A LOG UPDATE from the first sewing nov-jun 2006

From DonJuan Wiki

05.02.2006 (the best sex you ever had)- I added the epilogue

so, what kind of women do you like? <B> considering sex, i mean <B> young? old? <9> age dopesn't matter much for me <9> it is important how she holds my dick <9> or how she look at me <B> That's the most important thing? <B> Can she be ugly as hell if she can hold your dick well? <9> well, yes <9> what is ugly as hell for you? <B> Was the best sex that you have had so far with ugly women? <9> i could say the best sex for sure was not depending from the way she looked

<B> but you know women, you can never be 100% sure. <9> you felt you could do anything to her and she woud accept?

<B> did you lick her?

<B> what? did she smell like a flower? <B> what about her pussy? <9> maybe patchouli

9> i am master anyway

<9> pure sex without emotion is like a soup without salt

oh mother

pure emotion without sex is middle age

<C> have you been a mistress? <7> Mistress, yes, I have. I decided, I want to keep relationship <C> did you enjoy the relationship? <7> hidden from social contact. didn't want or meet his friends and he mine <C> was it the secret that 'turned you on'? <7> It was the point, that we knew exactly, what we are doing together <7> pitty it didn't last, one can not continue without getting emotionally involved. yes, surprozingly, he spoiled it <C> how? <7> by starting to be possesive and curious <7> he imagined, I'm helding some other guys by the side <C> projection eh?

did you?

<7> I wanted freedom, indipendence... <7> young <C> is that what attracted him in the first place do you think? <C> was he young? <7> good looking, not especially clever

does cleverness matter?

<C> sorry to ask this but cock size? <7> young and fresh <7> cock - middle, but sporty <7> never liked big, it hurted <C> did he want youvery very much? <7> yes, I was kind of exotic <7> and didn't ask about meals <C> were you out of his normal reach? <7> no cinema, common friend, plenty of time for sex <C> only behind closed doors? <7> wouldn't believe, I ran into him month ago <C> and? <7> nice, promisseng, I got his phone <C> and? <7> din't call <C> you mean you didn't call? <7> maybe <C> why didn't you call? <7> I wouldn't know where to take him <C> so he wasn't a friend as well? <7> no <C> how did you feel about yourself after the relationship finished? <7> but a relief becouse he would finally spoil it all <C> I do you look for another secret partner? <7> it was ridiculous to have a primary school conversations <7> sometimes I think about it <C> for a date? <C> maybe an older more mature man? <7> there are plenty looking for a secret relationship, very direct, sometimes young <C> I'd be so scared to meet anonomous

why?

<7> phychos are in movies

<7> I'm not offering anything, prefer one to one <C> its more to have someone to talk about everything with afterwards

<C> I mean after the meeting If it is just the sex, i think there would also be a lonely feeling <7> you would't be lonely for some hours and day after you have a secret. gives you an extra charisma <7> do you need emotional conection to a sex partner? <C> does it make you feel more powerful? <7> more indipendend

<7> boys don't understand our trough

<7> some tears after it, just girls sentiment <7> thing have to go out

He wanted to be inside me all the time, until I spoke to him about it and convincited him that that just isnt possible, not with me. It was my mistake cause i didnt tell him when it was happening, anyway, i told him i cant have this cloud of your desires pressing down against me. Let me breath for god sake, i am not your private hole you know?

What he do?

He crawled off, he wanted to know how...

How... he didnt understand how it was possible for me not to have daily sexual needs. He was jabbing all the time: “can we make it? Makein it?" Oh, he drove me crazy!!!!

Then he probably started to imagine i had secret lovers, he would check the bathtub for my pubic hair as if they would have been shaven off in some premating ritual... he probably imagined that I was shaving my pussy for someone to enjoy instead of him and who was apparently licking me senseless... or worse, that i would shaved it entirely and ultimatly for me alone And not him

This probably made his dick stunned by the actual impulse of stiffness that it projected as a possibility of jealous masturbation In the very bath and on the very pubic hair which served to imagine...

How he react?

“You are mine” he said in a childlike voice and started coming on to me, I replied “no, Im mine.”

And he crawled of again, I could see his grief stricken eyes which moved me and i felt this strange sensation that i caused him, in me, and which you call pain. This impulse to see a boy in pain over the pain which my being has struck in him, o god, look at that pure boy, he is all stiff with pain over me, he yearns like a wingless bird into the empty sky, My beauty, I hurt him, oh, I shall extinguish his pain. And i did. I would give him mercifull blow jobs slowly and circularly in the rythm of arvo part or eric satie, besides i am very good at giving blow jobs, i enjoy it as i enjoy making him a sandwich ...

But then i saw that i couldnt cure him, all the blow jobs in the world couldnt make his gloom go away, if we didnt have sex each day and manytimes after we had sex, his gloom would return like an unspoken grudge...

Then he cried, he sobbed, his virile instincts were interwoven and bleeding with fleshbacks of tears and abandoned childhood–impulses. And i promised he could have me again, he just had to wait, He must have felt like that pure picture of manlinness in “That obscure object of desire”, sobing because he was denied such a common pleasure to which every man should have the right to. AMEN.

(I saw how two possibilities were raging inside him like a cheap soap on a distant tv. Will he stay true and proclaim eternal love with the sacrifice of the fullmilment in his desires, will he wait and believe me, will he allow me complete power over our sexuality, will he rape me in my sleep? Or will he find some other body to be the cavity of his insatiable juices?)