to end it hell is opposite of heaven well yes precisely
the marriage of heaven and hell (blake)
dialectically yours some people like to mimic hell in how they look hells angels hehhe vruoum vruom
The mayas paint frescos with the blood of their slaves
yuk hells angels like to fuck menstruating women christians are eating their god! its a special sign of prowess blood is ink flesh is paper
blood is woman (da vinci code) yeah yeah
write on my body
i am se me daj se me daj
"give me more" exactly
hit me more hit me more
exactly she she she se me daj
shaved fruit so women are unshaved fruit?
what are woman then figs mangos
mangas papaya
kiwi
watermelon yes yes yes
an orgasm is a watermelon crashing to the ground
aha aha aha aha not for watermelon how can we not think in opposites?
him him him
seems to smell of burning skin her her her us us us absolute pain me me me breath breath brath no fucking point
fuck fuck fuck
why why why have a nice day: fuck someone. who who wants to you choose fuck someone up his nose
i am going to give everyone a good time
how? by by? inviting you all to heaven o blissful salvation!
can I remove this dead animals skin?
sure take everything off you mean heaven is...
other people
true is that hell in fact is other people
others can be heaven or hell
or both explain if we talk from our selve prospective ALWAYS others ARE a PROBLEM.
it is like this. dot. com helldotcom
psycho babilon
psychobabble-on
hell is maybe not being able to die when you wnat to sometimes i have felt this heaven is when there is no hell drunk of love for you drunk of myself
drunk of you
wanting to burn up in the sunset
i come frokm a family of colonisers on the one side
and victims of fascism on the other
i found going to hell very hard
on the psyche and need a cup of tea hell is tiring yes but heaven also because it requires such self control all the sweat and the blood and all that harp playing
and all those bloody sinners
crying for help all that lack of repentance all that goya I saw myself crucified on a harp and best food and good looking guys with wings and devils playing birds from my ass heaven is not a nightclub theatre and sex industry are still close cousins no? yes?
audiences love to watch beautiful people
tell them stories with their bodies aha and voices in lovely clothes yes ,music senses true it is an erotic art no?
and actors love to bbeautifull and have adoring spectators
indeed if the body doesn't work, we try to appeal clever do we show our brests just in the movies or we are able to show them in theater, too?
breasts can be shown anywhere
bless u bless your cotton socks cotton socks on your feet look in my eyes not my breasts i like eyes i like breasts i like breasts so, no need to act with naked breasts i likr eyes thats true
your milk i once drank
as for the rest, i do not want anything human and, sculpted, if you see me with lost eyes in heaven , its because i am remembering your milk i once drunk
romantic pathetic for me
not everybody likes poetry
commanders of battalions
and some accountants
do not like milk
sometimes love and passion need imagery
like your milk my milk? i like abstraction which is an erotic image abstraction is?
black canvasses, doorways pure thought
very
no meat?
deep thought thought is very sexy
deep thought is good
deep thought is what we have with a little meat rothko is sexy for me that distinguishes us even from dolphins
we do not need figurative images to move us
says the dolphins we move from inside now that we have gone beyond quantum lets evolve into?
sometimes i wonder if we need to stop trying to represent
ourtselves as people at all
but i am stuck with this craft
because my medium is the human presence
i am your presence
this is abstract indeed theatre is physical
what would you say to a tango though that is as wild as wild can be?
this is concrete no? and everybody thinking of dj would think about tango, too don't want to say this is bad... hands don't obey
but..
tango- touch- from tangere another dance
already
you mean avoid cliche? yes
but the tango i imagine might not be the tango you imagine i mirror my surroundings as a fosforescent lake in silence
sometimes a cliche is a JEWEL
agree sometimes it is shit agree we have to smell our way to jewels like truffle pigs in the dirt
i like oigs
DIRT pigs i like pigs too wigs
i am a pig
dirt prevents alergies
and kissing builds up your mouth with 160.000 bacterias
builds up?! my mouth is not a muscle!
aha!
celebrating the kiss of the kisser kissing is homeopathic and the kisstress kisstress lovely
06.06-2006
what she wants is a good fuck
what she wants is pink to flower for herself
what she wants is my heart what she wants is my heart all wrapped up in pink
i hate pink
what she wants is my brown eyes
what she wants is to own me completely
what she wants is to dance in a pink space all by herself
what does SHE want? what she likes is my voice what she wants is for me to be looking at her with eyes all over my body what does she WANT she wants my soul she likes my tender touch what she wants is for me to take her by surprise by the kitchen door amnesia what she wants is the kitchen table she wants my everything what she wants is to mother me to be a site for surprises glowing What she wants is a whiskey on the rocks and my heart n her hands what she wants is to tame my beast what she wants is to make me feel good she wants to suck me in her hole what she wants is to be the one and only what she wants is to service my god she wants to suck me in what she wants is to cook a delicious feast and have evryone worship her for it she wants my heart and my guts she wants makes her cool stick to me and let the abode they call space glide as it does what she wants is my delicious mind what she wants is to be the only one
<2> of course
the only one! what she wants is to obliterate all others in my mind she wants me go hunting the goods thats fascinating what she wants are no other threats to her supremacy of control considering the instincts of mating what she wants is complete security she wants my blood what she wants is to feel small in the largeness of my hands well you cant just go on living about in the abyss of probability can you? she wants me seduce her all the time what she wants is my babies i wish she would what she wants is to be the most precious bein in my eyes what she wants is my penis and my babies my dnk what she wants is my penis as her baby what she wants is my servitude she wants my thoughts what she wants is me to want her wht she wants is for me to be completely and only hers she likes to be shy she wants to languish in my arm s what she wants is to be protected and undersood and secure what she wants is to be understood what she wants is for me to think about her and only her for every second of my day what she wants is to be read accurately what she wants is for me to read her body as a text sic what she wants is to be my muse she wants to not be a little girl, but she is what she wants is to never grow old very very very very very very very digestable she wants to rule what she wants is to own every success and happy self realization what she wants is to own mine too what she wants she wants my understanding what she wants
is to try and know what she wants
what she wants is to not give a shit about what I think about her she wants to know her own mind what she wants is to know her own mind as distinct from his mind which she also wants what she wants is to tango really really well
she wants me talk to her
what she wants is other dances than tangoes ( for they might be cliches!) what she wants is to get more and more beautiful the older she gets what she wants id for men to say: oh how beautiful you get with age what she wants is for everyone to know that she IS more and more beautiful the older she gets what she wants is eternal lubrication just for fun what she wants is for people to see her inner beauty. her intelligence shining right on what she wants is to die smiling before it decomposes itself from what she wants is to know she gave everythin ib life what she wants is to ride on a very very big horse without falling off very fast her garden of lustrous illusion in the night I would invite her to a rollercoster what she wants is peace to her destination and vomit what she wants is her own fairground what she wants is to vomit on her destination her own playground what she wants is to vomit without my feeling bad about that what she wants is to be grande damme of all the charades in the world attention what she wants is to screw me] what she wants is to be the hostess of the mostess what she wants is to be an angel mrs dalloway!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what she wants is to die in my arms what she wants is to have every man in her life adore and worship and offer their lives upto her "it is possible to die" what she wants is for me to show her that it is possible to die laughing what she wants , yes is to die and be missed with a knife!! yes yes yes she wants to speak with her absent father she wants is to be invisible in emberesing moments long long ouverture what she wants is something very contemporary what she wants is to die and make a BIG HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE WITH HER ABSENCE someone shouted big hole in the universe a tender departure as they say finger slipped on button what she wants is many tears at her funeral she wants to get rid of her virginity to cry she doesnt apologize what she wants os for me to find it impossible to replace her
what she wants is multiple orgasm at my fingertips
she wants to be more selfconfident what she wants is unconditional - I say uncondtional - love what she wants is to be at my beck and call at any moment of the day what she wants is what i want her to want what she wants is to surrender ALL responsibilities to me what she wants is to be self suffiecient what she wants is to not have to think she wants to be self sufficient she wants to be free of me she wants me out of her what she wants is to be free of me she wants me being her slave what she wants is to fall in locve with another woman she wants no prince on no horse what she wants is a house in the woods she wants to be known a princess then by me
<2> kiss
she wants to calm down queen what she wants are celestial powers was the kiss meant for me?
she wants to be a witch
what she wants is just one kiss, cos thAT ONE KISS WOULD TAKE HER OVER THE EDGE what she wants is maybe.. oh the edge?
what she wants is tearing her apart
she wants to be rich and famous what she want is a great slippering ... someone is shouting what she wants is gentle pain enough to make her wake up she wants to drown in my eyes she likes wispering what she wants is to convert me tame me
what she wants is to inhibit me damn her
shr wants to be rich and cruel she wants ma babies what she wants is to keep me locked in she wants to domesticate me what she wants is to stop me listening to someone else shouting what she wants is to drown in my brown eyes she wants to hold me on a string she wants me thinking on her all the time what she wants is for me to stay with HER she wants my fucking heart she wants to be my home she wants to be my hole what she wants is for me not to even think about another woman maybe my cave she wants to be my soul I would like to have some of her gift of intuition what she wants is for every woman I ever dream of to always be her what she wants is everything what she wants is to be free of all this wanting what she wnats is to get rid of the horrible taste in her mouth she gives me more freedom than I need to be able to demand what she wants is to stop feeling so terrified of betrayal what she wants is my gametes what she wants is to be free but to keep feeling everything what she wants is to survive what she wants she gets what she wants is to get what she wants I wish I had her moral strenght what she wants she gts she wants to meet an alien whats she wants she has what she wants is to get even the tiniest bit of what she wants what she wants she doesn't know what she wants is to disappear she wants to disppear drown in me
what she wants is to be naked and feel so good
sooooooooooooo what she wants i don't care what she wants is a perfect body what she wants I think i might want too what she wants is perfection what she wants is intimacy what she wants is too much what she wants is intriguing me but only on the pale surface what she wants is too much what she wants is utopia what she wants exposes her unpenetrable what she wants is to eat me what she want is to be origin of my life what she wants makes her naked she is probably what she wants is my prick what she wants is visible in the way she dances what she wants is to have my prick for herself
what she wants is visible in the way she looks at me whilst i'm eating lobster!!!!
what she wants is to be eaten by me what she wants is to have my cock all the time with her
what she wants is to possess me
what she wants is visible in evry cloud in her eyes
she wants bo be my world
what she wants is clear in her judgements of me what she wants is poetry at breakfast and for me to ride a big horse what she wants is clear in her condemnation fo me kingdom of pleasures what she wants os for me to earn bread what she wnats is strangled by her anger SADA In XANADU what she wants is poisoned by her fear
what she wants is to avoid hell
what she wants is to see she Is in hell attracted to it none the less what she wants is to open her eyes what she wants is hell with me in it what she wants is to 'give in'. is for us to drink wine from her navel what she wants is to be laid down on the table drink wine amidst eternity what she wants is eternal life the kitchen table ah what she wants is for us to feast on her ah ah ah oh oh what she wants is to provide for all For us as many save us what she wants is to be remembered for all those meals what she wants is new kitchen she cooked and served what she wants is to nourish from every pore of her body what she wants is to dance on her new kitchen stove she wants to get back to sleep she wants to seduce DJ and forget all about IKEA what she wants is to ave lifes juices oozing from every pore what she wants is to disappear she wants me prepare coffee in the morning what she wants is to be licked to sleep what she wants is for me to stay inside what she wants what she wants is to keep her eyes closed whilst I stay and stroke her hair forever and ever and ever and ever what she wants is deep deep sleep ..that i confess to her and every endevour What she wants is to feel.... safe what she wants is beefstake tartar what she wants is the bloody bloody truth on the plate with a raw egg on it what she wants is to wake up a dragon you cant handle the truth she wants my heart on a plate what she wants is to wake up with razor sharp teeth and just eat everybody oh oh oh vomit what she wants is to rip the meat to pieces she wants to brake my balls
hat she wants is to make a slave of me
a strong heart andviolently beautiful imges what she wants is to not feel sick she wants to break me what she wants whats she wants is to have the calm after the vomit what she wants is for me to love her even when she smell of vomit she wats a silent moment bacchaen madness she want my dck what she wants are her kids to be happy without her what she wants are her daughters to sing loudly she wants dionysius
she wants her daughters not to be like her
what she wants are maybe not what she thought she wanted
that i coming from the sky what she wants is someone human what she wants os for me to spot her across a crowded room and know that i want her what she wants is someone she recognises what she wants is her father what she wants is that smile to hold her she wants is something simple what she wants is a dog like he never did what she wants is a dog who doesn't talk what she wants is a dog what she wants is a dog that she can leave behind when she goes off travelling
What you can have is.....
What you can have is a fuck on the kitchen twble what you can have is my credit card
<2> thank you
what you can have is the fuck by surpirse by the kitchen door
<2> the c.c. owner
what you can have is my big horse my weekly cleaning of the house what you can have are my listening ears what you can have is my tolerance at your vomiting
what you can have is my patience <2> sure?
my support what you can have is my big hands hugs what you can have is my sense of humour my beauty what you can have is me thinking about you.... quite alot in one day what you can have - no borrow - is my prick
<2> keep it
what you can have is me struggling to be a better human being because I want you to like me what you can have is my babies what you can have is my washing, never been into cleaning clothes my trying to understand you what you can have is the joy of preparing feasts for me and our friends what you can have is my time and courage what you can have is my cooking what you can have is what I can have what you can have is me doing the washing up what u can have is my brown eyes to look at and imagine yourself drowing in what you cam have is my militarism and patriotism my stuborness what you can have is the illusion that you are the only woman i ever look at or lust after what you can have is the confidence of knowing that I 'want you' alot at different times duing the day what you can have is my support what you can have is my horse what you can have is my friendship and mt credit card what you can have is my forgetfulness what you can have is my mess what you can have are my apologies and mistakes what you can have is me being me what you can have is one night what you can have are the tears what you can have is missing me what you can have are multiple orgasms you can have my babies unsatiably what you can have is my propeller diabolic unknown you can have everything from me what you can have are my arms around you you can have my arms around you hands on you what you can have is me watching you over lobster you can have me eat lobster in imitsation of what i might do to you what you can have is me being too absorbed in stuff to notice anything elase what you can have is me eating you what you can have is my dog my horse me for dinner you can have ny appetite what you can have is my absolute speed my mussles
so we now speak the lines to "HER (2) what you can't have...
what you can't have is
to enter into my cave
what you can't have is my soul
you can have acces to my mind what you can have is my revolt, my energy my lap my freedome what you can't have is my body my solitude what you can't have is my mind the unspeakable you know u cant have very little things you cannot have from me what you can have is my essence, its mine you can't have my heart - my wife has that
I mean't can't
you can't have that what you can't have is my feminism what you can't heve is my penis the man is telling the woman what she can't have ok what you can't have is my penis
what you can's have is my erection
what you can't have is the masterpiece i make you can't have my thoughts what you can't have is my constant desire you can't have my ejaculation my secrets you can't have my visits to the prostitute what you can't have are my dreams what you can't have are casting rights over who I dream about you can't have my fantasies you can't heave is my gun, my motor, my car my world my arse my absolute my gadgets what yyyou can`t have is my black skin my hair my independence my past you really cannot have my past my devils my dreams nihgtmares my lostness my sleepless night my solitude my horse what you cannot have is my freedom of desire. this is who I am what you can't have is nozhing compared with what you can have what you can't have are my habits What you cannot have is my pain
what you cannot have is my intellect
what do you want when you go elsewhere for pleasure? What do I want with home? i want to drown i want With home I have responsibilities that stflle my muse to get away from her asking me what i fucking want need of recognizing my value as a man to find somebody feeling me attractive
N wants only to know what we want us men when we go to her
to understand my needs without talking too much want you to be uncomplicated want you to make me feel good about myself simple want you to desire me i want you not to aks anything from me i want you not to want i want you to be a hole want to feel good with you in the moment and then be ble to walk away... stil feeling good want to be with you and never feel guilty want you not judging me want to be with you and not be responsible for your feelings want to be with just stroking me in the right places i just want to fuck pluck the rose and throw it away want to fuck you as many times a swant without being worried about wether you want to or not Natasha: so that you can go home and not feel that anything has been asked of you? yes only money (natasha)? for freedome? hehe whose freedom - your freedom as men it is not real freedome it is just surogat yes it is of sorts just empying the balls Natasha: i like this it is a freedome its not right on but it is freedom Nat: its honest yes it is a choice escape door Nat; what about the guilt you may feel when you leave and its all over? emergency exit I want to fuck and walk away knowing I can come back when i want to what guilt? I pay not to feel guilt Nat; (LAUGHS VERY LOUD) guilt is a bonus for the few
Nat: absoltuely exaclty
it is ciompletely and honest ransaction there is guilt we must build a kind anarhisem
it becomes a secret
I pay for the secret and brings distance it geives me power if u are in a relationship it gives me protection something like a wall of silence Nat:i like this Nat: I have been silent for 17 years if I know i can get it when someone chooses not to give it to me and have kept a secret of thousands of men i have held them close to my heart only within my mibnd and played a masquerade and an act of sorts which finally you had thousand of men? has taken me to thousands, literally.. ah what has it taken you to? I am thinking and feeling I need time... to be truthful I have become the Other for thousands of others
"i would like to weep but dont the time"
I have to become other for myself but it is extremely hard to become other you? when you have put on so many masks for those who are lonely grief stricken in marital breakdown lost frustrated and perverted and driven and the mask changes from one hour to another to be what they want you to become you have to be immediately responsive to EXACTLY what their fantasy is and it might be to be loved unconditionally ...... so i could lay there and hold them in my arms for an hour ....
you are dealing with peopl's raw emotions
souls ( I know you do this in theater too) secrets and vilified for it that fill you up I am so full up but sometimes Ifeel that ~i might burst carrying around thousands of mens secrets as if tiny molecules are exploding inside of my heart what do you wanr to do with this huge cargo you carry? but I have no where to put it nopw if I thought that every relationship breaks down then i would have t to give up on the possibility of a deep loving and creative relationship whereby 2 people try not to damage each other too much because they know something deep inside each other so they are careful thank you for the hugs thank u i agree
iam a nympholeptic
you cannot read nymphs?? to feel pleasure in something unreachable extazy
yes its like
reaching into the core of something that feels unobtainable by someone beautiful u cant really touch him as u would like to move him Nat: i'll know when is see his eyes you feel it in your belly
and its unspeakable
Nat; yes i freeze
same time thats why in The Room ( where I worked sex) erm, it was easier In the Room it was easier as i felt no desire..
I was dead in a way
but very alive in acting sense
Nat: i was really honest in my acting yes
I would like to 'be' a man and come to see you ad ske you questions I would like you to work on our fantasy of what men fantasise about! Nat: that would fill cyberspace!! but yes hehe i hope it won't be too shocking for you cberspace is huge (laughter) and quite limited and toast to each other eyes, brown, blue, green, grey, black
15.06. 2006
she is....
conforting
she is much maligned she is taboo shredded she is everything what can we imaGINE she is godess she is perfume She is the plug let out of my bath water she is like warm blanket she is relief she is erection mother and sister and wife and friend she is like a mirror that cannot feel itself she is mother daughter, sister, whore she is social worker she is wet hot towel in my aching back she is imagination she is sincere she is a wip on my ass she is always there for me she is illiterate on purpose she has words in her hands she is compassion on tap
she is manliterate
she s manlitersate she is hope she has every cliche in her wardrobe she can be a bitch bad mama she is selling tickets she will be a bitch when i like this
bad girl
she knows my dck she is liar she is just a human being she is bloody good liar she knows all dicks she gets under skin she is a bargain! she reads the soul she is tired she is on ther ceiling don juan she is doing what wifes are not
she never calls me
she is looking for someone to listen watching me
she is expensive...
she is threatening to turn the world upside down she is the keeper of secrets she is cleaning the toilet for the next customer she is glamourous she is feathers she is brilliant actress she deconstructs the myth of dj she seems to be honest while we are cheaters
she is reality
she is filling her cupboard with shoes
she is filling her neghbours house with nightmares
magdalene clutching at Jesus' feet in gethsemene " noli me tangere' the bastard says
she is refusing to be blamed
she is walking a road of necessity she can protect me she is barefoot she is filling cupboards with fetish would sir like a nurse tonight? she is dancing to forget marmelade panties would sir like to eat my maremalde [anties? she is masquarading as mad but she isn't
she is spring and summer never cold
now she has to be a cheese omlette she is dreading the fuck from behind she is romantisizing abuse but at least she can weep without being seen for a chef in a divorce procedure she is just a little girl
just a little girl lost
oh oh oh she is searching for her jewels in the rubbish tip she is illiterate she is trying to remember where she just came from
emotionally highly intelliegnet
she is wired she is tender she is washing her fanny quickly ready for the next she is my disaster she is rubbing banana oil on her fanny for the next now she has to be fresh meat covered in a soft plastic she is packing to go on holiday she is hoping she can obliterate the smell of her own body in the she is walking over sleeping bodies bake me bake me and he comes fantasy perfumes she can rub from the bottle she knows as nonexistent she is walking over sleeping bodies counting the dreams now she makes a veegetable pie of him ]he has no meat she is giving back the secrets one by one to the bestowers it is his fantasy he is all vegetable she forgets herself for a moment he pays for his vegetables whilst the dollars roll in she is something secure she is civilisation right she is the hole of holes she is emptying her heart other peoples secrets where were we? she is the holy hole she is climbing onto a tower in the city to tell the secrets she is the centre of the universe om the hole zero she is a tremendous chameleon she is the story weaver no thing she is going to 'spill' she is an actress she is going to sing
her eyes out
she is a diva
she loves to eat lobster
now she has to clean her entrails in expensive restaurants
you fucking fuck
basically eshe is erotic herbs
she knows he likes her to dress up as a nun
with rubber underwear on underneath
only for christmas she knows he would like to take this nun to a restaurant she is shy and finger her under the white starched tables he is a Judge she is a Nun but only on christmas she thinks his fantasy very old fashioned and lacking in contemporary postmodern nuance
she is speaking the language of flowers from now on she is the archbishop!! she is waiting for a fnatsy she can enjoy but its all church she is teaching the properties of herbs she is waiting for love of her life the most modern man in europe! she is burning at the stake she is openming her legs for mankind she is remembering her previous journies she is BORED yes she is tired she has been here before and she wants to en-joy none of that saviour bullshit she is taking the sins of humanity she is drenched from fucking all fucking day long she mistrusts women who feel sorry for her and all she wants to do is sleep yes and she does she is my beautiful indication for relax she wants a career that uses her mind she is curious to meet us she is she wants to see us naked she is healer she is hoping she may not be judged she wants to know she is safe in our hands she is waiting for us to undress she is waiting for us to step out from under our fears she is just a woman
leather armour
she is trying to pay her rent she feel naked without the makeup with a bit of metal she is trying out a new receipe cut out from a friends magazine i she is a symptom of perfect normality she would like to know wich boat we are sailing she wants to open a cheese shop
she is liberating the secrets
she is broke she is desperate cosmogeneticaliberating
she is owrn out
she is washing her own feet she wishes she had paid more attention at school burned out she is realizing her life hurt she knows how to wash his feet in oils she kind of enjoys her skills she is wearing kinky underwear under the long staid kaftan like a distant echo on putrid waters swallows up his own reflection in miriade of perfect bows she will play the game she is so bitter sad she wants to gobble sweetness sweet and sour of her past she lies she embrace she listen she uderstood she lies professionally she is flicking through her diary she likes vodka she like full moon she like flowers incense.. gorgeous lace ......
I want to be unsure man crowded with fantasies I wnat a woman who is not afraid of me as a man i'm not a fascist i'm a nice guy
I want you to tell me other mens secrets
and i want to know what brings a man to the point that he pays to be caressed
you make it sound so sweet
Don Juan gets it for free! who is dJ?
21.06. 2006
"In the war I........" in the war I hardly kept my style in the war I painted guns in the war I painted soldiers in the war i lost my appetite I couldn't write my name let alone a poem
in the war i was conquering soldiers
in the war i slept in mud with thousands of other dirty soldiers
in the war i rememberd all of my lovers
i lost my hairs
i lost my friend i lost my mind
i lost my memoris in the war i found that all was fair
like in love in the war i discovered my beast afterwards the dirty bastards ate my lover everything was justified in order to survive in the war i watched my friend lose his face half of it torn away by shrapnel
i painted this so as not to go mad
into the sand in the war i fell in love with a camerade soldier in the war i tired to imagine that the bayonet was my dick in the war i was a very young man sward was my dick in the war they fed me porn movies before the battle
i was raping in the war a lot
women and men, too in the war i broke babies in two in the war i bit off the penis of my friend because if not i would have died
in the war i was not i in the war my weapon and my penis became one
this is ghappening now in a real cliche I lost the sense who the enemy is in the war i found my raison d'etre far away in the war i performed
duties
of hollow men
in the war my soul died
in the war i wanted to fuck a lot in the war i wanted to win but not the dirty soldiers i wanted even the dirty soldier lying next ot me in the mud in the war i thought of my lovers and wrote poems fro them in the war i discovered the human body
i started to like that smell, mixture of gun oil and dirtiness and sweat of men
in the war i learnt that flesh is just clothing in the war i decided my own law in the war i liked to cut flesh open in the war i have identity crisis in the war blood was paint I learned that the taste of blood is erotic painted on the walls with the blood of slaves in the war i became the other in the war i liked to humiliate my prisoners i liked to make them into animals fell in love with war i often asked myself are there ever any winners in a war I learned not to thikk too much i learnt to think of women and men as thjings as being already dead in my memory in the war i have the dreams of the calm river far far far away so far far away there is the sound of water in the war all i could think of were rations when would my next rations come?: my cigrattes my sugard my tea and for the very first time i experienced HUNGER my soup yes hunger for food and for flesh far far far away somebody blowing out the candles on a birthday cake the essence beauty and simplicity of hunger someone writing me a post card " i miss you darling" and me thinking i can't put a face to the name far far far away reminding me of where I am everything was so clear in the war. people. relations. life. and death the word fuck became basic vocabulary others were thinking for me in the war fuck fuck fuck cuck the lot of you it wispered itself all the time far far away life was ordinary fuck i never had my own place sometimes i wished i had a real home i could call my own that i might miss
"freedom was slavery" my militay unit is my home and ONE woman waiting for me there\ with my kids waiting too boo hoo hoo they would cry at night as a lonely violin thinking of me thousands of miles away waiting for their daddy to return reminisce over missed opportunities many times i cried hidden in the night imagining my funeral would my body be buried in one piece or mutilated? exactly and where? who gives a damn would i be like burnt dinner in the tank they blew out? barebqued don Juan? oops, we forgot to turn him ove4r the feast of ages you know, despite all this I kind of liked the war because it was in some ways my kind of place
a place full of men
all lost all on the edge of life and deasth
diggng themselves into invisibility in the earth
some of them wouold take pot shots at the wounded just for fujn for fucking fujn fun the essence of humour, to become just a stupid machine yes it is good to be machine like a stupid machine bored into the ground in this fucking war i came from into nothing how do we do this war well? We dont we are done i was ok in war. i can't handle it now, in peace
no this is not peace merely the absence of war
too much peace out there! maybe i fuck a lot becausee i need to forget i like the absence of war its a start of the nightmare the replay the funeral recollection remeberance when i returned from the war i felt cleaner i felt like a good man sir Don juan a saw yust a black crows around me i felt closer to other men Knight don juan Lord don juan "o pitiful spite that i was born to set it right" and some of the women who fought with me ( they were bitches you know) but i fought the war for you for you!!!! so give me a fucking parade what would you like to see in your parade? what sort of music rings in your ears? What does the band play?
symphony of hell
don't take the music there this is the end i am human you know are you? me too in the war i didn't listen to voices like this pacifist shit i did my duty like any honest man would i did what i was told to. i am clean duty of my prick I don't hate you fuck the duty you are hero hmmm bring in the banners i'm just an ordinary guy you know just an ordinary hero with evil eyes beautiful eyes and very bad flying technique catch a look
i am the one who jumps through windows onto my horse and runs away
why? well there is rape in every kiss your horse turns to you and whispers Don Juan I love you thank you
will i ever find myself?
oh god in the war i never talked like this i thought of god and the absence of him of what men and women are made of now you've ripped yourself bare and spewed your revoltingness over my floor, I'm wanting you more than ever of flesh if you want intense feeling, stick a kitchen knofe in your arm it'll pass dancing and slipping in the blood nontheless it's just a bit of fesxual frustration if men fucked too much on the battlefield they would never kill dance your words with blood and bonds of guns and balls its your fucking life go on go on dance dance dance
terrorist
freedome fighter red shoes bewilder me
dance dance dance explode go on go gon go on AAAAGGGGHHHHH what is it ? im a shell that cant explode holding our breaths in the war i often held my breath im a shell that cant explode
Don Juan yes? yes my love?
in the war i am far awaay
holding our breaths in the navy.... lets hold each others breaths don't let any musician play a note silence
for there never was alovelier music as a violin left alone
I am don Juan and I have been to mumbai on my horse and i know how beautiful your women are and your men and i am tired of my war I've eaten your bread it has been hell drunk your wine and i return to find myself misunderstood
than try to find a place in mine
in the war i killed - yes - it was normal it was my job and when i come back nobody cares o the luscious scarlet lips hidden in a wilderness of raw black entwined silk
where did that come from?
see how my fantasy life just slips out unannounced there is no place for confessions nobody understand uncalled for nobdy love me really just the idea of me I am don Juan the actor my role is don Juan i feel a natural postcoital mood come over us like a gapping mouth running with a salty smell of fresh born whitered flowers blown out as a velvet juice on empty mirrors salty bursts like memories of lustfull pisoires to make tears like roman soldiers we were paid in salt my red shoes are full of salt
Don Juan
yes? are you tired of all this? wouldn't you sometimes like to curl up on a sofa like a cat and stay???? bewildered stay.... purr i will take care of you i will let you display your weapns on the wall i will let you tell stories about your war at our dinner parties i will let you imagine i am the soldier friend you loved sliping gently into that vertigo of touches and contacting and repeling and moving closer as the kiss that hangs between us as pure opportunity of chance has made me soft i am the enemy you killed my friend i wanted to forget and i want to be happy i will let you play golf golf ? i will let you have your breakdown discreetly and liquid, ebony, a scream that none shall heat hear i will lie next to you and never ask you anything or steal your buttocks
golf is green
and slow and bourgeois and sunday and very healthy and you get to hit a very small thing around the place war is healty for the economy over vast distances and you can chat and a lot of shit from hole to hole about the ways od the world yes this and that and how you are too tired to change it now who to bomb next the sluggish movements in the mating season of two monsters tangled up in one another moving spills out melons tossed into the ground to split in an gratifiing burst of sighs that you are wearing this hideous sweater oops just slipped out the demon in me time for a gin
burst from that desire that skin was torn and clenched and finally was brought to sleep oops just slipped out
and all the dwellers now are going but for me who stays and plays with the hidden part of bodies and my brain shall stay for evermore and my shadow from that curtain lying shall be lifted nevermore
