ALL LOGS (dec 2005 - jan 2007) 1st SEWING
From DonJuan Wiki
All Don Juan project logs dec. 2005 – jan. 2007
1.dj log (18.12.2005) how I seduce page 3-4
2. dj log (15.01.2006) who he (dj) is page 5-9
3.dj log (22.01.2006) dj is... page 10-25
4.dj log (05.02.2006)the best sex page 26-29
5.dj log (12.02.2006) what I love is… page 30-39
7.dj log (26.02.2006) are you dj? page 40-41
8.dj log (05.03.2006) dj is not macho page 42-43
9.dj log (12.03.2006) affair with friend page 44-52
10.dj log (19.03.2006) about everything page 53-59
11.dj log (26.03.2006) space page 60-66
12.dj log (09.04.2006) she say to him he say to her page 67-74
13.dj log (22.04.2006) little violence… page 75
14.dj log (27.04.2006) girls to say to this man page 76-83
15.dj log (11.05.2006) adultery page 84-93
16.dj log (22.05.2006) THE SEDUCTION DINNER page 94-106
17.dj log (30.05.2006) hell page 107-116
18.dj log (06.06.2006) what she wants & what you can & can’t have is… page 117-131
19.dj log (15.06. 2006) she is.... page 132-137 20.dj log (21.06.2006) In the war I... page 138-145 21.dj log (06.09.2006)dressing him page 146-155 22.dj log(13.09.2006) dressing her page 156-168 23.dj log (20.09.2006) seduction dinner page 169-176 24.dj log (29.09.06.) touch in cyberspace page 177-185 25. dj log (05.10.06) she and he made of page 186-199 26. dj log (15.10.06) verbal abuse page 200-212 27. dj log (29.10.06) before jump/ my perfect woman/ marriage is page 213-226 28. dj log (05.11.06) dj and buddha page 227-231 29. dj log (12.11.06) I never told you… page 232-246 30. dj log (19.11.06) I WANT you to… page 247-259 31.dj project log (26. 11.2006) the difference page 260-267 32.dj project log (3.12.2006) two lines page 268-276 33.dj project log (10.12.2006) four lines page 277- 286 34. dj project log (17.12.2006) I am the Don Juan in your mind page 287- 297
35.dj project log (07.01.2007) theatrical page 298 - 308
36.dj project log (14.01.2007) pillows page 309 - 318
37.dj project log (21.01.2007)dj horse page 319 - 327
1.dj log (18.12.2005) how I seduce
<E> life seduced me
<2> one is to play shy <E> be relax <E> I am shy too <2> it's about pretending <E> be onest <2> it doesn't work for me - to be honest <E> you like pretending <2> yes! <E> so who you are now <2> just a pearson who talks <A> I am going to push you a bit now <2> push me! push them! <E> seduction is a life <A> SEDUCTION ISN'T NECESSARILY A LIFE <A> IT MIGHT BE ONE SINGLE MOMENT IN A LIFE <E> are you blond <E> I am staring grey <2> Really bad experience. <2> Have to pretend for a week that I love her. <A> BECAUSE LOVE AND SEDUCTION ARE NOT REALLY THE SAME THING <A> HOW HAVE YOU SEDUCED??? <2> I usually start with personal touch. <E> with charm <A> EXPLAIN CHARM <E> when you look to the eyes <E> you want more concrete?
yes, please
<A> THEN TAKE YOUR TIME hopefukky <A> FUKKY?! <A> A FREUDIAN SLIP!
sorry, lly
<A> NO PROBLEM! <C> what was it that attracted you to him <cat> That he was strong and gave me a feeling, he's stabile <C> did you feel strong in your self? <cat> yes, cliche - boys don't cry <cat> Of course, I never do feel strong <cat> though I know I am <C> There's nothing more powerful than a man who DOES cry? <cat> but knowing and They can cry, after I know, they are capable to control their emotions <cat> well, other things - he had to be tall <C> and? <cat> have pretty hands <cat> not dark <C> and? <cat> seduction or bed? <C> what is the differenec? <C> I've found this strangely exciting. <A> C I AM INTERESTED IN YOUR EXCITEMENT <cat> so did I but hand are slow <A> !! <cat> hands! <1> fingers <cat> yes, right <3> our mind is always pulling body behind... <cat> I like to be seduced withou <cat> without having a presure <1> that's my girl
2. dj log (15.01.2006) who he (dj) is
lies are sweet, everybody lives in them that could make him tragic he is not tragic he does fall in love but his love lasts only as much as his passion since ge is guided by his libido <D> it's not his crredo in this life to feel emotions, he needs goals <cat> do we all have a bit of don juan in us <cat> I mean the need for absolute freedom
I did not discover it yea goddammit absolute freedom is not don juan for me
<3> me, me, me just me
he is physically self-aware
<5> so he developed himself into universal man
he is slave of his instincts
<3> what is his instinct? <cat> like an addict he is forever searching for the firsthigh <5> but the quatity of possibilities brought him into a mass with no return
he can be hphysically handicapted fuck it
<3> hmm <3> pitty <5> i don't think, it's just libido...it's a projection
regret is awaste of emotion
<butterfly> i can't stop being butterfly! <2> all red and everybody silent In molliere, one feels Don Juan is the champion against hypocrasy <3> is aids more dangerous than bird flue?
ooh we're blue again. does this affect anything?
<3> no
only aesthetics aids is created by men not by birds
<butterfly> but if bird flue epidemic comes then sex will be taboo <butterfly> in a new way
sorry? is it? and bird flue ' do we know that for sure? no
<3> nope <butterfly> well contagion will have to be suppressed and so repression will come in a new way <butterfly> whole institutions will close I think, he's breaking the law of agreement between 2 people to me, he's breaking an unspoken law of humanity
the inability to feel anothers pain trust
<3> to be true? <3> sincere <3> ? <butterfly> hurting another person
not that women were so innocent ot think, that sleeping with a guy means, he'll stay forever
<butterfly> through ones sex
he never establishes these laws so he does not break them we impose the laws on him i don't thing that breaing laws is a big issue
<butterfly> no but breaking hearts is
maybe another word for 'laws' is 'values'
<butterfly> and Dj loved to break hymens too
people can break their own hurts and blame others for that
<butterfly> hurts?
hearts not hurts - sorry
<butterfly> don't go breaking my hurt what is thid difference?
is there such a thing?
fundamental!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a woman and I want to be Don Juan
<butterfly> fundamental? go on.. <butterfly> me too!
why? women's need for nesting
<3> michel foucault... under the picture of the breaker of the rules of marriage, as the thief of wifes, seducer of virgins, shame of families and insult for men and fathers - appears another person: human character led against his own will by obscure craziness of sex. under image of epicurean is a pervert. he deliberately breaks the law, at the same time driven by kind of fallacy nature far away from any nature... let the questioning was he homosexual, narcissistic or impotent to psychoanalysts.
so fairytales are for girls and latino machos for boys because i want to love without limits and/or constraint. i'm a man and as far as i'm concern you can be don juan freedom? thankyou
<3> woman don juan exist
yes?
<3> no?
you mean nymphomans? donna Juanita
<3> no
I fear being burnt at the stake, beeing stoned to death or tarred and feathered. there stories of women
is this freedom, to sleep wherever with whoever?
no
<3> if you decide yes
to love whomsoever we wish. yes i think this is freedom of a sort
<butterfly> fig leaves..
to sleep with them, not if they snore this is a story
<butterfly> started the whole thing off no? in xtain societies in europe.. <3> i think 2000 years of catholicism fucked up us a lot <butterfly> yes, fig leaves
to fuck and be fucked and be able to walk away as though one has enjoyed a good meal yes this is freedom to me let us not forget cultural differences and the way each culture is expected to behave
<3> good fuck is simply good. if both are satisfied
so there is don juan in all of us afterall in most cultures our donna juanita would be buried with the harshness of disdain
<butterfly> excuse me..there is a difference between penetrating and being penetrated? <3> marriage for example
wrong to walk away
<3> yes <butterfly> i'm on the good fuck and walking away fantasy <butterfly> obsessive love/sex is different from the fuck you can walk away from like a good meal no? <butterfly> so outside of couple <butterfly> so outside of norm <3> the fact is you have to conquer. once you succeed it is over <butterfly> reproeductive norm
Who's to say Don juan was not true in his heart to evry love he won
<butterfly> i know men like this
<3> i think <butterfly> i have loved/fucked them <butterfly> i lived with one for many years
he could hope others might be like him
<butterfly> who loved all his many lovers <butterfly> and was addidcted to more and more of them <butterfly> till one day it all blew up in his face <3> a cock with his chickens
the passage of time plays different tricks on us i mean age brings a new sense of awarness
<butterfly> and one of them slashed the tyres of his car as he was leaving her and another one to return home to me and nearly killed him.. <butterfly> he cried <butterfly> not with shame <butterfly> but with loneliness <butterfly> because the women agreed with each other <butterfly> against him
a borderless capacity to love a hunger as big as life its sely to enjoy
<butterfly> remeber leaking the neck?
love aor lust a passion that is addictive
a lust that roars like river making every second charged and full of meaning consumer society conditions us or some of us to always search for new comodities <butterfly> lust that roars like a river needs time and energy,is exhausting
a self contained inability to 'be' responsible for anothers feelings a clear sense of direction; desire. that's why you need a lot of time - so you can rest in between
<butterfly> and we older ones are supposed to cease this link between spirit, flesh and desire <butterfly> i hate this conspiracy against older flesh
remember the 60s or are you all too young the so called freedom we had did not bring us more happiness
<butterfly> i am certainly not too young to forget this
but you had more sex
<butterfly> DJ wants to possess women like trophies <butterfly> he consumes them <butterfly> and digests them and shits them out
The sex is his taboo. Th e magic gateway to trangress.
<butterfly> yes
he is after a soul, sex is just tool Power is in the transgression power to 'be' god a soul? mother?
<butterfly> power is a technique (foucault) <3> he wants you admire an accept him with all your soul, yes
He did a brave experiment for us i guess power to possess yes, son? he wants to be adored does he?
<3> in a movie in a movie women are fighting which one was his REAL and TRUE LOVE !!! <butterfly> why we want DJ to fuck us and put us top of his list!
he exposes the establishment no? i believe so
but he's more an actor for small theatre not rock concert <butterfly> how do we stop being his victims in our minds?
maybe you found the God when you dont belive in him because freedom is dangerous it brings doubts
<butterfly> thats why its so attractive the absence of god is also a god <3> god is me? <butterfly> if you say so humanity created god. What if humanity uncreates their creation and thinks again?
true paradox
<butterfly> the mind... <3> too hard
i am all for it
<butterfly> me too
3.dj log (22.01.2006) dj is...
I recall mustaches and eyes
eyes with the sea behind them black skin brown eyes blue eyes blind eyes deep eyes and leaks on the neck eyes that express desire unashameaby yes focused eyesž mirror eyes sinking in eyes eyes that tell you they already knowyou lost eyes eyes that want, crave, yearn eyes zou can drawn in connected eyes myth ideal communication addicted to love shoe string philosophy addicted to sex noble hedonist addicted to gain everything knicker strong philosphy string knicker string philosphy another tormented artist at work the philosphy of the boudoir wish reader moralitybuster hymen buster hungry woman lover - or hater? the clytoris reader how do you read a clitoris?! well... with your tongur well? with webster online
with seductive words do we become cliterate then? icliterate acclimatised perhaps? express yourself dont repress yourself back to DJ he is beyond the law no? mind reader beyond God liberator Dog beyond dog his own dog dogless doggy style my dog!!! great imposer imposter does he stay for breakfast? sinner patriarch chimpansee he makes breakfast and leaves oh? what does he make?! emperor of feelings melted butter, leaves good taste makes you feel the center of attention king of himself center of your self master big hands very big hands beautiful feet big dick compared to or maybe small dick donkey maybe the prince on a white horse donkey dick`? no surely not??? refined musician the wolf in sheeps clothing false knight dose culture overestmiate woman's admiration for size? night friend juice companion comrade of wine glasses what are his attributes? physical? how is the question of size in reality? kindness kills important or not? size is relative to the other size the size of the receiver brutal honesty that leaves you bruised its not some bloody sports event every man and woman fit together beaten up by honesty thats not true i say what They most want to hear AND mean it he is good product of christianity does DJ like his penis? I say what they most dread to hear and i mean it sure very much does he oil it and nurture it? he is victim of his penis I attend to my penis what do women dread to hear? he demands my attention do I feed it? like a horse, with oats That you love them.but not especially insatiable oats insatiable appetite that you want them. But also them and them and tehm why do women dread to hear that yiou love them?
they don't want to be our mothers
slave, master, man, woman, etc that they are not the one and only love we are going philosophical when i still can't picture the guy, the DJ emotionaly underaged raged images ragged images strange childhood he is broad
he has charisma
he is short he is sensual his breath smells of wine and juices as if he just left flesh size doesnt matter his face has laugh lines his eyes have sadness i want to winheart of woman and run away from her withit beautiful and cruel and do what with it? collector collector of hearts his hair is full of sticky unwashed perfume smells of rare speciments trainspotter heart specimums odours of several conquests piling up like olfactory patinae smell upon smell upon smell he dances from the inside his feet never leave the ground rebel with a cause his feet smell of earth and semen nothing is sacred for him he stamps on others feelings i smell horse sweat he dont think about others feelings steak tartare and red wine in a restaurnat remember that one.. I smell food taste wine i smeall white starched tablecloths and the faint whiff of roses ankles crossed alright food sex death hitchcock feet on feet. tarantino hidden dialogues a date under the table the whiff of the dead bourgeois hypocrasy is on the menu the bourgeois is yet to die his knives are sharp DJ has to kill this with his own muscles and ready fuck the sunday diners
he fucks everything and everybody
would you trade your sanity for a look at a vagina ?
depends on the vagina.. he wasn't only LOOKING at the vagina addiction to sex is not that bad,,,
america is always pathologising stuff addiction to sex is fine america sucks there there if your habit is not fucking others around law and order are there any women here who would like to be him? what is wrong with fucking arround? hestitation
I want to know
fucking others around = hurting them or their feelings (mututal consent exclsuding) the 'intent' is not to fuck others over in the future we maybe won't need to be coupled up so much because we will be able to have babies without sex but giving pleasure to as many womwn as possible women giving pleasure si so generous yes hes like that he convinces himself is he generous to give pleasure, receive pleasure. to be in the moment fucking is not to serve somebidy yes he idealises himself his actions or is he detached
the moment when pleasure is given
is also the moment of power fucking could be serving why should penis and heart be connected? doing ones servise penis and vegina? because the blood serves 'one' body heart and vagine juices why i dont know, but i cant argue thet they arrent the heart is the hallway the vagina is the front door but the heart get so full of sex provincial metaphysics meaning? concentrate! !! so....why can't the house be full? the biggest difference in the world is between being fucked and beeing fucked real good... tennessee williams the party goes onn finally! and on its exhausting and on yawn he sits back and watches fuck is good does it loose meaning in the repetition i ve been waiting for you to say that for so long beautiful ... healty necessary heaven wonderful pleaqse stay and make breakfsdt did someone do a pin-up moment?
whats that?
idol ? guy? to be desired woman? enlight me a picture of a guy or woman you pin up on your wall from a distance is a pin-up i would love to enlight they want you hidden in the drawer
lightenup
they might be shopping kevin spacey jesus..no! guy working on petrol station this is pinup moment in the drawe3r a secret lover you open the drawer and there they are
it would be great
whenever you want? yes on tap like wine
sip when you want
perfect
the world is full of djs A momentary loss of muscular coordination
lets get urban how did he save your life?
he showed me how to be free
he knew how to wait in cars up against a city wall at night he is only trying to save his own life electric windows in the office in parks all work and no play makes john a dull boy quick, zipless fuck he makes you forget all the firewalls looking for corners long zippy fuck the rules in your head
the zips in your head
in fact he is a victim... of? in the lift fly fucking shared secrets system society power power over on the phone disturbed father figure talking dirty poor guy ok ok we are not all don juans actually no we are not how do you know who your daddy is? cause your mamma told you so an unrepeatable thought crossed my mind seeing your dna cos he said so watching your palm lines upside down on the floor her panties smell of paperback mama's? his of the encylopedia why is anonimity freedom no responsibility
no judgement
abstract imagination no self censureship so not abstract no concrete gesture without motion concrete yes in the eyes gnerosity concrete walls
poor sad fuck
concrete eyes to piss at the icons of the past and not run away look at the piss and laugh women can't aim their piss so maybe that was a man spoeaking maybe fucking like Don Juan is a lonely road revolutionary maybe very lonely in and out
revolutionary?
nonconforming slavery khm
carnival?
yes canibal transgression upside down fest of fuck chaos the opposite of marriage and babies yes just fun man setting himself at gods level non sensible existential the lonely sage of a fallin world
the god of misrule
anarchist? bacchus big noise big nose apollo go go go apollo and bacchus? the birth of violance take off sun and wine psycho who gave birth to violence the creature of the south frustration i smell sweat again repression thyme on dry hills feel the chains sweat is good exspression yes, chewing into the flesh slippery exsplosion sweat on the upper lip submission the thinking animal as if ready to pounce no thinking much like tiger grrrr like animal grrr are men the horny trickster I'm a horny woman so wheres the problem? horny is cool
horny is hot surely
horny beastly how does DJ deal with Donna J? is there interest?
good friends?
good plotters maybe rivalry equals? question of power fucking and equality hmmmm
vanity and love are uncompatible
equals in sex above god extrusion/intrusion postive/negative sun/moon are we cliche? can't escape that women to women is an escape or can be.. how? no penis is penis such a problem? why? no but leads to cliches of dualism the dick the train the falus blah blah one have what one have... two vaginas flatten the field one have vagina a broad field indeed
always tought penis and vagina should be compatible...
they are structurally speaking every man and woman fit together and every woman and every woman problem is mental than? and every man and every man we feel horny for what we desire what about free will?
problem: are we free when torn by our drive and passion?? we just follow
do we follow our drive like animal? follow the rabbit men their dicks follow that dick and women? what are they following? tumbling down the rabbit hole SIC marmalade hic et nunc eat me sic drink me Alice upside down yes please i'll give you if you'll be good behaving... grow bigger or smaller aroused by words words are very sexy words are cool words are sexual organs leading nowhere sometimes yeh sceptic just promising lies the word almost became flesh impossible pragmatic lies almost always play play with us plug and play make new rules new rules no rules then go mad desire the red list explain copular red shoes big baby kid gloves hairry nipples latex leather poor lonely boy afflicted by the godess in high heels museum stuff angel gabriel in a box underpants white as snow froma distance frozen sex stink of other women on his breath grapes in the underwear nails in the bath frozen star vengeance on tap fat bastard the clashing silver sound of metal from sword and toothfillings very wet inner mouth HIV positive? that would be cruel could be interesting danger
sex death
does he have clean fingernails? he have clean everything is he vain? shares his flannel vain and in vain does he wear makeup for men? affirmative subtle though? and perfume for women
ah
which perfume? boss for woman ah subtle i love a man in makeup eyes, blacked round
permanent makeup
cigar smoke and patchouli born with eyes to kill
he makes you see and smell everything you desire
russian roulette the thrill of sex being linked to death
In every kiss there is abit of rape, Camus, Caligula
oh no kissing and raping are not the same kissing is to explore giving and taking rape is to abuse crossing the line rape is hate kissing can be wild kiss is love wild is not hate same as fucking passion is not hate not always ok i agree first kiss second kiss we are all: passionate and agressive and tender at the same time earloub sucker earlope
neck leaker
antelope khhh how do you write that lick, to lick with the tongue not that african ellegant animal? to leak from the penis, or the cup earlope precum yes deer deer dear kind of freckled such wordplay en-joy jouir welcome are you coming?
prihajam
prihajati mi prihaja to come coming i am coming but in french it is to en-joy better the pen and the penis enjoy the silence
where we are?
onlooker, witness pipping tom .....we took a breath, diversion flasher no, something happened betwen people pipping tom is another wonderful mistake that opens onto new meanings thank you others stopped and held their breath pippinm, apples, fruit, tree of knowledge.. peeping intimacy touched, yeah right wright language is a virus night language is a word
its lonely
jail bird blue bird who said night? blue beard yes, in a cage made of wood i did who's I bluebeard is the dark dark murderous side of DJ where kisses and rape are synonomous
behind lovked doors
forbidden keys don't go and unlock that door you pandora you fool!!! did idiot! you see the blood on the carpet yes, and i folow that blood.... yes do to get to the source of all crime wallpaper off the walls ripped stories go and see the blood run in the streets violence
another door
to many doors blow job upon blow job when the doors of perception are cleansed... like too many sorts of bread... key too big for the lock hands too hsaking klobasa look through keyhole klobasa? klobasa? sausage !! cooking downstairs stronzzo also stronzzo synomins for penis i wish to make a distinction between blue beard and don juan
don't leave me at that bdoor! sister ann sister ann
comin! gimme mercy arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!! walked away polygamy have you found jesus? no nationalism dj doesn't kill women
you can fuck having kids too?
yes but someone needs to stay at home at night and its usually her the babysitter money to watch the cave? ah the cave fire don't follow a man into his cave cause you go blind
i love my cave
jesus the mice party what a solution cavewoman, thats me hello cave woman
I'd get bored in the cave
got to get out i lOVE CAVES should i stay or ... stay caves are cool cavewoman thats me stuck not for me stay and make breakfast
lets have breakfast outside
its to be alone thats necessary and why should only men get this??? to rub your ass against rub your ass against breakfast and you get egg on it what are only men getting? no contemplation time away from partner i like eggs cave time for breakfast l;eave me alone time This is the 21 century i take alone time when i need it so do i i do too its my freedom so? I take whoever i want into that alone time then you are not alone oh yes I am! so in your fantasy? in this day and age a human has to have choices yes nice paradox paradox me being together but alone yes letting the other be alone like: we have no choice than to be existentialist in this day and age? you love more when youre alone the other is also alone but together? fearless digging under the worms even
Peace on earth, come here i love you, will you die for me?, eat me, the end
we have time
4.dj log (05.02.2006)the best sex you ever had
so, what kind of women do you like? <B> considering sex, i mean <B> young? old? <9> age dopesn't matter much for me <9> it is important how she holds my dick <9> or how she look at me <B> That's the most important thing? <B> Can she be ugly as hell if she can hold your dick well? <9> well, yes <9> what is ugly as hell for you? <B> Was the best sex that you have had so far with ugly women? <9> i could say the best sex for sure was not depending from the way she looked <B> but you know women, you can never be 100% sure. <9> you felt you could do anything to her and she woud accept? <B> did you lick her? <B> what? did she smell like flower? <B> what about her pussy? <9> maybe patchouli 9> i am master anyway <9> pure sex without emotion is like a soup without salt
oh mother
pure emotion without sex is middle age <C> have you been a mistress? <7> Mistress, yes, I have. I decided, I want to keep relationship <C> did you enjoy the relationship? <7> hidden from social contact. didn't want ot meet his friends and he mine <C> was it the secret that 'turned you on'? <7> It was the point, that we knew exactly, what we are doing together <7> pitty it didn't last, one can not contionue wthout getting emotionally involved. yes, surprozingly, he spoiled it <C> how? <7> by starting to be possesive and curious <7> he imagined, I'm helding some other guys by the side <C> projection eh?
did you?
<7> I wanted freedom, indipendence... <7> young <C> is that what attracted him in the first place do you think? <C> was he young? <7> good looking, not especially clever
does cleverness matter?
<C> sorry to ask this but cock size? <7> young and fresh <7> cock - middle, but sporty <7> never liked big, it hurted <C> did he want youvery very much? <7> yes, I was kind of exotic <7> and didn't ask about meals <C> were you out of his normal reach? <7> no cinema, common friend, plenty of time for sex <C> only behind closed doors? <7> wouldn't believe, I ran into him month ago <C> and? <7> nice, promisseng, I got his phone <C> and? <7> din't call <C> you mean you didn't call? <7> maybe <C> why didn't you call? <7> I woldn't know where to take him <C> so he wasn't a friend as well? <7> no <C> how did you feel about yourself after the relationship finished? <7> but a relief becouse he would finally spoil it all <C> I do you look for another secret partner? <7> it was ridiculous to have a primary school conversations <7> sometimes I think about it <C> for a date? <C> maybe an older more mature man? <7> there are plenty looking for a secret relationship, very direct, sometimes young <C> I'd be so scared to meet anonomous
why?
<7> phychos are in movies <7> I'm not offering anything, prefer one to one <C> its more to have someone to talk about everything with afterwards
<C> I mean after the meeting If it is just the sex, i think there would also be a lonely feeling <7> you would't be lonely for some hours and day after you have a secret. gives you an extra charisma <7> do you need emotional conection to a sex partner? <C> does it make you feel more powerful? <7> more indipendend <7> boys don't understand our trough <7> some tears after it, just girls sentiment <7> thing have to go out
(added to wiki after 1st sewing):
He wanted to be inside me all the time, until I spoke to him about it
and convincited him that that just isnt possible, not with me. It was
my mistake cause i didnt tell him when it was happening, anyway, i told
him i cant have this cloud of your desires pressing down against me.
Let me breath for god sake, i am not your private hole you know? What
he do? He crawled off, he wanted to know how... How... he didnt
understand how it was possible for me not to have daily sexual needs.
He was jabbing all the time: “can we make it? Makein it?" Oh, he drove
me crazy!!!! Then he probably started to imagine i had secret lovers,
he would check the bathtub for my pubic hair as if they would have been
shaven off in some premating ritual... he probably imagined that I was
shaving my pussy for someone to enjoy instead of him and who was
apparently licking me senseless... or worse, that i would shaved it
entirely and ultimatly for me alone And not him This probably made his
dick stunned by the actual impulse of stiffness that it projected as a
possibility of jealous masturbation In the very bath and on the very
pubic hair which served to imagine... How he react? “You are mine” he
said in a childlike voice and started coming on to me, I replied “no,
Im mine.” And he crawled of again, I could see his grief stricken eyes
which moved me and i felt this strange sensation thati caused him, in
me, and which you call pain. This impulse to see a boy in pain over the
pain which my being has struck in him, o god, look at that pure boy, he
is all stiff with pain over me, he yearns like a wingless bird into the
empty sky, My beauty, I hurt him, oh, I shall extinguish his pain. And
i did. I would give him mercifull blow jobs slowly and circularly in
the rythm of arvo part or eric satie, besides i am very good at giving
blow jobs, i enjoy it as i enjoy making him a sandwich ... But then i
saw that i couldnt cure him, all the blow jobs in the world couldnt
make his gloom go away, if we didnt have sex each day and manytimes
after we had sex, his gloom would return like an unspoken grudge...
Then he cried, he sobbed, his virile instincts were interwoven and
bleeding with fleshbacks of tears and abandoned childhood–impulses. And
i promised he could have me again, he just had to wait, He must have
felt like that pure picture of manlinness in “That obscure object of
desire”, sobing because he was denied such a common pleasure to which
every man should have the right to. AMEN.
(I saw how two possibilities were raging inside him like a cheap soap on a distant tv. Will he stay true and proclaim eternal love with the sacrifice of the fullmilment in his desires, will he wait and believe me, will he allow me complete power over our sexuality, will he rape me in my sleep? Or will he find some other body to be the cavity of his insatiable juices?)
5.dj log (12.02.2006) what I love is…
what I love is adrenalin pumping
through veins I love demanding opponent. what I love is to take a lover and give her abeautiful afternoon, one she'll never forget, one she'll ache for forever what i love is chasing animals in the forest till i catch them i love when i am irresistible
<7> I love to pley with thougts in blue room
wearing perfect suits, causing attention on places I enter what I love is to love in the sound of rain. sound of wet grass, birdsong, but we're inside, warm looking out, occassionally occassionally..? I love if my opponent, my spectator is clever and likes to play games. only occassionally looking out! I love playing chess with my skin
moving into positions of power on the board
strategy strategy What I love is holding her/him in my arms and knowing they don't want to be anywhere else What I love is to be able to run away what i love is the power of being desired whenever ~i want i love doing things i know it will knock her down (in the bed) what i love is to be wanted i love me what i love is being desired to the point of the lovers obsession what i love is to possess when i sleep What i love is to know that I'm in my lovers thoughts continually what i love is my own body and what it does i love being always one step in front what i love is to know i possess my lovers mind the smell of womans neck under the hair what i love is the smell of sweat i love me willy disguised by perfume what i love is knowing that my own heart will never break i love me willy free willy what i love is that i can go anywhere and I'm always free what i love is to dive into a woman i love vine my beautiful hand i love my spirit what i love is to see her helpless i love when i aint when i forget in short what i love is to know i can get away with everything i do the psychology of amebas what i love is to see her at my door, dripping with desire i love her being at my disposition
what i love is telling her I'm busy
hands on my tits and sweat and mangos what i love is telling her I'm busy, but not really being that busy
i love love love when she gets obsessed with why i am too busy what i love is making her coffee and making her wait
i likey myself i like myself very much me nice what i love is to see another man want her me very nice i am the best when she doesn't want him simply the best
what i love is leaving knowing that soon she'll/he'll be aching for me when i make her doing what i want
girls talking and talking and then suddenly shut up with that look yea and like and like what i love is when she vanishes anmd just becomes flesh me walking hard on what i love is me me me me what I love is life meaning nothing very much and she/he touching my heart..... just a beat..... that feels good. dangerous In arizona theres a state law prohibiting to walk around with a hard on did you know? ha? what i love is having a hard-on in arizona
what i love is walking into a party knowing there are many lovers all wanting me
what i love is finding ways americans among us? to stop becoming bored of fucking
i love to invade her when she already have her man
i love to cheat him what i love is for her to be thinking of me when she['s with him what i love is to be unhurtable what i love is to be in control to give woman an impression, they can tell me mor than their best girlfriends what i love is to be invincable love the flow of all juices what i love is to bring back the art of love love the admiration in the world of the science of love let it flow let your body flow when the juices flow got nothing to lose what i love is impossible love made possible love the feeling i can do whatever I want with her spare me marquiz! what i love is that i can help her free herself and she is willing... I love warm win
what i love is to show here there are no rules
that there is no god watching dogs
what i love is drowning in her smell and walking alone catching the scent after she's gone hmmm
yes all mine what i love is i never need keep her address email what i love is that she loves me not her husband what i love is that her husband pays the bills I love being sophisticated delicate you bastard where my eyes look there she jumps, i love that. what i love is finding places to fuck her without being caught good cognac cars in the city at night.. i love to drive her crazy what i love is watching life against walls in the city at night
what i love is not fearing death
death turns you on? yea i am ordinary guy what i love is that she maybe won't wash after i leave not me! When you die the pain is over baby what i love is that sex obliterates everything her humps her humps her lovely lady lumps i love she will never forget me even if she will hate me after leaving
what i love is boasting
what i love is feeling from time to time about how long i kept it up what i love is remorse from time to time what i love is to tell other men about my prowess what i love is guilt from time to time what i love is my prowess
what i love is pity from time to time
i love she drinks me as a medicine what i love is saying sorry from time to time what i love is the spice of guilt, shame,doubt,in the soup of total abandon what i love is to buy her things
what i love are the secret rendez vous and being just alittle late
what i love is to have my fingers inm her when she drives us in her car i love when she takes what she wants what i love is knowing that I'll get bored eventually what i love is my freedom what i love is not caring THAT much
what i love is more than one woman in a day
i love being a virus goodbye farewell a la prochaine enlight me love to infect her with ME me me me What i love are having two women fighting over me what i love is to bury my face in wet earth rub earth on my skin
i love undressing her skin
what i love is having her in the sea more more more more
what i love is that i might just might one day fall in love
when people can see us and they don't know fried eggs
and sailors
what i love is that i might just might one day fall in love and eat my heart out i always fall in love what i love is that i might just might fallin love and.... and want to stay for breakfast what i love is the horse waiting for me outside that i can jump on and fly away on when she becomes mine she is lost i am terrified of caring because it might become boring i love the penetration in all senses What i love is that I might just might fall in love and stay? i love going back to the place i came from
go
i love my cave i love my horse i love my willy i love my freedom i am a wave and he is an elastic band i love my empty address book
What i love is that i might just might fall in love and be mortal
the wave and the elastic band i was abandoned by my mama boo hoo and now i want her back what i love is when i feel i could conquer anything what i love is knowing that wanting to fall in love is bullshit you gotta face your own childhood boy that got in my way i love big tasks what i love is knowing that I'm all things to all people what i love is that i am unique what i love is knowing how easy i am to hate
what i love is to act out love
deep love What i love is how I soak up hypocrasy because it turns her passion on what i love is to look at myself after we have made love i love to be all what she thinks i am What i love is how i bare my teeth and know that i'm the only one really telling the truth what i love is mirros abnove the bed so i can see myself on/in her my humps my humps my lovely lady lumps what i love is to see me
what i love is waiting for people to say I was right you’re right What i love is knowing the poison tastes good
what i love is getting drunk on the poison
what i love is taking your breath away i like when you melt in my hands
ME?
what i love
what i love is watching you struggle not to look at me is what i love staying in bed while she make us coffee in the morning what i love is being faster and slower than everyone else early morning cunningilus waking her up what i love smiling at you when you are hurting what i love is saying goodbye goodbye goodbye i like you screaming give me more (god-be-with-ye) what i love is to be master love you saying you are the biggest and the best what i love is wanting you to phone and then you do what i love is no being the first to phone what i love is my remonatic streak what i love is never needing to phone romantic streak because you love it so what i love is the big ideas in my mind bigger than bed and juices
what i love is the scale of my intellect
against the puny size of the world what i love is understanding the structures of the world what i love is the tingle she feels when i look at her when i am thinking about quantum mechanincs
love to be your god
what i love is touching her flesh when i am solving a theorem what i love is knowing people have to wait for me what i love is my toolbox that she admires what i love is that i choose my 'work' what i love is the mathematics of desire me+she=me i love make you believe i am the guy you were looking for all your life what i love are my tears because she loves them what i love is that i have to tear them out of my soul what i love is that they don't know anything, not really about me What i love is that I'm a secret
i love you giving me not just your body, what i want is your soul
What i love is that i am an absolute mystery i am mobile la donna e mobile what i love is that my text messages are ambiguous I love my selfconfidence what i love is my talent for spotting prey in the woods when my face is in the earth what i love is that I know how to awaken your desire what i love is the chase what i love is that i can go on and on and on what i love is language love your weakness what i love is losing count what i love are the words I wait to hear your say What i love is listening what i love is how fragile everyone is What i love is my eloquence what i love is my sensitivity what i love is that you would die for me i love digging in you with words first
what i love is you searching for your words
what i love is that the words are on the tip of my tongue and that i use these words What i love is that i can put the words into your mouth like wine what i love is that i can predict your thoughts what i love is how i am faster and slower than anyone else what i love is that i can taste your tongue which is how i can predict i love illussion of words. unbearable being in words what i love is bending and wisting your words what i love is to feel you fall in love with me via my mouth love you drawning in my sight what i love is watching the hesitancy of your heart what i love is how your moth canoot utter what i love is knowing that we could be together forever but i will run away tonight forever what i love is how many books are written about me ME! ME! ME! i love i am the best
what I love is that i can smash the mirros
i like mirros
what i love is when there is just alittle blood what i love is when there is just a little pain
i like your suffering confused with pleasure what i love is when a little blood leaves faint traces what i love is to twist her nipples enough to make her wince because she knows then she is MINE what i love is knowing she/he is ALL mine i like you wanted to walk arround with me inside you.
what i love is when you cry
a lot what i love is seeing you haunt those corridors hoping to catch a glimpse of me what i love is choosing tom walk down another corridor and feeling your disappointment driving them all mad i love your nails in my skin what i love is how elaborate it becomes what i love is your passion when i DO arrive how much elaboration on such simple strategy what i love si when you can't wait to see me i like when you cry what i love is hearing you despearte on the phone what i love is pretending i care because what i love what I love is hearing the phone ring and not bothering to get out of bed because I'm too tired about me is that i do actually care about her.them... i love when you grabb my willie in the middle of the street
what i love is you risking everything just to kiss me
i love my skills what i love is literatures what i love is that I'm more important than your children reading your body what i love is that i can make you choose between me and your children what i love is the risk we'll take
what i love is that I can be as malicious as i dare and that you'll love me more
what i love is that other men areso nice being with me just once will mark your life forever, love that what i love is that other men admire me what i love is that anyhting I say is gospel what i love is teaching you things you didn't know about yourself your body nerve endings i love even men can't resist me power What i love is that my power transforms life i love that other men desire me too
what i love is how precocious i was as a teenager
what i love is how i turned my suffering into my strength what i love is how i learnt the truth what i love is that i am beyond the law
what i love is that i am the law
what i love is that you asked me to engrave my name on your skin love their unprotected throat what i love is all the tatoos with my name on them
what i love is that i am such fun
to bhe with
me rules
what i love is making you all laugh what i love is that every love conquered is mine for eternity he he he he ha ha ha ha what i love is that you will never forget me what i love is that I'm lovable what i love is that i can say what i love even if what i love is not love what i love is that I can be ridiculous what i love is that i am really really living in my body what i love is to feelo my hand stroking my own belly and slapping it me me me here i love to show you i am better than your husband what i love is that it doesn't matter in the end because we all gonna die what i love is men desiring me despite themselves what i love is indeed being better than your husband what i love is seeing your husbands confusion love walking in the street and men and women turning their hads after me what i love is breaking your virginity what i love is bring husband and wife together what i love is breaking in love making you addict of me what i love is breaking both husband and wifes hearts and bring them together to comfort oneanother opening you up love you being dependable marriage guidance counselling what i love is how i bring broken hearts together what i love is how i make 'other' people feel honourable what i love is i cause so many words to be spoken about me so many women talking to each other love bringing you to heaven and letting you fall to hell comparing wounds what I love is helping you to lick your wounds what i love is giving you sympathy what i love is the husband trying to poison me with venom in the lipstick i love you love me what i love is how well i listen to you about him what i love is me drawing on the mirror with that lipstick before i fuck you what i love is leaving you a message what i love is leaving you a message on your flesh what i love is leaving you message that i can't make it tonight. sorry bite what i love is being too busy to care what i love is holding more alcohol than you can what i love is swigging it back in one gulp whilst you sip love tatooing your inside with my dick what i love is you saying no when you mean yes what i love is being successful, being toasted what i love is your admiration what i love is your commitment for life what i love is everything before and after fucking being so easy and the fuck being just a fuck what i love is you being available and ready on the shelf what I love ismaking you feel important because it doesn't cost me anything what i love is eating with you love you on the kitchen desk what i love is not feeling hungry
tearing imagine the tatooing i will give you!
love to be the fireman
7.dj log (26.02.2006) are you dj?
are you DJ?
<1> i tried to be once
how?
<1> i was fascinated by women <1> i was regarding them and i still do now as godlike, i cant help it
whilst men??
<1> Always run after them <1> or from them
so they motivate you?! what about men?
<1> inspire
are you attracted to men?
<1> sometimes
in a platonic way? sexually or like an idol?
<1> i wouldnt make this sort of difference between man and women, i think essencialy we do not differ
Freud aside, do you still want to be with your mother somehow?
<1> sexual attraction towards men hasnt happened to me yet <1> no, i see my mother in all things
ah and you are open to the possibility of sex with your own gender?
<1> like a female force <1> a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do
you seem to see women as very powerful do you want to disempower them or stay as with a goddess?
<1> powerfull, tender, fragile, cruel... explain.. <1> Longing makes you idolize the object of desire <1> but the essence of longing is to lose the longing and touch and kiss and fuck
this is very tender and romantic speaking not a kind of macho DJ speaking but a vulnerable man speaking
<1> Dj is not a macho
explain this piht of view
<1> a macho is to stupid to know how to satisfy a woman
not necessarily he is very sensitive connoiser of woman soul how can you be so shure?
<1> no <1> i dont know the absolute truth
as a woman i say macho sometimes gets to the soul you have to be smart to satisfy a woman? this is en epicure of love speaking
<1> you make me put my foot in my mouth
with a good wisdom that is kind of 18th century in some ways
<1> whats the third millenium then? <1> i think when dj sees a woman he feels pain, a unsurpresable longing
why is that lust a pain?
<1> Beauty has many faces first on the list od dj is satisfaction of woman, i think. all his pleasure comes out of hers... this is men talking how women like to hear them talk <1> come again?
he he how women want him to talk? i once had lover who was angry that as woman i knew my pleasure more than he did
<1> satisfaction comes from lust which is pain
lust is pain?
<1> nice pain can't it be a joy? <1> i dont see the difference
it is both at the same time, isn't it?
thepicture of DJ you paint is a man any womean will fall in love with.. <1> isnt that the myth <1> ?
looking for the lost half... my other half
you don't know the abyss on the other side of dick... <3> no i am a perfect lover
hello perfect lover! and very entertaining partner! I loughed to my tears! superman? odd session very odd why odd? but with an interesting atmopshere absurd! really? this are we I like the confusion of identify
i am perfect lover, too we are all perfect lovers!
<1> a ship of perfect lovers 8.dj log (05.03.2006) dj is not macho
hi, fuck the winter
together?
freezing experience
yea let's fuck the winter imagine DJ in the snowy curcumstances, they alsway put him on some caribiean sea
my screen is dancing
do we have the author of blue flowers story here?
blue flowers do we have the author of blue flowers present?
have to check some of the authors want to step out? and be somebody i like that fraze some - body meso - body
meat - buddy
cool The taste of love is sweet when hearts like ours meet
Im lost in a valey pf pleasure ...
doesn't work with oaste, sorry c was trying to insert text do we have the author of letter to... Men learn to love the women they desire, whereas women learn to desire the man they love
<8> I wrote a story <8> i cant remember which one
<8> my memory only last 3 seconds
<8> i am a human goldfish
tell us about last second
<8> It was ... <8> it was amazing
yes
<8> It was like... <8> Nothing ive ever seen It was a moment of pure concionsnesssssss
I forgot my avatar What? take it with you Thats nice so that was it? How did it feel to f. - being observed>?
<C> great it turns you on somebody present or watching you?
you like to be watched?
<C> at the time it was, I don't think it would turn me on nowdays
no? you like being master?
<C> i think so what you like most? <C> it's not about the technique, it's about the feeling why did it make you feel like DJ?
I mean, it was just once!
<C> cause I did it just to seduce her and have a sex <C> and I did it good, with a style <C> not some kind of mucho bullshit <C> in a classroom, sitting next to her <C> wroting her rhymes in her notebook <C> drawing some pictures for her... <C> big effort for just one sex <C> so, I was nice to her
so you did all what you suppoused she will like?
<C> in a way <C> yes
i also think dj is very different from macho style he likes women
macho one likes yus
just her pussy or ass or legs or bibbies sure the biggest accusation of dj is that he was breaking the rules of sain marriage saint you can't fuck if you are not married
if you don't have permission of authorities <C> am i free to go?
sure
<C> by
it looks we'll all go very soon
<C> hey, I just left the stage (C)
to build the snow don juan
<C> fuck, it looks i didn't i live on the country and the electricity was rock solid
i like rock solid things... we all do
yes we do
thanks for being
9.dj log (12.03.2006) affair with friend
Anna: I am curious that many of the stories are about straying away from the 'right' path
infidelity of course.. the 'wrong' lover/man and we all have experience of transgression of this kind probably and I am interested in the struggle that occurrs when desire and reason fight because this is the core of what we have come to call 'civilisation' in terms of sexual partnering ie to control desire and behave properly ie monogamously the figt between the flesh and the spirit is eternal Tolstoy wrote about it all the time and for women this has always had particular connotations yes Tolstoy and others but the woman who strays is whore down and dirty but the man is bad and magical so this too is a recurring interesting theme we seem to keep coming to I would like us to explore a story with these thoughts in mind not anymore not since women emancipation the struggle between desire and reason i don't agree!!!! re the emanicpation changing this formula much but we can discuss this later ok?
about the friendship that turnes to desire hello F <F> hello
Your honour is intact? despite desire?
<F> yes
are you in a relationship right now?
<F> yes
is thinking infidelity differtent from doing inifdelity?
<F> it hurts fewqer people?
sure is it uncomplicated how long have you known one another/
<F> 15 years
in this choice to not fuck (i presume) you still desire him? have you been faithful all the 15 years you are admitting the helplessness that sex brings no? sorry syntax went weird is
<F> The questions was to hold the moral high ground
changed
<F> Iwhilst loved in this way, my marriage, life ,everything was fresh alive <F> I thought I was in control, but I wasn't <F> this is a shock
do you respect each other
<F> this infidelity was like a 'fix'. yes I respect both of these men
<F> it was when he comforted me after my husbands betrayal <F> he was a 'friend'
<F> a real friend <F> i don't what my husband would think about that!
desire was on both sides? as if there was no word'desire' - invent others!
<F> .the men were busy making'art' <F> i did not compete. <F> But i did listen alot.
so the men knew each other?
<F> very very well
Anna: I want to steer you back
<F> they were best friends
to finding words for the feelings not the story of how bu the how the how it feels felt desire is like hunger to realise the difference does i behave like hunger? ie start small? become ravenous if not fed??
<F> ok. it hurts. hurts . it aches.
something the head cannot control where does it hurt? it permeates the whole body polymorphously?!
<F> the blood pumps to every cell, nerve
yes you were longing for his company, waiting for his calls, talking, his presence'
<F> . madness in the head. compusion to phone, to wait on street corners
does desire make us strong or weak? felt so guilty for excluding everything else
<F> . to look aloof. just a friend. disembling. acting pretending, disguising, protecting yet being driven <F> but when with this person time/place shrinks
is the dissembling itself extra exciting or just shit?
<F> everything is in its rightful place <F> the disembling is shit
is the chaos of desire actually an ordering device for the psyche?
<F> because really you want to scream, shout laugh and say yes yes yes
like molly bloom are feelings animals? beasts?
<F> they are precious, jewels
that need taming, feeding, riding,running..
<F> if tendered gently and not abused
molly bloom was honest to express her pure desire and for this she was condemmed jewels or animals?
<F> allowed to run wild and next minute still with a cup of tea
very different metaphors a jewel is worn and is olid and solid and precious and animal has a mind of itsd own which is it?
<F> animals. yes. something quivers inside when animals are summoned <F> they have voices for what the brain can't say
instincts
<F> voices, cos its a new place, and the animals would need to lead
do you ever wish your jewels or animals would go back in their box or cage and leave you alone?
<F> I'd have to listen to these animals
who's in charge????? don't like the animal analogy they have no choices we do but the feelings are the animals not us!
<F> no, what is SO awful, is that being morally correct I've killed them
yes yes yes do we have a duty to honour our desires like precious jewels
<F> the animals are me. but they are the voices language new our desires are what we really are
our esence our desires are what we really are?
<F> this rich place of passion, longing is full of riches <F> . its such a waste to deny desire
yes yes yes all this changes in the process of ageing but sopmetimes impossible to fulfil them no? yes ageing i know about..
<F> If this passion, is life. Life is a mystery and desires worthy of homage
so F why didn't you go there then?
<F> because i was dishonest with myself and a coward until it was too late
regrets?
<F> also i enjoyed the power and was lazy in respect of this love
you have to be able to live with yourself, desires are also ephemeral
<F> these desires, thwarted or realised are the deepest and finest teachers of life
i am interested still in whether desires overtake us - take us over completely like a madness or whether we choose to follow them ie do we really have a choice in the face of our nature?? we have. many times we don't have courage to do it we are cowards YES it's what distinguishes us from animals the fact tthat we have a choice sticking to what is known... there is maybe a nostalgia for our origins sometimes no? and "safe"
<F> but the excitement is in the unknown , no?
yes and in the yielding to the desire beast's force? how in your story does the
<F> where we meet the shadows, the uncertainties, the hopes, madness , intensity of living
platonic friend slip into the potential lover? is it something like focusing a lens
<F> he loved me
?past tense?
<F> and just kept on loving me
though he is married and having 2 kids now?
<F> year after year. wore me down like water on a stone <F> he is married and with 2 kids yes
maybe platonic friendship is the only friendship it asks nothing of each other and you? so sex changes everything
<F> but it wasn't platonic,
?? ah platonic is when there is no need of sex?
<F> it slipped, it ammended itself. <F> it slipped again <F> it fought itslef
or when we resist to have sex? platonic is when there is no sex whether or not you want it no?
<F> it resisted..... the dangers to the rest of the world and to the feelings of others were too great
i know this one!
<F> thought you might
!! i bet we all do civilisation eros..
<F> its selfish desires versus responsibility and love for others/ desire is selfish?
yes
<F> but its this selfishness that is more real, more poignant to the core of self than any other experience in life
<F> yes when both feel this, is it wrong then to deny this
is a pitty...
lost
<F> this fusion of friendship and desire is a one a lifetime treasure
and that too is beasutiful beautiful and painful
<F> to love a friend doesn't mean you should not desire him once the desire is fulfilled what then? <F> is desire finite?
is desire liberating? if it takes us to very difficult places it is engine. the force in ourselves
<F> yes, I feel desire or finding the courage to perceive and acknowledge our desires is a revolutionary power and force
where we have to werestle with demons? F this is utopian!?
<F> I'm fed up of running from demons or thinking they are somehow 'other' than me
but also the sadness les demons c'est moi demons are implants we have to take out its the beast metaphor again the hell of ourselves to ourselves because we suffer from our fleshly desires the xtain church and all religions recognise this we should fire out all what do not belong to our true us and try and teach us to shove our desires back in the cage ufff sometimes i long to feel no more desire life would be simpler and hurt less and monochrome.. yes life is never simple
<F> I've gone
YOU ARE STILL ON MY SCREEN
<F> hi <F> i am f
hello hi, f F NEVER LEFT MY SCREEN!!
<F> my beast is waiting if you could do whatever you really wanted to do in this relationship , what would you do? <F> i would go with my friend with eyes wide open? <F> yes
thast you might destryo marriages?
<F> but i would have new one
tell us your philosophy please tell us more
<F> folowing desire <F> being true to yourself in every moment <F> if my friend turns out everything i desired from my man, than there can't be any questions, can they?
but that is the trick isn't it we can get sucked in by desire driven by the beast destryo everything and then crash with a wake up call that we MADE A MISTAKE!!!
<F> do you know what kind of beast is your beast?
yes i do
<F> it might be that it is very nice beast, too
yes all of us tell all of us yes my beast is something between feline and dragon black, bright green eyes hot as hell and roars inside me melts me down like
<F> my beast is one of nicest beasts i know
nuclear explosion lucky you! where is the roar coming from? from a dark place inisde me describe the dark place
<F> guts. difficult to locate <F> it is light and powerful yet very gentle fear of falling means you need soft landings <F> human light
i want to get lost!!!! where do you find human light?
<F> would inlight any dark
or the hard fall as well
<F> in another human
i want to get lost ah in another human i'm crying. how can you my beast wants to get me lost in another human
<F> are we looking for this when we look for a relation with someone?
the shaman journey is to get lost so as to find i think i want to get lost in this way but to reassemble a new order yes yes yes i have tried this in my life and? and it has been very very very did it wotk hard and? to reassemble the new order have you given up> not yet! bravo!
<F> what new order?
I'm laughing the shamans return
<F> ?
i'm laughing and crying inside what a journey yes dis-integration re-integration dis-memberment re-membering mad love returing to sanity Breton's book Mad Love rediscovey Dear F how are you feeling? maybe to love, to lose a self in another is the scariest but bravest things to do. and then not to 'blame, the other for that journey, but to awaken from the dream, and face alone the 'pieces', and not lose faith in this love, this process of being a human being and then get up and do it again and again and again boom boom !! there are cults where passion and the erotic are the forice to worship find yourself in yourself and not in another vigourous housework, vigourous cleaning.... penance is a useful tool from the old regime
<F> agree that everything is in youreslf.
vim and vigour yes lauging again yes,but sometimes we are blinded by passion
<F> how we handle ourselves is the question
and passion in the present is not the same as passion in the past where does 'respect' come into this?
<F> passion is good
respect is vital respect is the safety valve
where in the body does respect come from?
the mind? the heart? the heart? the hands? and the heart the same seat as passion?
i feel we have got on a ship
and wisdom and knowing that has been sailing since man/woman began a ship of stories, the same stories in strucutre many times but diofferent with each telling the story of desire and demand and courage love and hate dreams and betrayals nothing has changed in us only technology
does technology have a place in the body?
sure yes technology IS in our body cyborgs weare cyborgs this act of writing to you is soooo physical to me you are all in my body at this moment I agree, otherwise I would not have cries and laughed technology makes us write to each other but we write about the ageless things F has gone quiet yes is F ok? things went other way. f. ok
where is F?
is F speaking? yes our whole being potentially comes here except flesh.. later flesh later yes except flesh. and flesh later for shure my flesh is here, with me. breathing feeling sharing this common screen mine too
10.dj log (19.03.2006) about everything
I want to pose a question is it possible to change human nature or do
we only change our behaviour but not our fundamental attitudes?
there is a Serbian saying
Wolf change hair not a nature
I think we are progressing
still with underware on...
we are still very NICE PEOPLE
when we speak here !!!! I mean by this are we?! you want our animals? YES! dark sides YES! BUT THIS WILL COME sorry I SHOUTED by mistake!
I mean also that DJ is a project of love
about love but also about all the shit of love and desire aha and all the contradcitions and foolishnesds]and violence and crap of 'love' but it is also about why men still have power more power than women do this I really believe is the truth If we look at the seducer as an archetype we come to some of the ways that things have not changed there are women seudcers and men seducers what is the difference?
woman is a whore while man is cool guy
and this is such an important idea we embody no? women-love-bastards men-can't-love-easily whole idea woman belongs into kitchen is generating what we have. the womans reproductive power is terrifying or women don't walk away from children force to reckon with some women walk away but are hated for this
children are our future?
are they? yes, but the world is getting older they inherit our 'causes' they inherit the 'effects' we leave older should mean wiser... is older not wiser? or are we always 'choosing' our past?
war between old and young is stupid
yes as war between man and women is so is war between the sexes snap!! when some animals fuck it is like they are fighting there is an idea that the older you get the more conservative we become but i don't know this is true i know kids of 20 more conservative than me me too the only bush i trust is my own!
the horror of certainty
the beauty of doubt the horror of being 'protected' the beauty of nurture against what 'they' define is 'their' greatest fear the other the other is alwasy that which makes us fear caught in webs of the fears of the other yes yes and so we come back to men and women no? how here? who here admist fear of the opposite sex~?! please say more admits fear oooh good question I am asking who here among us admits ever having fear of the opposite sex?
I don't just mean fear of the dark
no fear, but had always impression she is hiding something...
does that make you feel aleinated? an ase in the naked sleeve... ??? ace explain please ace of cards? i fear feeling for a man too much like she is giving everything to me, but i felt there was always something not given... what might she be holding back?
desire makes us soooo weak
and vulnerable it could make us sooooo powerful! but unrequired desire is terrible!! especially as women unrequited fear of being hurt is also powerfull fear of having desire and it being met with coldness
fear eats the soul
fear makes us behave as if we had no fear we're back to these 'fears'. what are these fears? makes us behave like we are in charge i think DJ is frightened somehow of women of love of attachment of obligations? i have loved men like this yes yes of being rejected the man who chases women is usually not very happy in himself somehow But i know more than one seducer man whoi LOVES himeslf very much
what happens that friendship is usually lost when friends start to have sex?
what???????? the firendshaip gets deeper no, it doesn't it does it doesn't it does! if becomes something else, with vulnerabilities brought by juices and flesh intimacy is it still friendship than? yes but with pain!
does sex make us different with each other and if so why??
the body talks what the brain can't
they all want him just for themselves
why theirs?????
possession
to possess yes they all want him for himself. he is much more generous! and they want to feel special chosen this is normal no? each of don juan's lovers wants to feel the chosen one this woman does not want to think that the cock that enters her is entering another woman yes why we are so bad in sharing? yuk! perhaps nature's way of protecting us from disease? sharing sex is not that hard if there is no jeallousy there is enough for all... cos it hurts sharing love hurts who here feels jealous? me i do i do, at least i did struggle with it all the time sometimes. but fighting with it very well. raging green eyed monster shame is associated with jealousy i could kill with jealousy and weakness kill yes fantasy kill yes not really maybe think about killing plan it ahha!
jealousy is in oposite corelation with self esteem
who used to live with a 'sex addict' i used to be more angry with him then ther women
for i felt the women to me misled
so often by him he wouldn't tell them he lived with me i am sex addict and he would sometimes fuck them in our ned when i was w]=away and onec i caught him \having sex with my freind this is a nightmare. ultimate betrayals what did you do? who said they are sex addict? don't identitfy yourself but speak to us about this please what did you do? when i saw her kneeling at his cock i thought i was having an hallucination and rtan out thinking i was bad for seeing it!!! then i realised and i becamse enraged peeping or just entering the room? i came home unexpectedly frm work ver surprising and? well it drove me to infide;ity of my own revenge? yes sweet bitter sweet yes
would the sex addict tell us about this?
is the sex addict there? when i fuck i am happy me too it makes me a day is this addiction??! we all are it makes sense of this life does it matter who with? yes yes but this is different from the sex addict who has to conquer new flesh each time i would do it EVERY day me too!
anonymous sex for a woman is not so easy
men are dangerous! strangers are dangerous how dangerous? does alot of the story take palce in ataxi? men hate women who want sex! you mean they could hurt you? yes men love women who want sex no, i don't!
no, men can get very aggressive
when they feela woman's freedome this is subtle stuff to talk about does part of it take place in a taxi? yes in taxism cars, everywhere! do you have a taxi festich? ha ha ha ha i do! me too the best hehehehehehehehe i prefer aeroplane fetish ah trains anyone!? oooh yes night trains mmmmm anything to do with travelling well, now when you mentioned... why is this i wonder neither here neither there ah in transit anonymous free no ties no obligation little baggage also travelling is like death sort of like you might never get there limbo maybe our DJ should enjoy travelling!
yes
perfect for meeting strangers there is an urban myth: a couple on a train have sex in front of other people nobody says anything. then they light up cigarettesd and everyone asks them to put their fags out! or in a full bus i don't like other people to watch me having sex on a plane how can people watch you having sex on a plane??? it's the not letting other people see thats the fun i don't want to be watched in reality only fantasy same as on the train it is exciting when you are watched not for me yes for me. sometimes i guess i just couldn't be a porn star when did man/woman first discvoer the excitement of breaking taboo? not long after being together was invented do you think? figleaves? once a couple had sex in a swimming pool. we were three of us. they fucging and me swimming, coming to one meter of closeness. it lasted for 15 min it was beautiful infact did they like you watching? we were all pretending nothing happened. but we were all excited for sure liking sex is not the same as using it for achieving power
ever attracted to someone who disgusts you?
11.dj log (26.03.2006) space
space without time?
mine too
is there anyone out there!!!!!
yes we are all here frozen again "mutually vulnerable communities"
SPACE in intimacy inside me is space
inside my body there is space very egoistic
do you mean like the theory of ‘packing’ space, where if you took the space between atoms away the universe would be the size of a bit of sand? could be cosy bit crowded. Sorry because cyberspace is new space for human experience it stretches us across the whole globe creates intimate space in our heads i had wonderful text sex with a friend so where are our bodies for wxample here? is this on the right track? text sex with friend sounds good speak on… to choose a mutually good time to talk is first important though . cos its no good if you are cooking the dinner our bodies are hidden in the text i am hardly waiting for text sex orgasm
!! My body is in the text yes do you touch your body? yes so cooking is complicated! its very good on a train it is also very difficult to type and have a text sex... if you meet the friend do you have sex when I see people give private smiles on trains i think now, I know what youra doing! you send instruction then wait. like us now space is an ache do you want to put flesh in this space? space is stretched between yearning and having the text touches the other does the space serve the erotic sensation? different contexts serve the excitiement sure he in one. her in another when you have sex you merge two spaces in one no? yes yes. train and office !! kitchen and beach church and station our bodies are made as two spaces that get merged we are only stretching spaces and contexts prosthetically no? car and bathroom what does prosthetically mean/ it is the development of technologies that extend the function of the body the spaces arrest the time and space so false legs glasses false noses! everything has to stop what has to stop whatever is going on in the spaces between the people.
yesterday when having sex my partner said: i wish i would fell you inside like now all the time. it's like elasyic across space i will give you some space
you are invasding my space space. I think of death what the fuck is my space? in london everyone invades everyones space every day when i used to say I need some space my partner would go mad my space is wherever i go now, i take my space with me yes space is a concept my space is moving with me
so we can have sex, and be somewhere else
i can create space ah! my prostitute friend would say she put herself on the ceiling space is created when she had sex with her clients distance myself from my flesh she had to leave her body and give herslef space away from the act space is desicion i have done this imagine someone else into her space instead? not even just not be there the mind is miraculous walk in the park instead? sing cry ( she often cried when her back was turned when they had her from behind) in sex we anihiliate space in loving sex there is no space yes yes yes in loving sex we are back in the womb its like breathing yes yes yes why she was crying when taken from behind? because the client would not see this way how sad for everyone she could cry only when her back was turned
teenagers with no space to discover sex
have to find space bus shelters, cars, parks,streeets so do lovers eskimos have no private space for intimacy where shall we do it? there is no embarrasment amongst the families? whar space will i be? cubicles for porno stages for floorshows rooms for whores bedrooms for the bourgeois and trains for the brave! mutually vulnerable communities... don juan has no fixed abode does he? doesn't have a home no space to call his own his home is in every body he seduce. yes so he invades other peoples spaces he goes to them not the other way round he breaks in! like a thief yes. and domesticate them for a while or break into them but also he is invited to enter thats the point. he is invading them with a permission! yes encouraging the seduced to want to be seduced is the technique no? so he is not a thief? or is he? he's a thief why? stealing choices because he is not promissing eternal life together? by making them impossible no, because he isn't listening he is speaking so much i ma sure there is something wrong in perception of time related to him go on.. what happens with him is so ceiling touching that we want it to last forever... so ceiling?? and we are dissapointed instead of being happy we had this kind of fusion... out of the body experience? out and with body the space around a man can be very sedcutive for a woman the space around him... the space he insists on having around him and the space around woman? tell.. still it is like woman have to wait his moves. but it can be oposit, too . I am only interested in taking what i want and giving what i want i admit fear to be an active seducer is also to risk rejection seduction id dangerous sport i don't love you because you did this to me and what you did hurt but i will love you unconditionally for your vanities, mess, forgetfulness, flirtatiousness, bad cooking,
bad temper,
but if you hurt me..... it sounds more like a manifest, but in real life is different...
there are always some conditions... like if you hurt me i will not love you any more...
i think thats where phone texts sex comes into its own for example painless? can blame tunnels!! sex out-of-context no washing up stirring up of desire no need to clean the toilets sauce of desire in the making untouched mouth watering delights i had great phone sex, not text phone many times yes? yes on landlines and mobile! it tends to be rather quick VR suits is when you can feel from what you are wearing? no sex on the phone can take AGES!
you wear suit which is transmitting the touching of your remote partner.
words in your ear.... hmmmmmm 2am is 2pm lovely words in your ear so that the space around you stops altogether and you are just an ear listening a hand holding the phone against the ear you have to be a believer, too... a voice vibrating in your ear believing in what?! legs stiffening
words you hear...
back straightening believe all the words you hear? a crossed line? pun crossing a line... still on a train
under their instruction
they guide us blind thats why fcooking is impossible!
but what a triumph if we could!
handfree phones?! one hand in the pasta...
Vr suit
text for me vr suit, cooking and writing a novel all at once?
touch me baby
is this work sexy? touch me not at all on all my beauty who said not at all? me me me me me
who's me?
so in the coolness of our spacially dispersed chatroom we can be philosphers of the boudoir
i think of the waltz
the waltz
i think of all the spiced up dinners the children mught get
wienna waltz?
think of the waltz please
think of the spinning in the arms of someone you have just met makes me dizzy being watched spinning spinning because i want to get off pelvises together, breasts apart and many messages passing between you time stopping world carries on spinning bllod pulsing dance and space is another topic in this topic i am interested in oh yes me too social dancing as a way to get messages across space pelvis together is more salsa than waltz where tango went?
no waltz too
tango most important and io want us all to study it
with waltz you need to be close at the botton for the balance to work for the spinning
the flamenco... targeted dance cha cha silly dance twist but good for smiles and eyes and shout foxtrot good for sychronicity acrobatic rock'n'roll black bottom what? its a jive move ah woman slides under mans legs biting as she goes he he ha ha soory the slow is for pre-sex for whispering i love to dance the rock and roll with a man who knows how woman whisperer. who wants to dance? oh yes please you move through me.....
f, don't be wooden
come down to me left and than right
face me squarely like a man
shit! did i say something? F: don't go, come back ]i will offer you sort of unconditional love pleaaaaseee i wiull show you my I'll do my best!
i would like to walk all round you
how can i move you? yield!!!
12.dj log (09.04.2006) what does she say to him and what does he say to her
themes the Don Juan Project is touching:
power relations gender love transgression desire fantasy nature education pleasure fun the indecent the decent masks games deception jealousy rage liberation passion eroticism confession language hypocrasy tha language of sex the languages of sex fear taboo freedom responsibility the literature of sex vis a vis death life and death antisocial behaviour the attraction of opposites the conflict head and heart heart and head
anatomy of feeling
he ducks and dives
escapes prison etc etc goes where he's sent It seems that DJ is always escaping something obeys the powers that determine his fate nearly dies, lots of times an escapologist in many senses disobeys the powers that detrmine his fate too yes almost seems to obey because he is free inside himself and can never be bought driven by a sense of self, the sexiest aspect of a any human don't you think that inner sense of freedom is yes very very attractive and mnore commonly found in men? he is freer to travel to taste more dip in here, esape there i know men who are in love with their ability to be free but he is rescued by women IN THE PLACES he arrives so in love with this sense of his own freedom these are the men women want to tame! the man is mobile go on.. The man moves, but stays constant. The women change faces, charcters, shapes, and cultures the nunnery is the flipside of the whorehouse Don Juan is at the centre of a cosmic dance? an interesting idea this cosmic or social? the mobile yet fixed man, man as centre of gravity big panaramic social dance is he the sun, apollo? the sun... in and out of shade? ha he's not all knowing is he? he is fallable he wrestles with stuff he is hugely human uncomfortably human in love with life<' i have this image from the old movies of DJ in the 1940s you know, he is alwasy jumping out of windows and into windows on upper floors of houses never the door defying gravity yes yes so this fantasy free mobile man has to come int like an angel through the window from the sky unannounced a big fucking surprise! I gues it depends WHICH woman persona I choose to receive him by a metaphor of taking and possession yes but we let him in to our bedrooms I may prefer to yes yes even if our husbands have locked the door ha because he is our alterego? I want to be don Juan I want to fly into bedroom windows I don't want to feel I have to be bad to be don juan into silk sheets into suprised bodies I want to be a really good lover I do too the best I don't want to kill anybody no no no I don't want to control any body i do I want this person to love me though that is control yes what's love got to do with it love isn't neediness is it the whole DJ myth is about pleasure not emotion pleasure as a liberational force in a corrupt and hypocritical christian society the flesh not being sinful
postmodern don juan miserable fucjer and lonely
so that we feel pity? maybe does it work? maternal?
sometimes this works
but many women I know including myself do not find pathetic and needy men attractive at all hello i must be going (groucho marx`)
the epic is about shifting locations
moving on moving on moving on the sun keeps turning
we keep turning!
no mother earth keeps moving the mobile psyche is fascinating the ability to keep on moving] and adapting to survive this is the swashbuckiling image of DJ
what does she say to him and what does he say to her
The scene is this:
he has jumped in the window
of living and never knowing that intimacy witth child/blood/ nature they have fleshed it out he wants to jump out again she panics
what is she panicking for~?
what do they each want???? has he just jumped in the window? yes and they have fucked and he needs to jump out did she know him from before? immaterial i reckon they have fucked brilliantly thats all that matters here she wants him to stay? yes maybe a cup of tea? she is panicked at the idea he is going to jump away !!!ha ha got really good cookies i am a really good masseuse take him to the oven!!!!!! your back looks sore.. you look soooooo hungry smell the cookies and the massage oil
give him a joint
glass of vino two glasses open the door a bottle! oisters touch his balls again let a fresh gentle breeze in show him your fanny cchocholates make it so hard to leave sit legs apart on the steps of the doorway fill his nose with your smell tell him you know something about him he thinks is a secret theres the doorway and there's you shut the window and lock it put the key in your cunt tell him you will never never never fall in love withg him its just the sex you like tell him you'll love him 'no matter what'
don't need him
touch his balls again walk away kiss him behoind the ear tell him you are fine with whatever he needs to do ring your other lover in front of him cook him spaghetti..... find life funny do a striptease find him funny laugh very loudly at his jokes listen with your whole life aghhhhhh tell him he has the biggest and best body you have ever seen d.d.t. on him the fattest hardest cock you've ever seen tell him you will always be there when he needs but without any strings intelligent forhead or pressure NO PRESSURE OK? tell him he's the best best best best be everyuthing that you can ingeniously think he'll want and then contradict yourself and be the opposite, cos he'll want that as well start crying because he is so wonderful he moves your waters very deep and is your spiritual twin free like you.. look in his eyes a very very long time till his water be every aspect of humanity.....but maybe be careful about wondering into your own sexual desire waters polish his sword rub his back feed him wine from your moth in a kiss voicing your own desires might just shake the ground go back to the known. lick him on the g spot hug him in a motherly way tell him he's the best best best look small and look up at him to make him feel big and strong sing a song of love dance on the table for him looking the other way retouch your nipple blusher with no knickers on tell him you got a ticket for the match haha suck your fingers tell him to choose the DVD lipgloss your moth turn the lights low ask him to look for the key in your cunt watch him whilst he's talking to others. BUT DON'T DON'T DON'T BEG dress up and undress as many times as you can stand over him whilst you do this so he can see keep the look in your eyes when he joins you in the conversation. Don Juan: gotta go!!!!! She: (panicked) Subtext: DJ: goot get outta here this is getting dange4rously nice she: christ don't leave me alone boo hoo hoo how can you do this to me, make me love you bo hoo hoo i want your babies! She says: GO QUIET AND PLAN REVENGE fine, here's the key, don't hurt yourself when you land on the horse thats waiting below to take you away at a gallpo before my husband comes and finds us a demain!????? YOU KNOW WHERE i AM sorry shouting I won't wait for your call Its cool cool cool (yawn) I'm really busy next week yeah lots on (polishes face with blusher) (brushes hair) moisturizers mouth with lipsalve sits on toilet (does some push-ups) tidies the kitchen puts a few things away vomits walks around in a bit of a daze not recognising herself, quite smelling him on her still (did i really do that thing?) checking for telltale signs vomits again checking the calendar he is meanwhile ten miles away already his horse steaming being very very postive and whinnieying he is laughing because he had a wonderful time pacing the house and his willy is all spent looking out of the window sort of hoping and she was good in bed feeling empty space inside very good and he might check her up next time hes in town looking at phone for messages just in case jumping each time it rigns in case it might be him he likes her house
he felt comfortable there
she smelt nice and was intelligent which helped
she made me think
poetry so as to seduce her he quotes shakespeare she made me feel sexy anthony and cleopatra as he left her eyes lines about a parting being well-made and it broke her heart smiled . he had no fucking idea! because the quote said it should be a parting in which when they meet again they will smile or the parting will not have been well-made
13.dj log (22.04.2006) little violence in every kiss
but there is a little violence in every kiss
a little violence in every thrust
what do we want?
what rests if we throw all away?
14.dj log (27.04.2006) ok girls, what do you /we want to say to this man
like how to boil and egg without burning the pan but you have w onderful erection i love the smell of your armpits but don't wash your arse I hate that i know that youre afraid yu fart like a buffalo if you were to wash your arse I'd suck your cock often i hate the smell of your deodoratnt i love your eyes i wonder if you brush your teeth enough people could very well use the intimates of intimates against you And u could get hurt when you speak of litarature
i am amazed at your knowledge i love love love your mind I so much want you to wash your arse. I would mean so much to me. i hadn't realised how much
i want to know whats on your mind when you fuck me you are a disappointment I would like to know where the mind is when you fuck? i mean really
i want to know if you are really capable of the slit between your cock and your mind that you are so proud of
split!! in this u wont ever get to know me freudian slit i mean really know i want to know if you are ever disgusted by me are you really interested? i want to know if you really deep down prefer men or your mother do you panic that you won't manage without me? i love it when women fancy you at parties ah and i know you will come home with me he goes though i am always bloody jealous what have we said? and always imagine you already have fucked them you are like my baby or child sometimes after making love you are so so so soft and gentle and vulnerable i want you to speak to me about every dream you had or have for a start sometimes your narcissm makes me want to chop your head off wau yeah I want to get my anger out of the way. clear the table. lay a feast wine. bread and start afresh. see you as a stranger say hell. who are you i want to meet you and feel NOTHING i mean hello i want to fuck you and FELL NOTHING really? hell hell o yes hello. yes because i want to pay you back for the times you have treated me like HOLE understand
All the times I've paid for what you what your mother did
I AM NOT A HOLE yes your fucking relationmship to your poor mother your mother loved you too much and left me with the impossible task of competing with her perfection I'm not a rubbish heap. I refuse to be a hole, i refuse to be a slave, irefuse to be a master i feel you would like me better if i wore thongs I want to be free to love you to love you past this anger i think you like porn and this makes me angry and curious you have sweat on your uppoer lip this is a sign of agrression/defence you are an infidel!!!!!!! your brain is in your dick i refuse to your god, irefuse to be your altar, i refuse to be your worshipper get me off this fucking pedestal i have vertigo and will fall any minute See I've fallen oh thats great fuck you!! we broke the fucking pedestal too its great here on the ground what`? you don't like me down here??? I like it down here oh yes id you cant stop worshipping or admiring my hips and lumps and lips don't you like me when my juices surge around me it like an animal instinct and make me rage, weep, keen, care, suffer, explode, give birth????? its like youre a drone and im your be, you were made to worship me
DONM'T YOU FEEL ANYTHING BASTARD???
sun of a bitch hands in my pastry. mind in my papers and poetry, body carrying the shopping, hugging ohh SUN son aye madam too much i the sun ( shakespeare Hamlet) exellent! do you even know the recipe for pastry?! fuck pastry what about me? did you dip your finger in her??? if you did you wouldn't think it importanat enough to remember it did you ever think of me? Yes isnt it so you were made to worship me oh oh tell me now you can only sleep a night through without waking next to me?! hah so why fuck the other ones - you like insomnia?! I've decidid to like you now hello are you crying? come alittle nearer thats your task, you fuck and eat and sleep are you crying now? did i hurt your feelings? thats your purpose in life you see we're angry
is your bum clean?
ha ha did you brush your teeth? Yes its ok come here to me come alittle nearer come to mummy everythings fine dont cry
ill make it better
you are a fucking COWARD don't be frightened see how powerfull i am you run away when the shit hits the fan i could destroy you with one word we were a bit frightening weren't we i can make you sleep and hide or cry or love but hey that who we are yet you are so BRILLIANT I love your brillaince i like you man i want your hands on me i can make you feel the only man on the planet could you listen and take all this womanhood? i want you to take me further i can choose to hurt you if you want i an angry all these slithers and slivers of woman hood but thats because you fucking hurt me so much (anna: all voices not onstage are women ok?) all these shatterd pasrt of womanhood could you look at all these little pieces yes you do i have to speak out like in those posters i cry for fire while im being raped and not be frightened you see yourself in all these little smashed pieces? of course there are woman cromosomes inside me too(XX)? i wish i felt you loved me for what i really am i wish
i wish you really loved me
liked me do i need u to tell me who i am? do you like me? bastard do you feel me? do you hurt? you are looking in the mirror with headphones on what hurts u the most? i seem to refcall a story about a bluebell wood.... ever thought u can fuck someone with your eyes what do you see in all these smasked reflections? why dont u look at me like that like picasso
do you think that your elusiveness is charming??
are we just slithers of something that is the same to you? i know you fancy men too so nothing is safe you can call it instinct if you like I am happy if you love men That makes me feel safe but you cant fool me you can fool me you can fool everyone how do you deal with all these contradictions? when you said what you said you didn't really mean it right? Is that why i drive you mad? you said it to meake me undress right? slit slit slit hole hole hole I say one thing meaning something else. is that what gets to you? i wish we could really really get close... and understand you say we dont have sex enough but according to me we have sex even now bnut your fuckn ego gets in the fumnk way\ in the fumkin way does libido run out? I love it when you make love to me without an erection will you run out? because the focus shifts why dont u defend yourself=? were right arent we? you spent a whole year with me without an erection and i protected you by never ever mentioning it as if it were normal because you were big strong guy and i adored you and you adored me and you were married and stoned and had writers block
and so you couldn't get stiff
and it didn't matter because i am biz=secxual anyway
bisexual
bilingual ah that would be nice it is like a snake with forked tongue your tongue feels stuff in a different way than you hand, right? anna: thank you why didnt u SAY ANYTHING D?
<D> i feel ok. admiring the diversity <D> words <D> flows <D> contradictions <D> anger
I want to know how YOU feel D
<D> ha ha
you feel ha ha? good answer
go on its about how you relate to the generic man that we have vomited on <D> i think the HOLE is guilty for everything
ah!!!!!!!!
<D> black hole
my oh my
<D> sucking in everything
go ON!!
<D> controlling <D> inviting <D> proissing <D> seducing
proissing??? with all those men seeking entry, who could blame her
<D> like mummy does <D> promissing
she does that sometimes
<D> they are like spiders. once they got pregnant they could eat him ...
go on D
<D> it is nature <D> normal
go on d
<D> just <D> we have the brain, too
damn
<D> yes, my dick and my mind are BRILLIANT
indeed I wish mine were Anna; last session someone said in every kiss there is violence yes me love-hate sex-death possibly man-woman too general but go on surrender-denial
<D> it is all the same <D> man woman <D> man man
the exact quotation reads rape
<D> woman woman
i don't agree
<D> same patterns <D> same matrix <D> quest for power
I didn't realise how justified D was to fear me. Thankyou D. I had a dagger and wanted to strike. <D> hit me hit me why?
<D> no, it didn't
you want me to stab you? yes
hatrid is at least or also a relationship
hatred is a very strong love-relationship no?
its a relationship <D> when you accuse me seeing you just a hole <D> for example <D> i understand the anger a hole is also a space! <D> becoming just an object <D> yes
were u ever in such a position?
<D> black hole the mighty one <D> sure <D> i was
just earlier you seemd to agree with the hole stuff as if you wer also angry with women for being the sucking vagina dentata no?
<D> not bad sometimes and horrible many times <D> yes <D> cause women behave <D> as the guardians of the entrance to the hole
ah! you mean we overestimate the importance of our hole?
<D> and if you'll be good boy, you'll be alowed to ENTER
ah! <D> if not, nothing
<D> punishment that is because inside us is precious no? <D> for one week no access menstruation? <D> inside is heaven!
ah?
<D> menstruation never bothered me
so what is bad about making heaven special?
<D> nothing <D> wrong is the game of awards... I am pretty sure I am not familiar with denying access to the hole when desire is on the agenda
timing is an art its that the hole needs personality its not desire, its economy of emotions
respect, blah blah
men: have you ever felt like holes?!
<D> ha ha
but if a man seeks entry in u or loves u its a very feminine feeling i must say you feel sort of flattered and at the same time u think he just wants to stick it in
<D> fearful in what sense?
im thinking
<D> yes, he always wants to stick it in
abuse is the right word taking u for advantage because he build an image out of u he has to posess before he knows it
<D> and you, you never take him for advantage? me?
qui moi?
<D> you women
you men! i was talking as man about men
<D> all are the same! bollocks!
WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME look at the statistics
<D> not so very sure...
how many woman rape man
beause we ahve made a world in which our difference is written on every wall,
eye, door, window, road, box toy, colour scheme, peace treaty
tv show, sex shop, cinema,
cigar, soap, perfume, whisky underwear dandy dildo cybersex
<D> if women would be educated as boys i am sure it would be much less women raped, for example
car,war strategy, law yes sir bring them on or boys as women!!! bicyle tyre
cheese twist <D> so when we start to change the world?
we cannot, itsw too late
15.dj log (11.05.2006) adultery
you have my kingdom but you can't have my soul
<g> there was a time every second avery beat of breath was consumed filled bloated with jealousy <g> . when fear consumed every living moment of a day
i prefer you dead than in her hands...
if i can't have all of you i do not want any of you
no more ideology!
<A> nothing happened!
<g> thats what people do who really love each other isn't it? they tell each other the truth
i will suck out your beautiful eyes so you won't see any beauty...
<A> i'm telling you the truth
he isnt
<g> you don't ghive a fucking shit about what i feel <g> , infact I'm invisible in this equation <A> Nothing happened!!! <g> the joy is in making me invisible <g> shut out of this intimacy <g> your fucking intimacy <g> that makes nausea flow, <g> left out shut out <g> forgotten <A> o.k. what do you want me to say?
<g> tremours of shock waves <g> can't breath <g> ripping out my own hair <g> because i CAN NOT BELIEVE that you could do what you did <g> this love shredded
<g> this love that made me glow, made me beautiful made me young <g> made me special <g> made me throb with sex appeal <g> which made me attractive to everyone <g> you take that awya <g> i am nothing
<g> prick sliding inside her <g> wanting,her <g> not wanting me <g> wanting lusting sweating narrowing his universe down so that all he could think about was HER
chorus: why can't they see beyond pricks
<g> all he could think about was touching her <g> secret touches <g> secret touches with other people around <g> all the secret touches and looks which made the universe pulse with wanting ther <g> wanting to hold her. aching to fuck her <g> not me
chorus: she would have torn you from me
<g> then the secrets
you fucking fucking fucking shit!!
<g> the phoneca;lls so you could laugh at her jokes
chorus: i'm on her side..
chorus i want to castrate him <g> the phonecalls arranging and looking forward to the next time
chorus: yeah the schmuck
<g> the glances you give me <g> the flowers you bring me <g> the hugs and extra happy smiles you give me <g> you're happy you bastard <g> you're happy because youre fucking her
chorus: maybe his dick is his problem chorus:We are pretty conservativ
<g> he wants her but he needs me <g> aghhh
chorus how long before you tire of her too chorus: yeah we are conservative because we don't like whats happening to g chorus:maybe zou are just not atractive anymore
<g> i think its time to get revenge don't you?
chorus: go girlfriend
<g> maybe its time to feel reeealy good about myself?
chorus: go girl absolutely
<g> maybe its time I go and fuck someone just for the sake of it eh?
chorus: what she has you don't? chorus: revenge is a dish best served cold fuck for your own pleasure
<g> maybe i'll go out there it doesn't matter that i don't know what it is i want anymore <g> and the horrible horrible horrible feeling that its him I want <g> Struggle eh?
chorus: lets not be californian here
<g> so go back out there
ok lets just say he is a fucking dickhead for doing what he did chorus: what was the deal??
<g> the deal was disappointment <g> so indeed what was the deal?
look how ugly the green monster made you chorus: did you expect fidelity?
<g> exactly <g> yes
chorus: did he make promises?
<g> is that the problem?
chorus: is it? chorus: drown him in that sea! cut his willy cut his ties close him into a room for days make him suffer and starve the problem is you can't see beyond cunts and pricks make him begg for life punish him chorus: buy him a cilinder the fucking bastard chorus: what about the bitch? open your voice and screaaaam
<g> I decided to keep him. and just get so strong that he couldn't live without me. then I fucked his friend. and that went on for ever. and for years revenge was sweet.
enough with the philosphy already yeah
chorus: why use sex as a weapon?
why not!
<g> because its sweet and lethal
ah! eye for eye! cling to cunts and cocks of despair sex clouds your mind toth for toth sex is a mind fucker tooth for tooth chorus: a is so quiet there are much more hurtfull mechanisms, psychologically i mean
chorus:do you want to tear the flesh off him?
what hurts the most?
chorus: do you want her to feel like shit ?
can you distinguish sex from love for god's sake?
<g> its the passion in the end that dies if you were french you might shoot them both <g> yes . <g> dip by drop. crime passionnel <g> now have to shut my eyes and imagine another lover if he fucks me
chorus: maybe he doesn't deserve you is the pride that hurts or heart? what wrong with pride? pride is important too it's the fucking big EGo that hurts what does it taste like
<g> jealousy is a sour taste that turns sweet in the mouth then burns the throat to pieces when you swallow
taste like taste like like battery acid?
<g> its acid in the guts
yeah corrosive
<A> it's also good sex stimulant <g> churns, kills sleep
A has piped up now A turned on by acid
<g> tell me more
wow
<g> talk <g> tell all
go on!!!
<g> want to know everything <g> want to see all the pictures <A> well, you just fuck better when you're jelouse
A's turn to speak now
chorus: tell her everything chorus: tell her/us
ah oh ouch poor poor G
<A> i didn't wnat to fuck with her <A> it just happened
yeah yeah yeah " she made you"
<A> it was like the first time with you <A> she smells like "new"
ah the lure of the new
like new cards,
new clothes
new toy
bodies as consumer delights
<A> it was me that i want a change
what so great about new?
<A> fucking same women is so boring after a while
its all humpy pumpy no? new lips, new smell?
<A> it's like eating same food day after day
chorus: os is it seduction(power) that makes it exciting?
<A> i have to smell different women
i like the same food every day bread, coffee, wine
<A> i want to touch different skin
why? <A> every cunt smells different bollocks true
<A> and thats what turns me on <A> little diferrences <A> i don't feel bad about it <A> i'm sure it's natural
chorus: where does the mond come into this? mind? mons veneris
<A> i'didn't promiss you anything
chorus; don't believe obviously she didnt get it
<A> i just get so used to you
thats what commitment is about dickhead
<A> well, you were kind of my property <g> ah ha <A> and a man has to defend whats his <g> at what point did i BECOME your property? <A> well, it doesn't have anything to do with a mind <A> i just want to feel that sensation of different body juices <A> and if they are the same the sensation vanished
chorus: why?!
<A> i don't know why, but i know i need that change <A> and i need it badly
is it lack of imagination on your part? chorus: why is so wrong if he fucks around? or a repetition neurosis? G doesn't like it!!!!
<A> why do i need imagination when i can have a real sensation?!
go on....
<A> it's enough when i touch womens cloth... <A> smell a new prfume..
hah
<A> perfume...
predator!!!!
<A> and i read women signs much better
like a skunk sniff sniff sniff
<A> signs of seduction i mean
new smell new territory new prey
<A> then i start fantasies
yeah
<A> i can have a week without touching any women...
can there be such deprivation!?
<A> just thinking about what could happen if...
that is great sacrifice
<A> but after a while it has to become true
chorus: what would you do if you were incarcertated in a mans prison?
<A> not necessary with a women that i fantasies about
ok ACDC no sweat but what would you do? chorus: than prison might be fine?
<A> and after a while i have to change that again chorus: you did not talk about the man smell <A> I would become a writter <A> they don't have to fuck writers don't fuck!!!????
hjeheheheheheheheheheh no, they are like priests the pen is mightier than the sword.. <A> they also drink too much to be a good lover
<A> fucking same women for a long time is almost that disappointing as mastrubating two days in a row
chorus: some times weeks go by
and you worry about 2 days! you are so privileged! can you seperate the libido from the mind tip of a day: have a nice day: fuck someone! <A> and i think women knowing that delibarately prolong their relationships with the same man with those "headache" stuff hoping that the men won't get board with them to soon
<g> what! <g> sorry
chorus: wow erm hmm thats a theory and a hlf if a man looks only for sexual excitment he is the fucking bore he's right! A do you want to be with G despite your peccadillos?
<g> do you know what. i don't give a shit
chorus: but now everything is ok, no? make him lunch tomorrow
my eyes are beginning to water folks grandma is going to bed yeah, even paramour sit on the toilet and fart <g> well actually I 'd sort of like to get to know you but hey mate no way no way are you coming any where near my delicious secret parts again <g> I'll talk. i might even seduce you <g> but never never are you going to get me to 'desire' you again <g> i see a little man <g> I see a little man with all his power gone
<A> hey, i can see you still love me! da capo al fine
<F> We have just witnessed an extravant account from a crisis known to the species of man as adultery <9> it was not really clear what he did to her
every case the same? he fucker her friend
men think of sex every how often? minute is it? something was betrayed wasn't it, even if if it was her dreams?
feelings are very very messy business because something in our flesh makes us want to possess the intimacy as if it were for the first and only time and ours only
<F> we shall point out that when we talk about beings not to refer to all men as sexualy obsessive creatures
exactly agree of course women too can be like this
only usually not as much
predatory <F> For we have to consider that there are those amongst us who cherish the hidden fruit with honesty and revery
<9> read that women think much more time about sex than men
i think about it occasionally! desire or sex? fruit they know how to keep it in their minds yes secret stuff
men are extruded <F> It is the urge that makes you want to speak the abys
i need to say: there is a new moral code that evolved sometime since the 60s that makes those of us who are not so 'liberated' seem like bad an inverse moral code
<F> It is a notion of those with angelic tendencies amongst us who do not seek perfection in the flesh because it is impossible hanging in the darness? <F> Hanging in the darkness
there are no angels only feelings of how could you? feeling but are no flesh yet how could you lick another one? prefer him/her to me? ignore me?!!!!! make me invisible so i become a hole an absence a nothing a darkness or just- I thought I own you and now you betrayed my expectations a vortex into which i fall into myself owning no but belonging yes
partnership
pants Hanging like a bat? are you vampiric hanging like a bat upside down and soooo audio-sensitive expecting someone to belong to you demands also some agreement yes? i said belonging its different how?
<9> clinging
this is like crying now after the storm hanging like a bloody bat people don't just fuck, they eat their breakfast together, discuss politics, chat about friends who have been betrayed... yes and imagine if and when they might fuck sonar was used by the military to detect icebergs after the sinking of the Titanic
to avoid the ICE
bats avoid things we have biology in schools
<9> not when they are hanging
people do fuck i have seen them get ready to wow, something new on busses in the park in sauna they look at each other as if the whole world didn't exist yes ,when they just HAVE TO
<9> they fuck with eyes also <F> yet but its not the goddamn revelation of the universe!!!!!!!!!!!!
because the passion eats them up but usualy they are 15-20 but its energy we aren't looki8ng fo revelation F stop being so judgemental raw wild dynamic energy mamma anture gives it to them i have seen older people
<F> it is so overrated and exciting isnt it?
my father and his wife no not overrated its so important because it is what makes us survive no?
<9> yes <F> i just feel it is so overrated
it cuts through our own defences i think jealousy is a seasonal or variable emotion it cuts through the safeety nets i do not think: i am a jealous person and there are the others, who at 00.20 still don't fuck! sometimes i could kill from it, at others i am as emanciapted as F it cuts through the seasons, the knowns, passiona runs amock. and jealously is of that stuff and will not fuck at 1.00 what time do you fuck then?
<9> you want to say we finish and go to fuck
when I'm free, mostly
as you prefer
Go to bed now it is very motivating its caling i fucked before the reharsal bravo~!
<9> chorus: but you have to admit all it is good to fuck. or not?
16.dj log (22.05.2006) THE SEDUCTION DINNER
DJ is wooing There are starched white tablecloths ( yes!) And I believe that steak tartare is on the menu.
remember God is in the detail...
scene.. at dinner good dinner with raw meat... chick we are in a huge dining room with glass chandoliers
where is this [place? i think it is in the middle of the forest, but
very chic guys with suits and white gloves and long coats open your car doors whispering you know, madma, sir, kind of shit sor of kubric sort of I first show my new shoes, than comes leg and then all the silk and than?
MEee long female figure
may I help you madam your lovely dress is caught up a bit may i pull it down/ steps on the pavement I'm the one, all the eyes turn to which is wet with leaves
i like it wet
no, I'm to chic to embarace my entrance
is slip on s leaf
and this guy in the white lgove supports me All the eyes to me, all the conversation sudenly stops ahhhhhh her rythmic movements envelope his eyes my mascara has run down my face in the rain he gets up slowly and she feels his hot breath on her neck shit my mascara! Detail: shoes entering terasse b;lack clickety ones you have beautiful eyes thank you in the rain in the sun (licking her mascara) he says
thank you stars
just eyes in your eyes seat and eat
He ofers her a chair!
stars in your eyes she sits she looks at him with suspicion Are we in two movies at the same time? chair under her butt her silk dress spreads oacross the leather the guy inh the white gloves is pestering her He pretends nothing happened madam, can i take your coat etc
"No you can not"
but he continues with white gloves on she offers her hand
so..there is this red papered room
and lots of tables and chairs in a rainy night discret lightening soft music many candles mascara stuck to her cheeks
everybody almost whispering
in her mind of a party obscured to its limits he's wow, well he's.. he's georgeus mascara really itchy hnow he wants to know about her as much as possible "OK, that's him then" so he asks her
tell me about yourself so I can talk about me "do you think im beautiful?"
"would you care for some champaine?" sure you are so beautiful that hurts no, not sure, she sais "I'd be delighted"
do you tell every woman the same story/
oh no.. She looks onto a table as a young girl eyes all watery from mascare problems "no no u are special" she suddenly feel a pang - like she realises she has falled into some paperback romance let me wipe your mascara he says He ask. "you look somehow nervous" "I have chosen this story only for u"" he says: of course not. but he thinks yes, they are all BEATIFUL she really likes his smell, or maybe its perfume she realises he uses the same one she does his smell is what she likes they like each other's smell oh yea she wishes she were in the story with the steak tartare and the white starched tablecloths but has found herself in a satire O pitiful drama that is life! he likes her smell but it could be herbstory her story he doesn't realise it is his smell too because the perfume was a gift can this magic moment last for ever?
her story, or his story?
or theoir story? my story thor, the god of thursdays why she should trust him? In my story the was no mascara and no perfume, just the light there they were...... O shit i want to be honest, why cant we just lustre our lips together and forget the niceties that seem to get darker and darker because of my mascara That's you f. problem, he wants to lick her mascara away mascara was dripping all over us as black rain you can stick to your mascara if you think, this is atractive movie she begins to get excited by the idea of him i found myself entwined in this scenario for me the atmosphere is much more important and I'd like to read some conversation also have black rivulets running down his cheeks your eyes are even more beutiful without the mascara he says she says: cliches are true if i could see them and tells hij he['s enormously handsome as naked flowers
<D> She says: No, I'm not nervous, just a bit confused,
the waiter comes
interrupts with a grm grm of the throat madam will have? <D> He. Yes, do you mind
LOBSTER! ahhh!
<D> she looks onto table again, gets agin this girly impression. Silence
no lobster today shit she says, like that, no shame than i will have him on this very table piss off were having an intimate conversation, cant u see?
<D> she thinks rapidly, but nothing ocures to her <D> He. Well, do you? Mind?
and DJ begins to think of how lovely this cruscanean lover might be
<D> she. No, I'm glad I her. Lets stop this theme, Ok?
and if he should choose the caviar over her cruchn crucch
.<D> so, champaine? <D> she. why not. Thank you <D> silence.
he would like to tear meat off flesh for fun and she orders steak tartare silencof the lambse
<D> Teh waiter discretly offers her a menu, she doesn't notice him
all she can think of is chopped raw meat he is obviosuly disgusted by this he is vegan
<D> He. So, What yould you order?
now he ewants to fuck her he sees her vain pulsing in the distant silence but she's going to eat dead raw meat
and he's having lentils
"I dont want to order i want to reach u"!!
<D> She loughs to loud as she notice the waiter
he is DJ and he needs to keep his coole
<D> She: Sorry <D> starst to read
he suggests, they share because how can you do this without offering to share your dinner?
<D> and suddenly feels his shoes touching her shoes under the table, look up at him
Words? flesh?
<D> He behaves neutral, gives a littele smile <D> She: so, should I order for you3
this is not how she planned this evening
<D> He. I want you to decide everything
full of christian passion
she asks
he says waitier we will have 2 steak tartares!! "How was your childhood" i will eat your meat Any traumas, veneral diseases? I have my own meat
<D> She. Wow, big job.... sorry... ok shrimp salat for both,
followed by steak tartare!!!! <D> strawberries whit cream and... another bottle of Moet
<D> He: Won't you stay hungry.
i can put in my mouth everything you do,,,
there is something row in the way you trat me shesays I am not a piece of meat <D> she: Dependes on you. Than break and a lough
he says what you eat you are
a vegetable
meat, also
a balanced meal? surely not <D> She: what should I do. eat sugar
is that possible?
<D> He: Nothing, let me lead you- point my eyes.
lick that ear
<D> she knew, she has lost already
leaking the ear she was not his prey
<D> one look and the felt into a timelessness of his eyes.
what is that she lost? because she had covnerte dhim converted him how could she be after her performance from vegan to bloodhound
<D> What colour they were, I don't remember, they just spread
black blue green you remember brown with big hands small hands
<D> they were bigger and the power his look had made her feel dizzy
eyes with the sea behind them big everything
<D> She noticed, she started to sweatr
the scene is going more melancholy take me take me more blue tones in the camerawwork Jewlery is basic equipment against flesh so she takes her arm her right arm and lifts it high
<D> if there wasn't a rule - no words- she could have hidden her weakness
her own arm and carresses it so that the light can catch the diamonds
<D> behind many pointless words
she does not want to be audrey hepburn like a lonely fire dismembering the diamond she wants to be herself but she is confused about that shine crazy diamond
<D> she thinks: I only have to choices, either to fight or to surrender <D> immediately
she is, he is not an issue her inner voice compells her to make a choice
<D> Her hand unwillingly got under the table cloth and searched for his knee
will you win if you surrender? and now, thankfully we are back in the CU of erotic promise he just wants to creep into me and then fall into the inspiration of a sleepless dream will you win if you figt?
<D> he smiles a little bit , takes her hand and pushes her away
its very very hard nbot to be a cliche she thinks down into the abyss of his demands
<D> Takes his other hand and touches her knee
then she thinks this one is mine though my moment
<D> She thinks: Should I just stay passive
and he smells her, he fibrilates thats a great verb She shudders
<D> what gives him this selfconfiedence
fibrilate lets see his immagination quivers
<D> and is not capable to resist <D> She. OK, you lead
its like an archetype he surrenders to or is it the smell of raw meat on my lips? thus, reduced to four-footed comparisons
<D> the waiter aproaches, she grabs the forks and tries to start to eat <D> her mouth dry <D> salat feeling like sand
all this subtext is understood from the eyes and suddenly they were by the sea I fall and he stars climbing over me
<D> She thinks: OK, imagine, I was at the seaside
the ooh ahh of the ocean
<D> and suddenly she is being licked
splish splashing my meat waits attack of your meat this way and that
<D> they alone om a sandy beach
in the water still
<D> no rummor anymore, no candles <D> just his hot hand on her leg sand there
everywhere no more money no fancy dress nobody to watch
<D> she wishes, hthe hand would move higher, but he does nothing <D> just stares at her <D> I'll faint
its dark she lingers in his typography she would like him to write on her a bit
<D> no, I'll jump on him and swallow him, his eyes, his beautifull hands <D> his bones, his cock
she doesn't even know his name for sure pulsing with energy she thinks which is not wise his cock fibrilating into the darkness that she should resist but she knows
<D> seh takes his hand and puches her to her pantys
As a shudder of being caressed by a strangers hand she wishes it could be original
<D> a waiter appears, takeing away the plates,,
one of which he has sat on
<D> she almost doesn't notice him, as only a shadow would pass
things suddenly go very slow they are tired of the dinner floating like some happy gools they imagine they have had by the sea on a beach in a forest over their napkins elswhere she wishes ilustres she knew his name because when she agreed to have but hrew it away dinner with him
was 5 minutes
after she had met him, But threw it away with a shrug and two minutes before our story began she was desperate Thats how attractive he was and now how it is?
tongue in cheek
tongue very much in cheek anything happened between them? sure one night her vibrant cherries where still hard and? and she felt as a breeze under her feathery skirt would touch her as he did she was possessed by DJ
her eyes where taken from her
as she saw him walk in
the man she hardly knew but had hear of
she could never believe that an incarnation how hard to was to get to know him how brilliant he was would be so humouress ugly, but brilliant is she happy with that achievemnent? to met him. his knob his third eye pecker, peter, willy, his love of cherries nibbling his love of cherry picking.. nibbling like a bird in spring her lightly he is..irresistable.. as a symphony string one of those men who are ugly but irresistable and mute
they are irresistable because they think wonderfully
intriguing sabout everything every detail of life they are wide awake mystetious and sacred and you feel they would be able to survive anything if they could and this is very attractive the most perfect possible? because it brings out the survivor in the woman primal and vice versa two surivors
suddenly, in paris... he walks with her and tells her
of napoleon she is rapt she bunked off history and DJ is talking about knowledge and power and conquest and emporors and short men with ambition blown away that a premature resentment of the divine could have empowered him so as to prolonge these verses these curious curses i wish to set the scene.. by the black and lonely syntax more detail.. colour? a dash pink? magenta? go on... it has to be a boudoir colour like that word boudoir bordeaux a place to sulk and brood in red bouder=to sulk so they walk and she thinks of napoleon yes he like it when josephine didn't wash him? herself
ne lavez pas
better that way the subxte from historians being that her cunt must have staunk demonstrating the man's sexual prowess hmm lemons boiling with a ghastly dash of entwined public hair
man is very endurable thing
acid like piss so he is DJ not napoleaon napoleon was only a figment of their seduction she is delighted though at ther conversation shes seen better
she finds words exciting
because she thinks in pictures she is polimorphously perverse she is married dear god really?
she stopped
he stopped she wants to understand men.. married? there are the trees and the streets and the lights irrelevant she wants to understand get in their heads he wants... to understand
he thinks
i want to set the scene colour? magenta agreed? desert? cherries dessert white amd cream
<D> strawberries
cool of a bosom that is petrified deffinitely not sherries and bottomless carbone che brucia into that rigid whiteness
by now she is very very involved..
dips her finger into his soft surroundings head over fucking heeels cherries everywhere we need to set the scene
understand the reasons
for suich behaviour
i need to set the scene..
magenta? yes
and close ups?
have to be very close to catch the truth and ups behind those brown blue green black eyes what is he saying now? look into his eyes look into hers scoop her up blue green black brown like your arams are big spoons this is where he takes her to this shabby cliche of primitivism and plonks her down like a shot beast me tarzan you jane she is overcome with lust hes on top of her and hes heavy she can't free her arms but doesn't want to interrupt.. hardly brething i want to set the scene.. breathing now everything is magenta going darker to violet a little orangey light in the distance blazing with fire darkness the end elbourns down! elbourns down! is it always the same each time? or is each time really different? ok we have the light in the scene and...
pinkish
we want to speak like people really speak we want to but we mock instead because passion is very hard to take seriously from the outside i wonder how people really speak do they? really? some yes why? DJ always likes to use words because he is very oral have we forgotten the starched white tablecloth? since we shifted location several times without warning
though in the end it was what one might expect
of a love story
it was abstract incest it was a story we couldn't really tell
without smiling because we like to think we know better? well...
17.dj log (30.05.2006) hell
well for starters like satre said hell is other people hell is........: repetition of the worst situation of your life
pare exemple isolation, aloneness gravity when times stopes and you have to wait when loved person is not seeing you insulted infront of people, you don't respect hell is the inside of my own head when the demons are here when sun is too strong when you feel you don't belong to this world hell is when someone you love cuts themself and you can't stop the blood when you reach out and noone is there discover, that you'll not change the world. Not a millimeter hell is the middle of the night when there's no conscious being there awake to share your nightmare hell is the futlility hell is the thirst of a man at sea aging the recognition of nothingness hell is looking in the mirror in the morning and realising that make-up will not erase it hell is shen someone you love screams at you not being capable to live all your lifes, you decided, you want to a lot of things I read here for me is heaven
hell is when someone you love goes mad
hell is what man can inflict on man hell is when someone mad wrpas you up in their madness and casts you as the other hell is being alone in a dark room wishing you were with the others next door who are laughing hell is sauerkraut your own voice that like an echo comes back to you my head that doesn't stop working hell is insomnia in a heatwave living with people of low ethics
unfulfilled desires hell is not being able to utter
a word hell is terrible phisical pain you know you can't make it stop hell is loving a person whci can not love
hell is desire that is unepxressed
not having a desire hell is fear hell is a phisical pain you know can't make it stop hell is when i betrail my own ethics hell is when i have to face that people really do enjoy torturing each other
when a woman can't be stronger than a furious man
hell is when you recognize bad habits of your parents in yourself when a man is furious when you see your faults in your child hell is trying to get my brain around rwanda auschwitz guantanemo bay human insensivity being old and alone paranoia, phobia, psychosis if you walk in the street and you see NOBODY see you being physically un perfect so nobody want to touch you
hell is being unloveable hell is hatinfg yourself
hell is hypocracy war hell is jealousy knowing everything but pretending as it wasn't there hell is not being able to stop what is hurting you wild nature frustration that knows no end hell is too much beauty
hell the memory you can't erase
hell is the parent who never loved you hell is when you kill your kid inside you hell is your mother's corpse your father's corpse a sense of utter uselesness hell is guilt a sense of utter uselesness
hell is bad faith
human ignorance
hell is the merory that you can't erase
hell is military thinking hell is the dream last night of senseless murder hell is material greed hell is oil
hell is how little time we have and how many unfullfilled wishes will stay behind us
hell is the possibility that nuclear tests underground cause tsunami, earthquakes,weather and nothing to be done hell is bitterness no bitterness please! without a sun hell is the idea that i might die bitter hell is two thousand years of catholic church
hell is flesh being a problem
hell is i want you hell is growing old
hell is the death of a loved one who didn't want to die so soon hell is being stuck
stuck stuck stuck the knowing that something is forever and you can not change it stuck give him a push! hell is dreaming of becoming unstuck when you are still stuck
hell is ego hell is egoism
hell is me me me me me me me love me love me love me love me hell is hot notice me notice me notice me being forced to betray your friends hell is a face that cracks into the dark mask to betry your principles
hell is when you don't care for any body
hell is mental illness
running round in circles hell is no exit
no way out othjer people
hell is when you don't trust yourself hell is seeing the way out but having no legs and arms to move with
hwen your rights are taken away hell is here below the loss of child when ethics are absent to be paralysed loss loss hell is if you don't have body and there is no space but unbearable noise and you can't cover your ears... hell is a secret you can't share hell is to met DJ hell is to fall in love with DJ
hell is delicious
hell is to meet yourself as you are hell is to burn with desire melt away like buring fat hell is the idea that you can go on living november despite february a black sky in may absence of love hell is the thought that it could get worse even solitude, sometimes absence of love yes that is hellish it can get worse yes and probably will and thats a hellish thought
hell is consciousnees hell to me would be to witness my kind being tortured
and not be able to save her your kind? how do people survie this? hell is other people tyhe other people who torture people survive everything hell is right here
hell is that we survive anything
hell is the will to live hell is all around us as if it matters! oh, matters hell shit shoot me down in flames like a plane that lost its wing in a hellish war war probably hell is seeing a loved one disintegrate before your eyes
seeing him transforming to a stranger
hell is trying to figure out how long a lifetime should last and to come to terms with a shorter one hell is a jackboot a gun a unifrom a phone call total control hell is when you want to fuck and it is not possible... hell is unrequited desire
"they had to call and call and pick the worms off me like sticky pearls"
a symphony of hells what would a simp[hony of hells sound liek? a symphony of hells sounds like symphony of hells vey intensive and lod the screech of children
high frekvency
the scream of traffic
bursting ear drums
couples fighting
over washing up and infidelity
silence something really HEAVY you fucking bastard my hell of tenderness is so fucking hurt my hell of pride stung like a bee hit it with its tail
my hell of anger is ohso bloody loud
how loud? simphonic
when you eat your heart out hell si sometimes very very quiet
and still and long though yes like sitting in the desert hell is absence of sounds aiting for rain that will never come were a bunch of slaves hell would be not being able to end it hell is opposite of heaven well yes precisely
the marriage of heaven and hell (blake)
dialectically yours some people like to mimic hell in how they look hells angels hehhe vruoum vruom
The mayas paint frescos with the blood of their slaves
yuk hells angels like to fuck menstruating women christians are eating their god! its a special sign of prowess blood is ink flesh is paper
blood is woman (da vinci code)
yeah yeah
write on my body
i am se me daj se me daj
"give me more" exactly
hit me more hit me more
exactly she she she se me daj
shaved fruit so women are unshaved fruit?
what are woman then figs mangos
mangas papaya
kiwi
watermelon yes yes yes
an orgasm is a watermelon crashing to the ground
aha aha aha aha not for watermelon how can we not think in opposites?
him him him
seems to smell of burning skin her her her us us us absolute pain me me me breath breath brath no fucking point
fuck fuck fuck
why why why have a nice day: fuck someone. who who wants to you choose fuck someone up his nose
i am going to give everyone a good time
how? by by? inviting you all to heaven o blissful salvation!
can I remove this dead animals skin?
sure take everything off you mean heaven is... other people true is that hell in fact is other people
others can be heaven or hell
or both explain if we talk from our selve prospective ALWAYS others ARE a PROBLEM.
it is like this. dot. com helldotcom
psycho babilon
psychobabble-on
hell is maybe not being able to die when you wnat to sometimes i have felt this heaven is when there is no hell drunk of love for you drunk of myself
drunk of you
wanting to burn up in the sunset
i come frokm a family of colonisers on the one side
and victims of fascism on the other
i found going to hell very hard
on the psyche and need a cup of tea hell is tiring yes but heaven also because it requires such self control all the sweat and the blood and all that harp playing and all those bloody sinners crying for help all that lack of repentance all that goya I saw myself crucified on a harp and best food and good looking guys with wings and devils playing birds from my ass heaven is not a nightclub theatre and sex industry are still close cousins no? yes?
audiences love to watch beautiful people
tell them stories with their bodies aha and voices in lovely clothes yes ,music senses true it is an erotic art no?
and actors love to bbeautifull and have adoring spectators
indeed if the body doesn't work, we try to appeal clever do we show our brests just in the movies or we are able to show them in theater, too?
breasts can be shown anywhere
bless u bless your cotton socks cotton socks on your feet look in my eyes not my breasts i like eyes i like breasts i like breasts so, no need to act with naked breasts i likr eyes thats true
your milk i once drank
as for the rest, i do not want anything human and, sculpted, if you see me with lost eyes in heaven , its because i am remembering your milk i once drunk
romantic pathetic for me
not everybody likes poetry
commanders of battalions
and some accountants
do not like milk sometimes love and passion need imagery
like your milk my milk? i like abstraction which is an erotic image abstraction is?
black canvasses, doorways pure thought
very
no meat?
deep thought thought is very sexy
deep thought is good
deep thought is what we have with a little meat rothko is sexy for me that distinguishes us even from dolphins
we do not need figurative images to move us
says the dolphins we move from inside now that we have gone beyond quantum lets evolve into?
sometimes i wonder if we need to stop trying to represent
ourtselves as people at all
but i am stuck with this craft
because my medium is the human presence
i am your presence
this is abstract indeed theatre is physical
what would you say to a tango though that is as wild as wild can be?
this is concrete no? and everybody thinking of dj would think about tango, too don't want to say this is bad... hands don't obey
but..
tango- touch- from tangere another dance
already you mean avoid cliche? yes
but the tango i imagine might not be the tango you imagine i mirror my surroundings as a fosforescent lake in silence
sometimes a cliche is a JEWEL
agree sometimes it is shit agree we have to smell our way to jewels like truffle pigs in the dirt
i like oigs
DIRT pigs i like pigs too wigs
i am a pig
dirt prevents alergies
and kissing builds up your mouth with 160.000 bacterias
builds up?! my mouth is not a muscle!
aha!
celebrating the kiss of the kisser kissing is homeopathic and the kisstress kisstress lovely
18.dj log (06.06.2006) what she wants & what you
can have is… & what you can't have is
what she wants is a good fuck
what she wants is pink to flower for herself what she wants is my heart
what she wants is my heart all wrapped up in pink
i hate pink
what she wants is my brown eyes
what she wants is to own me completely
what she wants is to dance in a pink space all by herself
what does SHE want? what she likes is my voice what she wants is for me to be looking at her with eyes all over my body what does she WANT she wants my soul she likes my tender touch what she wants is for me to take her by surprise by the kitchen door amnesia what she wants is the kitchen table she wants my everything what she wants is to mother me to be a site for surprises glowing What she wants is a whiskey on the rocks and my heart n her hands what she wants is to tame my beast what she wants is to make me feel good she wants to suck me in her hole what she wants is to be the one and only what she wants is to service my god she wants to suck me in what she wants is to cook a delicious feast and have evryone worship her for it she wants my heart and my guts she wants makes her cool stick to me and let the abode they call space glide as it does what she wants is my delicious mind what she wants is to be the only one
<2> of course
the only one! what she wants is to obliterate all others in my mind she wants me go hunting the goods thats fascinating what she wants are no other threats to her supremacy of control considering the instincts of mating what she wants is complete security she wants my blood what she wants is to feel small in the largeness of my hands well you cant just go on living about in the abyss of probability can you? she wants me seduce her all the time what she wants is my babies i wish she would what she wants is to be the most precious bein in my eyes what she wants is my penis and my babies my dnk what she wants is my penis as her baby what she wants is my servitude she wants my thoughts what she wants is me to want her wht she wants is for me to be completely and only hers she likes to be shy she wants to languish in my arms what she wants is to be protected and undersood and secure what she wants is to be understood what she wants is for me to think about her and only her for every second of my day what she wants is to be read accurately what she wants is for me to read her body as a text sic what she wants is to be my muse she wants to not be a little girl, but she is what she wants is to never grow old very very very very very very very digestable she wants to rule what she wants is to own every success and happy self realization what she wants is to own mine too what she wants she wants my understanding what she wants
is to try and know what she wants
what she wants is to not give a shit about what I think about her she wants to know her own mind what she wants is to know her own mind as distinct from his mind which she also wants what she wants is to tango really really well
she wants me talk to her
what she wants is other dances than tangoes ( for they might be cliches!) what she wants is to get more and more beautiful the older she gets what she wants id for men to say: oh how beautiful you get with age what she wants is for everyone to know that she IS more and more beautiful the older she gets what she wants is eternal lubrication just for fun what she wants is for people to see her inner beauty. her intelligence shining right on what she wants is to die smiling before it decomposes itself from what she wants is to know she gave everythin ib life what she wants is to ride on a very very big horse without falling off very fast her garden of lustrous illusion in the night I would invite her to a rollercoster what she wants is peace to her destination and vomit what she wants is her own fairground what she wants is to vomit on her destination her own playground what she wants is to vomit without my feeling bad about that what she wants is to be grande damme of all the charades in the world attention what she wants is to screw me] what she wants is to be the hostess of the mostess what she wants is to be an angel mrs dalloway!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what she wants is to die in my arms what she wants is to have every man in her life adore and worship and offer their lives upto her "it is possible to die" what she wants is for me to show her that it is possible to die laughing what she wants , yes is to die and be missed with a knife!! yes yes yes she wants to speak with her absent father she wants is to be invisible in emberesing moments long long ouverture what she wants is something very contemporary what she wants is to die and make a BIG HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE WITH HER ABSENCE someone shouted big hole in the universe a tender departure as they say finger slipped on button what she wants is many tears at her funeral she wants to get rid of her virginity to cry she doesnt apologize what she wants os for me to find it impossible to replace her
what she wants is multiple orgasm at my fingertips
she wants to be more selfconfident what she wants is unconditional - I say uncondtional - love what she wants is to be at my beck and call at any moment of the day what she wants is what i want her to want what she wants is to surrender ALL responsibilities to me what she wants is to be self suffiecient what she wants is to not have to think she wants to be self sufficient she wants to be free of me she wants me out of her what she wants is to be free of me she wants me being her slave what she wants is to fall in locve with another woman she wants no prince on no horse what she wants is a house in the woods she wants to be known a princess then by me
<2> kiss
she wants to calm down queen what she wants are celestial powers was the kiss meant for me?
she wants to be a witch
what she wants is just one kiss, cos thAT ONE KISS WOULD TAKE HER OVER THE EDGE what she wants is maybe.. oh the edge?
what she wants is tearing her apart
she wants to be rich and famous what she want is a great slippering ... someone is shouting what she wants is gentle pain enough to make her wake up she wants to drown in my eyes she likes wispering what she wants is to convert me tame me
what she wants is to inhibit me damn her
shr wants to be rich and cruel she wants ma babies what she wants is to keep me locked in she wants to domesticate me what she wants is to stop me listening to someone else shouting what she wants is to drown in my brown eyes she wants to hold me on a string she wants me thinking on her all the time what she wants is for me to stay with HER she wants my fucking heart she wants to be my home she wants to be my hole what she wants is for me not to even think about another woman maybe my cave she wants to be my soul I would like to have some of her gift of intuition what she wants is for every woman I ever dream of to always be her what she wants is everything what she wants is to be free of all this wanting what she wnats is to get rid of the horrible taste in her mouth she gives me more freedom than I need to be able to demand what she wants is to stop feeling so terrified of betrayal what she wants is my gametes what she wants is to be free but to keep feeling everything what she wants is to survive what she wants she gets what she wants is to get what she wants I wish I had her moral strenght what she wants she gts she wants to meet an alien whats she wants she has what she wants is to get even the tiniest bit of what she wants what she wants she doesn't know what she wants is to disappear she wants to disppear drown in me
what she wants is to be naked and feel so good
sooooooooooooo what she wants i don't care what she wants is a perfect body what she wants I think i might want too what she wants is perfection what she wants is intimacy what she wants is too much what she wants is intriguing me but only on the pale surface what she wants is too much what she wants is utopia what she wants exposes her unpenetrable what she wants is to eat me what she want is to be origin of my life what she wants makes her naked she is probably what she wants is my prick what she wants is visible in the way she dances what she wants is to have my prick for herself
what she wants is visible in the way she looks at me whilst i'm eating lobster!!!!
what she wants is to be eaten by me what she wants is to have my cock all the time with her
what she wants is to possess me
what she wants is visible in evry cloud in her eyes
she wants bo be my world
what she wants is clear in her judgements of me what she wants is poetry at breakfast and for me to ride a big horse what she wants is clear in her condemnation fo me kingdom of pleasures what she wants os for me to earn bread what she wnats is strangled by her anger SADA In XANADU what she wants is poisoned by her fear
what she wants is to avoid hell
what she wants is to see she Is in hell attracted to it none the less what she wants is to open her eyes what she wants is hell with me in it what she wants is to 'give in'. is for us to drink wine from her navel what she wants is to be laid down on the table drink wine amidst eternity what she wants is eternal life the kitchen table ah what she wants is for us to feast on her ah ah ah oh oh what she wants is to provide for all For us as many save us what she wants is to be remembered for all those meals what she wants is new kitchen she cooked and served what she wants is to nourish from every pore of her body what she wants is to dance on her new kitchen stove she wants to get back to sleep she wants to seduce DJ and forget all about IKEA what she wants is to ave lifes juices oozing from every pore what she wants is to disappear she wants me prepare coffee in the morning what she wants is to be licked to sleep what she wants is for me to stay inside what she wants what she wants is to keep her eyes closed whilst I stay and stroke her hair forever and ever and ever and ever what she wants is deep deep sleep ..that i confess to her and every endevour What she wants is to feel.... safe what she wants is beefstake tartar what she wants is the bloody bloody truth on the plate with a raw egg on it what she wants is to wake up a dragon you cant handle the truth she wants my heart on a plate what she wants is to wake up with razor sharp teeth and just eat everybody oh oh oh vomit what she wants is to rip the meat to pieces she wants to brake my balls
hat she wants is to make a slave of me
a strong heart andviolently beautiful imges what she wants is to not feel sick she wants to break me what she wants whats she wants is to have the calm after the vomit what she wants is for me to love her even when she smell of vomit she wats a silent moment bacchaen madness she want my dck what she wants are her kids to be happy without her what she wants are her daughters to sing loudly she wants dionysius
she wants her daughters not to be like her what she wants are maybe not what she thought she wanted
that i coming from the sky what she wants is someone human what she wants os for me to spot her across a crowded room and know that i want her what she wants is someone she recognises what she wants is her father what she wants is that smile to hold her she wants is something simple what she wants is a dog like he never did what she wants is a dog who doesn't talk what she wants is a dog what she wants is a dog that she can leave behind when she goes off travelling
What you can have is.....
What you can have is a fuck on the kitchen twble what you can have is my credit card
<2> thank you
what you can have is the fuck by surpirse by the kitchen door
<2> the c.c. owner
what you can have is my big horse my weekly cleaning of the house what you can have are my listening ears what you can have is my tolerance at your vomiting
what you can have is my patience <2> sure?
my support what you can have is my big hands hugs what you can have is my sense of humour my beauty what you can have is me thinking about you.... quite alot in one day what you can have - no borrow - is my prick
<2> keep it
what you can have is me struggling to be a better human being because I want you to like me what you can have is my babies what you can have is my washing, never been into cleaning clothes my trying to understand you what you can have is the joy of preparing feasts for me and our friends what you can have is my time and courage what you can have is my cooking what you can have is what I can have what you can have is me doing the washing up what u can have is my brown eyes to look at and imagine yourself drowing in what you cam have is my militarism and patriotism my stuborness what you can have is the illusion that you are the only woman i ever look at or lust after what you can have is the confidence of knowing that I 'want you' alot at different times duing the day what you can have is my support what you can have is my horse what you can have is my friendship and mt credit card what you can have is my forgetfulness what you can have is my mess what you can have are my apologies and mistakes what you can have is me being me what you can have is one night what you can have are the tears what you can have is missing me what you can have are multiple orgasms you can have my babies unsatiably what you can have is my propeller diabolic unknown you can have everything from me what you can have are my arms around you you can have my arms around you hands on you what you can have is me watching you over lobster you can have me eat lobster in imitsation of what i might do to you what you can have is me being too absorbed in stuff to notice anything elase what you can have is me eating you what you can have is my dog my horse me for dinner you can have ny appetite what you can have is my absolute speed my mussles
so we now speak the lines to "HER (2) what you can't have...
what you can't have is
to enter into my cave
what you can't have is my soul
you can have acces to my mind what you can have is my revolt, my energy my lap my freedome what you can't have is my body my solitude what you can't have is my mind the unspeakable you know u cant have very little things you cannot have from me what you can have is my essence, its mine you can't have my heart - my wife has that
I mean't can't
you can't have that what you can't have is my feminism what you can't heve is my penis the man is telling the woman what she can't have ok what you can't have is my penis
what you can's have is my erection
what you can't have is the masterpiece i make you can't have my thoughts what you can't have is my constant desire you can't have my ejaculation my secrets you can't have my visits to the prostitute what you can't have are my dreams what you can't have are casting rights over who I dream about you can't have my fantasies you can't heave is my gun, my motor, my car my world my arse my absolute my gadgets what yyyou can`t have is my black skin my hair my independence my past you really cannot have my past my devils my dreams nihgtmares my lostness my sleepless night my solitude my horse what you cannot have is my freedom of desire. this is who I am what you can't have is nozhing compared with what you can have what you can't have are my habits What you cannot have is my pain
what you cannot have is my intellect
what do you want when you go elsewhere for pleasure? What do I want with home? i want to drown i want With home I have responsibilities that stflle my muse to get away from her asking me what i fucking want need of recognizing my value as a man to find somebody feeling me attractive
N wants only to know what we want us men when we go to her
to understand my needs without talking too much want you to be uncomplicated want you to make me feel good about myself simple want you to desire me i want you not to aks anything from me i want you not to want i want you to be a hole want to feel good with you in the moment and then be ble to walk away... stil feeling good want to be with you and never feel guilty want you not judging me want to be with you and not be responsible for your feelings want to be with just stroking me in the right places i just want to fuck pluck the rose and throw it away want to fuck you as many times a swant without being worried about wether you want to or not Natasha: so that you can go home and not feel that anything has been asked of you? yes only money (natasha)? for freedome? hehe whose freedom - your freedom as men it is not real freedome it is just surogat yes it is of sorts just empying the balls Natasha: i like this it is a freedome its not right on but it is freedom Nat: its honest yes it is a choice escape door Nat; what about the guilt you may feel when you leave and its all over? emergency exit I want to fuck and walk away knowing I can come back when i want to what guilt? I pay not to feel guilt Nat; (LAUGHS VERY LOUD) guilt is a bonus for the few
Nat: absoltuely exaclty
it is ciompletely and honest ransaction there is guilt we must build a kind anarhisem
it becomes a secret
I pay for the secret and brings distance it geives me power if u are in a relationship it gives me protection something like a wall of silence Nat:i like this Nat: I have been silent for 17 years if I know i can get it when someone chooses not to give it to me and have kept a secret of thousands of men i have held them close to my heart only within my mibnd and played a masquerade and an act of sorts which finally you had thousand of men? has taken me to thousands, literally.. ah what has it taken you to? I am thinking and feeling I need time... to be truthful I have become the Other for thousands of others
"i would like to weep but dont the time"
I have to become other for myself but it is extremely hard to become other you? when you have put on so many masks for those who are lonely grief stricken in marital breakdown lost frustrated and perverted and driven and the mask changes from one hour to another to be what they want you to become you have to be immediately responsive to EXACTLY what their fantasy is and it might be to be loved unconditionally ...... so i could lay there and hold them in my arms for an hour ....
you are dealing with peopl's raw emotions
souls ( I know you do this in theater too) secrets and vilified for it that fill you up I am so full up but sometimes Ifeel that ~i might burst carrying around thousands of mens secrets as if tiny molecules are exploding inside of my heart what do you wanr to do with this huge cargo you carry? but I have no where to put it nopw if I thought that every relationship breaks down then i would have t to give up on the possibility of a deep loving and creative relationship whereby 2 people try not to damage each other too much because they know something deep inside each other so they are careful thank you for the hugs thank u i agree
iam a nympholeptic
you cannot read nymphs?? to feel pleasure in something unreachable extazy
yes its like
reaching into the core of something that feels unobtainable by someone beautiful u cant really touch him as u would like to move him Nat: i'll know when is see his eyes you feel it in your belly
and its unspeakable Nat; yes i freeze
same time thats why in The Room ( where I worked sex) erm, it was easier In the Room it was easier as i felt no desire..
I was dead in a way
but very alive in acting sense
Nat: i was really honest in my acting yes
I would like to 'be' a man and come to see you ad ske you questions I would like you to work on our fantasy of what men fantasise about! Nat: that would fill cyberspace!! but yes hehe i hope it won't be too shocking for you cberspace is huge (laughter) and quite limited and toast to each other eyes, brown, blue, green, grey, black
19.dj log (15.06. 2006) she is....
conforting
she is much maligned she is taboo shredded she is everything what can we imaGINE she is godess she is perfume She is the plug let out of my bath water she is like warm blanket she is relief she is erection mother and sister and wife and friend she is like a mirror that cannot feel itself she is mother daughter, sister, whore she is social worker she is wet hot towel in my aching back she is imagination she is sincere she is a wip on my ass she is always there for me she is illiterate on purpose she has words in her hands she is compassion on tap
she is manliterate
she s manlitersate she is hope she has every cliche in her wardrobe she can be a bitch bad mama she is selling tickets she will be a bitch when i like this
bad girl
she knows my dck she is liar she is just a human being she is bloody good liar she knows all dicks she gets under skin she is a bargain! she reads the soul she is tired she is on ther ceiling don juan she is doing what wifes are not
she never calls me
she is looking for someone to listen watching me
she is expensive... she is threatening to turn the world upside down
she is the keeper of secrets she is cleaning the toilet for the next customer she is glamourous she is feathers she is brilliant actress she deconstructs the myth of dj she seems to be honest while we are cheaters
she is reality
she is filling her cupboard with shoes
she is filling her neghbours house with nightmares
magdalene clutching at Jesus' feet in gethsemene " noli me tangere' the bastard says
she is refusing to be blamed
she is walking a road of necessity she can protect me she is barefoot she is filling cupboards with fetish would sir like a nurse tonight? she is dancing to forget marmelade panties would sir like to eat my maremalde [anties? she is masquarading as mad but she isn't
she is spring and summer never cold
now she has to be a cheese omlette she is dreading the fuck from behind she is romantisizing abuse but at least she can weep without being seen for a chef in a divorce procedure she is just a little girl
just a little girl lost
oh oh oh she is searching for her jewels in the rubbish tip she is illiterate she is trying to remember where she just came from
emotionally highly intelliegnet
she is wired she is tender she is washing her fanny quickly ready for the next she is my disaster she is rubbing banana oil on her fanny for the next now she has to be fresh meat covered in a soft plastic she is packing to go on holiday she is hoping she can obliterate the smell of her own body in the she is walking over sleeping bodies bake me bake me and he comes fantasy perfumes she can rub from the bottle she knows as nonexistent she is walking over sleeping bodies counting the dreams now she makes a veegetable pie of him ]he has no meat she is giving back the secrets one by one to the bestowers it is his fantasy he is all vegetable she forgets herself for a moment he pays for his vegetables whilst the dollars roll in she is something secure she is civilisation right she is the hole of holes she is emptying her heart other peoples secrets where were we? she is the holy hole she is climbing onto a tower in the city to tell the secrets she is the centre of the universe om the hole zero she is a tremendous chameleon she is the story weaver no thing she is going to 'spill' she is an actress she is going to sing
her eyes out
she is a diva
she loves to eat lobster
now she has to clean her entrails in expensive restaurants
you fucking fuck
basically eshe is erotic herbs
she knows he likes her to dress up as a nun
with rubber underwear on underneath
only for christmas she knows he would like to take this nun to a restaurant she is shy and finger her under the white starched tables he is a Judge she is a Nun but only on christmas she thinks his fantasy very old fashioned and lacking in contemporary postmodern nuance she is speaking the language of flowers from now on she is the archbishop!! she is waiting for a fnatsy she can enjoy but its all church she is teaching the properties of herbs she is waiting for love of her life the most modern man in europe! she is burning at the stake she is openming her legs for mankind she is remembering her previous journies she is BORED yes she is tired she has been here before and she wants to en-joy none of that saviour bullshit she is taking the sins of humanity she is drenched from fucking all fucking day long she mistrusts women who feel sorry for her and all she wants to do is sleep yes and she does she is my beautiful indication for relax she wants a career that uses her mind she is curious to meet us she is she wants to see us naked she is healer she is hoping she may not be judged she wants to know she is safe in our hands she is waiting for us to undress she is waiting for us to step out from under our fears she is just a woman
leather armour
she is trying to pay her rent she feel naked without the makeup with a bit of metal she is trying out a new receipe cut out from a friends magazine i she is a symptom of perfect normality she would like to know wich boat we are sailing she wants to open a cheese shop
she is liberating the secrets
she is broke she is desperate cosmogeneticaliberating
she is owrn out
she is washing her own feet she wishes she had paid more attention at school burned out she is realizing her life hurt she knows how to wash his feet in oils she kind of enjoys her skills she is wearing kinky underwear under the long staid kaftan like a distant echo on putrid waters swallows up his own reflection in miriade of perfect bows she will play the game she is so bitter sad she wants to gobble sweetness sweet and sour of her past she lies she embrace she listen she uderstood she lies professionally she is flicking through her diary she likes vodka she like full moon she like flowers incense.. gorgeous lace ...... I want to be unsure man crowded with fantasies I wnat a woman who is not afraid of me as a man i'm not a fascist i'm a nice guy
I want you to tell me other mens secrets and i want to know what brings a man to the point that he pays to be caressed you make it sound so sweet
Don Juan gets it for free! who is dJ?
20.dj log (21.06.2006) In the war I...
in the war I hardly kept my style in the war I painted guns in the war I painted soldiers in the war i lost my appetite I couldn't write my name let alone a poem
in the war i was conquering soldiers
in the war i slept in mud with thousands of other dirty soldiers
in the war i rememberd all of my lovers i lost my hairs
i lost my friend i lost my mind
i lost my memoris in the war i found that all was fair
like in love in the war i discovered my beast afterwards the dirty bastards ate my lover everything was justified in order to survive in the war i watched my friend lose his face half of it torn away by shrapnel
i painted this so as not to go mad
into the sand in the war i fell in love with a camerade soldier in the war i tired to imagine that the bayonet was my dick in the war i was a very young man sward was my dick in the war they fed me porn movies before the battle
i was raping in the war a lot
women and men, too in the war i broke babies in two in the war i bit off the penis of my friend because if not i would have died
in the war i was not i in the war my weapon and my penis became one
this is ghappening now in a real cliche I lost the sense who the enemy is in the war i found my raison d'etre far away in the war i performed
duties
of hollow men
in the war my soul died
in the war i wanted to fuck a lot in the war i wanted to win but not the dirty soldiers i wanted even the dirty soldier lying next ot me in the mud in the war i thought of my lovers and wrote poems fro them in the war i discovered the human body
i started to like that smell, mixture of gun oil and dirtiness and sweat of men
in the war i learnt that flesh is just clothing in the war i decided my own law in the war i liked to cut flesh open in the war i have identity crisis in the war blood was paint I learned that the taste of blood is erotic painted on the walls with the blood of slaves in the war i became the other in the war i liked to humiliate my prisoners i liked to make them into animals fell in love with war i often asked myself are there ever any winners in a war I learned not to thikk too much i learnt to think of women and men as thjings as being already dead in my memory in the war i have the dreams of the calm river far far far away so far far away there is the sound of water in the war all i could think of were rations when would my next rations come?: my cigrattes my sugard my tea and for the very first time i experienced HUNGER my soup yes hunger for food and for flesh far far far away somebody blowing out the candles on a birthday cake the essence beauty and simplicity of hunger someone writing me a post card " i miss you darling" and me thinking i can't put a face to the name far far far away reminding me of where I am everything was so clear in the war. people. relations. life. and death the word fuck became basic vocabulary others were thinking for me in the war fuck fuck fuck cuck the lot of you it wispered itself all the time far far away life was ordinary fuck i never had my own place sometimes i wished i had a real home i could call my own that i might miss
"freedom was slavery"
my militay unit is my home and ONE woman waiting for me there\ with my kids waiting too boo hoo hoo they would cry at night as a lonely violin thinking of me thousands of miles away waiting for their daddy to return reminisce over missed opportunities many times i cried hidden in the night imagining my funeral would my body be buried in one piece or mutilated? exactly and where? who gives a damn would i be like burnt dinner in the tank they blew out? barebqued don Juan? oops, we forgot to turn him ove4r the feast of ages you know, despite all this I kind of liked the war because it was in some ways my kind of place
a place full of men
all lost all on the edge of life and deasth diggng themselves into invisibility in the earth some of them wouold take pot shots at the wounded just for fujn for fucking fujn fun the essence of humour, to become just a stupid machine yes it is good to be machine like a stupid machine bored into the ground in this fucking war i came from into nothing how do we do this war well? We dont we are done i was ok in war. i can't handle it now, in peace
no this is not peace merely the absence of war
too much peace out there! maybe i fuck a lot becausee i need to forget i like the absence of war its a start of the nightmare the replay the funeral recollection remeberance when i returned from the war i felt cleaner i felt like a good man sir Don juan a saw yust a black crows around me i felt closer to other men Knight don juan Lord don juan "o pitiful spite that i was born to set it right" and some of the women who fought with me ( they were bitches you know) but i fought the war for you for you!!!! so give me a fucking parade what would you like to see in your parade? what sort of music rings in your ears? What does the band play? symphony of hell don't take the music there this is the end i am human you know are you? me too in the war i didn't listen to voices like this pacifist shit i did my duty like any honest man would i did what i was told to. i am clean duty of my prick I don't hate you fuck the duty you are hero hmmm bring in the banners i'm just an ordinary guy you know just an ordinary hero with evil eyes beautiful eyes and very bad flying technique catch a look
i am the one who jumps through windows onto my horse and runs away
why? well there is rape in every kiss your horse turns to you and whispers Don Juan I love you thank you
will i ever find myself?
oh god in the war i never talked like this i thought of god and the absence of him of what men and women are made of now you've ripped yourself bare and spewed your revoltingness over my floor, I'm wanting you more than ever of flesh if you want intense feeling, stick a kitchen knofe in your arm it'll pass dancing and slipping in the blood nontheless it's just a bit of fesxual frustration if men fucked too much on the battlefield they would never kill dance your words with blood and bonds of guns and balls its your fucking life go on go on dance dance dance
terrorist
freedome fighter red shoes bewilder me dance dance dance explode go on go gon go on AAAAGGGGHHHHH what is it ? im a shell that cant explode holding our breaths in the war i often held my breath im a shell that cant explode Don Juan yes? yes my love? in the war i am far awaay holding our breaths in the navy.... lets hold each others breaths don't let any musician play a note silence
for there never was alovelier music as a violin left alone
I am don Juan and I have been to mumbai on my horse and i know how beautiful your women are and your men and i am tired of my war I've eaten your bread it has been hell drunk your wine and i return to find myself misunderstood
than try to find a place in mine
in the war i killed - yes - it was normal it was my job and when i come back nobody cares o the luscious scarlet lips hidden in a wilderness of raw black entwined silk where did that come from? see how my fantasy life just slips out unannounced there is no place for confessions nobody understand uncalled for nobdy love me really just the idea of me I am don Juan the actor my role is don Juan i feel a natural postcoital mood come over us like a gapping mouth running with a salty smell of fresh born whitered flowers blown out as a velvet juice on empty mirrors salty bursts like memories of lustfull pisoires to make tears like roman soldiers we were paid in salt my red shoes are full of salt
Don Juan
yes? are you tired of all this? wouldn't you sometimes like to curl up on a sofa like a cat and stay???? bewildered stay.... purr i will take care of you i will let you display your weapns on the wall i will let you tell stories about your war at our dinner parties i will let you imagine i am the soldier friend you loved sliping gently into that vertigo of touches and contacting and repeling and moving closer as the kiss that hangs between us as pure opportunity of chance has made me soft i am the enemy you killed my friend i wanted to forget and i want to be happy i will let you play golf golf ? i will let you have your breakdown discreetly and liquid, ebony, a scream that none shall heat hear i will lie next to you and never ask you anything or steal your buttocks
golf is green
and slow and bourgeois and sunday and very healthy and you get to hit a very small thing around the place war is healty for the economy over vast distances and you can chat and a lot of shit from hole to hole about the ways od the world yes this and that and how you are too tired to change it now who to bomb next the sluggish movements in the mating season of two monsters tangled up in one another moving spills out melons tossed into the ground to split in an gratifiing burst of sighs that you are wearing this hideous sweater oops just slipped out the demon in me time for a gin burst from that desire that skin was torn and clenched and finally was brought to sleep
oops just slipped out and all the dwellers now are going but for me who stays and plays with the hidden part of bodies and my brain shall stay for evermore and my shadow from that curtain lying shall be lifted nevermore
21.dj project log (06.09.2006)dressing him imagine A naked pagan, exploded into the fragments of his desires and obsessed by contact with his originality (added on wiki)
you have like a naked paper doll such as you dress with layers
so we imagine him naked and then layer by layer we dress him are ther mirrors
perfumes brushes or not? how does he get himself ready for the task????? ok?
all this happen after he took a shower, i sippouse
describe
he prepares shower
water so hot after he washed himself carefully he put on body milk with aloe vera and makes sure even his toes have this treatment does he sing? his toes are perfect so he does not bother too much with them... does he exfoliate? brushing off dead skin maybe with?? i mean so many choices what does he use? what is exfoliate? removing dead cells from the skin
does he sing? is he excited in a special way or is this just everyday stuff?
does he sing? he is whisling something for his pleasure what? marching song a gentle almost unodible lulliby or both he loves hot water and the steam of the bathroom oh yes open pores makes him like a baby again he likes to watch himself in steamed mirror in the bathroom pure.... pure as baby he likes to write words in the steam on the mirror so as to see himself through the lines and mirror is saying to him you are the best you are the best caressing the soles of his feet and massaging softly his hunkle he likes to look at himself cheeks quite red from the hot water sweating but very very clean arsehole clean ball clean edible! there is a kind of special attention he gives to his genitals engioyng belly bottom touching himself with desire maybe plucks a hair or two/ just for form
he see gray ones but this makes him enjoy himself even more
imagines her looking at him naked later yes the grey ones give him gravitas
and he thinks she will like this
he is SURE she will like this he has prepared some underwear nothing special really soft like skin second skin undreware underlining his figure, his body and we haven't even put his knickers on yet! even if anyway even withouth bathing ,dirty and oily he knows his to-come one would adore him anyway
he prefers to be clean
it is like tabula rase he can think himself into the new conquest with a clean body his body like a blank sheet yes, every time it is like the very first time yes so he prefers the smell of toilet waters, lavenders musks from bottles as a kind of canvas like a blank page of paper needed to be written on to paint the new smells of this night with yes a body to write smells onto we haven't yet got his knicjers a body to engrave his being to his knickers on! we have to get him dressed we have to put some clothes on we have to stop drooling and get him dressed!!!! he likes the bulb under the silk texture the bulb being.. so full of him so.... he puts his knickers on...? PUT HIS KNICKERS ON!!!!! first a cinese simple but ancient golden nekeless on his onthe naked body HAS HE GOT HIS KNOCKERS ON? tight one
I am getting very concerned about his knickers
I mean it might be picky but does he put his t shirt on before his knockers??
he puts on first his knickers and than t shirt ok ok ok thanks, i can breathe now
so...
next?
parfume burkia? que? ancient cinese aroma coming from frotting condensed honey with giade and amber lovely that'll be it might be burkia fuck the brand names go the the essential oils the source of odours rub it in like waxing furniture
preserve the body in odours a first and lateron turcoise scarf9
he have whole collection of them. he chooses them depending of his feeling that moment yes yes yes he uses to put on several and sometimes he wears thjem like round his head like a gypsy and at others in his breast pocket like al lord in layers they also come in very useful for mopping up tears, semen, blood... many snotty noses from crying and he can p0lay the silk scarf erotic thing on her skin with it if she likes everything is neet comes out of a small elegant suitcase sdo all round, silk scarf- very useful he might be composer of simphony of scents
i think he is currently barefoot in knickers, t shirt and perfume
his nose reads feromones, too yes yes yes
we need to dress him!
its getting later and shes waiting he see himself in now already dried mirror brushes his teeth not bad not bad he thinks brushes his tongue breathes his breath into his had to smell it not bad not bad he thinlks shall i chew gum? kissing himself in the mirror as she would be there hmmmm the mirror is hard and wet one after another his cashmire and silk and golden -siver embroided sleevers he licks it and than bliking with one eye he wants to get himself imaginatively ready he is ready vodka glass cincin on the mirror for good luck so no he isn't ready!!! no no no he has no shoes on no trousers ]wheres the detail!?? he thinks what to put on his hair ohmygod we have forgotten so many details help!± its getting late! are we panicking? he opens his wardrobe
which fucking trousers????
a long female dress,just for contrst the black ones with the ribbon up the side yves saint laurent quoting flmenco tonight he feels for black and white green and blue like a peakok or..ohmygod elegant shall he go in a dress or as a peacock or in syt laurnet ?/the choices are endless... of corse his soft linnen trousers but he have to choose something
throusers with skirt
unusual shocking
but very elegant
new man what colour????
balck and white
infallible black and white women always go for that\ bow ties... stiff shirts total cliches that work everytime.. but no tie well..
maybe?
something else to untie later.. which is nice(?) and he can always use the tie for a little light bondage just for fun yes. ok. something between tie, silk and butterfly is he still singing?
metamorphosis
shoes shoes shoes???? and slowly to hi self where and what are his goddamn shoes? so far he has on underware, throusers with skirt, shirt with something around socks? so does he wear socks??? please don't tell me he wears socks in bed!!!! yes. they are not white. no please!!! good phew no he have no socks in the bed they have to be grey or charcola or black silk please please please!!! but he do have socks
thanks god
black or gray silk ones are cool how are his choes then? why women are so horrified with men in socks? and which socks did he choose? and how does he keep his socks/. in pairs? in fact, how is his wardrobe? tidy? organised? or a mess hmm? of course in pairs and in french socks organizer
i think he has a vuitton travle trunk as a wardrobe
with socks there is always such a mess... a symbol of his fugitive state a cabin trunk yes
sometimes he have no time to put them on when he is on the jump on his horse
yes of course but what the hell Ä‘so he have to buy new ones regularly
he is not attached to material things
remember that but he likes so much his red dancing shoes wel,k magenta actually
is he ready yet??????? i mean, how much longer will it take?
he treats his hear with creams
BUT WHEN SHE WILL RUN HER FINGER THROUGH HIS HAIR WILL HER FINGERS GET STICKY WITH GREASE AND OILS?
they are shiny as a fur of a wolf horse smell ah
he is using beer after he washes them
yes and in the summer fresh lemons no? strong stink makes parfumed oils assimetrical senses and much much more interesting so beer makes them shiny and light his hiar has to smell like the sea yes, lemons he likes very much i think it really has to smell like the sea no? yes, he comes from the sea
is he a shark?
but he especially likes sea and sea fruits he can be shark uis he ready? is he full of the right smells does he look good does he feel good? red harring is he ready to work on getting all these clothes off again then?? he checks the mirror. he is cool. he is satisfied how he looks she will. she will what?? i guess they will eat oysters and stuff now we have mentioned it? all that raw sea fruit? she will forget her lower mandibula somewhere down when she will see him and?? and he blinks to himself another time and leave the bathroom we need to think of her, imagine her too, like a naked paper doll slowly with curiosity as you open a wellwrapped gift.stinky. delicate parfume
but we cannot do this now
we do not have time we need to stay with him get it straight what he smells of the colour of his socks
so, what colour are his sockes, for sure then?
magenta thank you shoes? dark shiny blue? if the shoes are magenta, than... hat thank you
alpine with a fcrow feather i like magenta for socks
i want to ask something very silly that ailors ask
i want to know " which side he dresses" ( s0rry) xo you know what i am talking about ( i whisper now)
how you mean whish side he dress? well, it means which side i dont which side does he put his dick? ahh there are 3 choices left, of course thank you up down right
4 choises surely he doesn'tmove it around?????
no, he is not a monster from a circus exacl;ty! but his treasure is not average one... either i almost didn't dare ask but it is important to get the details for god is in the details yes, i know he is.... not average he does not put attention:any side will be great she actually isn't that interested in his size in any literal sense she has imagination they all do.. she is moved by his ..well, his eerything its beyond mechanical not size
and they haven't even met yet?!
yes. important is he is very satisfied with his size amazing!!!!!!!!!! you know something that occurs to me? wha?
she will not in the end be owrrying about the size of her vagina...
odd, no? he forgot to clean his ears! shit!
jewellry!! we forgot any jewllry
something very simple yes yes yes but what?? natural materials tooth of grizli or shark or some mistic symbor
he can tell a story latter ah good, for a moment i thought he was going to go all politically correct
yes something on his finger he can stroke and talk about in bed adfter the first fuck
always goesd dfown a treat he can say " well this ring is..." blah blah snd she will be fascinarted escpecially as the ring he is talking about was inside her just minutes ago bite the ring and fid the juell he says provocatively could be esmerald or some precolombian mythologic figure but we can't do this. they haven't met yet. we haven't even dressed her something what burns imagination of her it has to be speculative he knows how things go. he is ready to tell all the stories necessary yes but NOT YET!!! so he chooses his gadgets 'jewlery' his feathers AS STORYTELLING DEVICES? exuses yes hes a talented schmuck because he knows there will be questions
and he knows that all he will be wearing when those questions come is his ring
in paris he found a simple little stone and he uses to put it in his shiny blue shoes just for a hint of pain, just a shdow of pain
to stay awake
alive conscious because perfection bores him he is only interested in the crevices
like a crustacean
he is living in the cracks cracks? deep inside
he wears a gentle smile
he wears his heart on his sleeve
he wears but never tears
(the epilogue was added by anonymous after the session): he decides he will wear his soul on his forehead he will be dreadfully honest he will be a fresh image of himself he will blend his intelect with his imagination in voluptous forms as to pierce her with his power to be naked and speak in the same time he will unravel stories with delicate transparent hidden compliments ... (inserted unanymous bouqets of inverted flowers slipped into her handback without noticing...) oh he loves his wings trembling inside his stomach before the storm before the first glance as agentle thrill of departure but different and especially because it seems so different with her She blew him away she is something very different a different species one might say she is unspeakable, no use writing about her... and here and since a very long time the great Don Juan felt scared “Is she the one,?” a voice of dying ancestral voices whisper from his depths pretending to be him Yes, he couldnt rubb it out, he was scared But why? Even when he met her he was changed, her presence changed him, he wasnt the cool guy with his decadent outlook on love and the universe, he was enslaved, it hit him like the head of a flying axe, and after those first words, he was paralysed, stunned as a rabbit peeing into his trousers before a giant anaconda, waiting, wanting and at the same time feering. No this wasnt love, anything but that, that word made unclean by too many tongues speaking it ... It was a miracle he could ask her to join him in a dinner. It was a miracle she said yes. What a vision of her he had then, she was a calm lake bathing him in the color of silence, flowing through him with a silence she couldnt see or feel or touch, only I could feel it and there was the stuff for a new intimate tragedy that I drank when we finally managed to shut up and begin to feel eachother. And the dreams I had off her! I would dream and wake up still in love! That same faceless face that same intense androginous purity which enveloped me more beautifully than her melody More beautiful than anything in a future that is coming Oh she is special...she is very special. He stops fully dressed and thinks...wow... I might even not want to sleep with her, it was as if a sudden plague of his mindworks marveled at an image he was obsessed with in years ... I saw it in her eyes, she was untouched, she was shy, a hidden blush flowered on her cheacks pulsing as ripe fruit. (and i was afraid of breaking this vision of perfection, but the end is important in all things, it felt like i was involved in a ritual which ends with inserting your dick in an eleven year old girl. (ah not lolita!) She is longing like a vase that wants to be broken without knowing the meaning of broken ((maybe the virgin thing is a little cliche, but it can be one of the numerous perspectives divised by the chorus, the chorus brings together so many marvelous and contradictory things, the mind in which nothing is certain))) She is a wild fruit as from a place with distant and erotic exotic shores She is unpenetrable An enigma unpenetrable It would be better if I knew nothing about her, he says before slamming the door He shruggs his shoulders As he decends marrily into the coming abyss...
22.dj project log(13.09.2006) dressing her
she was excited all day her heart drummijng in her bones
boom boom
fever
she began naiked she put new sunglasses on examined her feet
shit she thought
lots of work here old nailpolish to remove she is preparing the long hot bath
with minerals and dried flowers
lemon and oliveoils alook in shoe closet to see, which one she'll wear horse milk donkeys milk like celopatra if you please!
she pours it into bath
adds lemon steam is filling the space she is very excited it stinks of hot milk and lemon
she doesn'\t want to emrge smelling of lemon cheescake
so she adds some rosewater
is she shaving?
some parts
she tries to be relaxedes she shaves her public hair but not totally
no]
she leaves some stripes of hair, shaped like
- intimfrisur
marilyn monroe ah so her pubes like marylin? is she doing this for him?
yes
of course she is doing this for herself there is something narcissistic in wishing to please another
cold smile
she is stroking herself she knows she will be swallowed by him imagining what he might like his gaze
the bath is ready
very very very very hot SHIT!!!! she burns her toes she saw him just once... in front of teh mirrror she obseves hr body from all sides, touches the parts she doesn't like she hasn't eaten all day to keep her belly tight
now she's starving!
chocolate a piece of chokolade, yeah sugar up
apiece of chocolade and a finger of champagne!!!!thats what she needs!!!!
veuve clicot so, relacx music on thinking of this man she only just met once
who she has heard so much about
splooosh
ahhhhhhh
he is interesting but a mistery and now we feel we are in a movie we have already seen in whcvih the camera catches the soap bublles on her
(extra text added on wiki:) If he could only stay that way, a mistery, anonymous, a figment Shes afraid of coming To know who he is (if he could only stay perfect in her mind) She is afraid that glorious image would brake up and reveal another trickster longing only for the inside of her panties, like a sad nostalgia of his forgotten childhood dizziingly craving for a night in extazy and then forget about her like you forget the plot in a porn movie to lure her into undressing and keep the image of her passion her nipples and her open flower of that moment only as a token and a fragile memory sinking into a promise for tomorrow, be it cliche or breathtakingly original... So she will take it slowly, unless... He rapes her or changes her mind (....)
shoulders from behind
the steam rising her slightly sweaty no bubbles, no light on her cheeks and upper lips her pulse rising we need to remove this camera we need to create this moment aftresh a hand searching for a soft towell as if for the first time ever! how-d-we-rise-ab0ove-cliches?! how can we make this special? hers and only hers???? her moment of preparation her anticipation pure unadulterated by pulp how can we do this? how can she do this? is it possible??!!
each time is the first time
hmmmmm ha
she looks at herself in the mirror as she would see herself for the first time
in the steaming bath smelling of jojoba, lemons and miulk
mess in her head
why? does she want to go to this place?
(....) No she wants to stop changing Changing her clothes Changing her
body Changing money Changing lovers Changing souls She just wants all
this bullshit to stop!!! (...) she is not sure she knows really the
woman she sees in the mirror well yes this is her recurring existential
issue she's confused
((...)) she looks into the mirror and sees someone else someone who could pass as a fruitfull obsession between two people the figment with which he will built another image close to him so he can yearn for her in private ((...))
she is not sure she knows really the woman she sees in the mirror
well yes this is her recurring existential issue she's confused she is still young.. does she want love?
she is on fire
she is a virgin
she doesn't want to think much
she is a virgin
that explains it
she want everything. love .respect. fun. to be amused she wants to be adorable and adored she is a virgin and the question is, does she really want to? about to be deflowered and she is trying on the cliches she wants to forget all warnings and they fit
she doesn't want the cliches to fit so well
she wants her own story
she is going to be deflowered by don Juan
imagine that she knows this will happend feels it in her bones imagine that!! she is afraid not to be a la page yes and she is also afraid she will be late for the rendezvous such is her relaxation
She will choose if he performs well, she will grant him excess to her misteries
on the other hand she wants to be in fairy tale
she wants to kiss a frog
and change the world
to be mused by him she doesnt want romance or anything she has seen before she wants a briliant performance sparkling with lonely genius
she was reading so much about how it is, how it will be yes yes she heard about it, she is trilled and shy
she cannot quite picture herslef doing this thing yes she trusts her intuition now she sees the clock!
oopsa
time is tickling
fast all that silk stuff to get on
and th bathroom is so steamy even the towles don't dry her
so she puts a lot of body powder on a cloud of this!
she looks almost like a geisha
yes as if it rained flour wite like her soul.. she stands there in the steam white as a virgin and paints her lips a deep dark red she's scared she is perfectionist she had planned on the black dress... with spaghetti straps that fall off when she laughs yes, black dress on the white soul
getting dusty with the flour
of the powder
concentrate, she thinks.
everything will be fine
she still hasn't put her underwear on!
disaster!
she doesnt need it anymore, she is a new woman from here on hmm atchoo seven underware
short nervous smile
suddenly.....
hell
hell hell why tonight? and gets a tampax from a box because the ads say with tampax everythgin can be normal yes also, the tampon is like a rehearsal.. she knows somehow he will understand? he will have to. she knows that, like a hells angel, this might even excite him
(....) Sorry darling its my enslavement to the moon that is the reason why you cant have me tonight, she will declare to him after the first long and promiscious kiss, just when he is about to perform that magic, so rarely mastered by man, namely, the succesfull unclipping of the braw. It will be perfect, she will make him hunger... (...) he will not even notice her lust has gone
he will not even notice
her lust has gone
but she knows her lust will return once she has had a few glasses of champagen more and he is looking her in the eye so she have to choose underware black suddenly she thinks she IS dj then realises this is an illusian she is just a young virgin she's late preparing to be fucked by DJ with a dinner as a prelude
a ritual
anyway it will be bload during her first sex
yes maybe appropriately
she says
how can she do this?
you know, we are running out of time here/....
he's already on his horse...
she will tease him with her hymen like u tease a doggy with a bone bonner
what about her face? now the dress and shoes
he will thrilled if she would say to him she's a virgine ok ok ok so the face?..: i mean we got the dress, the underwear, the facial expression the lipstick and
right big fat mascara and come and fuck me lips red velvet shoes piercing in tongue ah come and fuck me shoes fuck me shoes as oppsoed to come and talk to me nicekly shoes?
she wants to be radical suddenly takes the razor...
and.. whoosh! shaves off her eyebrowes the razor to the head
her head bones are beautiful
she is like a nubian princess blup blup in the sink
she is bald and absotuly g0rgeous
no cliches she is bald and red lipped and absolutely gorgeous and she is slightly drunk and very cery ready for action!
like some goth halfway between oblivion and a firtst day at school
suddenly arghhhh! fucking blood! can't be how does she cope with Nature like this??? SHE IS NATURE yes, but she is about to do the seduction scene with DON JUAN for godssake! she takes off her dress and rinses it in water
puts it back on, wet....
luckily its a warm september night
it will dry
so when it gets dried it will keep the perfect shape of her body? yes you got it
parfume
shit yes forgot something japaneese ohhh he wiill says
shes imagining shes got vivid imagination light
strange
unbearable he wiill be completely at her mercy
yes she knows she has the power to seduce him even though he will believe he did it it is a secret she enjoys to nurse
tonight he has prey I WANT HIM! my flesh calls for you loverboy the baldwoman calling
like a tidalwave she needs to clam hertself calm
because she still needs to call the cab
and she's forgotten the number is it 44 22 55 66???? shit or 55446622? TAXY!!!!
or 55 66 77 88?
or 33 22 44 11?? numbers were never her forte TAXYYYYYYYYYY! she will pick it up on the street yes better last checking... in a ltiny mirror she will pick his dick out of his pants like a small worm tumbling on the edge
(...) of an expectable revelation
but that will be later is this all there is?
all there is to it?
she is ready for the encounter of two worlds
of course they will be very polite very english talk about the weather and stuff taking refuge in numerous ways of humble seduvtion before lezing the noose drop
and she will say u wanna come in and they wont be even standing at her door
but we haven't even set the scene for the meeting so this is ASLL IN HER HEAD little confusion
in her and our heads
but thats ok yes its post after modernism zism yes normal she is us, we are she its a gestalt thing yes our nipples is hard already
yes we are all bald and wet
damn my nipples can be seen !!! we are all longing for the moment so, is she ready to go out with her nipples ON?
everyone got their nipples on?
black and wet and tight ooh ahh lalala and salty mmm making that nice formation between her legs when she walks yes descrihbe: the nice formation is like:
a numb cat rubbing itself between her legs
i like that image it kind of works for me but why numb????
Cause she, namely her peach cannot speak, only yearn and drip
that slight phantomic wisper ankle-hips ancle-hips u. h.-u.h. its the legts crossed in front of each other that makes the fabric fall into the crotch like mannequins on the catwalk do fabric falling on bones.. anyways, she is not quite like that she is bald and powdered and drunk kind of kowing and not kn owing all at the same time as if she has been round the world and back again already born alrady died already born again into this life
and she KNOWS HIM
you know? she KNOWS HIM already.....
dj is just a dream dreaming
bno no no no hes not a DREAM. HE IS THERE, STANDING AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE RESTAURANT smoking waiting a smile curled on his upper lips weird weird girl he thinks because in this game they both know already what happens next nostrills pumoing. the art is in HOW..... but they have to do the eating thing first no? yes so all those shellfish waiting for them..the melted butter, garlic cooked wine.. ok so we have rushed to the table and i don't even know what it looks like.. we still need to give them dinner, our creations..
we create these people
from our minds shit - wheres the romanced gone? the ritual? we need the ritual
its late
she watches him eat and there will be a long long session to get them eating and fucking or not eating and not fucking or whatervert just swallowing with the eyes for the beginning no no eating no fucking just swallowing with eyes till the next scene ok?
no blow jobs no finger licking no fist fucking no tongue rubbing tonight darling no guava jellies no bananas shakes no aplle sorbetes no nothin no champagen poured down her nipples
no fucking seduction scene yet!!!! no stirrin it ups steak tartare! no dancin in the moonlight extatic like and chopin off penise and puttin them into back the earth shit
that hurt no blood oozing onto the velvet chair
no mascara melting down her cheeks as the wine gets to her and she starts crying with lust no whipped cream
to lick off no coffee with brandy in a heasted glass no zambucca on fire no tarantella.
no no no no none of that tongith no loss of self
just looks? as sinatra song? sniff sniff none. no flood no strangers in the night
how can i have an authentic feeling?? i want an authentic thought, image, feeling
but its impossible in this culture my soul is is in bits dj please help me puttin it back together will u my saviour its all been done i want to feel something new and new and new and..
ok ok
let me cut you so i see where it hurts ok ok bit by bit bring me a HATCHET ok ok ok ok divide me if it turns you on split me yes make me disappear spill my blood over the decks of this neverending storie i need a horse! to ride on i need to risdre away i need to go elsewere ik need a simile
to go elsewere
its just too much for my poor nevrons i need to go elsewhere and think :)
yes
we all needd to take our nipples and rest and let She and he work out the next chapter
My girl's name is Greta. She is approaching to a bar. She feels good, but maybe a bit shy, she hides it behind her selfconfidence, she pretends to be very, very tall, that usualy help. He's checking her, frienly, there is no danger in the air, his eyes are soft and misterious, she simply loves him, he's devoted and galant , brought her a present, she decides not to open the box je, the box stands between their glasses. they both stop talking, look to the side, than look to each other at the same time, they have to lough. She is sorry to be late, he's happy, that she came in your story maybe its OUR STORY!!!! yes it should be our
by writing together and letting ourselves be interrupted
permitting others to change us as we go
it is to cease to be me and become us ohohoh a kind of orgy of words we are all fiction.....
23. don juan project log (20.09.2006) seduction dinner ANNA’S EDIT 21/1/07
the seduction dinner
she realises the time
before leaving the great don juan was masturbating in his apartment behind close shutters, so as the neighbours might not see his gorgious pearls
he likes to do that before meeting a woman one has to forgive the tenor for clearing his throught it kind of warms him up like a ballerina with her plies hes not nervous that way all operatic this wank no? it takes the edge of things he has shed some surplus semen and is ready to face the next conquest while she is is relentlessly tryng not to be late she is ringing for cabs no she calls him from the street with the wind unwinding her skirt she is in the taxi now
and she says:
i need to get to the frog and peach restaurant
IMMEDIATELY!!! and the cabbie knew she was just ` a very nervous virgin
the cab draws up
she fidgets in her sloppy bag
and finds some money pays the driver and gets out alone, feeling suddenly like a very small child in a church (we forgot: NO CLICHES) before god that is Juan where is he?
where the hell is he? is she early? suddenly she spies him in the chocolate dark bar
There. the table by the window
nursing a whisky on the rocks one hand rather near his crotch
smoking opium eyes narrow dusty well she imagines its opium but really its just cigar warm velvet he stands sensual she's laughfing and beckons her over
he smiles
tells her she is looking good very good tasty keeps smiling
they both smile
like animals bearing their teeth in smelling danger he knows exactly what he wants
come here
she notices his canines sharp very white
keeps them very white
lots of calcium when he was a kid and he notices.. she knows what she wants her hand smelling of roses his of musk she gets a whiff of hic cologne he a mouthful of her chanel they swallow each others odour pretending they are kissing the air around each others ears feromones they watch each other after they have managed to shut up and sit he likes her spaghetti straps and her bald head though it was a shock at first but he has seen pictures of her like this in catwalk photos he knows she is a fashion model and he knows her hair will grow again
many girls in glamourous jobs are really very innocent
and she is one of them knows everything but has done none of it yet and tonight she has decided to do it all with HIM she waiting for the one and here he is Mr Wrong but only if he will give a good performance he always gives good he he he never fails
thank you may i have the menu she chooses carefully, that why she is a virgin
she notices steak tartare and plat de fruits de mer and cannot decide
but knows she wants it raw
tonight he orders an amazing wine she bites the menu with her sharp teeth fine she says you choose she sits on the menu and rubs her hand across her smooth head
you like meat? says him
drive me crazy
steak tartare, than? you like it raw?
heart still beating nearly i like to be very very very delicate with very very very raw stuff me too says him he looks at her surprisingly enjoy the moment savour the moment
who's paying for the meal
back to his eyes
whjo is paying???
she earns more than him his eyes turn to her handbag which is made of dead snake than she pays? well she isn't sure about this
they are eating slightly
the food tastes weird in their lustful mouths yes but what? sterak tartare and oysters
music has started up he says
hows your cha cha? chah cha is hot
and she wants to press her crotch
against his she drinks his odour in she flies and succumbs
she can feel his bump thinking of whether she would take it in her mouth
Blood will flow tonight, he thinks Inside she is molten lava
she is trying to bite his ear
here is DJ and Her dancing a cha cha
she only a virgin in the hymenic sense masticating with envy they watch DJ and her dance biting each others ears
and doing the cha cha
It's a cold night
he says he's sweating "shall we skip dessert, brandy etc etc?"
and just go to bed??
BED? sorry I maean if you'd like to
relax in my ..veranda? says dj
many women have been converted by DJ virgins even nuns she looks in the mirror. married women single women
women who do not like men at all..
women who do not want to get involved because he is
a calling
like a vocation like the calm point of arrival after a very very long journey because not necessary in the soft and flechy sex she has loved with her girlfeinds
she is ready to try cock the myth
the phantom the hero the dream the silverscreen idol whom we have heard so much about its.....
she wants to taste the phenomenon
for herself the aching burning yearned for passion fix the man so many books have been written about opera movies websites yes, i'd like to visit your place, she say
this great big man just mine for now? in the mouth
in my cunt or around my neck yeah up my back like the snake that made my handbag in my face laughing unhunh over my feet as I dance suddenly all her fear disappears
he is good
she feels so strong and happy he feels good and promising though she finds the word useless she feels joy jouissance joyness and they dance the dance of the beast with the two backs grunting and screaming kissing leacking leaking the neck ! squeezing tight sweat biting shaking smell grinding away ooh ahh wrestling
they knew they passed the no return point
everythnign is shaking as if earthquake had occurred things fly away shatter and they both knew they have to find some intimate place SOON fast now her fingers would be flashes of nakedness they are still in the street or just do it up against a wall a tree in a small dark street
a hall of the entrance to those bigger buildings
where somebody might come any moment suddenly a cab passes, splashing them with rainwater from the gutter they scream the cab stops ....... embarrased the driver
knows this is the moment in the story when he has to pick up the lovers and they have all the back seats for themselves he was driving
with his left hand and checking rear mirror driver saw
greening and driving
or grinning but greening is delightful he liked the atmosohere full of lust in his cab
this happened to him at least twice a week
but he felt this time it will be special he put his favorite cd in the player
and drove
on the hightway in big circles on the back seat whilst they turned and rolled and licked and tugged and sucked
skin was screaming for skin she knew that he was for one night only
no pill no safeguard no safety net no way to control the emotion no closure
no way of controlling any more
no stop to the future just the desire to merge drown fall in and trust
she is devouring him
oh my
time stops
time
stops
because she is already HIS
like a split fruit
gapping flesh torn open ready to be eated whole befilthed
I wanat him to go now and leave me in quiet peace
the deflowerer she says the bastard and loves him I want and i don't want I want him here I want him gone I have everything. he leaves with nothing I HATE THIS FEELING OF TOO MUCH TOO MUCH TOO MUCNESS I watch him gallop off. I'm victorious he'd be such a husband if he'd stay!
she waves to him
but not romatincally like in the movies
she waves at him like he was a passing ship in the ocean
he'll be back make him promise
make him promise
he'll be back
desperate now!!!!
evening dress abit crumpled shoes a bit grubby handbag gone she got devoured with FEELINGS but she can dance too melancholia
maybe again to capture that magic
the passion
a deep penetration
of her soul
The restaurant is hers
the music is hers the wine is hers oh the memories of her will stay within him as the smell of pure and distant Ophelia she touched stars for a moment but she always has one eye just one eye on the door just in case
24.dj project log (29.09.06.) touch in cyberspace
ANNA’S EDIT 21/1/07
the concept of touch in this process by which i mean what we are doing when we write like this
imagining ourselves as anyone else trying to find the different points of view
feelings
the intimacy of this process of keyboarding touching blindly what it does to our bodies
our imaginations our sense of presence of each other etc etc when i touch the keys or when we touch the keys or when you
when i touch the keys i am jumping
in the dark
I think im touching you but it is only myself
when i touch the keys
i nurture
myself
A new form of closeness
lonely when i touch the keys i cease to be me my flesh melts burns away and i am only words i am never me signs signs agreements recognitions i cry for me that I am losing by touching the keys when i touch the keys i am given the space normally left for prayer the space to lose myself in the idea of a beyond into an excrement of ink frozen by ejaculation
when i touch the keys i am safe]
from ink excrement semen sweat blood I lose myself
we can do so much touching
without touch exactly when i touch the keys i realize just fragments of my thoughts and feelings can be entered it is the formal union of a philosophical conseption of unity why do we fetishise our fleshly presence? cause we are alive but in religious imaginings god is never flesh and we dont want to think that we are touch convince us we exist for real writing , now, to you, with you touch is like an echo i disappear we have art and all that in order not to die of the truth
and we have these systems
of communication so as not to die of our inability to tell the truth??
touch is same as words just different
it talks stories
feelings
desire
what would DJ do with our studio?
withj MSN etc?
he would use it for seducing
by the absence HE is obsessed because it permits his permanent absence obsession because he wishes only do dissolve into such space
that contains no flesh
no rings no houseowrk no teethbrushing no fixing broken things no streets or towers no babies crying in the night nothing of this trivial carnal mythology no boredom He says: i like this toy i feed the imagination i feed it with words signs dissolving melting its a little like death like orgasm?
explosion into nothing he thinks
I could play in this cyberspace forever I could be all on my own i could do EVERYTHING then he realises he would need smells the complex aroma
he would need
the smell of her breath when she laughs and comes close the only problem is
his keys are swollen He wants her close
he wants her gone
he is sick like everybody else, sick of the same images enslaved as the rotten fruit of the 21 century
the same as everybody in search of some body
another body
when i touch the keys i am prick driven bastard too i write the next moment i paint the next picture and look for the keyhole i dream the next dream
does He feel less lonely when he types??
I am dj I am spartacus ! seriously
liberating all the slaves I am a meat the sweet thing to suck on I am only interested
in absence I am interested in obliterating oh so there nothin left to talk about on the contrary I am only interested in the fact that I can play at being so present so as to feel so as to feel what i love to feel yes i can only feel this if i can be absent in short i do not want anyone coming on here and talking about the temperature of baby milk first you cook the mess and than you enjoy the absence? i do not want anyone coming on my screen and talking of the electirciy bill
i like to leave messes behind
it makes me feel somehow cleaner so this space is perfect for my purposes big cybermess then bye bye to re-invent my next appearance actually this is the perfect tool for my seduction work
and when internet crime police traces you they are breathless finding a nine year (or 90) old kid playing dj and when they find me i will aready be gone
remember my horse! my pegasus my kentaurus why am I so interesting??????? why am i so interesting to others
beacuse you are cursed with beauty
tell me about my beauty because fantasy of others is working for me like so many girls that have learrned from their teens silence and DISTANCE
why am i associatesd so deeply with
desire when i am not tender nor lasting
nor helpful
and i convince myself it is you only who can cure me i am a swashbuckling idiot with a reasonably large dick and a sex addiction and a horse so what makes me so interesting?
i have heard of some whose hearts have broken hearts shattered
like glass in an atomic explosion hearts are selfish
hearts are not selfish
heart is amuscle pumping blood
organs
its all it does feelings constructions as delicate as they may be hearts are a physical sensation boom boom i love you yes life broke my balls but it also created them but i break hearts no they brake by themselves they all say i made the mess!!
they have to blame someone
they long to be broken they follow the myth they expect this to happen. and it happens for the universe is a mysterious place
you'll be crucified anyway
i just want to live the way i know
I am cruciffied every moment but never as myself by all clean and orderly people
all i want is to shag girls in short shag them shag them!!! actually i want them to shag me
i have to take matters into my own manly hands
i want only to experience the beauty of the moment that i turn them towards me destroying it by a touch making it common by touch see thier juices flow just by looking them in the eye making it a memory by touch its is SUCH A TURN ON so when i do it this way destroying this longing by touch writing IMPOSSIBLE i can imagine what i like of them and they always always melt in my mind on the screen in front of me and in my hands because they are me no them i make them in my mind i create them according to my mind this makes me somewhat like god on the seventh day... my mind creates them I have nothing to do with it Im innocent i am my mind though You know what i think hell would be? ? I think hell would be stuck alone, writing like this and realising in the end there was nobody out there I have seen worse
as if i was seducing the void
a mirror only myslf no other odour no other flesh to bite only words... YOU ARE ALONE unescapibly
i am alone
indeed i celebrate this fact daily
nonethless
i like to fuck
i am existentially alone
but orgasmically with others why is the human beautiful when energised from inside? because it is ALIVE becose we use beauty as a tool to cover the shit yes
no maybe
beauty is a lolly
that is a phallic thought
is a nest over the abyss beauty might also be a cream pudding in which you throw your face but pudding doesn't hurt i, DJ do not look for beauty all thoughts come from the vagina of the universe I find it in the faces and bodies
of those i know i will penetrate
like the ancient chinese i will add my yang juice to the yin juices i will bend my jade tree thats all i ask ever and to be able to then be absent gone a thought without an image
barely a memory
except the smell of her on my hands
i am addicted
to this i would die without it i will die from it i am like a poor capitalist dweller impelled and compelled to purchase the next thing the next odour the next vagina no more decadent than modern more new more new more from a past century of seducers and again as long as its new
like equipment you unwrap from the elecrtial store
not like a valium model on the edge of a new dress not like prozac salesman the joy of the complexity of packaging the striptease of packagin to find the glorious shining gizmo not like a womb fisherman i like to unwrap women yes like them
i like to unpackage the goods
and play with them admiring everything they are capable of
all those twists of logic
not like a brothel of sex and suicide my metaphor is technoliogcal more than economic wow what a beauty not a dead van gogh in the sunflowerfields of yesterday look what it can do! for me with me give me this and that i am depressed in truth i do not believe
that much
i am a realist i have nothing to lose because i do not pray and I DONT BELIEVE i do not crave a position unless in my capabilities (other than on top or underneath her or on her side with her legs over my shoulder) I don't believe yet i believe that when i touch this is as close to go as you'll ever get
close to god
the same fingers that write this write on her body in her body transport the smell of her sex to her own mouth we are miraculous no! inscribing oursevles
in the world around us
where are we now? do we want to let DJ get away? do we want him to stay? i want to go he says i have had my words my touch my mindful
we can't own him. but we can entice him to stay..
are we capable to domesticate him?? is he ready to be domesticated?
will he still be dj?
domesticate versus seduction
25.dj log (5.10.06) she and he made of…
What are little boys made of? What are little boys made of?
" What SHE is made of is...
She is made of honey she pours over him she is made of sweet tenderness she sneers at him she's full of air She is without skeletal structure, like honey so she pours over him She is made of dust and blood her will is made from stainless steal she is made of lipstick and oils she is made of eggs her breath is like light mountain breeze she is mostly made of juice and fluid she is made of wanting him to give her bones she is made from finest dreams she is made of his dreams she wants to devour him she is made of unfinished material
she is made of elusiveness
she's made of boring sand and she'll have to change something to be attractive she is made from mothers fears
<
she is made of her father and her mother she is made of mirrors
she is made of a hole
that needs filling she is made from finest china porcelan she is made of an unbroken umbilical cord she is made of lace and hair she is made of pain and desire
she is made of her own lust she is made of envy
for his elusiveness she is made of womb and breast she is made of ebony and silk she pulls with one hand and pushes with the other she is made of her own foolishness
<B> and heart
yes her heart she is mae of her heart she is made of her childhood dreams that pulls her on a lead like a dog (in the same weay as his dick is) she is made of her charades and her masquerades all there to impress she is made of her terror her stillness is terrifying that gives rise to these masquerades she is made of her fear of invisibility she is made of faith that he will stay one day she is an empty vessel she is made of a confusion she calls love she is made of eternal waiting she is made of thwarted ambition
she is made of skind and bone and hair and blood and juice and marrow...
she is made of hope no matter how many times she falls she has unearthly powers she floats and looks down at him with contempt she is made of her own lack she is made of envy for his substance she is made of trust she is made of belief she is made of a fascination with his penis and its presence she has total power over him she is made of great powers that she knows she can fulfil she is made from taking and giving
she is made of cunt
she is the figment of his imagination she is made from despair and now she comes close as if to hear us! she is made of his imagination she is made of witchcraft she is made of her own guts she is made of magic and her own guts tied around her eyes she is all and nothing she is made for him she is made of his orgasm she is made ofher own silence
she is made in china
in india in taiiwan in spain
in south america
she is made by the poor
<
she is made of her posesiveness she is the archetypal woman she is made of her sucking need to pull him in and lock him inside her she is made of her hatrid she is made of her anger she is made of her pride she is what he had made her she is made of her freedome, but she don't use it she is made of the stuff that needs to be swept up in HIM she is made of her intellect ah that she sometimes ignores yes too many times because she is so made of her hormones her juices her lust to be lusted for she is made of her hadache she wants love in all its purity she is made of her period pains her birth pains
<
she is made of other things she is made of muscle she is made of her hunger to collect things, and shoes and kitchens and houses she is made of the friction between her beauty and her shit she is made of her need co conceal her shit she is made only of memories she is made of longing for HIM to choose her she is made of the contradiction
between wanting HIM to put her on a pedestal and wanting HIM to push her off it she is made of rosewater she is made of all good musky smells carbon diochide she is made of her pride she is made of corrosive bitterness
she is made of her disguise
she is made of jealousy she wants to be his horse lots of chemistry she is made to make him blindly hers but she needs him badly 90 percent water
she is made of salt
she is made of loneliness or the fear of it she is not complete without him she is made of stability - and she hates herself for this she is made of wishing she were more mobile
she is made of constant missunderstanding she is made of her curiosity
she is made of her ancestors she is made of stardust and mud she is made of her mothers voice who always told her: she is made of a force driven by force which is oblivious of her and itself
she is made from his rib
she wants him to prove his love for her he comes under her ribs she is made of a trick of light well she thinks she is made for him she is the moon he is theearth but how wrong she is! she is made of her veil
she is made of illusions..
she is made of stubborn pride WATER just water
she is made of blindness
WATER only water she is made of her privileges she is made of carbon she is made of diamonds
she is made of her own inability to hold his wrists and look him in the eye
cause she is water she is made of simpering
<
she is made of glass she is made of being seduced she is made of fragilty she is made of stone she is made of wetness when she wanrts tio be dry she is made of loneliness she is made in heaven her own fragility is the only thing that sustains her she is made of money WATER she is made by media
she is made of smoke
WATER she is made of herbs WATER WATER blood TEARS
lonliness is her worse punishment THE SEA INSIDE ME
she is made of bones she is made by her inability to connect what he wants to what she wants she is made by silver tears she is made of her insecurity she is made imperfectly I made her she likes to be alone but not to be lonley PERFECT
<B> I don't need to connect, I need to be touched
PERFECTLY sheis made by her desire to be touvched PERFECTLY she is made for touching
she is made by sense of fun
for experiencing the opposite she is made of humor she is made by her will to survive her sense of occasion of drama she is made by laughter she is made of her sense of drama
she is made of her sense of how to make an entrance
she is made of gossips she is made of her wiles
her lumps and bumps HUMPS she is made of primal stories
she is made of her compensations she is made of gold
she is made by whispers she is made of delusions of grandeur
she is made by ambition
she is made of her own ambition BUTTONS
she is made of this desire to become A BUTTOn
fire
FIRE she is made of jungle leaves
imotility
speechless she is made of tongue renders herself she is made of adams rib he he ha ha silky rugs she wants to be free and she needs to be loved. impossible WATER she is made of contradictions very human contradictions WATER BLOOD she is made of shame HUMAN TEARS SWEAT EGGS SHIT SIMIAN brains UNDERARM HAIR BRAINS BRAINS that's what makes her almost human BRAINS
TUMORS
MUSIC DEBAUCHERY she is made of her womit
BED LUCK
she is made of good luck
she is made of misunderstanding
she is made of hope STANDINGS she is made of wind\ FARTS perfume\ she is made of permanent giving GNOSTICIZM she is made by words of mind she is made of madonna
and whore
she is made of blasphemy
and of arrogance
and wit she is made of lies and pretentions and videotapes she is made of steel
and bread
liar!!!! and wine\
she is made of tears she holds back
she is made of all the movies she has seen
she is made of bitternes CLEAR WATER sorrow winter impotence she is made of wanting to be taken by HIM
SHE IS MADE OF WANTING HIM TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HER!!!!!
she is made of really wishing she was in control; she is made of a great smile
laughter she is made of feeling that we don't understrand her which we probably dont she is made of rubber
<
I THINK BED she is made of misunderstanding that WE are SHE
WE ARE SHE!!!!!
she is made of shine she could be made as godess but she took that bloody apple
<B> what apple' from eden
- He is made of
he is made of He is made oof he is made of the darkest night erect muscular tissue he is made of ego
he is made of glitter that easily melts
he is made of cheating special spirit he is made of alchol he is made of fire he is made of tobacco and burning flesh
<C> expensive alcohol if you must
he is made of the best vodka in the world hmmmmmm he is made of sparks jumping out of his eyes
< ???
he is made of quick wings sharp eyes he is made of his tight buttoocks that press togethe when he is on alert or fucking he is made of steel with soft and sweet cream inside he is made of benoculars he is made of chocolate
<3> he is a giant who can become a dwarf
he is made of metal he is made of hearty laughter hahahahahahahahahahahahaha he is made of storytelling hoooooho ho ho ho ho
...
he is made of stone he is made of big balls he is made of self overpaprecciation he is made of utterly admirable independence
<3> he fills the space with himself leaving no room for anyoneelse
he is made of pure mildness
<C> I am an incarnation of your most delicate and intimate frenzy he is made of our frenzy hahahaha
i like that
<3> he is very lonely
!! he is made of insecurity dont'[ get soppy and maternal! he is made of agression
<3> he is a great pretender
he is made of fucking steel he is made of a world map he is made of anger he is made of a hatredof all religions he is made without ears to listen because he is made of the prediction to see that god will burn us all in hell
he is made of smells He is made of his defiance he is a big LISTENER he is made of his love of the games he plays he is made of selfconfidence he is made of performance big eyes
< he is made of steel will
He is made of rubbish he is beaver the believer the rubbish he sometimes speaks
<3> he invents himself
he is made of light he is made of fraude he is made of contradictions to be sure he is made of train tickets and saddles
<3> he has never been truly loved <C> Define "truly" loved... <3> true love is unconditional
he is made of lounges in generic hotels
he is made of a station after another
he is made of disrespect for women exaclty! we can be so arrogant he adores women He is made of the hotel bar at 2am
when he is on his own
lonely horny
<C> I am the one who respects women the most, do not forget i am no rapist
he is made of need to stuck it in any hole
<3> he is not capable of unconditional love he is made of self justification in the face of our cliches
he is made of honey and milk he is made of gentle hands
<C> YES
he is made of that smell of ejaculate clinging to his well washed body he is made of the most light touch he is made of sperm his father\ his mother milk etc he is made of wisdome
<C> I am the supreme ejaculation fixed in time
he is made of elaborate turns of phrase he is made of argument
<C> I am anything you want me to be
he is made of selfjustifiction he is made of his kids dreams he is made of flexibilityh he is made of wit
he is made of wip he is made of animality
<C> If i could only grasp the eternity of your touch! but cut the melodrama DJ
you are not made of looking for eternal touch, cmon now!! he is made of his PRIDE
he is made of his domination <C> I made it a proffesion to please he is made ruler you are made of confusing your own lust with a mission to please women he is made to comfort and hurt
he is made of gambling adventures
he is made of naivity
trikster he is made of existential voids
<<C> I am obsessed, i know
he is made of instability
<3> he is the eternal peter pan
he is made of puer aeternus
<C> since i must have dissapointed you for not staying longer, i am inclined to believe you wanted all of me only for yourself
indeed
<3> he loves the reflection of himself more than anything else <C> and they call it love
he is made of conceits he is made of sensiutive skins that have become hardened with wear and tear he is made of thoughts blisters
<3> he would rather die young than age
on his heart from rubbing it to often he is made of vanity
<C> I must have hurt you badly, but is this not the opposite sensation of desire, so deep, so unfathomly deep
he is made of his love for his penis and its talents he is made from unfaithfulness
<C> nothing but another sensation, a touch, a kiss, a word?
he is made of an encyclopaedic knowlege of wines he is made to go of womens gspots he is made in italy he is made of excellent techniques one station after another as if each of them were as a different taste in the most delicious and endless chocloate box sticking his tongue in each flavour loving them all unable to choose he is made of songs till the moment of conquest. just silence afterwoods. maybe just snoring and grace he is made of the sharp blade of his sword melancholy he is made of all those he has killed in his quest for new cunt he is made of marshal arts he is not made of any guilt he is made of mobility
<C> a gracefull blend of melancholy
placelessness he is made of absence of compassion he is made of chilis and ginger fresh meat the smell of garlic fresh garlic lacking in substance he is made of painting birds he is made of poker he is made of gambling houses he is made of drive to drive it in and whore silk pantieis and no money in his bank account he is made of his wits
<C> my dear brothels is the last place you will find me
he is made of pure understanding for technical details not true!!! he is made of fying leaves FLYING he is made of hidden feelings
he's made of forrest in rain
he i made of fried fish he is made of jungle vaste deserts he is made of tenderness he does live in the moment though which is a great talent he is made of the blod of his enemy he is made of literature and books and poems and plays he is made of our need for Him he is made of heavy smell of his armpits and genitals
<C> they should call my home a brothel if their tongue would be so vulgar, with me as the only resident
relax honey nothing wrong with brothels... He is made of her desire for Him he is made of love for himself
<C> But to think that the great Dj would pay for sex is absurd, I am sorry i have inharrited my manners from the 19. century
`he is made of his training in the gym
<C> do forgive me
he is just a little boy he can teach us how to live in the moment he is made of longing to drink the universe you do not live in the 19th century |DJ! You are evrywhere! purists...
<C> I didnt say i live there
he is eternal every age has him he would never pay for sex i would swear, too
<C> Thank you darling
relax then..the 'great' DJ moves in all cirlces..
he is made of good manners <
he is made from ivory and ebony he can appriciate beauty he is made of the way he shave his body hair he is made of inner beauty he is made of ejaculate past and present and future he cries when he is alone yeah? whatabout~? he is made of tears and sweat ha he is empty inside he is made of richness He is made of his desire to net her tonight to bed her to enter her to have her love him he is made from godlike material he is made of desire for beauty love her back he is made for her he is made of gorlillas he is made of her tigers and lions he is made to long for Beauty he is made of his silly swagger
he is mkade of his courage in the face of hells mouth
he is made from idealism he is made to be a soldier he is made of total disregard for conventional wisdome he is made of fighting and killing he is made to be mad for beauty he is made to cry at it? he is made to kill he is made of all four seasons
WINTER WINTER <C> I wish you well too with all my heart
whorehouse of a heart said the bitter chorus member because it was getting late
<C> whore is such a vile word, it disrespects women remember?
rubbish whorewhorehorewhore whore is a proffession YES oldest one
<
whore is a great shakespearian word word is not dirty, thought is kind of meaty and pungent indeed
26.dj log (15. 10. 2006) verbal abuse "He says" or She says" and use your imagination on DJ
using your own experience of verbal abuse
He says: You are a cunt She says" You are a cunt She says behave yourself you primitive she says you poison the air around you she says"you semply are an idiot He says: primitive? I thought you liked the hairy ape he says: you are turning into your mother She says: you wish!!!! she says don't darken my door again she says I tried to check your IQ but numbers don't go that low He says: you are primitive - like you don't even know where the soap is she says acrab has more feeling he says" i was wrong , i am not used to small people like yuo migget She says I don't really mind flaccid dicks so please don't worry tthis is the window please go he says my horse is more fun thatn you are
she says WINDOW!
she says: jump she says jump on your fucking horse He says die bitch it is sporty to fly.. dying is beneath me He says you are as motivating as a cold custard he says: i have known more life in an amoeba she says you are a real bastard that is the only real thing about you shave your tongue she says you are a real real real bastard he says go fuck yourself asshole she says it would be more fun than i have had with you she says it looks like a penis only smaller she says just simply fuck off i should take a microscope to identify you r dick he says you are some bitch she says burn in a microwave go on and screw yourself you are good at that and only at that he says " you are a living MISTAKE she says enjoy your idiotism he sings an opera ritornello she says you are an underdeveloped shrimp she says you think you are gods gift to women she says i think you are deep down gay she says don't sing, please! he says fuck you you ugly sad bitch she says your voice is like a grater she says fuck you she says fucking with you was like fucking with amoeba he says Im surprised you know what fuck is he says fish have more fun she says you aren't even that good looking in fact ( she says) you are already getting fat you are reppelent he says ha, ha he says: your cunt is too big and sloppy she says are you getting senile,poor guy? i need tight and young ha ha she says you better shut the fuck up she says i gave you everything everything everything and you chucked it away like a piece of shit she says you are a sad sack of shit he says you are lucky youre still breathin he says you are lucky i am not hitting you! she says so you can use your finger cause dick doesnt woork anymore he says you wouldn't know a good time if it came and slapped you in the face he says your face would launch a thousands shits she says GO OFF THE WINDOW i have just enoughf of you she says you are a SLOB!
she says you know nothing of what women want
she says you are a cliche she says you are like some article out of cosmopolitan she says i don't like uncircumcised men bad cliche he says" go and make some pankakes he says i don't like uncircumcised women she says go play on the freeway she says did she make you feel like a really big guy? did you need that puny bitch to make you feel big`? he says you don't even know how to make pancakes do you? he says"just kook she says eggs flour salt water butter in the pan and your dick sliced into it he says idiotic talk she says your breathj smells really really bad he says your cunt smells of rotten fish she says thats what all men say when they don't know how their sperm smells of rotten fish
THEY PAUSE
THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN THE EYE THEIR TEETH GRINDING AND THEY START AGAIN he says i never liked your hair colour anyways she says i don't like hirsute men he says" ah somebody on the mobile she says i think you have a mother complex she says you are still looking for mommy in all of us women and can never find her hunh? he says "please shut up i have to talk " who are you anyway? she says I like MY space when you're gone he says remind me never to fuck neurotics you smell worse than the cat he says you are just a sham he says you are like a chocloate box with chocs to break your teeth on she says I wretch at your breath he says your perfume can never disguise the smell of death and decay in your soul that seeps from every pore he says who'se your shrink? he says no wonder you don't have kids he says you are a domineering rude bitch with far too much testosterone for your own good he syas nowonder your parents didn't love you she says i know you are really gay he says you are like a bad t .v. program, enaugh! she says i know you are rpesressed she says no wonder you're lonely sorry i will vomit she says don Juan? don't make me laugh she says no wonder no one phones you she says wheres my sick bucket she says if thats a dick my name is shirley she says i hate the very breath you take she says you are infantile puerile she says grow up! he says" waks for my ears you are infectim me she says I can't bear the thought of you touching me he says steak tartare would be more interesting to fuck INFECTING like infection,understand:ILLNES, SIKKENESS she says you shrivel souls thanks for a compliment she says your lover fifi told me all about how you couldn't get it on she says you are a sick bastard she says you will never make it she says you will never make it she says your horse has more intellect he says whats your name again? he says you cant even imagine what an intellect is he says ' it gets up deoending on the hight of the wemen, small woman small performance, you idiot she says you bore me rigid she says thankyou but no he says everywhere you go you leave a trail of mess behind like some dysfunctional garbage truck she says are you joking?! he says that woman over there is gorgeous really gorgeous your taste is of rancid eels she says wow she says gorgeous? shes old enough to be your mother its just that you can't see properly she says your ears stink of sesspit sludge he says so childish, typical your eyes are dead pools of vacant brainmatter he says women don't know how to fight he says give me a man to fight with anyday your eyes are empty she says he says you are all whines and whinnies she says fight me! she says fight me! she says " your eys are empyy he says you know what~? you simply bore me yawn i dont fight weak people she says you are predictable, boring, and so utterley utterley a waste of time and space THEY PAUSE THEY LOOK EACH OTHER IN THE EYE THEY DRINK ANOTHER GLASS SLAM IT DOWN ON THE TABLE AND RECOMMENCE fucking look at me she says he says your belly is flabby really flabby fucking look at me in the eye time you went to the gym go on she says don't run you shit head look me in the eye she says she says hah! so you thnk you have a six pack or what? have you looked at your puanch lately? he says its your mind i detest he says the way your mind works she says I couldn't give a shit because you're the enemy in and out and around the issue like a worm he says can't you see straight? he says does it really take so much effort to see? I couldn't give a shit she says because I can dehumanise you just like that. she flicks her fingers if i want I have no more breath to waste on you he says you are an arrogant cow she says you are defunct of soul she you aereBORING she says you are not worthy of my time he says i want to see you really beg she says you're not even worthy of my anger he says i know you want to beg she says you just need to be eradicated because ( he says) you are derelict and this indeed is my last breath he says you are worthless and pathetic and I DON'T LOVE YOU!!!!!!! she says I don't care what the fuck you think I still have enough breath left to say fuck off she laughs. she looks at him she says AND I DON'T LOVE YOU!!!! she laughs she laughs and laughs because he's so funny pathetic he loaughs and laughs you don't know the meaning of love THEY BITE EACH OTHER THEY PAUSE WITHDRAW you tase foul LOOK EACH OTHER IN THE EYE AND START AGAIN he says i hate you agh shit she says she says i wouldn't honour you with such energy uncomfortable she says you an oldfashion computer he says fancy a fuck? she says i want to hit you that is a compliment i want to draw blood I've got you caught in my eye beam she says She says i can take you anywhere you are an insult to my eyes she says you are a worthless pathetic failure he says "can i paint NO on your back? she says you have achieved NOTHING in life exceopt a trail of women mewling in your wake he says and what have you made of your life then? and on this charming note I have to part till we meet again he says bye she says bye she says wake up little boy. youre naked he says " you analphabet coward she says I've hidden your clothes She says you look so ridiculous in socks you impotent creature she says lets get the world to laugh at you now grilled shrimp she says we laugh at your frailty dressed up as christmas machismo he says oh enough with the cliches he says you know what? I DON'T NEED YOU she laughs. I don't think so Don Juan she says I've written you out of my history THEY PAUSE he said congratulation THEY PAUSE AGAIN she turns THEY STOP SPEAKING she waits THEY EACH LOOK DOWN AT THEIR FEET EXHAUSTED he swallows AND SUDDENLY he put hishat on THEY BEGIN TO APOLOGISE TO EACH OTHER AS IF THE WORLD HAD TURNED FULL CIRCLE SUN TO MOON
That was ridiulous I'm so sorry DAY TO NIGHT he says; i want to say sorry for what i said about your cunt he says I don't know what came into me she says I demeaned myself to upraid you so she says i am sorry for what i said about your dick she says i don't know what came over me its necessary to put out things he says i am sorry for pretending that woman was gorgeous i couldn't even see her properly as i didn't have my specs on she says i did feel those thoughts though, but never wanted to hurt you so he says i am sorry if i misled you she says I shouldn't have been so proud maybe he says i am sorry about the bit about intellect he says you are actually quite smart she says be on your way your presence is remeinding me of too much pain he says i am sorry for speaking ill of your magnifenct belly he says i am sorry if i said it was fat i didn't mean it she says I love your stupidity she says i am sorry but i don;t want to cry now I love your stupid jokes you are so interesting querreling she says i am sorry for assuming you were such a bastard i like your imagination she says i am sorry for saying that you had a mother complex she says love yor pankakes he says i am sorry for saying you are neurotic - i mean you are - but we all are.. he says i am sorry i undermined your cooking she keeps wanting him to see her he says please let make pancakes togehter she says i am sorry if i have seemed unrepsonsive she says you are an angry man i had a felling i burried something she says i am sorry i am jealous i am sorry i am jealous she says I ,m sorry I judged your anger im sorry i vas primitive she says I,m sorry i judged you, he says i am sorry if i seemed to be saying i might stay longer he says i am sorry if i misled you he says i am sorry you cared she says my world shrinks in the shadown of your derision, i'm sorry I let that happen she says i am sorry i fell She says I hope you sleep with a light heart she says i am sorry i feel in love with yout she says i am sorry if i became demanding She says I'm sorry I let that other man fuck me he says thats ok She says I'm sorry i laughed at your cock he says i am sorry if i have to jump out of windows she says I'm sorry i got bored with your cock he says i'm sorry but i cant ever stay long he says i am sorry i pretended your cunt was sloppy I'm sorry that I wasn't honest with you for all our days and years actually its nice she says i am sorry i tried to make you stay and be normal im happy i didnt hit you he says i am sorry i can't stay and be normal THEY PAUSE THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER THEY BOTH KNOW THE WORD NORMAL IS WEIRD she says i am sorry i sayd yor eyes are empty, she says i'm sorry i even mentioned the word normal because i don't even know what it means and i don't think i like the idea
she says i am sorry i am possessive
she says i am sorry i have such lippy women friends she says where does that put us? he says i am sorry i have no friends
he says i am sorry i don't do breakfast he says i am sorry i have to jump out of the window in the middle of the night
she says do you think normal means I eat breakfast? he says i am sorry i am a man she says i am sorry i ahve an imagination he says i am sorry if it seems i don;t love your imagination hesays i am sorry that you have found Don Juan less than perfect he says don juan is just a man she says don't put me in that cupboard with the other normal jams she says I am a woman he says i am sorry i disappointed you he says i have waited years to say sorry she says I'm sorry you have misunderstood me she says I'm sorry we have missed so many opportunities i normaly like people behaving in a way that go far from normal paths he says i am sorry i can't stay with one woman i am sorry i have to jump out of the window in the night and onto my horse he says i am sorry this is my make-up she says you miss out and thats what makes me sorry she says i am sorry i am not the zen goddess you thought i was she says I jump on my horse and ride out too, but I can always come back because i take you in my heart she says i am sorry i am just like all the rest she says you kill he says i am sorry i kill she says I want to trip your horse up he says sorry you feel this way about my leaving she says I want you see you can ride heaven and hell and still have tea in bed he says sorry i am don juan he says i am sorry i wish it were different but this is the way i was made she says i am sorry i fell for you she says i am sorry i am not stronger he says sorry for all the wars she says I'll have to rewrite my history he says sorry for all the rapes he says sorry for every abuse a man has done to a woman he is feeling very very guilty and responsible all of a sudden as a man she says you can't apologise for all men for goddsake that so= grandiose and theatrical she says My heart is strong stronger than yours I have power he says sorry for being grandiose asnd theatrical he says sorry for my power she says its in my hands now she says sorry for reflecting you back twice your size she says sorrry - its so deeply ingrained she says I'm not waiting for you to change she says I'm changing she says watch me she says sorry for my power she says sorry for my power to give birht she says watch the animal I can be she says sorry for my transformation she says watch the power you fear she says sorry for emerging like a beast form the forest into your land she says watch out, join me, fly with me if you dare she asys sorry for eating your food she says sorry for living off your sweat he says sorry for being so grumnpy about this sorry for living in your shadow he says sorry for resisting the change he says sorry for being so angry with you about the change she says sorry I resented your apparent success he says sorry for all the wanderful beast i am she says sorry I misread reality he says sorry i resented your power and your success he says sorry i was jealous of your achievements in the world he says sorry i am really sorry for competing with you he says sorry i don't do the washing up enough She says sorry I was not more proud and confident of my own influence in the world he sys sorry for my capturating eyes he says sorry for feeding my intellect at your expense she says sorry i did not trust my own haling powers he says sorry for my wandering eyes he says sorry i am promiscuous she says sorry i didn't get on with being the extraordinary woman that i am she says sorry i fell.. he says sorry for having danced with you she says sorry i fell into that pit called love she says sorry i wasn't strong enough at the time she says sorry i am crying now she says sorry i am not more generous she says sorry i have doubt she says sorry i am now trying to get you to stay she says sorry it is a reflex she says might you concider the next dance?
she says sorry i am such a slow learner
fresh as strangers/ she says sorry i love women he says sorry i don't love you she says sorry i am so angry he says sorry i could never love you he says sorry i can't fall far he says sorry i had to meet you. he says sorry my dick is in charge here she says no fear she says I understand she says sorry i say i understand when really i am just suffering she says sorry i am not as good as i would like to be at this he says sorry i don't do love he says sorry i am sooo suspcious of love he says sorry i love the seduction game so much
he says sorry if i hurt you
she says I do love you don't do love who wins here? he says sorry i went and fucked your sister right after you he says sorry it was just fun thats all she says do you only do love one at a time? he says sorry i don't do love i do seduction she blinks in astonishment and breakfast only on certain occasions when my horse is standing by and when the womans window is open she says sorry for breakfast she says ok what then? he says sorry i let the eggs go to waste she says sorry i want babies she says if I have a hundred lovers of my own to feed eggs to. what then? he says sorry but why have you stopped apologising?! she says co I'm sorried out she says sorry eggs are a metaphor she says sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry that my eggs could feed a hnundred lovers she says sorry is a powerful readresser she says sorry she says sorry has been done she says its time to move on he says i am really sorry for running away from the world she says that ok he says i am really sorry i will any minute now jump out of your window and never see you again she says goodbye he says sorry but i don't believe in hell she says neither do i she says have a good trip he says sorry gotta go to hell she says sorry i can't come with you he says I dont believe in heaven either she says wrap warm he says sorry but wrapping up wamr on a jounrey to hell is bad mothering she laughs she says sorry for being a jewish mother she says sorry and give him a thermos of ice cold water for the journey he says sorry to put you to all this trouble
he says sorry i made you pregnant
she says go on.... go she says sorry i asked you to he says sorry i can't quite jump yet she says don't worry its my baby he says sorry but the scene is taking longer he says sorry the kid won't have my name she says why are you hanging around leave your horse is getting impatient she says sorry it will have your eyes she says sorry,please jump i am exousted he says i am sorry but there's one last thing she says .leave its getting dark she says sorry this is survival she says sorry but i will forget you because i must\ she says what last thing? he says sorry i won't bring the kid up she says sorry i am happy she says really happy she says thankyou he says i am sorry yoyu are happy that i am abandoning you she says go go go he says sorry you seem in such a hurry to get rid of me she shuts the window he jumps she sits the black horse canters off he turns confused alittle she smiles she lahghs paddadapadadda into the distance the horse is pounding she really laughs because inside her he remains
27.dj log (29.10.2006) before jump/ my perfect woman/ marriage is
NOW WHAT DJ SAYS TO HIS LOVER(S) wHEN HE JUMPS OUT OF THE WINDOW, WHEN HE IS LEAVING THEM, WHEN HE IS MOVING ON
WHAT HE SAYS IS.......
what he says is tonight you were wonderful an exotic flower ready to be picked What He says is: if I stay you will tell me I have let you in to my secretes ( which is only half true) he says goodbye and thanks for the fish What He says is: I am not going to make babies with you
What he says is: you were delicious, stay that way
what he says is time is of no consequence when I am with you What he says is: I'm off! what he says is i'll be back when I'm ready What he says is : how can I be sure that when I wake tomorrow I will still be interested in you? that you will still be interested in me? what he says is I'm already missing you What he says is: my horse feels good when she gallops he says i don't belive in love forever what he says is we have to live for the moment and cherish each moment away from the city what he says is I'm not your boyfriend what he says is relax enjoy be here bnow stop worrying what he says kep the wine in the fridge what he says is you will never forget me what he says is whats the problem " If when we meet again we d not smile, then this parting will not have been well made" What he says is; stop hanging on What he says is stay cool, free, available what he says is i've left my heart in your keping.take good care of it what he says is nothing is fo ever so no more questions it's a bit high this window but i will jump anyway... what he says is stop the pressure!!!! heres looking at you kid
what he says is.....nothing
so long mary anne!
cut the sentiment
no more words let the actions speak for themselves
what he says is wheres the bloody horse gone what he says is remember me HE SNIFFS HIS FINGERS THEY SMELL OF HER HE LOOKS AT HER
AS IF TO SAY: UNTIL I WASH I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME
what he says is you taste good
at he says is if I don't go now your husband will kill me
what he says I'll get found out what he says is i am an igel not a rose igel? what he says is this is our secret what he says is the tighter you hold on to me the more I wish to free myself from you what he says doesn't the secret taste sweet what he says is I ajm leaving you while the going is good before `I get bored before you get bored never say never and never say always what he says is that I need a good nights sleep what he says is I will text you what he says is that please don't think me cruel
I will text you
what he says is I never forget a face though ~I am bad with names... what he says is I'll be back what he says he doesn't mean I can't promise anything what he says is you werfe great but not perfect what he says kills her spirit what he says destroys her faith in humanity whatever he says is wrong for her what he says leaves her shivering at the wndow yes, because what he says is not about her what he says leaves her empty and feeling foolish what he says means that she can pretend to her husband that nothing happened what he ays is not always worth saying what he says is glamorous nonsense what he says makes her realise its the next day what he says is i'll be back ...in springtime what he says does not convince her
what he says is you must get back to your husband now
what he says is"I tap dance really well, in and out of relationships"
what he says is don;t expect ANYTHING
what he says is I want you DON'T WAIT FOR ME!!!!!!!! what he says is remember I love you
what he says is you'll find the guy who deserve you
what he says is I have a large heart capacity I can accomodate many what he says is yo are wraped up warm inside my heart I can include you in a circle what he says soory no timefor breakfast i am world champion in running what he says is i hear someone comng what he says is breakfasrt would have been nice but too cosy
what he says is no commitments
what he says is I eat eggs on horseback what he says is I can't promise anything I drink coffee on the run what he says isI never promised anything else didi I? What he says I'm being honest he says fuck i eat stake tartar he says fuck stop this shit please stop crying!!!! what he says is please stop crying!! what he says is it's not the end of the world! I though we were eye to eye equals in this accept it for what it is just a bit of fun what he says is look it was GREAT you were GREAT but there's so much to taste out there i was great what he says is marriage is a farce don't hook me in what he says is why you don`t want to mary me he says is I never made any promises
will you jump?
and leave all behind? will you? are you able to do it? do you trust me? what he says is you cant go where I am going because I am going to hell come with me will you? do you trust yourself? what he says is either you are with me or against me he says can you let go of your life for me? did you hear what I just said I repeat I AM going to HELL he says if you are not with me, you are behind me he says join me in the flames he says we'll dance in hell come with me if you like but don't then ask for heaven AND SHE DOES AND THEY DANCE IN HELL AND SHE LIKES IT EVEN THOUGH SHE WISHES SHE WERE WEARING WHITE
SHE THINKS....
YOU ONLY GOT ONE LIFE T what he says is be true to yourself and have no regrets he says I think you are full of shit pretending you can do this stuff what he says is you are simply trying to catch me trap me she laugh what he says is if prison were pleasant why would we have to lock people in it? he says i will never be your husband what he says is you disappoint me for you are like all the rest wanting to keeop me prisoner i want you remember me as i am. free. what he says is dont look for the ordinary be extraordinary you are sweet and meaningless what he says is don't confuse sex with economics or love what he says is dont' confuse passion with reproduction what he says is nerve endings are nerve endings all over our skin you are great but trapped in your mind. habits. prejudices. patterns. hollywood movies. sentimentalistic shit. i am sorry. what he say is I have to pee what he says is read de sade, bataille, genet, wittig, etc etc you had the best of me now i have to move on
stop asking for more " I gave you my heart and you wanted my soul"
what he says is caiou caiaou and he jumps she sobs arghhg she sobs qrghh arghhg how can he be so cruel and heartless??? and then she opens her feminist the rooster crows novel and settles down for a night's reading WHAT IS DJ'S PERFECT WOMAN??? .....?? `my perfect woman is self contained like a pot with a lid tight, with space inside my perfect woman looks into my eyes and makes me know that she desires me fragile and unawaken my perfect woman ignores me when i want her
my perfect woman rubs my penis when I'm doing my accounts
the body beautiful the mind sharp as razor the heart open and generous my perfect woman serves me breakfast in nylons my perfect woman needs NOTHING my perfect woman serves my needs my perfect woman thinks my cock the best in the world my perfect woman asks no questions my perfect woman listens she is confident curious and playfull married woman intelligent lazy,clever-stupid,an ocean of love independent open for all games challenging my perfect woman asks for nothing married so free my perfect woman is rich older or has a rich husband wrinkless wiser sucessefull woman she is wihout reproductive urge my perfect woman enjoys her own body she recognise me as her missing part my perfect woman shaves her pubes my perfect woman moulds herself into my desires my perfect woman do not talk too much my perfect woman is a feminist in a barbie suit my perfect woman is a whore in the bedroom and a madonna in the kitchen she is deep as ocean my perfect woman is not interested at me at all my perfect woman is my best friend my prfect woman has eyes looking away my perfect woman is fire in woter under the sun in antarktika my perfect woman lies me likes me (sorry) my perfect woman says go out and have a good time and I'll be here waiting for you when I get home my perfect woman stays cool never gets angry my perfect woman is you thank you my perfect woman is an immortal fish my perfect woman swims in her own perfume my perfect woman gets my freedome and enjoys it! my perfect woman is a frozen star my perfect woman asks no questions my perfect woman understands me my perfect woman is worshipping me cherishes me admires me trustsd me knows me my perfect woman knows how long my eggs need to be boiled my perfect woman is practical and sexy she counts little beggers eight times ready for adventure my perfect woman is desired by all my friends my perfect woman knows my eggs need to be soft like the juices of our bodies my perfect woman is resourceful my perfect woman knows when to shut up independent without need of me my perfect woman do not complain picking up my underware and socks my perfectmwoman smell like strowberys my perfect woman lets me be boss even when she is apprently in charge my perfect woman is wanton stimulating bu not threatening my perfect woman laughs at my jokes my perfect woman does what she likes my perfect woman doesn't need my emotional support my perfect women is mute my perfect woman lets me jump on my fucking horse again and again and again my perfect woman is strong and wise she is able to cut wood my perfect woman lets me feel I am in charge of it all and to use screw driver my perfect woman encourages me and change the bulb and fuse my perfect woman sees the potential that i can't see my perfect woman is a man with breasts and perfume and vagina makes no demands my perfect woman won't tolerate self pity my perfect woman is equal to me my perfect woman doesn not exist really my perfec womanand i are one and the same my perfect woman is an anchor in a storm my perfect woman knows my weaknesses lighthouse and my strenghts let me fuck others my perfect woman is infront of me but i can't tell her my perfect woman is a reach away my perfect woman is not what i want she knows i will always return to her my perfect woman strikes me dumb because i don't ever want to find her my perfect woman scares the living shit out of me my perfect woman is in all women in little traces my perfect woman is in them all I Don Juan cannot tolerate the idea of perfection my perfect woman is shards of a mirror because this would imply commitment so my perfect woman is always changing my perfect woman is a prism my perfect woman is ALL OF YOU!!! my perfect woman gives the same answes as myself my perfect woman is mummy my perfect woman is me sister my perfect woman is me my perfect woman is my mate holding screwdriver an extension of myself my perfect woman is my best friend my best friend my alter ego more difficult to get, more perfect my animus my animus my companion my perfect woman doesn't want me for heself my animus my perfect woman is happy to share me my perfect woman shows me all her shit and her tears and her muck and herslef my fellow taveller my perfect woman knows i belong yust to her my perfect womangoes to hell and back with me my perfect woman says this is me my perfect woman does not put me in chains
my perfect woman has my children and takes complete responsbility for their wellfare
my perfect woman lets me go!!! my perfect woman manges my world to hell! lets me go to hell! my perfect woman is just a little girl pretending to be grown up let me go to hell!!! my perfect woman does not judge me she is a cloud in desert my perfect woman shares me my perfect woman doesn't finish my sentences where i look she jumps my perfect woman admires what i do my perfect woman smiles at me a crossa room to let me know my perfect woman unclenches her fist my perfect woman is silence,and when she talk she breaking our speaking with poem my perfect woman dances with another with her eyes longing for me my perfect woman is a fortress my perfect woman is an adultress and sweeps her nad in a gesture as if to say: my equal hand is a gesture as if to say my perfect woman has a tousand lovers but lets me know I'm the best go! jump! i will cry to say goodbye but I KNOW you will return! my perfect woman is a witch my perfect woman is a man with a vagina and womb a man i say
my perfect woman hold the tong
my perfect woman is feared and loved by many my perfect woman never feels dimished my perfect woman likes to wear my skin my perfect woman is loved by all my perfect woman tries it all must have a sense of humour takes it all in to her body my perfect woman loves crashing through taboos my perfect woman loves flaunting the rules my perfect woman refuses the judeo christian myths of madonna and whore my perfect woman warms my slippers makes me laugh my perfekt woman is silent like anoyster shel my perfect woman EN JOYS she devoures me and spit me out new she like to eat me my perfect woman doesn't have time for me like to taste me lick me my perfect woman would hold me in her all the time kiss me my perfect woman makes me feel i am her god she is deeply religious that she is really above the rest
my perfect woman soul yearns for justice
she serve me whatever she says, pure Spirit is speaking she is giving me my meaning she is not a religious freak she is simply passionate my perfect woman yearns for my happiness pagan my perfect woman is a scientist meticulous she is like fresh bread precise in her knowledge she is like cool river water my perfect woman has discipline she has oriental arts up her sleeve my perfect woman can speak in many tongues she is my friend she grows old she sings my perfect woman can talk across nations she loves she has ambitions
my perfect woman will heal the world
my perfect woman knows she's powerful she wants to change many things but know this starts small with smaall changes close to home my perfect woman loves her home my perfect woman`s father is a rich guy my perfect woman loves to feed me from the moment i wake she keeps the horizon wide open for her kids my perfect woman cleans like poetry she give me picnics on horseback my perfect woman licks the corners of her room she packs in my picnic everything i love my perfect woman knows the place of every coin and crumb steak tartare.. red wines fruit my perfect woman can cook meat even though she's a vegetarian my perfect woman is pure magic my perfect woman is occult my perfect woman is sending me wil with desire right now stardust in her sight my perfect woman is one of many my perfect woman is a fiction my perfect woman is longing for someone who is not coming my perfect woman travels with me through my day my perfect woman fills my penis with blood at night she an angel on my wings my perfect woman never asks me why i prefer the company of men my perfect woman sits easy in my mind or other women my perfect woman fills me with joy my perfect woman gives me good dreams my perfect woman is the one i will never stay with be with she is always on the horizon my perfect woman says she does not need me out there my perfect woman knows that nothing is perfect\ she is in my mind my perfect woman says she does not want to possess me my perfect woman can be an idea she knows i belong to her anyway "she is on my eyelids and her hair is in my hair" (|Eluard) my perfect woman can keep her distance
my perfect woman waits at the threshhold of my privacy my perfect woman lets me be me WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
marriage is contract marrige is like two pillars holding up the same roof marriage is two people looking out onto the world together marriage is economical comunity trading guarantee is the carneval marriage is about property something I want to brake up warranty when ship is wrecked prison marriage is commitment form with many holes leaking all the time comfort in togetherness but giving space for seperation marriage is convention yes yes yes marriage is for bank accounts and lawyers and heritage marriage is not the same as weddings weddings are good marriage is leading to boredom marriage is the cause for adultery marriage is to tell the kids we meant it marriage needs new concept marriage is what other people do rings a learning experience not always easy marriage is ripe ground for transgression fidelity and stuff marriage is for other people marriage is well, somewhere to work on stuff \between men and women marriage is a killing tool for love and passion yes but then we grow older marriage is ok if you want it
marriage beckons betayal
marriage is not ok for me (DJ) because it means parking my horse in the garage marriage is the crow or raven marriage is a joke bad joke marriage is a legally binding contract if one respects love can do it better without marriage a property law marriage is rich in colours; red white black marriage is for others marriage makes me put on gloves i like married women!!!!! marriage makes me feel safe i like to fuck married women they are gorgeous it's only good when it works which is rare marriage makes my women safe married women like to fuck me marriage is the garden where i pick up my most precious flowers i feel safe with married women married women want me to leave them quickly ~(except sometimes) when they get carried away by passion... i like marriages very much they have responsibilites which is handy for me I love a good marriage!
sometimes i fuck the husband, too
marriage keps othe people very busy I adore sex with a bride i am a marriage breaker marriage is such a quaint affair passion is great but in old age familiarity is better i loathe marriage (DJ) of course excepot where it serves my purpose marriage is a disguise marriage hide heavy secrets behind its walls marriage is church and state
marriage is whiteness
marriage is anger and lust and dreams blood on the tulle marriage is licence to rape legally can be practical, but too boring marrage is the face I've kissed under the eil tears on the satin bodice be mine mine mine mine mine marriage is knowing the heart belongs to me and i will be ours yours yours yours marriage is unfullfilled wish vain promise marriage is a convenience turned into romance i believe in true love, too. but seen it rarely in marriages marriage is a narrative true love can be found in marriages but may have nothing to do with fidelity marriage is a poem yes marriage is a long story marriage is the indoom for creatures marriage failed as concept marriage sucks i suck the married marriage is an everyday phenomenum marriage is about washing up in nylons marriage function just in fairy tales marriage is my home marriage is my life
I depend on marriage existentially for my identity
I love weddings
marriage is like comunism: it promises that good times will come in the future I love the bridesmaids in the end it is all about nerve endings
marriage is for hats laced with a little imagination marriage is for veils and masks and tick makeup marriage is an industry they really do love each other so they will hurt each other it MUST NOT be about possesion marriage is fish next to the river marriage is hard work marriage is potemkin's village of happines and love
marriage is about honesty versus deceipt
marriages feed me sexually and financially for wives give me their cunts and their purses
marriage is a playground with constantly changing rules marriage is a combination of cow and high hills
28.dj log (5.11.2006) dj and buddha
<B> DJ is hell what you expected?
hell for me was always other people
Buddha. You understand of course the concept of non attachment no?
<B> I understand the issues of being human
would you like a drink?
<B> and yes i would love a drink here ( passes flask of cognac)
dust is dust and all that shit
<B>
and particles are particles and so you become a beetroot or something in the next life
<B> and beyond judgement i don't kudge beetroots
i love beauty
i worship beauty even and freedome
and pleasure and laughter what do you do when you are tempted/
<B> I follow my temptation to its limits and beyond
ghandi slept with beautiful young virgins... impossible for me
<B> earthly desire equals enlightenment
i don't really think that fucking is that important in the genral scheme of things
<B> do you enjoy fucking/
of course!!!!!!!!
i also enjoy brandy and sunsets and the sweaty back of my horse under my butt <B> what do you desire most from the depths of your heart?
i guess i am looking for something more honest
than the crap of recieved ideas
all i ever did was bringing women closer to themselves abd they all complained!!!
no sooner do they get an orgasm then they want to repeat this again and again for eternity with me <
its bloody hot in hell no?
what do you think of don juan <B> i admire your courage DJ
I love the game of love
<I hate the institution of marriage
I love women not wives what do you do with the burn the itch the ooze of desire
<B> I dance <B> sorry dance, this cognac is good ?? <B> Out of semen, saliva and desire I become
yes, the jade stem??? i read that somewhere
<B> I was every girl in your bed and I was you
lovely (burp)
what about the girls juices? i thought they were very important to mix with semen for the yinyang balance
<B> decide to be happy
happiness is an odious word
happiness is the most perverse word of our times
because it means nothing perhaps orgasm is close to happiness because it is the 'petit mort' it is our death or the death of us and so absolutely delicious to get lost in maybe i am suicidal!!!!hah ( drinks) (passes flask to Buddha - it is a big flask)
<B> you have nowhere to run to DJ
I don't want to run anywhere any more lost and found i am. anyways, my horse is lame bless her
<B> are you tiredDJ?
yep wish i was an astronaut!
leave this wretched planet for ever <B> what stops you?
always depended on horse, water and how many were chasing me
impossible i need a cave rest
peace
something we never discussed in all the literature about me
was the economics of my life <
women hanging from treees nobody ever asked where i got the money for all this travelling?!
<B> you need money?
well, no actually... but `I am trying to say how illogical the myths about me have been because unless i were a multimillionaire
i could never have been so free for so long
<B> touch me
shit.. i told you i don't swing that way except latently in Freudian intepretastions of my character
<B> what makes you male? my dick and my deep voice and my appetite and my loud farts
<B> did you intend harm to others? no no no no no way
i only put my penis in married and unmarried womens vaginas
?!
you aren't going to ask me to repent because that is Christian shit
<B> yes. repenting is an act of will not necessararry christian
so I ask you does hell exist?
< B> you know it does
<B> you're in it every day! and the tube and the traffic and the pollution and the wars
<B> certainty is hell
no I am hell too
<B> yes
<B> become a womanDJ
WHAT!!!!?????? I don`t want to lose myself periods irritablity
lipstick
yuk a woman with a dick is what i have sometimes thought of myself as being
some women treated me like this <
you know what? I neve asked for my dick and its demands on me it is a very greedy organ
<B> I f I pronounced your dick the buddha, how wold you cope with that?
(gulps cognac and wobbles) sounds great but..
<B> but?
well, you wouldn't want a sculpture of my dick in the gardeen would you?
<B> love one
you know wha? sex is really overrated
so i cut her into pices yes i cut her in pieces because i could never find one woman to hold everything together in my mind i guess somehwere i wonder about those broken little hearts
or big hearts.. i never meant to hurt never meant to really go in the hearts at all in fact
<B> wish them well DJ
to be honest i wish them well because i can't even remember their names
but know they all smelt and tasted good at the time <B> their smells?
yeah they smelt human
<B> lets toast you DJ <B> raise your glass
<B> I toast your life your death, your
stories, your shame and the all the lives you've deceived, blessed,
betrayed and offered dark mirrors to
<
(DJ jumps on his horse that is by the tree under the moon and gallops off. Buddha drinks the remaining
Dj is heard singing in the distance very loud as his horses hooves pound the tarmac
29.dj log (12.11.2006) I never told you…
Confession:Man to woman
I never told you that I fell in love with you the first moment I set eyes on you i never told you that you scare th shit out of me inever told you i thought you were too fat i never told you that I thought you would never see anything to desire in me i never told you tat I was married I never told you I had few children i never told you i pretended you were someone else with my eyes shut I never told you that i just wanted to fuck the living day lights out of you I never told you that you bore the arse of me at times never told that i am frightened of you never told you how bad you look in the morning I never told you that I had an attraction for other men's wives I never told you that I admire Hitler never told you i liike your sister never told you i have fantasies of killing i never told you that many times hated your way of owning me I never told you that you're looking old
i never told you iliked your mother better
never told you i wanted to make you bleed
never told you that your independnece made me sick
never told you i went with whores never told you i fuck men I never told you that I couldn't fuck you after seeing you give birth i never told you tat you never interest me I never told you that I only get hard ons using viagra i never told you how i hated the clarity and certainity with which you knew i will come back crolling I never told you how sanctimonious you are I never told you I am colourblind never tol never told you i need to be strangled I never told you that I wanted you to fingerfuck my arse inever told ihad no intentions of marrying you i never told you how humiliated i felt by your power i never told you how much i hated your power never told you because it was politically impossible and i would never get you to bed if i told you the truth I never told you that when you close your eyes when we're making love that I feel as though I don't exist i never told you how much i had to keep the idea of marrying and you and me quite distinct I never told you about the other children i had with other women never told you I lie to you all the time never told you i masturbate when you aren't in the room I never told you about the passionate affairs I had with women you know i never told you how tired i am to go on with this story never told you the passionate affairs i had with men you know I never told you that I lied when I said I was faithful i never told you how exhausting it is to speak of these things, yes indeed i never told you how difficult is for me your constant hunger for things I never told you that I masturbate with my mates over your photo i never told you that i would really like to disappear I never told you that I dress up in your underwear i never told you that i would like to rest a little bit in this fucing life i never told you you are the only one i want to fuck with I never told you tat I'd do the housework for a week if you would only wear nylons i never told you that i admire war heroes men who have died in battle or who have killed other men, women, kids because they have looked edeath in the eye I never told you how much I appreciate your strength and capability i never told you i had an affair with your brother and sister
i nver told you how disgustingly controlling i find your infinite capacity to organise things properly
i never told you that i choke on your pubic hair I never told you that I think you're an utter control freak or did i? I never told you that your cunt smells of fish never told you to shave your pubes i never told you i wanted to have you in very brutal ways i never told you how much i laugh becourse you were a true beliver never told you how much i would like you to do it with a woman and let me watch never told you how much i hated you never told you I was in the asylium
I never told you that I dream of watching you being fucked by another man
i never told you i wanted to invite my best friends to fuck you never told you how much i wished i were don juan never told you how much i think ineed plastic surgery never told you how much i would like to curl up in your lap like a cat i never told you i wished to disappear every morning never told you i wanted to tie you up and hit you test your love never told you how much i wished i could do this never told you how much i wanted to run away never told you enough that i do actually care about you never told you how i hate the victim in you I I never told you that i dream of us old and together never told you i hate to be cast as the agressor i never told you how horrible is your mother speaking through your mouth I never told you i slept with your mother never told you how terrible it is to know you love me I never told you that I wnated you because you remind me of my mother the way you do i never told you that i tolerate you becouse i love your mother i nver told you that your mother made more sense than you i never told you how much i feel the pressure to be good man i never told you you act like real bitch sometimes these days i never told you that you do not grow old nicely
i never told you because you were always washing up or putting makeup on or rerading or putting the kids to bed
i never told you your being busy was castration for me i never told you never told you never told you i never told you ttat you were first barrier in my sexual life i never told you how much you changed towards monster with years never told you how you became everyting i feared
I never told you I have only one kidney
never told you about how i don't like your flesh I never told you that i miss you and feel empty and pathetic when you're not around i never told you i have a skin complaint on my balls i never told you that i dream of other women dau and night I never told you that I'm frightened of you dying before me never told you i wank in the daytime into tissues that i hide in the toilet I never told you that i fuck your best friend nearly every day never told you i email other women - many of them
i never told you tah you are hot I never told you that I ache for you never told you that even if you snore is ok I never told you that i get a hard on just thinking about you never told you about the men i never told you that i like a sensation I never told you that I'd like to go to an orgy with you I never told you I tried to do suicide twice never told you that i never told you i would like to drown in your tears inever told you iam a closed gay never told you i like to have hot wax poured on my body never told you i like silk blindforlds i never told you i want you spank me never told you my erection problmes are bothing to do with alchohol I never told you that I wanted to shut you in acupboard and just pull you out when fancied you inever told you i take drugs never nver never told you ever
i never told you how weak sometimes i am never told you how i hate words
to describe erotic i never told you be more logical never told you that I know I'll never make a move until i know you want me i never told you to shut up your mouth for one week i never told you how much i apreciate silence never told you I hate reading
i never told you how horrible are your make ups
never told you i want you to wear stilletos and bend over in front of me in short skirt
never told you I pray every day
i never told you from the outside you are a snake never told you because it is such a male fantasy cliche and thought you would bne anmgry never told you how much i respect cliches because they help to oil the sex machine never told you that the best sex i had is with you inever told that i do not want children never told you I am too much conservative never told you that my libiudo is actually a toil i never told you i am TIRED od sex I never told you that I'd like to have a fling without throwing my life into chaos i never told you that in fact i am catastrophe never told you how much i just want to have what i want when i want with whom i want amnd for you to be home never told you how i like when you take what belongs to you
never told you how much the attention i pay to your orgasm prevents me from premature ejaculation
I never told you how much I'd like to have all women adoring me never told you how scared i am of premature ejaculation I never told you how much i need other women to adore me I never told you I prefare to be alone i never told you that magazines and videos are fine for a bloke like me I never told you that i subscribe to a porno channel i never told you that i make porno
i never told you that i am scared of getting old and dying
I never told you that i show my friends the sex films we make together I never told you I have underground connections i never told you i cannot bear your ageing process i never told you i can't imagine my life without sex i never told you that i am not the marrying kind i never told you that i record you i never told you that i prefer to fantasise about you than go through with the whole thing.. i nver told you that i am a large man on the outside and a tiny tiny tiny man on the inside I never told you that i having a clue who you really are i nver told you how enormous my ego really is i never told you i made a porn movie of us fucking and when you are not here i masturbate wathching us I never told you that your superiority makes me want to vomit i never told you how much i need to posses you iner told you that i hate womens liberation for the lie that it is i love and hate the way you domesticated me.... ? I never told you how much I want to sit across the table from you eating oysters feeling under your dress i nver told you that those oysters tasted better than you ever will
I never told you that I toasted our wedding thinking of another
i never told you how lonely i am without you i never told you how much i dreaded this moment i never told you that i hate to speak of the truth i never told you you never understood me I never told you how much I didn't want to fall in love with you i never told you how much i hated that you speak the truth with your girlefriends I never told you how afraid I was of falling for you i never told you how bloody wonderful it is to be alone on my horse (or did i?) i never told you how jelous i am of your every move and your carreer i never told you you were very average mother I never told you that you'll never equal my inner woman i never told you that inside i have so many layers that you will never touch all of me i never told you i am with you just because of comfort i nver told you that only when you are older you might begin to grasp the meaning of equality I never told you that you are convenient
never told you what a coward i amn when it comes to cresature comforts
I never told you that you are useful as a cook, mother, cleaner, bread earner and whore i never told you don't patronize me i never told you i would like to break your heart your jaw the bond with the kids i never told you how shallow is your thinking I never told you that I wanted to destroy your marriage never told you how bourgeois you really are i never told you i will not remember you I never told you that by destroying your marriage I was getting back at your husband who reminds me of my father i nver told you that all i really want is a long lustful fling I never told you that I'm still waiting for you i nver told you you have a tight arse
I never told you that you are more exciting than my wife
i nver told you i wil tear you apart I never told you that i'll win i never told you all what i would change in you all except your deep darkness which enslaved me like black hole i nver told you that i am your prisoner
CONFESSION: Woman to Man
i never told you that i drink
I never told you that I'm in love with your best friend
i never told you i married you for your dosh
never told you that i hate and admire your I never told you that your depression drowns my life
i never told yopu that you bore me
i never told you how clumsy you are making sex I never told you that you tell me I talk too much but your words often seem shallow and arrogant never told you how much i hate your itchy balls I never told you that i see when you are flirtingwith other women i never told you what a rotten lover you are never told you how childish you seem I never told you how your arse smells of shit i never told you tah i prefer my sofa and the glass of milk than all my life with you i nver told you what i put up with each day I never told you how funny you are never told you that all your jokes are boring now i never told you i was faking orgasms I never told you that i don't want to bea good mother I never told you that you are not as clever as you think you are never told you my fantasies of the sexclub during our lovemaking I never told you that success and fame mean fuck all to me i never told you i was scared of your agression never told you i am terrified thst you want to kill me I never told you that you show no appreciation in anything I do I never told you how angry I am i never told you that you are the reason for suicide never told you I was masturbating seeing you as Jesus nver told you how hopeless you are in practical matters I never told you how i wish we could have separate houses and seperate beds never told you that i found the paper tissues with your wank in them
never told you how sad i am
I never told you how I'm fed up with being mother, cook, shopper, DIY specialist, organiser, and emotional support system
never told you that on top of that i am manager, child rearer, maintenance officer, breadwinner and body
I never told you how much i want time to be alone and go off and have adventures i never told you how weak you are
I never told you how i'm bored of your moods
i never told you that other men and women make me feel better never told you i am married to someone else in my soul I never told you how I prefe masturbating to sex with you i never told you i have enough of your ego i nver told you how sorry i am I never told you that I married you for your money never told you how sorry i am never told you how sorry i am that the man i love is across the river never told you how wide that river is but how fast i cross it when i need i never told you i want your dick up my ass
i never told you how scared i am of your dick up my ass
i nver told you i want you to kiss me more I never told you that i worry if you've washed your hands never told you i worry if you washed you ass your dick washed in short at all I never told you that take wine to bed to wash your dick in case never told you i worry that you will die suddenly i never told you how jelous iam of other women in your life and that we will not have reconciled i nver told you that i know other women find you irresistible I never told you that I hold my breath standing on the stairs listening to you on the phone never told you I`m not coming to your funeral i never told you how important is for me your gentilness and softnesss I never told you that I've opened your letters i nver told you that i am biologically programmed to want monogamy with you I never told you i wrote to your mistress i never told you that iknow at heart you are gay i never told you i inspect your pockets after every trip I never told you that I erased addresses from your computor i never told you that all i ever wanted was your baby i never told you you are scum I neve told you that you frightened me but I couldn't say no i never told you the baby is not yours i never told you tah i wont to GO never told you that i cannot leave you but cannot be with you at the same time I never told you that I had an abortion and the pregnancy was not with you i never told you life with you is hell i nver told you that i have changed since we first met changed so much never told you that each day i am biting back words i want to shout I never told you that I want life love respect fun and adventures i never told you i would rather be alone I never told you that i have more fun without you I never thought i would admit theses things to myself i never told you i almost vomit every time you put your dick in my mouth i never told you that you are talking too mucch I never told you that I want other men
I never told you that I want lots of affairs
i never told you i had many men i nver told you how many men have wanted to be with me since you have been here
i never told you i want to be old with you
i nver told you that i love the weight of your bones sleeping on me I never told you how you are a part of me i never told you i want you to stay perfect I never told you you are fat and unattracive i never told you ihate your snoring i never told you i laugh when you snore I never told you how I smell your jacket when you're away i nver told you how much i dream of what we said we would become but didn't still now.. I never told you that i sleep in your dressing gown when you are away i never told you i don't like you touching me i never told you i smell your underware
I never told you how much things you say make me laugh later
I never told you how much I enjow life with you I never told you how sorry i am i never told you how much i pretend to be severe around you because i want you to know how much i am insulted by you domestically i never told you you are right I never told you how much i going to miss you when youre gone i never told you how i like you dominate me during sex i nver told you you are wise i nver told you that you are the best oral sex i have ever known inever told you i despise your politics i never told you you are the best man i ever met in my life i nver told you i want to die before you because i couldn't bear to be your widow I never told you how critical you are i nver told you how angry i am i never told you how i can never forgive your cruelty i never told you you are my satisfaction i never told you I wanted to be you i nverf told you that i know you like hot wax and sil scarves but i will never give this to you i never told you you ihibit me don't even ask me why i never told you how you hurt me with your insensibility i nver told you how exculed i feel excluded I never told you I never understand you i nver told you that you are a total and utter and disgusting SLOB i never told you how you curtail my freedom i nver told you how much i would like to be your horse i would like you to ride me to freedom I never told you that I murdered my desire for you, one day when the hurt was just too bad, and now i can't rekindle that desire, no matter how much i want to i would like to be the beast with whom you collaborate to get free i never told you how betrayed i feel by you i would like to find desire I never told you that now I am free from desire i can be your friend I never told you that you'll never ever be able to hurt me again because I'm dead to you inside i never told you how many affairs i had i never told you have your fuck even if i have head ache i never told you i never told you I never told you because to tell you would be to creat inbalance
I never told you that each time I feel desire for another man it tastes of sweet revenge
i never told you your dick is small but i love it i nver told you that love and hate are two colours that belong together like yin yang never ever told you that you are my love tat's just a joke I never told you That its true what they say; bigger IS better nver told you that
never told you that i am happy you gave me a kid never told you that your the best father in the world
never told you i admire you never told you why am i interested in DJ I never told you that I'm scared of being alone with you when the kids are grown never told you that you are a jealous possessive tyrannical sex obsessed ego maniac with no domestic skills and dirty clothes but i still love you i nver told you i make all my future plans alone in my head and then only after realise i left you out i never told you that it would make such i difference if you noticed what I did every day i never told you i need your approval despite everything i never told you i don't feel anything anymore for you I never told you how I need your appreciation i never tell you these dasys how unsupported i feel
never told you that i have more intense feelings in my life everywhere but with you
I never told you how deeply and painfully and powerfully angry I am with you I never told you we are out of touch i never told you that i experience bliss still now bliss yes
but never with you
I never told you how much I need you
i never told you how much i need your affection i never told you how much i want to grow old with you die with you by my side
never told you that i live my life on several tracks at once I never told you that in another life I'd like you to be my brother never told you that what i am trying to do is listen to all those tracks at once I never told you that I'm planning to leave
I'm planning my exit strategy
i nver told you that when someone else says she is planning to leave that makes me panic because it iw what i deep down feel i should do I never told you that i have a packed suitcase in the cupboard upstairs I never told you you remind me on a butcher i never told you that i watch sunsets with other men and women who don't mind my voice my energy i nver told you how tragic i find it all i never told you I prefer the company of women I never told you how I am able to be more generous with other people
i never told you i don't belong to you anymore how much brighter and clearer i feel with others I never told you how this life would have been terrible without you i nver told you that there is no such thing as belonging any mnore only living each day never told you i know you are as fed up as me I never told you that everything of significance I've learnt about life has been learnt in relationship to you i never told you that i will never forget you
i never told you i still ove you despite everything and will not use the suitcase probably
I never told you how much I am deeply grateful for all the muck and gems we've made together i never told you how much faith i have in you
i never told you i deeply recpect you
the other side of me
weathered
the force who brings me to the edges of myself
mirror
test me I never told you how much you are the other half of me i never told you stay with me bring me to my sexual and spiritual and libidinous maximum make me laugh in bed and in the supermarket i never told you how perfectly you fit in me see me without my makeup on so that i can wave goodbye to hinm as he gallops off and reconcile myself to the slow slow bed of our marriage you let me fart in bedi could nver fart with dj
i never told you how i hate words sometimes makes all this like cheap pulp DIY lifestyle book
I never told you that I am too proud to admit that I would be lost without you i never told you i feel very unreal fucking with you I never really let you in
"my heart is broken"
attack or defend
: my soul is wounded"
my soul is bleeding
yes images of war and violation
my heart is torn apart
we don't say my heart is heated up to a perfect temparature
my life is in shreds
or my soul is liquified like a good cocktail
betrayal is war
love is war
subterfuge
sex is war
soul=something very pathetic
oh? why?
i'll try but it isn't easy how can i go on
try
passion
passion + suffering
passion =suffering
xtian idea
compassion
deeply coursing through our judeoxtain veins no?
empathy- feeling for another
as if to feel deeply is to be close to death
yes empathy but this doesn't necessary carry the erotic does it?
or the hights of life
to imagine beyond our own needs
yes but so does skydiving or extreme sports
yes but so does good art
there is life above sex
i suggest we fetishise our emotions
institutalization of feelings is death for same feelings
but to share that with another is sooo erotic
yes
yes
illusions
of escape
music
yes
oh oh oh and danger
a few notes that bring all to silence. no words
yes
a waiting space
breath held
the body anbd mind working together, rescued from
before jumpng
the horrible splitting
a feeling that the universe is one and we are it
we cannot live without love ..some love
the heart pumping
some do though
but like i say there wasn't any love
legs wobbling
i live without sometimes
i repeat the idea that we fetishise sensations and emotions
shared beauty with another
they are cultural
as much as anything ( see Foucalut)
ideas about ideas
fantasies about fantasies
somebody elese's hot wax
moments transcending time and space
somebody else's silks
somebody elses basques
when desire connects
yes..
transcending the logic
yes..
catapulting reason
we all long to do this
yes
get over daily life!
daily life is ilumminated
also sometimes you simply love someone so much you want to tell them with your flesh
you want to scream the love
talk o them with your fingers
stroke their wounds
use tongue without words
yes of course
yes
convince them of
hope
with sex we make it all disappear
it is the great illusion act
with love
with sex we connect with god
universe
life
here it is, all the shit, now come with me (literally) and we will make it vanish and replace it isntead with all that goes on in your head
heart speaks
this is hedonistic
stuff
we can live without sex but not without love
pagan Dj is an idea simply an erotic idea construct sure. when saying sex not exluding love of course dj is paradise for dj dj is paradise paradise ia an ilusion no dj is hell why does dj have to be so scret? he is actually a wish fulfillment of straight society secret why is it so hidden? dj or mata hari no matter a figure dj is an empty shell inside to put instead of God we all need bring out of outselves dj like an old women we need to explode out of our domestic chains yes one man had a fantasy: maybe he wanted the whore to wrap him up in cling film leaving his penis free and when she was preparing his wrapping she had to tell him she was baking him in a pie this made him exctatic this is a true story... did she cook him? our fantasies are forms no she only pretended to of course she hads to talk of beef and carrots, really, and this excited him the plastic would have melted hehe
30.dj log (19.11.2006) I WANT you to… If I met you only once, and you said I could do anything, absolutely anything I wanted with you, what would I wish to do?
ok? This is men speaking of women first...... a deafening silence falls because i will keep you as a personal slave i would torture you with reading shakespeare all night long all night long !!!!!! you won't believe me if i said i just want to look at you I would watch you alnight at a party, till you blushed i would ask you to dress in different outfits yes tie you up I would push you into the pool and tell you that you are beautiful i would like you to swim over me keep you in the closet and just occasionaly take you out i woudl like you to put all the cliches on your body] iwould want you to climb a mountain with me and stay up there and look down you would make striptease every night that spring from my mind...suspender belts, silk sticking, red lipstick, split crotch panties, the lot! I want you to be my dog i would like you to cook me the meal of my dreams i would pour a bottle of honey over you and licked it till last drop so you would scream of pleasure yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees
i would want you to sing
and...? wearing nothing but lace, black lace Then I'd lift you onto the table and lift your skirt really slowly no underwear and you keep singing, and you sing in orgaism i want you to make me a cup of tea and pourt a b0ottle of cognsac into it I want you to do the washing up i would want you to be silent for six hours i want you to redecorate my appartment lick it clean
I want you to sort out my accounts
with your blood I want you to clean my room
eat with me drink with me
wash dishes i would want you to wash me oil me
give me a good massage
I would shave you i want you to shave me too
i shave your pubes you shave mine
lick my ears and the inside of my ears lick my balls
i want you to recite shakespeare
whilst we make love lick between my balls and my arse bite i would tie you up and tatooed my name in your skin with my teeth play with yourself i want you to pour hot wax on me massage my prostata sounds like an italian dish.. i want you to give me my confidence back to me
i want you to admire every move i make
cut my arms off and show them to me I want you to worship me bite me till i scream I want you to be kind and whisper to my cock that he's beautiful anbd delicious cut out my heart and eat it take me to the end and back again I want you to breath life into my soul and make me believe anything is possible you will call me master let me run on the stars inside you upside down in your mouth i want you to make me feel like an emperor I want you to want me to come in your mouth i want to ejaculate on your face like in porns And beyond the red light, she allowed him for a modest consideration to look inside her vagina … « (Lautreamont) i want you to be that whore but reciting shakespear and sninging ok?
i want you to be the most erudite nymphomaniac
I want you to be wanting me all the time I want you to be dripping as soon as I walk into the rom i want you to cook that lobster wearing nothing but black lace basque i want you to serve it on your belly lying down
on the table i want you to magnify me
reflect me twice the size i am be my mother madonna and whore i want you to smoke in my face
i want you to pass cognac into my mouth from yours
i want you NEVER to fall in love with me ok? i want you not to look me in the eye I want you to be emotionally strong i want you to confirm i fuck you best of all i want you to wrap me up tight i want you not to be needy i want you to use gadgets on my nipples I want you to walk on me i want you to let me see you cunt i want to lick your stilletto i want you to put that stilleto inside my cock be a worm iwant you to see me as adonis and not the pervert that i am i want you to stick it in my arse worm, slug, cockroach i want you to let me pay for you
i want to put my hands up between your thighs at a party
because that way i will really have power i want to move our scenario to a beach i want to like in the sun with you standing over me masturbating i want you
to swim over me
I want you to nose bleed overme i want you to let me pay
for sex, dinner, hotel, motorboat
i want you to swim alone then return when i am asleep and stand over me wet and naked i want you never to tell me your real name
(mine is don Jaun by the way) i want you suck my dick under the water i want you to nesarly drown giving me head i want to see you get fuck by the lifeguard he is so lonely i want to see you enjoy everyone else on the beach
you will suck my toes ok!
you will let me pull your heair you will finger my hot arse you will not i repeat NOT love me ok? IT WILL HURT BEAUTIFULLY you will build me a sandcastle and destroy it
you will be interested in women ok?
ok
you will show me how you women do it
you will not be interested in any other man excpet anyone i say like the lifeguard ok? you will appear with a hamper full of sumptious goodiesbotles of cold wine mangoes my favourate crisp pepper chili pepper salt and you will clean everyting when finished wash us wash my fingernaiuls my arese mouth clean sand from my ass NOTE FROM ANNA: THIS SECTION ALSO PERPLEXES ME..WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS!
beat her like a bitch on heat
jesus ok if she is good, beat her to not get worse if she is bad, beat her to get better
it would be wise to rape her perhaps does there have to be pain inflicted in power games? yes why is power always so negative
does she have to suffer real pain or can she pretend?
anyways power games is rape can power be also just leadership yes agree but allowed rape in this game here she is permitting this the only thing she is forbidden is love... we were touchy at first but then we saw how easy it was we could do anything yes, too easily pleasure makes her very malleable first we would stare at her vagina probably for a very long time and smell her she enjoys to be enjoyed but then she bloody well goes and gets emotional we squize her nipples they harden it s a wonder it is after all OUR fantasy no? actually, my favourite stuff is the cliched stuff, silly but true lace, panties, striptease, oil, all that rubbish really works give me hardon
we have 5 more minutes to be REAL MEN guys.. I want you to take me limp and make me hard anything else? I want to suck your niples whilst I'm still dreaming like when i was a baby and you'll be awaken with my sperm on your face yes of course no problem its good for the skin this was all fine, yes sperm is excellent face pack, tightens the pores I want you to swallow me whole and I haven't even done my first morning yawn so full of life ya ya ya ya yawn ya hmmm I want you to ride me as the sun rises good proteins
)
I ant you to take whatever you want from my body. skin to use me to satisfy yourself my heart tongue eyes fingers nipples back pecs nerves to feed me while we fuck
Now it is She who can do what She wants with Him whom she will never see again after tongiht ok? I want him to watch me with desire unmasked be here when i want you look after me when i want you love me when i want you and fuck off when i want oh, you're so small SHE GIGGLES I want you to grow firm and hard for me now cook for me turn on the lights actually your prick is enormously satusfying but first i want you to cook for me ok plan my favourate menu you will weasr a full DJ outfit I mean a black tie, bow tie and evening suit with patent leathger shoes put me on a high pedesta and never let me fall shop in the market taking time to choose the most luscious and fresh items you will look divine ok? and you will wash very very carefully lay a table of high class and elegance but I will eat with me fingers and you'll think that wonderful you will smell of musk and cedar and rich dark smells even your anus Your body will smell of oranges and spice i will never have to imagine that maybe you didn't wash properly oh yes you will be super cleansed drive me whereever i want to go how wonderful this will be like a moslem all orifices a delight I want you to be busy all day but eady to drop what you are doing the moment i call to say i want you
you must be a very important man
busy and big and important charming i could not fancy you if you were a puny slave type
No you must have wit and intellect
shakespeare dripping from your lips people must like and admire you a voice that pours molasses of words into my ears
yes i could only desire you if you were big
you must be excellent at everything i need You must excite my intellect you must clean my surfaces never bore me Empty the bins roll my joints put your head in my lap massage my feet in public and bite and make it clear to everyone that you are only really interested in me feel free with my body charm other women but be faithful only to me rush me off in the night be passionate run on the stars with me upside down be spontanous and wicked be very much in demand but choose me but always on time my a REAL MAN never keep me waiting for any mistake i will spank you i want you to know how to skin a rabbit how to cook lobster I want you to enjoy walking the mountains and to organise our daytrip taking care to book a hotel en route i want you to have a leather bedcover (chocoloate brown) i want you to pen the fridge and say " look what i prepared" I want you to heve a special room where you only take me and there will be ice cold champagne and, yes, well, lobster... with photos of me in your drawers i want you to masturbate thinking only of me tell me how beautiful I am adore my deficiencies ignore my fat i will tie you and violate you with my dildo Be really really over the moonwhen I tell you I'm pregnant love my flesh yes want my fucking babies!!!! be supportive when I say I'm not keeping the child i want you to LOVE me being in charge i want you to love my being in charge but remain powerful yourself I want you to say I get more beautiful as I grow older i want you to lick my lines on my face i want you to adore my ageing flesh I want you to understand the stories behind those lines and rtell me my mind blows you away i want you beg for car keys i want you to make me throw back my head and laugh i want you to lick my lines on my face andall of me i want you to lose control i want you to find me so irresistable that you will lose control i want you to be READY any time I want erect or not it is in the mind i want you to think about me all night ok? you WILL enjoy my independence you WILL enjoy my success you WILL enjoy my power you WILL enjoy my reproductive capability you will wait me home till moment i come from going out with my friends and you will fancy me and you will not be jealous tonight laugh at my jokes You will encourage me to spend money on myself
because I'm worth it
you will say
you are the most brilliant and beautiful woman and it is a privilege to be near you tongiht i want you to keep your power but balance it so that i can have mine i want you to be strong like a lion and tender like a pussycat
i want you to cry when you come
i want you to have your breath taken away when you come looking into my eyes I want you to be sad that we are not possible I want your heart to ache for me i want you to pour honey over me i want you to fuck me whilst singing love songs i want you to mend all the broken things in my house i want you to do all this in one night like superman I want you to decorate the hall on your way out make it all come right make it all come right i want you to be like a small god i want you to leave me flowers on the doostep i want you to permit me eveything i need to do and say i want you to tell me your heart swells with pride i want your protection but i want my indpendence
i want you just fuck me hard and than leave without any words
i want you to tell me my cunt is the most beautiful you have ever ever known i want you to not let me get emotional i want you just as sexual toy so you need to let me be in total control ok? you must let me be alone when i want it because i tend to get pleasure and feelings confused you must offer to wash the dishes make the bed wash myc lothes iron my clothes wash me and clean the car and get yourself in your nice Dj suit i want you to lie under me buy me stuff! you will cut off your willie and give it to me. so it will be mine forever. in a bottle of wine i will preserve it hurt yourself I eant to see you in pain bite me and then bite yourself let me bite you i want to see you without any anger
ILet me rip my teeth into your flesh
eat my flesh bark! cry sing open the window want my baby entertain me let the moon in rub my butt light the candles be
gentle kiss my lps
kiss my alps read my lips my lumps kiss my mounds and dips drown in me guess my thoughts go naked on the balcony and howl and come back in and jump on me set your horse free and laugh hug me tell me you will end all wars dance for me tell me your happy make me happy tell me you love me yelling and screaming make me laugh tell me you'll change the world for me tell me you will do anything i want tongiht confess i am your dream
admit that you didn't think i was possible
tell me you understand our differences tell me you WANT ME more than you want anyone else make us the centre of the universe that i am your drug your good habit tell me you love the eay my mind workes tell me I'm smarter than you are tell me that everything makes sense to you now
i would dress you up in red silk
yes womens clothes eyemakep put on red underwear admit you need me because your male lust for me women whilst you are dressed in silk is very exciting oil your hair i do not need you dressed aas a fireman just in a kimono with your erection and your body hair underneath (is this odd?)
no, it's pure beauty
i am a woman whose power men do not feel comfrtable with the bed is perfumed yes the room is ful of lavender and thyme i want you to make me scream Tonight I might want you to leave me my space and totally understand and cry with pleasre and then i want you to disappear without a trace WITHOUT A TRACE YOU HEAR? GO cry on your horse cry and get the hell out of here I want no nostaliga in the morning Tonight I might just want to sleep with your smell, shadow and memories no toothpaste shyness i want to start the day tomorrow freshly fucked and very free yes yes yes without a shadow of nostaliga i want to see your eyes when you get raped by another man with a big one am i watching this? with pleasure do i care`? i know how it is i want you to teach me this - this will be what i order you to do: make me break the cord of desire free me!!!! get me in touch with my beast cut off my clitoris why?? don't question why do i ask this? cut it off! but i am not sure i mean this i think maybe i said it metaphorically suck it off than because my pleasure is my enslavement and i cannot bear to be powerless any more swallow it
yes yes yes
i like the idea like ripe fruits new ones will grow i order you to let me fly
away.... to the moon
I'll fly and you'll fall
flying to the moon like a witch on her stick
and i am laughing these are my wishes my desires, melt me melt me my clitoral dreams my morning icecream my morning scream...
31.dj project log (26. 11.2006) the difference
is that you take up a lot more space than me
the difference is that you speak too much about things which need not be spoken of
you are so emotional the difference is that you bleed each month and make such a fuss about this the difference between is is hormones the difference between us is the amount of testosterone the difference between us that you are often late amount of estrogen which gives you more hair the difference is you want to controll everything, even my thoughts (this is men talking about women remember!) the difference between us is that you are manipulative
the difference between us is that you can't
control you emotions the difference is you pretend to be weak the difference between us is that you cry easily the difference is your possesivness the difference is that you have a vagina the difference is that you want babies difference is you talk to your girlfriends about intimate thing the difference is that you give birth and brestfeed our kids the difference is you cannot be bald difference is you cannot remain logical difference is you cannot penetrate the difference is you break up like a little girl....tralalalalal the difference is you don't like fights the difference is you are organised
the difference is that you like harmony
the difference is that you are are stronger the difference is that you want to come again and again after i am burnt out the difference is that you can't think right the difference is that your life expectancy is longer than mine the difference is that you have never enough the difference is that you are aware of the history of patriarchy in a different way than me the difference is you think you can change men the difference is that you're always in bad mood the difference is that your body is softer the difference is that you are a moody bitch the difference is you have headache when i want to have sex the difference is you really really think we can change the difference is that you always talk before you think the difference is you think sex is for sundays the difference is that you can juggle the difference is that you don't like sex the way I do
the difference is you can sing high tones
the difference is that your breasts stick out the difference is you are obsessed with cleaning
the difference is you have your hair dyed
the differnece is that you want me to yourself the difference is you have less pride the difference is that you are always asking where was I the difference is you want everything beautiful and smelling nice the difference is the way you cook the difference is you hate the mess i make the difference is that you expect me to pay you for a dinner the difference is you always ask questions about everything the difference is you don't leave your stockings and underwear lying around
the difference is you eat less
the difference is you don;t fart as loudly the difference is that you think you don't have to change anything in your life the difference is you don't like it if i know how to do manly things better than you the difference is you don't shout the difference is you think nowadays you can do EVERYTHING the difference is that you want me to take care of you the difference is you makeup your eyes the difference is you know how to wear high heals the difference is you really think we can make peace the difference is you believe in miracles the difference is you believe in evolution the difference is you cry at orgasm the difference is i am stronger the difference is you are not self confident enough physically mentally sexually the difference is i can drink more alchohol the difference is i think of sex every 10 seconds the difference is you have more feeling mostly for everything
the differnec is i can pay for sexual pleasre
the difference is i can kill you with my bare hands the difference is you have more emotional intelligence The difference is I want to invade you the difference is you don't buy porno the difference is you don’t want me to invade you The differences u have a womb the difference i have dick the difference is you are graceful elegant I am a drone and you’re the queen bitch
difference is once you have enjoyed me you will be faithful
the difference is you pay attention to details the difference is you cannot be a father
the difference is you love dressing up for me
the difference is that you really think there is a lot of difference the difference is your aesthetics the difference is you want that I belong to you
the difference is that when you are too clever i am threatened
the difference is you think one day you will domesticate me the difference is you will never leave the kids the difference is the pitch of your voice the difference is you find having affairs very complex the differnece is that you dream wide awake
you learn to love what u lust for, whereas I learn to lust for what i love
the difference is that you don't like my power
the difference is communication
the difference is you are intruded the difference between me and you is the same as the d. between me and the next man the difference is i can be with fellow men all night long the difference is that you open your heart more easily
the difference is you can speak of your heart the difference is in way how we were educated since being kids
the difference is weight of our evolution history
the difference is that i don't notice my power
the difrence is you want to love and i want to fuck the difference is you want to love and i want to fuck
the difference is
lui e una grande putana the difference is my pride the difference is natural the difference is postcoital cigarette the difference is ok the difference is you want to be like me-man but i don’t want to be like you-woman
the difference should not lead to the war
the difference is your womb cries for the troubles of the world and my dick just wants fun
the difference should be lead to tolerance
how sweet key and key hole are also different but they enjoy each other i suppose the difference between us is that whenever we come to conflict you think we can work on it you think we can IMPROVE you think we can share
the difference is you wish you could scrape your face each morning
the difference is you wish you had my body Instead she puts menstrual juices on her lips, to attract the future of humanity the difference is that you are more primitive the difference is that your silence is very noisy
the difference is that we are baboons
trying to be angels the difference is that you don;t know what i really am
the difference is i want to fly you want to walk except that sometimes it is reversed the difference is your ego is more supple
the difference is you think i am an egoistic bastard
the difference is you don't appreciate me very much as i am
the difference is that you never let me alone
the difference is you want o reduce my power
the difference is your pussy so now women on men.....:
difference is we sometimes meet in the middle
difference is we can merge the difference is your shallownes
the difference is that your voice is much much louder than mine
the difference is that you folloow your dick
the difference is that you are so free the difference is you think you are the smartest
the difference is that u are the best the difference is you cling to your boyhood and don't want to grow up
the difference is you are too old minded
the difference is you fuck around
the difference is that you don’t fall in love easily
the difference is you are a moral coward the difference is you drink too much the difference is you cannot see the way i see it the difference is you abuse your power the differenc is that I can love the difference is your smell forgive o great divine utterus for insulting thy majesty the diff is that u are pride-ill forgive a humble servant the difference is i have hands you have paws the difference is that you don;t care for the same details as i do
the difference is thsat you are angry with women but pretend its the other way round only
the difference is you are an elephant in the porcelan store
the difference is your transparentness the difference is that you know hopw to fix things the difference that you are very fragile
the difference is you will remain on peter pan's level forever the difference is that you claim to feel no possessivenemss the difference is you think the world owes you something the difference is that afte r fucking in the bluebells you rubbed leaves into your body and forgot about me the difference is your mental control the difference is you fall asleep after having sex the difference is you don;t want me to be too successful the difference is that if i love women you want to watch the difference is you would like to tie me to the oven and kids the difference is that you want me to be free and tied at the same time the difference is for you everything is so easy the difference is you are scared in case i am cleverer than you
the diffrence is that you need to be king
the difference is you think i am less worth than you you want me to be madonna whore and a coock all in one the difference is the way we work
the difference is that you like the indefinite
the difference is you live in your cave mostly
the difference is you are not present
the difference is you really deep down like me to lead the tango
the difference is
you are an elastic band and i am the catapult the difference is it is so easy to manipulate you
the difference is your stubborn stubbonr PRIDE!!!! the difference is that you are always the barbikue one
the difference is you rarely say i am sorry the difference is that you like women to fall over you but if i talk to one man the whole world goes black and you get sooo angry the difference is you consider me your property the difference is that when you cook you make it seem like the most amazingly important thing you are better at covering up your insecurity and you beat me too the difference is that you don't like to smell of woman the difference is that you areafrayd of dimentions the difference is your frivolous attitude to important issues i care about like world peace the difference is you think with your little head the difference is deep down you are pissed off with my freedaom the difference is you are unpatient like little boy
the difference is your snoring
yes you snore like a pig the difference is when you are ill you are like a baby the difference is you are intolerant the difference stoned me there is no THE DIFFERENCE there are only differences amnd similarities
difference is a wanderfull ingredient we need difference its a spice for the afterlife of life its about being permitted to exist
authentically no? by our loved one not in prison
love have no gender
i wish!!!!! whoever said this might be in illusion
difference is fun
the thing about difference from some of the sexual polirtical theorists is only to find out how we are made as people socially
what we really are as men and women rather than how we have been layered
too much thinking not enough doing
...
yes but doing - what? multypling free energy devices using thinking, accepting the differences i sense resistance here in this arena resistance? oui vive la revolution we need a revolution of thinking
we need to face ourselves
unface and erase understand how and why we didn't get there quite we need emotional intelligence why we are fucked we need to connect we need inteligent genitals that would be marvellous i would like an einstein cunt einstein crap, i want an electrical dick like niki tesla
ok don;t get competitive
they just pull us shutit jack the ripper cunt this is not intelligence this is barbarism so imply the theme we needlittle agression? go on i think you are trying to tell us this? why? hmm? who? like spice it up a bit? like the jack the ripper cunt we don;t have to go caca poopoo just to show honesty or be violent just to 'spice' its just that to say that men and women have no differences of any importance seems idealistic all their differences are design to leed to unity. or i am wrong?
the biological should not be confused with the gendered biological should not lead us to place we are now so we keep returning to the idea (bataille's) that sex needs to be transgressive to be enjoyuable philosophers have sex problems
we are not honest in clinging to the tradition
words as caresses
and slaps thoughts penetrating your point of view we are transmiting, but we should shange the formulation of truth words as dicks and cunts words as prayers and curses signs words dont mimic us signs words can violate us much stronger than real life many emotions pass for me in this process
laughter and joy
and despari and alienation sometimes anger sometimes in and sometimes out me too it is an act of immense trust this is the death of the author this process (barthes) the birth of the reader
- "the death of the author is the birth of the reader"
it is about no aboluste authority in the creator any more here in our space we can disappear dive in and swim in words
32.dj project log (3.12.2006) two lines Anna Edit 21/1/07
he I don't know what the word love means she says I want you
SHE: did you put the rubbish out? HE; what rubbsh?
She who was that you were talking to? He oh nobody who means anything
He: I need some space she: don't disappear now, i need you
he; will you wear your stockings for me tonight? She: I have my period
she: will you wear your stocking for me tonight he i'll do anything to turn you on
he: here is your coffee She where's the spoon!!?
she how was your day?
He don't ask me She do i look fat in this? he: do you believe in monkeys?
she; you don't talk to me anymore
he ( without looking up from his paper)
humph..
she i HATE cliches
he: I adore your voice
he did you come? she it was difficult in this minute, but i did
she: I vomited he you vomited? she yes, i am pregnant
he look i thought we agreed.. she; it takes 2 to tango
she we should visit my mother he; silence she why can't you get what i am trying to tell you? he: you don't speak loud enough.
he: go to hell
she will you dance? he: with you!?
she shall we build a house together? he: bad idea
she you are always so negative he and you have headache all the time
he: tell me what is in your heart she my heart is sick he; drink this he please do your lapdance for me now she but i'm cleaning the toilet
he i could eat you... she; she mmmmnnn
she i hate you he why you don't divorce than
he i didn't say i was going to do this she; but would it hurt you?
He you are still beautiful you know and i still fancy you She where have you been?
she how could you!????? he i don't feel anything for her
she i have a lover
he: What kills the fire?
she piss
she i want to tell you my dreams he; tomorrow
she did you pay the gas bill? He i dreamt about you
she i think we keep missing connecting with each other he yes, we don't fuck lately
she i want a baby! he; I already have many
he you are SO demanding she rub my back
he: no your body in not good for this
she i don;t like anal sex
he when youll try it you'll like it
she: I will cut off your head he do it quick
he; Blood frightens me
she i wish you were a woman
he why are you crying!!? she; because I've missed my life
she: What are you searching for? he have you seen my keys? she you are so chaotic! he it's not bothering me
she; you are my best friend he yeah...well..hmmm
she when did you loose your virginity he when i was 12
she please would you wear makeup just for tonight? He i am not a fagg
She do you take drugs? he occasionally
she what are you reading? he nothing you'd know about, Don Juan
she who's don Juan? he; an old friend
she can I meet him? He why do you have to know everything and everyone??
she shave me he; with pleasure
he what shape would you like? She bald
she; you are an artist with a razor he yes i'm sharp
she tell me a story he you can't have everything
he lie down she; yes
he; shut your eyes she do you have to leave
she i'll make breakfast.. he; look in the cupboard. I've left you a present
she thank you for all those orgasms I found he it was my pleasure
he you are so polite she only until i know you better then i fart and swear
she have you ever wanted to kill someone? he yes, my father
she you move me very deeply
she i'll make you a souffle he i prefer steak tartar
she i'll make you steak tartare
he that's my girl
she i promise i won't make demands on you he do you dear to write it down?
she taste my blood he; passes out
she: I propose you to make a plastic surgery he on my dick!!!!??
she; look at me in the eyes he i can't without my glasses
she i love the smell of your armpits he show me how much you love me
she you are sooo negative he; I'm always honest with you
she i want to fly he take united
he can you ride? She i can ride both
She i just love you thats all is that a crime? he give me some money
he; can we meet later? she no i'm lapdancing till dawn
he do you like stravinsky? She no sconberg
he when can i see you again? she; at the cafe at dawn
she i think i love you he it was just good sex
she: our time is spent he have you set the alarm?
she lick my teeth
he i'll lick you ALL
she i have sacrificed my career, everything for you he; moan moan moan
she whats your favourite painting/ he Naked Maya
she you are never at home. he; I'm working
she have you emptied the kids and said night night to the rubbish?
(oops she says i must be tired)
he; and fed the tele and turned the cat off
she says take me away with you he; it's too dangerous
she says what are your politics``? he; a fighter for justice
he says can i watch? she you can peep
she shall i have my breasts done?
He no, i like they fit in my hand
She I hate money
He that's why you spend it so quick!
she show me how much you love me
he shit are you never satisfied??
he: my discourse is so "raw" she; chewy
she i am a dancer
he dance me to the moon
he do you think my dick is small? she; to be honest yes
she did you ever try virtual sex he of course
she i am really not hung up on size, because i am bisexual he do you like anal sex?
she steak tartare??
he; that's why I'm here
he do you love me?
she embraces him
she; i love dancing
she I need acigarette
(telefon ringing)
he; that is for me
she are you an alcoholic~? (she pours him a large double whisky on the rocks) he no that's just to heat me up
she what is the difference between us? (she is looking in the bathroom mirror at both of them brushing their teeth) he i think your are a master in and i am a beginer
he you read my thoughts she jumps into bed she because we are one
she; i'll tell you a story ( he lies down) he whisper it in my ear
he i am really cool about you having your freedom you know
( he is not looking at her)
she; can I borrow your shirt?
he kids need their mothers she; I miss the children (he is not looking at her)
she please be with me at the birth he i hate blood
she i'm not a child!!!don't treat me like a child!
(she is jumping up and down yelling like a child)
he than use your brain
she i feel like a piece of shit
he help yourself, take a pill
( she is furious at his willful misunderstanding)
she slaps him
he i know you very well, better than you know yourself
TV is switched on
she; why is it so hot in here?
(she is ironing at the time)
she look at me!!!!
he; i have to save the world
she; you have no time to clean the the house he; this is not my house
( she is polishing the furniture with beeswax frenetically)
she We are living in parallel universes (stoned) he; I'm comfortable
he important is we meet here and there
(she passes him the chocloate)
he come here she; I've got so much to do she you come here! (they don;t fuck)
she; are you moving out? He i never moved in. it was just your illusion
he who fuck all these beautiful women she i did
he; let me photograph you naked she how do you want me? he shuts the curtains ( she is forcing meat through a grinder)
she did you ever had a pet? he only vagina he; a dog called vagina
he why have you moved all the furniture around again:??? she eats all sandwiches
she when can we go to IKEA? He i will built for you whatever you want
she says maybe we can one day get a flatpack house and put it together together he ok. but i will keep my cave
he you are my goddess she put me on a pedestal and i'll fall (she hits him)
she take me off your altar and help me cleaning he were are my keys?
She lets be equals door slams
he I want to be pregnant she you are so greedy!
33.dj project log (10.12.2006) four lines
Anna edit 21/1/07
DJ GLIMPSES HER ACROSS A CROWDED SPACE AND DECIDES THAT TONIGHT HE WILL SEDUCE HER. THE PLACE, TIME, CONTEXT IS FOR YOU TO DECIDE, ALSO WHO SHE IS ETC
4 LINES FOR EACH VERSION OF THIS SCENE OK?
he: i hate this music she; its VERY LOUD ISN;T IT he YES she: SHALL WE GO OUTSIDE TO TALK??? He i know very nice place not far away
he: Dark night, isn't it? she: kiss me he too quick she fuck you
he: did I say something? she: yes you talked of politics he; I love your smell she are you a singer?
she; chin chin he; eyes eyes she; belly belly he dance dance
he: wow she's tasty! she: Oh, he's old.
he: one two chin she; which way out?
she; take me away he; do you like mozart? she; not the operas he; I'll introduce you
he: how old are you?
she 16
he lovely
she fuck you
( she slaps him)
He: Sit down beside me. she; I'm cold she only if you promise to tell me your life story
He: Whatever you want.
he: a year ago, I... she: tell me. I want to know.. he, sorry my tongue just slipped he: it didn't mean anything
she ; i know you she do you really eat raw meat with raw eggs?! He its called steak tartar she yuk!!!!! she; I'm vegetarian
she whats your horses name? he; animus
she thats funny i have a cat called anima
she: have you ever had sexual disease? He: No! she I have He: Which one? he backs away slowly
he you know you are the most beautiful young woman i have ever known
i think i am falling in love
she you are telling this to all women
(he looks hurt he rolls over she comforts him)
he i need you close tonight she im here
(he is crying) she is surprised
he: I never had a woman before she oh, goodness, really, well, erm you gay?
He no just a good liar
she; what happens now? he now i have to go and you cry
she ok
she; but I'm not sad
she cries because she wants the scene to end well
she do you speak french? He no but i kiss very french She je voit la vie en rose
he: i think she me too she; i am
he me too
he; I act he are you she yes are you?
She don't leave me! He come with me (she on THAT horse????)
she with you to the end of the world
he: you know although i have many lovers
she; yes?
He you are the only one i have been able to sleep through
the night with
she wow that makes me the best!?
she take that!!! (hitting him with her stiletto) he shit you are brutal you bitch she through fasting we sacrifice she i want to be the only one!!!
He: I'm leaving! She stay till breakfast
he: we are like apples no more no less she meaning??? he; grow on the same tree
he; I like windows
she my is pretty high
he i like to jump you fool
( he jumps, she gasps)
he: give me your phone number, please she i don use the phone i use psychic resonance
he: so bye he I will call you! She ok i'll call you too!!! she turns her back she is crying and her mascara is running
he I shave every day she me too he; I want to shave you she
he have you ever had women lovers? She my mother was a prostittute he have you? She of course have you? she shuts the window
she sits on her bed she picks up her pillow
She drinks a bottle of gin
she takes the pillow and beats it up
she kises the pillow and straightens it out I am angry then she puts the pillow between her legs
smelt of fresh new roses I'll call her next month.
i will remember her smell forever
i'll text her
she; I feel sort of sick he: what was her name again? little thing, smelt of roses..
she; I'm keeping this place inside me, alive for him she whenever he'll come he will find his place
she; what a fool I was Why I cannot forget him?
he hello
this is Juan here remember me? we had a lovely night together she; yes? and i rode off on my horse she yes? into the dawn she yes? well.....
my husband is home tonight, you have to climb the wall Juan ( she says) why don't we meet for a drink on the balcony in the moonlight he: i will be there
They are in the stables because the balcony was some fictional idea from some cheap hollywood movie from the 1940's
he is brushing his horse
she he is beautiful. like you. He: I missed your smell.
she: you are a lover of Love he; a gambler she; I want you in my pantry
I don't regret a moment she says
he touched my soul deeper than anybody else. all these years i was hoping he will appear one day... but i would be much poorer not meeting him at all. I am rich
she: I wander if he is still alive
she goes on internet
she finds thousands of don Juans
even though he had many other women i know during our time he used to cry
when anything touched him deeply i loved that with him I shared my secrets he was crying of beauty
he used to say that he cried when things were too beautiful yes
if we had lived in the pantry everyday I think we would have killed each other
i wanted him in the pantry along with my cheese, my eggs i wanted to smash him and eat him whenever i wanted I wanted him on hold I want him young hot and cold souffled beaten on toast I want him to dance with me boiled liquid i heal my soul with him i wanted to count little buggers on his skin to see if he was ready I want his raw desire i wanted him to show me the very slim line between life and death
i wanted to feel ok about dying
now my teeth are falling out
and my cunt is dry my hair is white at the roots
my belly is saggy
my hands have age spots my eyes are crows the whites of my eyes are yellow but I am still me and still love loving
when i think of him i am still beautiful
and can dance and make love and sing and laugh and cry and have many many stories to tell
I will dance down corridors
I will dance with my phantom and she dances naked down corridors and she says this is heaven
jesus and his ass was so sweet
and i would still ike to lick it and bite into it again and again
I will open the window in the dead of night
i am a prune of desire wrinlkled and sweet
just dip me in water and I will
smell sweet blossom back to life love me love me love me
Old, i will never stop dancing
even in wheelchair i will keep dancing
he was free
he got killed in war
he got married
he got domesticated he got confused he got fat he got lost
like me
here there the clock is ticking on the moon he became moonlight
he is here to show us something
he is here to hblaspheme to make love possible he is here to shatter our smug exteriors he is here becouse he is forgotten he is here to enjoy himself to shatter security he is here to fuck us all up he got old and he lost his memory
he is here to tease us
yes he fuck us all up he is here to remind us that we are not in control he never remembered us anyways he fuck us he fuck us up he loves us all he is here to emind us that we are alive
he is us
he is here to teach us
he's here because he breaks the rules
he is not the voice of islam he is not the voice of xtianity is not the voice of judaism he is not the voice of clerics authority is not the voice of feminists
fuck him!!! why do we want him to enter us?
worship him we want to judge him to find ourselves censor him tidy him up put your willy away juan put him in our pantry be nice he is here new spirit he is jesus's love in every of us
put him in the cupboard with the eggs
whip him up into pancaks
shut up and lie down dog do as i say juan stop seducing sex is not for uour pleasure it is for making babies his smell lingers
his touch has left its mark
yes tattoos all over the world don juan was here bruises in this orifice inside and out in this heart in this shattered mind and i am a very old woman now in hell actually in my dreams
he is a murderer madman
in the name of father, son and don juan...
jesus allah wept
Suddenly the mobile phone rings
The Old Woman answers hello?
i am your wish
~I am a prune dip me in water and I will blossom
i am your contrast Take me with you
i have washed my cunt and oiled my body
and my sticks or wings i would like to drink a large cocktail
and then eat a large steak tartar just for the memory the door opens
he walks in
he takes my hand
i would like to fuck you like we did
he lifts me up
he takes me to the window
where my old mind has been
he throws me out
And i'm flying flying
flying
flying till dawn
till breakfast eggs bacon till sunset of my life
will you stay??
cup of tea? capuccino
and they died happily ever after
one a few years after the other which one? she donjuan first he he
34. dj project log (17.12.2006) I am the Don Juan in your mind
" I am the Don Juan in your mind and I am made of..."
<tanya> I am Don Juan in your mind <tanya> and I am everything you long for <tanya> long to be want to have <tanya> I cry and I laugh and I am full of <tanya> these thing like you know thing you <tanya> want to hear when I lick your ear and tell you you are the best and most bautifyu; <tanya> and i am DJ who smashed his fist into the steak tartare we have not finished yet because we desire so much to touch skin <tanya> HE GETS UP, WIPES HIS MOUTH <tanya> WITH SERVIETTE <tanya> AND PUSHES HER DOWN ON THE TABLE
<zeljko> i am the don Juan in your mind and I lie within each cell of your body <zeljko> I am your first thought every morning <zeljko> I am with you when you piss <zeljko> I cramp your stomach with yearning <zeljko> I make you forget your children <zeljko> I cook dinners I think you will like as you wait for the possibility of me walking in throught the door <zeljko> I fill your day with hope <zeljko> I rob you of dignity and reason but lease your freedom and fantasy
<anna> I am the Dj in your mind <anna> I am a filthy desire you have despite all your politics <anna> all your ideals <anna> all your dreams of a better life <anna> I am the reminder of what we are made of <anna> before civilisation before christ or allah <anna> i am pure flesh <anna> i am freedom <anna> i stink of the sweat of my horse who is always running <anna> you love me because i cannot be trapped <anna> by your pathetic desire <anna> to cream over the cracks of reality <anna> with the froth of the idea that <anna> there can ever be rational emotional relationship. <anna> I piss on you even as I worship you. <anna> I love you all. Amen
<1> I' m the Don Juan in your mind <1> and I just fucked you <1> Yes, that was me! <1> I can be wherever you want <1> and I can do whatever you want <1> You made me so you can use me
<damjana> I don juan in your mind I am someone who hurts you <damjana> but you never understand <damjana> that i nver measn to hurt you <damjana> never mean to hurt you <damjana> just mean to live how i have to live <damjana> and you get trapped in me because you want to be not because i ever ask you to be <damjana> that is the tragedy i cause without meaning to <damjana> that is the tragedy of all my affections <damjana> i am sorry girls <damjana> i cannot do anything else but fuck up! <damjana> HE JUMPS OUT OF THE WINDOW
<tibor> I am the don juan in your mind and I'm knocking at the door <tibor> I am the don juan in your mind I'm here with roses <tibor> I'm the donjuan in your mind and my teeth are clean <tibor> I'm the donjuan in your mind and I've come to love you and ask for nothing in return <tibor> I'm the Don juan in your mind and i am your addiction <tibor> I'm the don juan in your mind and I'm illegal <tibor> I'm the donjuan in your mind and if you got caught with me there your world would explode <tibor> The door slams and echoes and echoes and echoes
<matej> I thought you got it <matej> I thought you understood <matej> I thought you wanted what I wanted <matej> I thought you were a free spirit <matej> but you got caught in the sticky web <matej> of sentiment, affection, addiction that you called love but was really the desire to keep me for yourself <matej> its a problme. i love to fuck with you. <matej> why do you have to spoil it all?
<mare> I am DJ in your mind, made of the big bang consequences <mare> I am in you to remind you <mare> that sexuality is not over <mare> but soon will be <mare> Iam in you to knock on your vital organs <mare> and you will never understand <mare> why you are thinking of me most of your time <mare> xxxxxxxxxxxx <tibor> I am Dj in your mind and I am depressed. I am the donjuan in your mind that tells you to go to the hairdressers and get that new haircut <zeljko> , get that new dress <zeljko> buy those new shoes <zeljko> learn that new dance <zeljko> tone up those flabby muscles and never say die
<gio> i am DJ in your mind and i am made of intelect and EGO.
<B> I am DJ in your body
<anna> I am the Dj in your mind and I am so sick of all the lies <anna> people tell <anna> i wish I coiuld make you happy <anna> but nobody wants to know <anna> they all want a cat <anna> and a casserole <anna> xxxxxxxx
<B> I want to heal your emotions
<gio> love and tendernesss This is the bright side of my interpretation in sour story
I am Don juan in your mind and I am made of desire and memories of fragile paper and rusted iron I am the DJ in your life and I am singing and inviting you to dance with me to enjoy with me to cross lakes and mountains with me iI am here to give you <gio> I am your animal nature un your mind
<gio> i am thematic dream in your lust
<zeljko> I am waiting my turn..
<gio> i am the conflict in your knowledge
<zeljko> I would just like to say <zeljko> that I enjoy many things in life
<zeljko> I enjoy friendship, progeny
<zeljko> art, ~Nature <zeljko> and sex I enjoy daily <zeljko> so the mathematics is simple <zeljko> I need enjoyment to enjoy myself <zeljko> so I need any of you to assist me <zeljko> at any time in any place to this enjoyable purpose no? <zeljko> what is this? <zeljko> hmmm?
<mare> I am not really Don Jaun as you imagine me in your pulp fiction cliches <mare> in your websites <mare> in your old literatures <mare> I am the don Juan of Nature <mare> I am akin to the laws of physics <mare> I refuse to be caught, seen, trapped by the eye or consciousness of MAN <mare> I am the refusenik <mare> I insist of remaining, like Schroedenger's cat - a kind of fantasical theorem <mare> that you can puzzle over <mare> whilst I en-joy myself <mare> xxxxxxxxxx
<gio> I am the don juan in your mind and I'm listening to my voice in a foreign tongue. i am the tongue in your mouth <gio> , the licker of sweat <gio> , the speaker of truth <gio> feed me <gio> drink me <gio> ride me <gio> trust me
xxxxxxxxxxx
<gio> HE WALKS OVER TO THE WOMAN AT THE CAFE TABLE
<matej> I am the Don Juan in your mind <matej> I am hollywood where, at costume fittings <matej> I arrive with no underwear <matej> just for the thrill of you the costumiere having to provide me with fresh new underwear <matej> that I shall go home with <matej> I want you to think of my dick, even when we are working <matej> professionally <matej> this is who I am and whom I love to be and whom you are both astonished and excited by, admit it!xxx
<tanya> I' m the Don Juan in your mind <tanya> and I'm happy with the place I'm staying in right now <tanya> It's empty <tanya> Thoughts are shallow <tanya> Plenty of space for me to work on things that I love <tanya> Plenty of space for me to work on things that I love <tanya> And when I'll finish you'll be totally fucked up <tanya> You'll be deported into pshychiatric hospital <tanya> They will lock you in the small yellow room <tanya> And you could start writing book about me.
<anna> I am in your mind <anna> I am in your mind <anna> because you cannot get rid of the thought of me <anna> You wrestle with yourself and I love to watch this <anna> struggle between good and evil enacted on your own body as your hands twists and turn and pull neurotically at the fabric of your skirt: <anna> WILL I LET GO AND FUCK THIS MAN?! <anna> Ha! It is pathetic <anna> pathetic to watch you spend so many hours in moral dilemma about something your cunt will make you do anyways and then your puny emotionally illiterate mind stuffed full of political correctness with styrive to wipe away. <anna> ITS NO GOOD YOU FOOL!
<damjana> I am Don juan in your mind, and icounting 1234 1234 1234
<zeljko> i am don juan in your mind andi am destroyer of your peace. after being with me every minute with your husband will be unbearable. and you will have to find your bareback way through your life. or just long for me, cry and pitty yourself and your destiny.
<damjana> counting 1234 1234 1234 <damjana> you can't believe this happening <damjana> your heart is racing <damjana> 1234 12341 1234 < I'm coming towards you <damjana> and I'm taking you in my arms, gently <damjana> and we are dancing 1234 1234 1234 <damjana> xxxxxxxxxxx
<mare> I am Dj in your mind <mare> And you disgust me <mare> you disgust me with your ridiculous need to categorise <mare> to produce a taxonomy of desire <mare> your need to be number one. <mare> I am a democrat. <mare> i democratise all flesh. <mare> All flesh is equal. <mare> All beloved. <mare> Stop the heart.
<A> I am DJ in your mind and i am creatur in your mind <A> iam a poison in your heart <A> yes i am your source <A> i am the first sympathetic lover on your Path <A> yes 1234,1234 <A> i am the only one who undestands what is to be immortal Lover <A> yes 1234 <A> 1234 <A> 7654 <A> xxxxx
<matej> I am Dj in your mind and I do not count <matej> any more <matej> I gave up counting when I was 16 <matej> counting is for collectors <matej> I do not collect <matej> I experience <matej> I am very close to death <matej> each time <matej> and this is thrilling <matej> because ~i really do not care about mortgages <matej> and counting names in my address book <matej> because one of you women will always feed me <matej> allways hide me <matej> always give me fresh sheets to lie in <matej> so why count? <matej> xxxxx
<gio> I am DJI am DJ in your mind and I feel trapped in all your numbers they do not go beyond 12341 or generally only 4 numbers go on open the door
5678910? the Dj in your mind and I say yes
<mare> I am DJ in your mind eating raw fish on Cerro Tore <mare> leaking my own sweat <mare> find out that i got DJ blidness <mare> playing solitair with snow balls <mare> masturbating while rolling down the mountain <mare> 1+2+3+4=10 <mare> 1+0=1 <mare> I am the only one <mare> xxxxxxxxxxxxx
<tanya> I am the Dj in your mind and I've left the door on the latch, the kettle is on the boil, salad and lobster on the table <tanya> i am in your mind and i am saying yes, yes yes <tanya> please <tanya> i have lit the candles and the bed is perfumed <tanya> and I'm going to call you now <tanya> surprise you <tanya> because i never do what you expect me to do <tanya> the window is open
<B> i am DJ in your mind and i don't count on you <B> The essence of reality <B> no more <B> you are not we,you are not I you are you
<A> i am don juan in your mind and what i see is a desert with no rain for ages, where men are ugly, dirty and evil,your selfconfidence so low that it will be a piece of cake to be your conqueror of mythic dimensions.
<B> exept your face i don't remember enythig exept your face
<zeljko> I am the Dj in your mind <zeljko> and I wish to god i was not <zeljko> because this is truly a burden
<anna> I Dj in your mind <anna> tell you <anna> that I want to drive through the city with my fingers inside you <anna> fuck you standing up against walls in side streets <anna> close to the cops <anna> and I love sweaty cars parked next to overdue parking metres at midnight where foxes prowl the city past our ridiculous couplings <anna> and i want to just say to you: I love you <anna> I love you I love you but you won't listen because in your mind I am Don Juan... xxxxx
<2> I am DJ in your mind discovering your vulcano potential <2> krakatau is the source <2> lava is your air <2> smoke is your drink <2> so, have a galuoise mais <2> xxxxxxx
<zeljko> I am Dj <zeljko> I am sorry but this is how it is no?
<A> I am Dj in your mind and I really do not like ti when you ask questions. <A> When will you come? when will you go? do you like me~? do you love me? How many lover have you had? <A> Do you want sugar in your coffee in the morning? <A> did you come? <A> etc etc <A> stop asking questions ok? <A> now roll over and we will try it in a new position ok?
<mare> I am DJ. I am raging. i am denograded <mare> I have come in from the storm <mare> No you shut up <mare> Lie down <mare> Undress <mare> You dare dare to judge <mare> You betray every cell in your body when you hand me over
<C> ohI am here again PLEASE LOVE remember my hands
<mare> when you sing my name
<matej> I am also Dj in your mind <matej> and I am so sad <matej> because <matej> all I want <matej> all I ever want <matej> IS TO EN-JOY!!!!!!! <matej> xxxxx
<C> here I am again <C> please do not forget <C> that although i will leave you tonight <C> and not have breakfast <C> i really have the capacity to love you <C> and leave you <C> and send you the occasional postcard <C> maybe an email <C> light as a feather <C> and still feel touched by your existence in the world <C> and oh please LOVE REMEMBER MY HANDS ok?
<A> One night i am here one night <A> i have fuck so much <A> I have become a fuckin machine
<damjana> DJ you are in my mind
<C> 1234
<A> and now i will pray i will become a fucking prayer machine
<tanya> Dj you are in my mind
<A> i with my broken heart
<zeljko> I am DJ in your mind and it is my pleasure to be very demanding
<A> iwill change evrything even the stories of DJ
<gio> Dj is in my mind and i do not judge him actually <gio> I like him he is beautiful man <gio> but I am trying not to fall <gio> dio mio oops...
<anna> Dj is in my mind beyond and despite feminist politics <anna> and that is the whole point
<B> I am Dj in your mind. <B> Why?
<3> I am the Dj in your mind and i'm the one wearing the red rose in my lapel <3> I am desperately whispering in you ear, but you've stuffed them with candies <3> I am standing in the fucking rain naked but you are laughing <matej> I am Dj in your mind but actually I prefer men <matej> xxxx <3> I am risking all so that you with belly laugh and you can only snear <3> I am going to drag you into the heat <3> I am going to throw you in the bath <3> I am going to paint your toes blood red
<B> I am Dj in your mind, alongside so many other things, men, women, places, animlas, foods, books, thats ok I donlt need to be top of your list. You will get to me in due course...xxx <B> I am DJ in your mind I am Dj in your mind I am <B> no you are not <B> I am Dj in your mind <B> I am
<B> lets have a bubble bath of milk and honey
<B> lets lie on fresh sheetsd <B> and enjoy the next new fleshpot <B> new imagination <B> spread before our gaze <B> where's the bathroom?
<mare> I am DJ in your mind pretending that I am something really unique
<gio> you are something really unique
<mare> but i am such a boring uninteresting person
<gio> you are wonderful and you are DJ in my mind <gio> because I have to imagine each man is DJ somehow <gio> loving and leaving me <gio> jumping from windows <gio> postcoitally
<mare> developed from homo ERECTUS not HOMO SAPIENS
<gio> foregoing scrambled eggs and coffee <gio> exchanges of address <gio> all that shit <gio> I have to imagine each man is Dj unless proved innocent <gio> ciaouxxxxx
<zeljko> I am Dj not in your mind but in mind and it is like this: <zeljko> I am really very simple guy <zeljko> I listen to my dick <zeljko> like all men <zeljko> I am not evil <zeljko> I make good salad <zeljko> I have good taste in music <zeljko> I do not have a bank account <zeljko> You look great. <zeljko> I like you. <zeljko> Can I sleep in your place tojnight <zeljko> ok so?
<matej> I am Dj in your mind and i want to know whats the problem? <matej> We will fuck. You will fall in love with me. <matej> I will play a game of chase-me. You will play too. <matej> You will persuade me that marriage is confortable. <matej> I will convince myself life could be worse. <matej> We will get married. there will be canapes. <matej> And champagne. <matej> You will get pregnant. <matej> I will take care of the baby in the middle of the night. <matej> So that you can sleep. <matej> You will be more interested in the baby than me. <matej> I will go and fuck a childless foxy woman. <matej> You will never know. <matej> I will continue this double life. <matej> You will never want to know. <matej> I will be Dj forever. And I will be the father of our child. <matej> And you will feel as if you had conquered me. <matej> Tamed me. <matej> And this will make you feel proud of yourself.
<zeljko> I am dj in your mind, but I'm older now <zeljko> I'm still suave, cool dignified <zeljko> I can pay for meals with my credit card <zeljko> big debts are my medals <zeljko> friends who have disappointed me line my face <zeljko> you bore me, but you'll do for tonight <zeljko> I'm getting tired, restless
<mare> I am Dj and i need to lie in a dark room
35. dj log (07.01.2007) theatrical
THE PLAN FOR TONIGHT IS THEATRICAL on our stage are 500 pillows such as you would rest your head on in bed, next to your beloved or alone abnd they are all mobile. Each of them can contain anything you wish. so they do not just have to be filled with the stuff of comfort, feathers, or such false reproductions thereof. PILLOWS FULL OF......: wine chocolate hair old socks blood skin the pillow uder my head is full of chicken eggs bad smell honey shaved pubic hair blood my lovers semen marbles endorfins viagra ping pong balls patchouli bananas gatorade letters
lubricants oil grasshoppers
energy drink - ecstazies jam. strawberry jam lsd oranges LSD earth soil flowers sugar roses etc the national socialists condoms
weapons of mass destruction
unborn babies orgasms radioactive wastelands WATER all the sounds that make us believe in the soul history limbs torn off by the revolution refuse invitations sand ( for infertility) dirt full of atonal music secrets a dream of perfect love cigarets rotten sunflowers anal sex fog dicks olive oil poems a dicksalad confessions and mea culpas his hat her cap apologies promises rattle snake horse smell menstrual blood bloody tampons whispers farts fur shit puke coats eyes several pale marlboros cake feathers fro some exotic bird ice cubes a madeleine dipped in , yes, tilleul ( lime) team stamps knickers condoms
silicone
kisses snow horses eyes moustache nails human eyes nipples wings human hair horses hair repetition DJ's cliches cloks
money
dolars axes sounds I see a woman tearing open one of these pillows and finding
only tears and blood her underwear
I see a couple kissing each other passionately with the pillow between their faces melons falling and wide open I see her killing him with a pillow I see a woman with such a pillow under her dress so she looks 'pregant' but then she slashes the belly and onloy chocloate falls out the fruit of her womb yes.. I see Munch`s Scream i see a woman with such a pillow belly dripping foam despertely trying to rid herself of it, slashing her belly and only human hair falls out labyrinth of pillows
gain and again like the curse of arepetion i see apathy and then a little frog jups out from a bag
I see a woman trying to use this pillow belly to seduce her DJ why does he love it so??? IT? her belly is it the monster inside her the double pulse sher maybe wants fruit from all this love? jealosy of an ex lover the chocolate under her belly cN SHE LOVE SO MUCH WITHOUT THE DESIRE TO FRUIT? box ring from pillows she sleeps on a pillow,sleeps deeply.... she slept once on an ice pillow melting while she was sleeping she tears open a pillow the one she has laid her head on and where is the frog?? I see her make a big pikle of pillows big as a big bed and then lie on top of them as if to produce security solitude..... suddenly..! the frog apears again I CLEAN THE HOUSE FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN´T COMEI CLEAN WINDOWS WITH HIS SPERMI THRUST MY FINGERS INTO THE HARD EARTHAS EMPTINESS CHANCE AND A PLAYTHING OF NIGHTGOD IS DEAD! LONG LIVE THE GODDESS!I STITCH MY CUNT TOGETHERALL OF THIS FLAT-BELLY BULLSHIT IS KILLING ME!NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO CHANGE ME! her and Him kissing as if they would eat each other up to the bone I see this passion I really do I see this passion this surreal passion and I am there with it I am there, eating also devouring wishing to disappesr in the flesh of another where are the pillows`/
a big hill made by pillows do we throw oursleves into/onto these pilloows as if they were some kind of relief/mother belly???
where do we lay our heads????? on the one you love hmmmmm kissing PILLOWS
as weapon
FULL OF PILLS telling pillows our secrest pillowtalk
pillows _: intimacy
pillow dinner fucking a pillow beause there is nobody in your bed wanting DJ to be your pillow.... yes sleeping with a pillow between your legs deep between your legs where the fuck is DJ??????? EVERYONE WANTS TO BE DJ A PILLOW FOR A DREAM - pillow disco I see the pillows being used as a structure a hug mountain for he and she to drown in but alos a source of discovery, both painful and beautiful like, ytou tear open a pillow to find.......
a pool of blood
a baby a promise a regret wedding rings she eats men like air.. out of the ash with her red hair .... ahs ash you poke and stir
a mountain of pillows and people trying to climb it to the top... what is a kind of difficult
on the top is DJ
or is he buried inside them?
do we have to dive down to find him?? yes all together naw ON a crowded street she whispersI WANT TO FEEL YOU INSIDE MEShe grabs my dick and I freezeShe can do anything she wants as long as she rubs meWhen she rubs me everything turns me on Bread honey caviar on her tits(Collarbones windows streets)Which rise and fallBeetween a lamppost We fuck there and then on the street infront of everybodyIts cold our breaths mingleWE LET THE SPACE INVADE USShe holds herself while explodingWe get a nosebleed we fuck so hardWe take our efluents as our daily breadTHY KINGDOM COME I think a woman bites ibnto a pillow and pulls with her teeth something very visceral I DREAM WITHOUT MY TEETH I dream with whatever i can muster I am older umbilcal cord than the caviar above I regret I never had caviar on my tits I wish I had caviar is salty from the sea caviar is just reproductove cells from strurgeon it is only cells in salt I still have all my teeth is life violent? how do we express love/hate via pillows????! a pillowfight!
If she plunges her head into the pillow and rises up her face wet with blood and semen
whsat are we to think? they say gay men are pillow biters ? biting the pillow because of technology of limb arrangements.. you mean because usually they are turned to the pillows? they are all gasping for breath wanting life pillows can kill he says a tunel under the pillow they can also support the body th head the pilow can suffocate even the hips for better lovemaking GET YOUR VERY OWN DJ PILLOW FOR FREE now
only a limited amount left in stock
pillows can pad us out
stage a sacrifice
what are you/ we wearing`?~?? i say underwear from all ages nothing dj wears nothing corsets nothing his face he wears a mask and..??
lipstick
as a mask naked but with a painted mask?? naked is cheaper with a feather in the ass a red color
red nipples
red lips red nails veils the others dance around him like in ancient times?
we are not doing cheap erotic show
YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO MODERN
I am interested to know if the eritic can escape cliches
like: can we find anotyher colour than red? oh cheap erotic show is very modern yes indeed burlesque so trendy now modernisem is allready classic
why red?
blood red for vaginas i suppose VELVET AND GREY basic chakra white? for purity? and black for devil black is this sexy?
yes black is sexy
so anyways pillows tend to hbe white cotton or linen clean washed starched nice things to lay your head on... the symbol of the womb
sleep write scream
fly making sacred, sprinkling of lavender a man dips his head into a pillow and emerges his face full of choclate that he licks and loves and tastes a woman hunts for something in a pillow and finds only dry bones to be tarred and feathered she weeps... the bed from which you escape the bed in which you come the stains.. from which you came stains on the pillow
to face the world with these stains,
we made love and our genitals touched these pillow where our heads are supposed to lie... pure sleep
everything ends with sleep
with death not with Dj SLEEP evertything with him ends in a pony ride je m'en vais! I am off YOU CAN OVERSLEEP hasta la vista baby YOU CAN SLEEP blow up the pillow YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST BED the first you never forget
i forgot my first bed
me too i forgot my first bed damnit A SECURITY MEASURE I forgot mine i even forgot the first pillow me too where i lost my virgnitity I DIDNT I REMEMBER EVERYTHING this i remember! its impossible to remember everything pieces and shards of stories the broken limbs of memory Isis and Osiris so in every pillow one story! yes hidden amidst the feathers in every pillow many stories dj is a hermafrodite in my opinion A HE AND A SHE
ABLE TO TRANSFORM AS HE WISHES THE MODERN TIERESIAS we have to think ( i think) about DJ as a propostion concerning that means the question of MEN today and why, for all the social and political adventures, DJ ie the escapologist, is still so beloved of so many women ( and men) who claim to seek peace in their lives babies and the such pillows mmmmmmm the music come out of pillows what colours???
pink, pink!
all colours black and white but mostly white what kind of pink?? pink panter pink FLESHY white pink fuschia variety of colour pink like vagina or tip of penis
whats the music here???
water wind fire rain name names concrete music with flesh of melody spiegl im spiegl
louis armstrong
arvo
mahler
miles davis yma sumac drums from jungle
mali
senegal beethoven `( some)
ninth
bulgarian women gypsy music trompeters from serbia
knives in the chest!
anything that goes straight to the solaer plexus move my waters
what are we wearing on this stage?????
what are we wearing? Me - nice dress
smart we find in pillows
between evening dresses and underware ah yes from what era???? TODAY modern or mix modern I see it as if everyone had been dressed but sex had semi-undressed us so we are all in a mess Dj as universal simptome of dressed/hal-dressed yes sort of mixed up exhausted i see us exhausted as if from too much dancing too kmuch sex too much of everything so stripped of self consciousness caught im the middle of something and very raw ( yes caugth in the middle as iff trapped in the light of the torch) all cliches there
but finding something fresh from it all
something that doesn't just grind away at what we know has been true something we can honestly say we believe and feel now today
that is relfected in the clothing, mucis, colours and of course
the way we love our pillows yes it is important it is recognized as now
nostalgia is too easy
but soooo erotic we are nothing if not memories salt pink light sexy erotic so you see and hide at the same time earth earth earth fish moons oh snow to eat with you
please all of you lay your head on your pillow tonight and think of how they support your dreams...
whisper into them and tell us later
36. dj log (14.01.2007) pillows
we shall play on the theme of pillows I saw a doorway. a door step a girl was filling a small white box with pieces of bodies she wrapped it up beautifully with white paper and white ribbon she delivered it to the doorstep and left it infront of the door .and wandered off the door opened a woman picked up the white parcel the door closed later fragments and shards of the dream later. I found the parcel in a pillow I couldn't sleep. it was bulky but I kept trying to ignore it was there finally I woke up and held the pillow filled with dread A PILLOW FILLED WITH DREAD I knew I had to put my hand inside but hid it under another pillow
.
I see a pillow that a man tears open and finds inside luxuriant fur he buries his face in the fur a woman comes along she steals the pillow from him and does the same --------------- a man and woman are dancing cheek to cheek, only there is a pillow between their cheeks --------------------------- Standing in the moonlight pillows rain down, slowly like snow ....... DJ does not sleep with his lovers. So he does not lay his head on their pillows ------ does he steal their pilows as trophies men and women tear open pillows as if they were lions tearing at prey, lovers tearing at flesh inside they find red feathers that they throw and throw and throw -------------------------- yes DJ steal pillows as trophies puts them in his saddle bag ----- is he a dragon? no he is a man ----- a pillowfight that is both exhilaratiing and very violent ---- he's stolen my pillow and i want it back --- i use my pillow to raise my buttocks ----- i scream into my pillow so he can't hear my rage ------ she puts a pillow under her dress to pretend she is carrying a baby. people give her their seats on the tram
.....
i use pillows as stones to reach the other side of the river i hide bread in pillows .... i hide her underwear that i stole .... one old lady makes her living stuffing pillows with tricks , wishes and curses ----------------- I confese to my pillow ---------- one day she hides perfume in a pillow -------------------- i fuck my pillow ------ my pillow lies between me and my husband i hit you with my pillow i hug my pillow when i am desperate and lonely without you i put pillow between my legs - --------- pillows open and release snow that falls on naked lovers ------- i argue with you over who has the best pillow ------ a man building the tower of pillows very high - till ceiling
----- a woman holding a pillow as if a baby she cannot have ---------- a pillow full of tears --- my lover the artist made two pillows out of plaster that had the shape of the heads that would be lying on them but no heads i use it to polish the table ----
a pillow full of confetti DJ stomach is a perfect pillow for me ... piling a mountain of pillows so high
then trying to climb this snowy mountain
--------
keep climbing keep faling keep laughing
DJ does not like fucking in bed
so he rarely uses pillows except for polishing the table he doesn't own
------ my pillow case is my table cloth the mountain is sysiphus --- my pillow case is covered in sauce stains
which i lick clean.... now and again my pillow is full of sexual juice stains that i lick clean now and again
my pillow cries every time i squeeze it --- yes it smells of you DJ and I MISS YOU ---
farting pillow but mixed with my perfume pillow talk ---
my pillow is full of secret letters, pieces , fragments that by magic become one sheet
each pillow a new rhythum --- my horse is made of pillows-- but his legs fall off when i want to ride away after Dj a pillow that is so beatifully white, starched, crips and clean as a zen koan that i love and cherish and take great care of place as if it were fragile in the centre of the pile of m,ountains of pillows for every word - one pillow a pillow for every woman DJ has fucked .....in his saddlebag --- only the one who holds a pillow is allowed to speak...
'd like to come with one sharp pin and prick each pillow and make it bleed so the fight for pillows starts each pillow that is not mine becomes a betrayal
i smell a pillow. if it doesn;t smell of me i cannot put my head on it ----------- a woman smells DJ's perfume on a pillow. she swoons into it. another woman steals it from her. the one who collect most of pillows can be dj they fight I WANT MY SMELL!!! bitch! sniffing and sniffing the pillows. where is the DJ pillow in the mountain?? can you smell him?? I have a dress with many linings. I don't fight. i watch. and each pillow is sucked into my vortex to feed my plans CAN YOU SMELL HIM REALLY? yes, pillows are sucked into you like men ----
---
he'ss come sniffing and I'll have them all I NEED MAGIC is dj in the audience? change this simple pillow into flesh feromones pheromones give me DJs pheromones my pillow is naked god I'm hungry ----
eating the heart out
I would prefer to eat DJ's ear lobe oh me too and then i would like to move on to his heart tartare just get so angry the pillow is supporting my head my head is supporting Djs ego i look into his eyes and tell him YOU ARE THE BEST BEST BEST BEST he takes the pillow from under my head and puts it under my hips it is all a question of technique if you fall to the cold hard floow with a pillow it hurts less -- so cover me in pilows please sandwich of two pillows, me inbetween i can imagine the loneliness it's like hitchcock all the pillows are breathing taking a pillow to bed as a lover like cinderella imagining a broom is a prince cliches of projedction make believe madness
a pillow with his image
face punch a pillow if you feel angry says the therapist punch it, go on! let your anger out! out of such a small box comes such a large man hit it hit it hit it! not sure I feel much better wipe all the juices with a clean pillow a pillow with a hole and a pillow with a bulge... smell the juices on the pillow lie head on this dream.... ------ i will be naked except for pillows that i wear like a burlesque dancer -- i will fall to my death: saved by a mountain of pillows ------ i will throw myself headlong into a pile of pillows ----with you ------
i will kill myself for you i will!
---- put your hand in the pillow and FEEL inside as you would feel inside another's body ---- full of kisses apples full of tender whispers snow tears birds books when you pull it out there is no hand... the pillow eats hands like a vagina dentata and other things, too full of lost treasures hands books apples penises babies snow pearls orgasms meat youth years memories love poems on pink paper wedding rings glasses and suddenly: booom jellies ballet shoes stars pigs ears masks guns leather whips and roses sugar flags chocloate wedding rings words there is a huge gust of wind, and the window flies open desires on blue paper fly out ooh lalalalalalalalala au revoir everything flies scissors into the moonlight bye bye things!!! an empty pillow case, deflated as a post coitasl dick one empty pillow spent all spent what is this? ? moon on the pillow the narrative does have a structure after all we had pillows falling in the moonlight like snow and now.... the moon falls on the pillow a rain of moons falling on the pillows because HE is already on his fucking fucking horse a saddles bag full of pillow cases including hers to sniff at his leisure a knife to the solar plexus, sharp convulsion she is soooooooo lonely her body flips abandoned everything pines for his flesh to return she wants him warmly fragrant she wants him close and here she wants him to enjoy a pillow THIS IS MY PILLOW he might say it smells of me... but fuck no she is still folding the empty pillow sack he's off cantering across the pampas already keep folding smoothing out the creases stay calm he might return make it so small he might text me or mail me he might call me he might send psychic messages
she is bereft of him
then place this tiny pillow sack in my mouth I AM BEREFT OF THEE!!! waving with a pillow as with handkercheif and slowly slowly chew she cannot imagine living weithout him even though she only met him 4 hours ago chew and chew until the sickness comes she wants to die and in the vomit comes a stream of linen her orgasm still flows in her limbs she is not neutralised yet she is full FULL of him she is exuding from all her orifices she holds a pillow tight to her face and weeps she eats all the pillows fuck me fuck me fuck me how on earth did i get here!??? she is breaking down HIT THE PILLOW TO GET YOUR ANGER OUT says her foolish therapist as if it would heal she stands on the edge of the window, but the world is white no footprints the wound that is so deep and putrid only drowning in salt sea might help no hoofmarks I AM SOOO ANGRY she howls she says limply i am well angry a little angry thats all
pillows bursting as bombs in silence
she finds the pillow with fur in in
she buries her face in it she thinks maybe maybe just maybe she will not need him she will not die for him she will not commit suicide for him after all maybe she will smell the fur imagine this if she was really really strong she might even want his happiness. pillows as clay pigeons: dj throws them , she shoots them she is in the snow of pillows that imaginary north pole a sail big one shifting ice where there is no love, only sensation no difference warmth equals danger only repetion where cunts upon cunts pile up like laundry just so much work to do just keep workng do it do it do it no time to think chain of sheets or pillows labyrinth hands, arms limbs automatic repetiton do this do that do this do that up and down srub scrub in and out head down look up. Tears look down upside down aplause tears salt holes in snow Dj is an iceman an animal from the jungle he is the product of our imagination bye by DJ i will never forget you you bastard
I KNEW WHAT YOU WERE LIKE FROM THE START it sjust that I secretly thought I could change you
my stupid fault all along hey I thought I'd be enough the desire to domesticate you was only ever a ployt to keep you fucking me i never wnated you to become a husband i just wanted you constantly there shit fool!!!! ----
but horses and sunsets got in the way hey
---
dance me
dance me DJ find my freedom button press the button! where's my pillow gone??? he's dresed ready to dance cha cha cha where were you he says as if nothing had happened oh no she thinks he's playing with my mind as if his horse had not cantered him away he I go again she is wet I can't believe it I'm dancing her eyes wet with melted snow the bastards come back!!!! she opens another pillow finds bread and wine
and heart tartare
he follows they fuck again amen this time he leaves by the door the doorstep he take with him a white parcel with her heart and puts it in his saddle bag a dream he says i may be back don't wait for me she says i need to bite into a pillow she is bereft again but this tim she is proud and she will not commit suicide he doesn't know that inside the parcel is her heart and soul another heart is growing beating
she is cool
to see a new heart growing in the snow
the snow is a canvas
a blank sheet on which to write love stories in blood pillows fall slowly like snow
37. dj log (21.01.2007) dolores
tonight we have to all enter in the conscisousness of the horse
<anna> i think she is called <anna> dolores
Hispanic for pain its hard carrying DJ on your back and waiting for him whilst he fucks around I have an undestanding with DJ Through the eyes
he whispers his commands in my ears
yes, dolores should be mentioned in all encyclopedias
whisper
shshshshshshshhhhhh I listen with an attentive heart he says: you know you are my only love... I am his faithful beast unrivalled I am his escape I am his freedom he always returns to me I never make demands upon him yes i take him away from the bourgoeois hell of rattling sabres and weeping woman
I am calm
we run so fast!!!!!! I don't complain about being lame he digs his legs into my flanks I just limp kicvks and kicks and kicks me i am his complice yes yes yes I go faster and faster and faster i snort and sweat whinny at his command i am good for him and he is good for me I do as he commands with pleasure What pleases him pleases me my back is hot and exudes oily sweat his butt sits on me and I bounce him I eat with gratitude I drink with gratitude i can smell the sperm still on him I wait with patience i am excited by his need to get away and we both like stake tartar my lips are drooling we are partners in combat his bridle and bit in my mouth pulling at my smile I laugh and laugh and laugh he likes to get his oats I like to get mine neeeeeeehahahhahhhahhahhhahh and all i can hear is the sound of my own heart
I'm the last to be stroked
yes HE LOVES ME BEST the last to be kissed on my flank HER LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES ME i am a large mare brown with long chocolate mane and tail flies love me flies eat my eyes and my arse i am patient with them I swish my tail i flick and grunt I blink i think I stamp my feet he likes that I listen to his poetry it is really very exciting he tells me the truth he never whips me unless i ask him i eat out of his hand I know his secrets, and keep them once or twice i have had one of his women on my back with him they ususally scream a lot i know jis demons and dark thoughts His smell is my joy I know his moods he has my sympathy so you said he is whispering to you. what is he whispering? Do you like man on your back? how did you meet first? so many quetions one by one, please He whispers his victory this turns you on? victory fills my veins
he wispers: nowdolores dance for us
he whispers: she came and came and moaned and screamed out my name and I whinney now Dolores take me far away frojm her i never ever want to see her again And I laugh ( I am always excited by Dj) and run and run pqatapatapapapaptapapatttapppa dolores looking at your image tonight i realise how strong you have to be to carry this weight a back horizontal bones all ready did he have luggage???? bags?? only a veal leather bag
just two saddle bags
veal? you mean calf???
what in his bags?? please tell..
oranges spices flowers condoms rare spices wine condoms condoms love songs oils knives a pen stories condoms KY jelly a pillow some lace wine underwera brandy lipstick bells a camera stamps from all continetns fireworks oats ( for me) mirrors ( for her) a microphone his mother`s photo carots lots and lots of pillows feather pillows glasses to lift her arse towards him a bag of white sugar a steak grinder for steak tartare on the road a chicken for the fresh eggs a white table cloth dark glasses an extreemly sharp knife gloves a newspaper 2 crystal glasses a ninetndo brain teaser orgasmothron some cheese a razor patchouli oil shaving foam toothpaste a comb small mirror hair oil a map of the world gps a bag of hair an anatomy book poor dolores! dfferent womens hairs yes, poor poor beast these hairs he makes a coat for me! (but she loves it mind) bread I carry the world for him a teasmade I never complain musical notes and letters toaster, waffle irons etc for breakifast silk feathers sheets Until he can't see me anymore I am a wardrobe the bible ( for reference only) horse pills eyebrow tweezers he use what's handy a swuiss army knife spare horse shoe saddle soap ginger dental floss my mane brush flie papers fly papers feather duvet matches photos of me and him in the middle of nowhere from all over the world a ring yes water clean boxer shorts ironed yes yes yes neatly yes yes yes
I am dolores
i love him i lov e it all i carry secrets burdens a man sometimes a woman too secrets I go where I'm told
through water
through snow across bordes borders throughdeserts past check points confusens over mountains in moonlight in sun shine through rain and fogg
towards a window
a low window a high window through first,second, nights i smell of horse sweat and mans butt and leather
i am an erotic experience in itself
an open doorway anywhere over the rainbow i JUMP I JUMP I LEAP
i am extraordinarily fearless
and broke my leg shit shit
but he didn't shoot me
I felt I'd failed him let him down but he ketp whistering into my ear i am simply the best 'DOLORES I LOVE YOU" his heart and my heart beat to the same tempo Dolores for fucks sake don't die!!!! he slept with me though every night
his head on my neck
he served me as a loyal master
Iklocklokloklokloklokloklok"
I have my story I have my history klockklock I have his foal we are a team we are pas de deux
we are a duet
i love DJ he loves me i love his jumping out of windows onto myh back THUMP as his butt hits my spine go go go go go go go girl! now I have tasted mortality i want to gallop faster
i want to take more risks
I want to fly through the window with DJ on my back
I want to crash through glass
I want sparks to fly from my hooves
I want to give DJ the world till the time we'll go to the pension in the world will prevail peace and love between genders. and harmoy and understanding... you sound so idealistic
get real horse! klokloklokloklok i am very patient...
they don't suspect me under their window
i am horsemeat just beast par excellence mindless eat me horse tartare
brainless
steaks and pies voiceless burgers ignorant edible docile i carry you places, then you eat me! its NOT FAIR!!!!
I don't complain
I am not conscious of aging
I am in some sense an erotic icon ride me ride me the older I get the more roads I know
ride me
don't est me yet don't eat me there are places i want you to see on my back! Soon he'll be asking me where we should go because he gets tired. I've noticed
<
I am constant we are too much connected
<zeljko> i will pick you at the next window <zeljko> do not worry
his death will be mine
<tanya> i want to sing <tanya> i want to sing about the compani0onship of man and beast on this occasion
<tibor> i would like to write a long poem about the whole goodamn thing <gio> and i would like to say only I LOVE DJ and i want to be him and so i want to be on your back
< <matej> meat and man
-
<
the fact is that the horse is his mistress Numero 1
I'm his horse!
mand and beast man and beast man and beast man and woman man and beast man beast woman beast woman
<zeljko> beast and beast
DJ and the beast
beauty beast
true love see/ although he is portrayed as a solo artist, he could NEVER survivie without DOLORES!!!! behind any successful DJ there is she... dolores dolores was there ..... for the generations that come after reader I carried him in war on battlefields in drought in floods working the land crosing continents pulling caravans
