Monologues
From DonJuan Wiki
PLEASE WRITE ON THE FOLLOWING TOPICS SO AS TO ADVOCATE THEIR PROPOSAL ( AGREE AND EXPAND RATHER THAN DISAGREE AND CONTRADICT)...ITS AN EXERCISE....:
1. MONOGAMY IS PETIT BOURGEOIS
4. WOMEN'S VAGINAS ARE FULL OF TEETH
6. THE PEN(IS) IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD
7. THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE PENIS
________________________________________________________________________________________
DON JUAN PROJECT QUESTIONNAIRE: COLLECTIVE MONOLOGUE EXERCISE
Please each add your own answers to the following questions. Your answers can be as brief or as long as you need/wish. The questions are in no particular order unless an answer might be qualified by another answer, so you can answer any one of them when you feel ready. Use the EDIT choice here and then SAVE what you add. You can answer one or more questions at a time…..We can take our time in this exercise.........
HAS THIS PROJECT CHANGED YOU OR THE WAY YOU THINK IN ANY WAY SO FAR?
no.
yes
grrrrrr
no.
no
no
IF SO, HOW?
looking forwards
WHY DO STORIES OF LOVE AND SEX CONTINUE TO OBSESS HUMAN BEINGS?
because to pass a DNK is still the aim number 1 of nature and sex is the only way...
because this is basic needs in everyday life
because we are confused about our right to pleasure and our need to love
HAS ANYTHING CHANGED BETWEEN THE SEXES IN YOUR LIFETIME?
not really: maybe slightly bigger tolerance level?
yes,first is frendship number 1, then is sex appeal very important, then sexuality,and in the end frendship again
a lot I lived through women's liberation
---
some, women don't borther so much with not being good housekeepers
everything and nothing
IF SO, WHAT?
/
I lived long enough to have seen many changes forward and back again
younger women are more assertive men are more easily emasculated
ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
fighting pretty well against it. being jealous is lack of self confidence. proving our right to owe somebody's body (and mind). feel it when sneaks into my mind and feelings, but could say i am not a jealous person.
jealous person is a sick person
---
yes
yes, but not always
--
WHAT MAKES YOU JEALOUS?
lost of selfconfidence.
this is unpredictable virus you newer know from where come and how long will be
sense of rejection
a feeling of being obliterated
---
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH WHOEVER YOU WANTED WHENEVER YOU WANT AND NEVER SETTLE DOWN?
no.
no.
no
its a fantasy ---
ARE YOU DOMINANT OR PASSIVE?
dominant, they say. though with certain knowlidge of being passive. --- dominant. but tricky not showing it obviously.
both -- ARE YOU HETEROSEXUAL/BI/GAY OR LESBIAN?
do i have to choose? gay than.
no answer.
hetro
bisexual - as everyone
hetero,but I am very attrctive for gays and lesbbians
WHAT DO THESE CATEGORIES MEAN TO YOU?
not much. believe we are all bisexual. and curious. but have too many prejudices in our minds.
everyone shouls decide and know for himself
not much other than personal preferences
sexual orientations
flags and tastes
HAVE YOU EVER HATED AND LOVED AT THE SAME TIME?
yes.
no
many times
yes ---
WHAT DO YOU LIKE BEST IN A WOMAN’S BODY?
collar bones
everything
WHAT DO YOU LIKE BEST IN A MAN’S BODY?
shoulder blade
hands
everything
ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY ROBUST?
yes. i am a warrior.
no. i am a warrior
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
too much beauty.
orgasm, death, love, myself
--
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN IN LOVE?
six times.
deeply, maybe 4, and then everytime i got naked with someone
--
HOW MANY LOVERS HAVE YOU HAD?
sixty. ---
more
__ none of anybodies bussiness
HAVE YOU HAD SEX WITH A PROSTITUTE?
yes.
no --
PUT IN YOUR OWN WORDS WHAT YOU THINK A PROSTITUTE DOES
i obviously met the most lousy prostitutes. they didn't do anything exept spreading the legs, watching the ceiling and (hardly) waiting i came... every time i came from them i masturbated and it was hundred times better.
she feeds the male ego by giving him the power to do whatever he wants/is agreed in exchange for money. the money itself gives him power and enables her to forget what she is doing, stick herself in her mind somewhere else so that he can use her body the way he wants. she is a consummate actress at her best, the most wretched victim at worst she is an artist of erections.she makes men feel really really safe in their role
--
WHY DO YOU PERFORM?
hoping to know myself better sneaking thru other's people's lives
its a fact of every day life --
DO YOU ENJOY SEDUCTION?
oh yes; many times the act of seduction is better than final result.
love it (but think myself bad at ti) ---
I agree
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ACTING AND SEDUCTION?
no difference. in both you fail if you are not convinced in what you do.
agree, theatre is an erotic art
WHAT ARE YOUR OWN TECHNIQUES FOR SEDUCTION?
depends. many times succes is bigger less you do. fruits get ripe falling into your lap by themselves. sometimes i go straight to the person asking the name (after eye contact already established; there is written everything, in the eyes. in one non hidden blink there is a person exposed). than depends from the person...
thats the problemn..no techncique
HAVE YOU HAS SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU DON’T LIKE?
yes.
yes ---
IF YES, DESCRIBE HOW THIS FELT
pretty weird. like: let's try not to repeat this kind of situation. unpleasant, though there was a certain phisical pleasure, but the emotional discomfort was too strong.
out of love = remote or angry --- hated myself for any desire
--- DESCRIBE YOURSELF PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY
since red r.sheckley's mindswap i understood i wanted to change my body since i was little. to have another body but the same mind. maybe my dick was the only member i would keep from my "old" body. it's obvious i was not loving myself very much. with time things slightly changed. slowly i realized my body is not that bad. still think my dick is one of it's best parts. my dick is me. and many times i think with my dick. or he thinks for me. we are good friends. emotionaly? robust, as one of previous questions asked. stabile. spending a lot of time in the "cave". kind of stephen woolf. suffering with people and longing for them when being alone.
hardened and softened by experience
independent, cave-dwelling, curious, excitable, jealous, fleshy,intuitive,passionate, dependent, extrovert, jaded, calm, liberal, muscular, intellectual, cool
WHAT DO YOU HATE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?
when waiting as a dog to be given the permission to the "hole".
my inability to take it lightly
---
WHAT DO YOU LIKE/LOVE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?
my dick and my brain.
my inability to take it lightly
---
IF THERE WAS A SCHOOL OF LOVE WOULD YOU ENROLL?
as a teacher?
yeah
HOW DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD GRADUATE (SCORE 1 – 10)?
10.
depends on the teacher ---
ARE YOU PROUD?
yes.
very
ARE YOU TRUSTWORTHY?
yes.
yes -- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN VIOLENT WITH YOUR LOVER?
not really. just playing games while having sex. spanking. using a bit more of force than usually. but controlled.
yes ---
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE OBJECT OF VIOLENCE FROM YOUR LOVER?
no.
yes
WHAT WORDS HAVE YOU USED IN THE PAST IN FIGHTS WITH YOUR PARTNER/LOVER?
fuckyourself was the strongest.
you fucking fucking fucking fucking bastard I'm not a hole you fucking bastard prick cunt basatrd
DESCRIBE JEALOUSY IN IMAGES
frozen winter ladscape. desert. snake's nest in the stomach.
battery acid in the mouth and belly, snakes coiling yes up into the throat, nausea, bile, vomit ---
WHAT DISGUSTS YOU SEXUALLY?
pain. abuse of trust. abuse of power. pedophilia.
hm
shit and anything involving knives, blood ( except menstrual)
vanity ---
DO YOU ENJOY FEELING POWERFUL IN RELATION TO ANOTHER PERSON EVER?
yes, especially when i am given the permission.
yes of course --- IN WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES?
during sex.
DO YOU THINK MEN AND WOMEN ARE THE SAME EXCEPT FOR THEIR BIOLOGICAL MAKE UP?
yes.
biological make-up is a lot
DO YOU THINK MEN AND WOMEN ARE ESSENTIALLY DIFFERENT?
no.
yes --
IF SO, WHY?
the essential difference is imposed thru different sistems to rule easier. why women in switzerland for example got the voting right in 1973?!!
hormones and reprodcutive bodies but lots is cultural
IS SEX INTERESTING?
one of most interesting things in lifetime.
rivetting, obsessional, compulsive, addictive - yes, interesting --
IS SEX BORING?
not at all; is walking from point a to point b boring when you walk it every day? it might be with a routine. but there is a lot of ways to take from a to b.
it can be ---
WHEN DID YOU LAST SEDUCE ANYONE?
three weeks ago.
accidentally yesterday but without consequence ---
WHEN WERE YOU LAST SEDUCED?
three weeks ago.
not yestgerday
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF TRANS SEXUALITY?
believe that one mind might find itself in a wrong body.
fascinating but don't want to imagine that only by transforming the body can expeirnece open up - so prefer the bisexuality than the surgery ---
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MEN WHO HAVE SEX CHANGES?
that they are very brave.
i think that sometimes they parody the worst of womens experinces ---
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WOMEN WHO HAVE SEX CHANGES?
that they are very brave.
i think that they parody the worst of mens experineces --
DO YOU KNOW OR HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE INTERSEX?
no.
yes ---
WHAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND OF THE CRIME OF PASSION?
extreeme jealousy. or extreeme ego trip. if i can't posess you, nobody will.
sex and death
HAS SEX EVER MADE YOU CRY?
yes.
almost always when its good ---
ARE YOU FRIGHTENED OF FALLING IN LOVE?
no. i like to fall in love.
terrified --- IF SO, WHY?
/
loss of control/intense vulnerability/abandonment..
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN HURT?
a lot.
many many many --- HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU HURT SOMEONE YOU LOVE?
a lot.
many many many ---
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU LEFT YOUR LOVER?
few.
few --
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN LEFT?
few.
few ---
WHAT IS YOUR DEEPEST FANTASY?
in the big and posch party i would like to take my cock out and urinate in emptied champagne glass while conversating in the way as this is something most normal and no one pay any attention...
can't tell you (yet) because need it to be private for it to work ---
IS THERE ANYONE YOU FEEL TOTALLY INTIMATE WITH IN THE SENSE THAT YOU COULD TELL THEM ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING THAT WAS IN YOUR MIND AT ANY TIME?
almost one.
i think so --
HAVE YOU FAKED ORGASM?
no.
yes ---
WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR CHILD, REAL OR IMAGINED, TO ADVISE THEM ABOUT LOVE AND SEX
dear kid, masturbating is good, don't worry, your hand won't dry out, as still today you'll meet people trying to convince you in such stories. they will also try to tell you sex is filthy and you should do it just for procreation, that there are dirty thoughts in your mind you should suppress them, that there are dirty parts of your body and a lot of others lies about this life. don't believe them. sex is beautiful pleasure nature provided for us, but it is even more beautiful when you love person you have sex with. than it might be that you are touching god through the one you love.
love and sex don't necessarily go togehter...sex is lovely but can make you ill so take care. love is lovely b ut can make you ill so take care. follow your heart but keep your eyes wide open. talk to me if ever you need help or support ---
HAVE YOU MADE LOVE THINKING OF SOMEONE ELSE?
no.
yes ---
DO YOU WATCH OTHER PEOPLE IN PUBLIC PLACES AND FANTASISE ABOUT THEM?
very often and very much.
sort of --
IF HETERO-SEX COULD BE COMPLETELY SEPARATED FROM REPRODUCTION (EG WITH TECHNOLOGY) WOULD YOU ENJOY SEX MORE (OFTEN)?
don't see the need to separate sex from procreation to enjoy it more (often).
certainly ---
HOW OLD IS TOO OLD FOR SEX?
as long one is wishing it.
rigor mortis ---
HAS LOVE EVER DRIVEN YOU MAD?
oh yea...
yes to the point of autodestruction ---
WHAT MAKES YOU MOST ANGRY ABOUT MEN?
when they think they are better than women.
their ego ---
WHAT MAKES YOU MOST ANGRY ABOUT WOMEN?
when they think they are better than men.
when they are victims
DO YOU KNOW YOUR OWN SEXUAL ORGANS IN DETAIL IE HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THEM AS OTHERS SEE THEM PHOTOS/MIRROR ETC?
yes. mirror. photo. (porn)movie.
yes ---
IS THERE ANYTHING THAT FRIGHTENS YOU ABOUT GENITALIA?
no.
no they are lovely strange dark fleshy things we hide from the world
penises can be alarming, so can vaginas
CAN YOU DRAW YOUR OWN REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM ACCURATELY?
yes.
yes
DO YOU PREFER THE THRILL OF SEDUCTION OR THE COMFORT OF COUPLEDOM (OR BOTH)?
fusion of both is perfect. a lot to work on.
both ---
ARE YOU FRIGHTENED OF LOSING YOUR LIBIDO?
no. lost it few times. it always come back. :-)
yes i would miss it terribly ---
DESCRIBE YOUR OLD AGE IN TERMS OF YOUR SEXUALITY
let's see. will have sex till my body will be able to follow my spirit. and than... from nowadays point of view looks like life without sex is pretty poor; but there might be others discoveries in old age...
i will never dry
WHY DO MEN RAPE?
to show the power. to humiliate. to hurt. to take what they want without asking a permisson. to pass their DNK in any circumstances.
because they hate woman and fear their own lack of power
WHY DO MEN AND WOMEN STILL FIGHT?
because the pattern they live in is out of date. it needs to be updated. in many senses. when the schools will "produce" free, openminded and brave people, not conformists and hypocrites.
because womens power threatens men
WHAT DO THEY STILL FIGHT ABOUT?
power, infact.
power, responsibilit, money, sex, caves, waves, elastic, ego
WHAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING YOU COULD SAY TO THE OPPOSITE SEX?
češpljica.
here is a banana skin lets take turns to slip on it
DESCRIBE YOUR UTOPIA
live and let live.
no more hell
WRITE YOUR OWN LONELY HEARTS ADVERTISEMENT (IE LOOKING FOR A
PARTNER) DESCRIBING ALL YOUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES AND WHAT YOU LOOK
FOR IN ANOTHER
superman is looking for superman to share the rest of our lives. i do everything and i am good in everything, the same i expect from you. let's fly together. to crypton. to heaven. to hell. to the bottom of our hearts.
i am complicated. you love me unconditionally.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY QUESTIONS OF YOUR OWN:……
This is a rich text and full of many many ideas..and yes, it
took a long time for humans to realise that men created babies with
their penises and until that moment women had far more status...we also
have to remember the economic drive for patriarchy -though the psyche
ones are the most poetically interesting of course...i am rushing to
cook(!) for 3 kids and so will leave it here just to say I think Freud
said soemthing like that psychoanalysis at best could only convert
neurosis to normal human misery - so there is perhaps no 'cure' for the
human condition! dreams are powerful release tools which is why the
surrealists used them so much as a strategy.......i am fascinated by
Foucaults anaysis of techniques of power in relation to the moment
(early 18th cent he suggests) when the real moral matters around the
flesh began to assert thermselves and that this coincided with speech
and all the verbiage around sex, confession, laws etc etc...and today
we are a veritable tower of babel (in english we say babble when we
talk too much) hence psychobabble of sex and relationships........
there is also the question of whether or not human beings are basically
antoaginistic or empathetic....
sex is also culture no?
there is a fascinating account in The IK by colin turnbull about the
breakdown of human valuers in a starving african tribe of how in this
breakdown incest became common at the same time as people would steal
food out of their own family members mouths.....
more anon, theres vegetables to chop as i continue to reflect....
dream on.....
Xxx
In referance to your last email I choose to reply. It is a
fantastic idea to involve the various recolections of dreams
considering the essence of this project. A dream is both (if you
analize it with a small virile reason or not) anonymous and intimate to
your very core, supposing of course that you remember it. It gives you
the slight hint of an idea, when dreaming, that you are somehow
watching yourself and participating at the same time. So it is easier
to talk about it and maybe something like being vacuumed into a far
more sophisticated movie than imaginable. On the other hand, dreams,
which tend to merge into sinonyms of desire, are not the kind of topic
you would choose over a cup of tee in general social circumstances. Why
is that, I wonder. It is of course clear that it is not accustomed to
spill your heart out to strangers on the street, but THIS SPACE may be
considered an exeption. Considering that we are working on something
that could become golden, I would like to extend a simple plea entire
in its humility: for more universal nakedness! It would be interesting
to have, for example, a patchwork of different accounts of dreams, a
diary, anything but something, as it has been well put and trying to
work from that, and that was an idea. Intimate accounts like that,
would help to spill out some anonimous intimacy.
I remember when Z. and I were first discussing the topic of Don Juan we came of course to the obligatory question of distinction between male and female in account of all the theories that want to make everything forever clear and so forth. Actually it started with my cousin, she had just her first period ever. And she was meaner than ever. How curious I said, never having such problems myself. We went on and talked about the universal TABU of menstruation considered by all religions as a state untouchable and impure. But I imagine a state of pain. Isn´t this another ridiculous male illusion? We went on, coming to a father being jealous of his baby while he is breast-feeding. As Her body was ment to belong to him and all the anxieties that come from that. And then we went on the general anxieties of men, not admiting their frailty because it is considered something that woman do, and you have to be a man and not a pussy. And he said also that many men beat up gays because they were desired by them a.k.a. treated as women.
So, how does your sex affect your mind? And you come to the clear conclusion that it is not your genitals per se, but rather the way they are considered and guided by society that is strange and impure. Therefore on a spiritual level »all are the same« as D put it and which is true.
But, there are aspects of our body that affect our lives, beyond that they provide life itself, for example, a woman´s body. Thinking here transparently of the lunar cycles and the miracle of birth. Someone could add to this list the common prejudice of the male in reference to his constant effort »to stick it in«. One might or one may not. This means that if a law is considered a law of nature, therefore absolute, we don´t have to bother, it´s cool, it´s »just the way Jah planned it«. From similar conclusions other conclusions had been drawn. Such as: If giving birth is the miracules capability which only women posses, therefore let it be their only task on earth, amen. "Thus adding to the great chain of life!" and so forth. I shall go on, for it seems that the punchline was godgiven. Ok, joking aside, the fact remains that the body of a woman goes trough a process that is quite different from that of a male. In fact, because of her primal connection to a hidden harmony, which seems to move everything, a being inhibiting the body of a woman is ten thousand times faster to be (considered) a godess than a man.
I have many times pictured men as drones, poor, stricken creatures, beautiful boys, aplying force in covering their frailty, or just pleaing for some gentle touches, convicted to search in Her for a desperate reflection of oneself and made for Her pleasure, in Her pleasure ... And the flirting with the sheer insistance and obsessions with power by the male throughout history, it has been, so it seems, his aim to prove his power over Hers. (Or rather his own inferiority, since only She has godlike power and therefore the definition of power.) If we consider for a moment. This has to be linked with »the human struggle to conquer NATURE.« (A spiritualist of course would see no difference between them and ask: »What´s the problem?«)
The key to the problem lies clearly in a domination of unconcious princimples. And by definition if they are unconscious, they are hidden, full stop and Nothing. And as "the key to the paradox lies in a certain weakness of character," the problem is slavery, wars, polution, hunger, epidemics, the whole »sha-bang«, television, diet pills, aids, condoms, africa, the us-of-a, overweight, the absence of ideology, the concept of nations, hemoglobyn, the whole human condition etc. A freudian enthusiast would say, that he, the patient must realize his condition and he will be cured. Fine, but we are speaking of epidemic proportions. We even do not have patients phisically, because it is the system inside everybody that should be treated. But let us not go into the end of the world rutine.
What has been kept in my memory of the conversation mentioned, was a story he told me. Presumably R. Graves wrote it. Before I continue do please note, that there has not been, in known history, a period of matriarchy, only matrilineage, which is what the story is about:
A long time ago there was a tribe, where women were the head of the tribe, but they chose a king anually and his every wish was granted as a king, for one year, and then they chopped his off and his remains were to be scattered in the fields in a trance of offering. It was a believed ideology that the males where by no means asociated with the process of fertilization. They believed that wind fertilized the women of the tribe. This tribe or civilization, (I apologize in its obscurity) lived by the Lunar calendar consisting of 13 months. Everything went fine. Until, as time went on, some clever king to-be, decided to exchange himself and offer his child, so he got to be king for 2 and many more years and decades. Thus giving birth to, what we all now consider, patriarchy. (I seem to wonder, how did he manage to complete such an exchange?) And it was for many many years to come, that sacrifice was reduced to all the less important life forms such as cattle or fruit.
So, how does it seem? A system built upon supressed desires of men wanting to be women? To be god like and have Her power?(Wich is beyond her control anyway and therefore not "Her control", she does bring life and an enourmous amount of metaphors and praises sprung together by Her all so many lovers and she´s been fought for and imprisoned and altered ...) Anyway and not nontheless, we discovered that and conclude, no matter how much ink we spill, it was still a Mistery. She was still a mistery.
And as a genius once wrote: »WHATEVER IS SACRED, whatever is to remain sacred, must be clothed in mystery.«
p.s.I would like to make a hint to the movie "28 days later" in
reference to the patriarchal society observed and its ingenious
allusions to the end of the world.
I shall also bring to attention in a later statement perhaps, the
desire to rule nature in aspects of a Hamlet´s quest, as it extends to
all poets, kings and martyrs.
----
I would like to share a dream I had on the 22. of april 2006:
I arrive at what appears to be an old abandoned factory, but
it is actually a bar of somesort. I meet a theatre grup, young people,
we connect and smile, especially she. It appears we are all skipping
school.
Through the window I see policemen enter the balcony of a flat, they
take the drugs away from the people and leave.
In the room where I sit, all have gone exept for her. She has long dark hair and eyes that suck you inside. She comes close to me, very close, amoused at her swift decision, she kisses me slowly, and I reply, exited but can´t enjoy it fully, because I´m thinking of someone else, how this will hurt her, when I tell her, but I can´t stop her, I enjoy it at the same time, she climbes on top of me. I feel her breasts, dark nipples, the smooth entrance into her … Something or someone disturbes us, maybe it was me and my thoughts. She walks into another room, it is her apartment, she has a giant tatoo across her breasts, something like a modern icon, I cant see it right. As she climbes into a giant bathtub in the middle of her room, it is actually a pool about one meter high with transperent glass. As she is climbing into it she says: »Why dont we continue where we started?« I tell her about my relationship, that I´m sorry because I love her and can´t do it, because I keep thinking of her, but that she was too strong, it was too strong and I couldn´t resist and pretend I didn´t want it. She is lying emerged in water with her wet hair reclinig. She takes a breath, looks at me and into the water with discontent and says as she was the one I love after I tell her about my betrayal: »Executioner!« And then I´m hurt and say: »But, but we can still do it, if you like. (But it hurts me already or maybe we are all one and it doesn´t matter …) It is obvious she´s not in the mood anymore and I feel guilty, anyway, I show her insects crawling on the floor and walls. Big spiders and ants moving towards their nest. I climb into the pool. She grasps me from behind and pushes me down, we hit the ground, she clings to me from behind, we turn underwater and I see our reflection in the glass, we swim up and she leaves into the other room, there are people so it´s useless to try again.
Suddenly she´s gone. I search for her, I meet her friends at the bar, there is a performance coming up, so everyone is busy getting their masks on etc. The waitress is speaking about me, as if I weren´t there: »He´s quite handsome, green, anyway she marked him today …« I take one of her friends away from the bar and ask for her name (I didn´t even know her name) and she gives me her phonenumber. I step outside, it´s raining, I´m searching for my bicycle, abandoned railtracks, gray buildings, I feel sad and think as I walk and the rain falls: »So many times the need to apply sex or explain something with sex, destroys the pure contact between people …"
An unrecorded canto from the life of Don juan
In account to my myth
Which will soon arise the tender parts
Of many readers in this world as would forbidden plants
It is my duty to reflect or shall I say to share
A discovery in fact
Which led me to explore the essence of your underpants
For you have to know, since my childish days of yore
I came to make love not war
Before I was forced into my journies
By a glance of such outrageous chance
In those tender years before
When other children sought to play or fight
I was stricken with the beauty of the night
As I was standing on the shore as many nights before
Observing how the moon was passing
Suddenly there came a shadow also passing
And from that shadow a dark figure
And soon I found that figure was unworthy
Of such simple sound as a foot mixing with the ground
And soon that figure has become a gentle creature
Floating softly on the shore
The wind which through her garments flowing
Exposed the frail outlines of her body
Yet endowed with force and such tremendous glory
That would slay all warriors to conquer or the plea
Forgeting all the kings and noble duties to their country
As she was walking past, she had to feel my eyes and me
How I stood in trance, she threw a glance
And brushed her hair behind her ear
It pierced me and it hit me then and then I knew
And I was struck
Sometimes to hear and see means as much as to kiss or fuck
But somehow all these passions grew and would not stop
So I followed her as I always do
And I am shure you know the rest
For Lord Byron told it best
Of the lovely dona Julia and Alfonso red with fury
When he said I stole his wife
But I only made her feel the beauty that is life
A passion´d reader´s voice might ask me only
Had this lovely creature any choice?
Speaking of the holy matrimony
How could we both tender lovers rediscovering oneself in oneanother
How could we talk of sin if I could see beyond her skin?
How could she not have felt what rubies feel in dirty hands
How could she not be drawn to me, making love and being free
She was living in a prison since the age of three
A lovely prison full of colours, usefull things to see
While cleaning windows, serving food and counting hours
Like a living lifeless object being always ready
And at hand for the Lord´s command
To spread her legs and call him daddy
And to nurture all the loveless babies in a carriage
Full of lonelinnes and sadness
The sanctity that was called a marriage
Indeed a lovely household full of agony and dreams
With schedules yet unwritten given forth by God himself
Thrown into a silent martyrdom and labours of all kind
(Since she´s been a child)
A household full of little prisons for her mind
And as to my conquests as they say, be it glory or adultery
I never could seduce anyone that did not want to be amoused
Thus the word is meaningless
And when they ask me
Which do I prefer the most
The tall, the fair, the freckled or dark blonde
I breathlessly admit, the flesh is weak
All are one if you yourself can feel beyond
t.
Dwarf
He was a guy of no age, between a kid, because he had a size of kid, and an adult. Adult head on kids body which was missing both legs. They were cut by unknown event above his knees. He had artificial legs and he was moving around about on crutches, but mostly he was half sitting and half lying on his big and quiet tall bed from where whole his apartement was controlable by specially designed metal hook. It remembered me of Captain Hook. From his bed he could do everything: open the main door, switch off and on all electrical stuff, like heaters, lights, including the movie projector. He was living alone and was one of the first ones who had a super 8 mm projector in town. So local kids between 12 and 17 spent a lot of time at his place, helping him, like going to shop something he would need, or just hanging around. He was showing them porn movies and i asume he persued some of boys to masturbate together while watcing movies. As he did with me. However, i met him via one of my friends. I was seventeen that time. I met him few times during next years in company of a friend and from there i got a picture of him but once i visited him because i wanted to see porn movies. Till that time i saw just pictures and magazines. He showed me some movies and suggesting that it is nothing wrong if we masturbate while watching. i was very aroused because of the movie and i took dick out and caressed it and watching the movie. He was telling me how i am beautiful and how powerful is my dick and balls... this kind of stuff. it was nice. After the end of movie he asked me if i would fuck a girl he would provide so he could watch us fucking. My answer was yes and after few months he arranged the meeting.
I entered the flat and she was already there. He introduced us. She said: Milena. She embraced me very gentle and kissed me and slowly pulled my dick off the throusers. She was my age and and very beautiful and she knew much more about my own body than myself… He was suggesting positions so he had wished view. I was fascinated how easy and joyful can be just phisical encounter between two creatures. Full time enjoying her knowlidge of secrets of my own body. So slowly we finished on the bed, he gave us almost all of it by retreating in one single corner. I heard his deep breathing and knew he was masturbating under the sheets but it was not bothering me at all. (Though there was all the time present a feeling that situation is not at all as normal as it shows). I was very much occupied with a phenomena called Sex, which was my recent discovery. And Milena really knew (i wonder wonder who thought her?) how to manipulate male's body. It was obvious she was thought everything about what men like, how, where and how strong touch, press or squeeze certain parts of body... When we all came, we left. Milena agreed we meet alone and few times we went out and there was no place where we didn't fuck. In the car, bushes,fields, dark streets. Than I never saw her again. Heard she have two kids and a husband, maybe the one who was in the military service that year i knew her and she was missing so much…
There was another encounter at his place somewhere in the same period. He persued a boy, young football player - didn't know exactly for what. Boy agreed to lay down naked on the bed, he was very cute and had very nice shaped body but too frightened or embaraced, I was touching his body and his dick but nothing happened. He had no erection, watching straight to the ceiling and he hardly waited the "experiment" was over. I moved from the town and never saw them again...
I held out too long. He's gone. I was such a good friend.He's
moved on. It's Winter and my honour is intact.A triumph of
conscience..... But a loss of everything.........
The ground is hard. Cold. I'm not so powerful after all. I'll be one of
many when the blueblls appear.Though I don't feel like bothering to
wake up at all this Spring.
I'm admitting he was summer, he was spring, autumn and winter.I'm
admitting I was fed by his desires,though I relinquished nothing, being
such a good friend,I didn't notice that little by little I'd grown to
be completely dependent upon his blatant, brave, crazy longing. Like
needing the sun. I didn't know he was the sun. shit!
It started years ago. This friend of my husband. Friend of mine stole
into our lives. A needy soul. Crept into our hearts....A friend.
Friendship sown in fertile ground. He was good for my husband. Boys
together. Lads laying seige on the world.Creative onslaughts assailed
side by side. face to face. man to man. These men loved each other.He
was good for our marriage.
In peace,I grew quietly older. I ripened.
It took a while, years maybe for me to feel his gaze. Turn towards the
warmth of his smile upon my skin.My friend. To be proud when he laughed
just a little too much at my not so very funny jokes.Years to notice my
self esteem blossoming in his presence.Friendship. Innocent, open
throttled friendship. Nothing to hide robust friendship. Never
desire.never desire. oh shit.
I was such a good friend to our friend. I policed our friendship,held
his soul under surveillance and guided him quietly and secretly into my
heart.Never desire. Never desire.
His attention. Thoroughness. Attentiveness, readiness to turn every
word I said, movement I made, gesture I intermated... into jewels,
treasures,rubies,emeralds,diamonds, crystals, rainbows........He
seduced me by worshipping me.
This 'love', this constant trustworthy homage, constant care and
attention conquered my defences. Cell by cell, nerve by nerve......
I didn't notice thread by thread desire unravelling..... my desire.The
queen on her throne.....slipping gently..
Touch, by gentle touch. Births, deaths, embraces, family crisis, years,
tears....this friend's accidental constant proximity.
Now the children have grown. Mortgages are nearly paid off. Fresh
ambitions sown. And I'm ready. ...........
Spring will come............
And he's gone.
My best friend has gone.
He knows he's won.
my don juan was my lover of many years. he had sweat on the top of his upper lip. whenever we walked into a crowd of people i could smell who he had slept with. i used to watch him become like a helpless animal when pretty women appeared. i used to rage " I AM NOT A HOLE"! i said this to him once when i discovered that the young woman staying with us whom i had been looking after on a trip out of town was his lover. she told me one morning that she woke from a dream in which she had been judged and there was blood. didn't know what she was talking about. till we returned and then i smelt it again. i smelt that she and he were lovers and then i yelled ' I AM NOT A HOLE"! What did this mean? to be a hole? a mother? a repository? penis sheath? an emptiness? my own emptiness.... then i left him. years later. and he was devastated. three weeks later he met the woman he married. they have two children,. and he still chases women round the tables of bars and i can still smell this when i see him in crowds of people.....
On my 80th Birthday, By Don Juan.
A perfect day! I am standing on my veranda looking at the
delicate clouds gliding by unable to sit down for fear of loosing some
of the reverance I feel for the sky above me! Does it come with age I
wonder? Trying to conserve the energy we still possess for observation
rather than action.
How different my life is now from the life I lead as a young man in my
beloved Venice.
The women I pleasured and who gave me pleasure are like the clouds
above me gliding by in the recesses of my mind. How many left a lasting
inprint is hard to say, my philosophy was living to my fullest every
day as though each day was the last one, I did that with fervour energy
and total dedication. Yes, I loved women... but I have never imposed my
will on any of them, though I do admit to a certain thrill when they
surrended to me especially when they were already maried to some dull
and impertinent husband..This sense of combat , of power added a
certain frisson
to the chase!
I could never be faithful to any one of them because this would have
meant not being faithful to the others.
Do I have regrets? Yes, I wish I could remember them with more clarity.
I cannot recall the sound of their voices Is it because I was reluctant
to listen? Is it because once the game was won it lost some of it's
glitter.
And now facing the inevitable end , I can't help but ponder would I
have done anything differently given another chance? I ask forgiveness
from those who wished to know me better and whose wishes I denied.
But I have been punished for it most cruelly.
I have recently found out that the result of one of my dalliances was a
beautiful girl now in the spring of her life.
We met only once and I so wanted her to call me GRANDFATHER but she
couldn't she witnessed her mother's struggle and loneliness and pain of
abandonment and now in my need she chose to abondon me!
Don Juan
I've met him once
It was a hot summer, I was stuck in town, being on the break with my boyfriend, trying to get independend of his possesive plans about living together, planing every step that we should do in the future. Maybe I was also desperate about myself, not knowing what I realy would like to do, how would I like to look, does it matter... Adolescese crise.
So I simply left my town and took a train to coast - many books, a tent, a bycicle and strong will to quit all of my bad habits - smoking, eating to much and having sex just becouse boys wanted it.
Kind of hermit in a sleepy fishermen village.
It went fine for some days though my eating wouldn't stop and my brain didn't get much clearer and solitary all from sudden didn't seem to bring so much success as wished.
Than a guy arrived in a camp. A guy alone, not really attractive, much of courly hear, low, silent, also a reading kind of guy...The only extravagant thing was that he was dressed in white. All the time, perfect white. He organized landlord's wife to wash his cloth. It was kind of peculiar to me, since I only knew her as arrogant, lazy bitch, commanding her husband a little bit more than her guests.
Well, a couple of days past without contact, although we took some meals at practically same table in village restaurant. Small talk, a toast with local wine...
My unaproachable barriere wouldn't let anybody closer if there wasn't a little clumsy accident. One morning I felt on the sand with my bycicle and hurt my shoulder. Nothing big, but everybody in the camp heard about it, I guess. In the afternoon on that day I was on the beach - a bit futher from our little croud, with my book and water and improvised shadow roof, that I produced from bamboo branches. All from sudden this guy aproached to me and offered me a "healing" massage. I wasn't very pleasant first but being sincere, it's hard to say no to massage.
He sat down, rise his hand and - there it was - one touch and away I was.Melted under this touch.
All from sudden there was no sea, no people around, no sky, no consiousness, it was just a touch, warm and arousing touch, the contact of two differnt types of skin, that suited together perfecly. All I wanted was him to continue to touch me, everywhere, countinue without a word or smile of any other comunication. I practically turned myselself in a honey kind of substance, the same smoothness guided my body that devotedly offered itself to his body. Of course we had sex, immediately and practicaly non-stop for the next ten days. Not for a moment I thought about how unattractive he appeared to me in the beginning, how strange my relationship to my overweight body was, where does it lead or what the rest of the camp was thinking about our hot and loud nights. He had a gift, a very special gift. His touch turned my brain in switch off possition and aroused all the senses to extraordinary awakeness.
One morning I woke up alone, his tent was gone. I wasn't sad or disappointed, only kind of empty. In the matter a fact, also horribly tired, but relaxed. The whole story still appears so unreal as it never would happen. But it changed my perception of relationship, my demands on men, knowing what a good sex is, it awoke my awareness of being a woman. Not that any other guy after him would be such a magician , at least not dayly. But I knew, what I'm looking for. And avoided to compare. He was an artist of physical love, there is no other word. And I had a chance to be his assistant and object at the same time. I'm proud to have been chosen.
letter to...
I went to my bed. It was around 10 p.m. The day before I celebrate my 9-th birthday. It was an excellent party with lots of friends. Tomorrow I suppouse to go to school. I heard steps on a staircase, I knew my mother is coming to give me a goodnight kiss. She entered the room and sit down on my bed. We had a nice conversation, laughing, but I found myself, don`t know howcome, very uconfortable. Everything was prety normal but the mother was in such a mood, I started to be confused. I`m sure she knew what`s going on with me (she is my mother), but she continued. She started to caress me, but it was different caressing, kiss me, but it was different kissing. I wanted to stop her, she didn`t care. When she started to lick me all over the body and I found out that my penis transformed into phalos, I started to beg her to stop. She was like a vulcano just going on and on and on, I was crying, She was screaming strange noises, I had a feeling the whole room was one big scream "help", attacking by sexsense eruption. Unfortunately it was just one side complete satisfation. Next day I went to school, I didn`tell anybody what had happened. My mother behaved that nothing happened. After while I started to think if all this was just a bad dream. She was again nice loveloble mother, but not for me. I`m sure my dad had never get to know what had happened. I moved out of the house when I was around sixteen. When I started my sexsual life (around thirteen years old),first very shy, but later working just on plasure and enjoyment and on amount of girls, women, laydies, grandmothers, I wanted to have sex with and wanted to fall in love with me. With my parents I`m still in good relation, special with my mother whom I love and hate at the same time, but she loves me so much; I can see, feel, smell that. I know I attract her as a men (I`m handsome, charming, attractive), she doesn`t feel me as her son. And as a thankfull son I let her know every moment that I was having, I am having, and I will have sex with as much females as she can`t even imagine, but never ever with her!
Thank`s if you read that, Juan
It was a hot June day. we were not sposed to be lovers. But we were. Despite her. Despite Him. He fetched me in his car and drives me to a forest full of bluebells. I am wearing a blue dress, baby blue cotton. Bare legs. its very hot. We have sex in the bluebells and the flowers stain my blue dress. This is wonderfful because we are very passionate about each other ( a passion that would last for years and years, even now that I hate him). He stood up completely naked when we had finished, immediatly. Stood up and celebrated his own body in nature, rubbed the grass and bluebless on himself and started talking about himself, and only himself as I lay watching him feeling lonely and wishing he was thinking to be lying with me. I remember the bright green leaves framing his blonde long hair and the sun sprinkled on his pale skin and the feeling of great sadness and lonely. Later he wrote me a love letter about how hard it was to say goodbye to me once on a train station. he said he was crying and crying. he wrote that he saw himself running alongside the train crying. he always saw himself in this movie of our passion....i am not sure he ever saw me.... Signed: one of DJ's broke hearts
Once upon a time ...
I started this confession like this. I tried to have sex with my mother once. And someone said wow! One night, i was 13 i think, i woke from a nightmare and went to sleep in her bed. I dont know how it beganm i just remember lying on top of her, rubbing against her, thinking to myself that she doesnt notice, but at the same time i felt she might and as a mother who never refuses her son anything, she just lets it happen. Later i found out she was sleeping. This experience or memory was very new to her after i told her. She was a little shocked, but not really. How has this single night influenced or changed my life? Well … How do you answer something like that. Alone with all of these questions. Some fragile melody in the background. I was always attracted to women, since childhood I looked up to them bedazzled, staring as at some divine incarnation, wondering, dreaming what is it thats behind those eyes, something tender and cruel. I was never don juan, i tried to be at a certain point. I think everybody who came close to being don juan, just came very close and thats it. It is a mans myth. It is a position if not an illusion to being able and making yourself being able to satisfy a woman, to free her and so on… to be the only thing that can satisfy her. To be that which satisfies her. Does this sound weird? Lonely boy trauma knocking on the door? So fragile and endowed by some sort of magic, spinning all the women in the village around my finger since i was sixteen. A spanish accent saying: It has been my duty to research the essence of your underpants. I have seen god in there. A godess for that. Only a degenarate bastard with a lack of taste would place an old man at the throne of all existence. So far i have only met godesses and never a god. So how can anyone blaim me if i am a priest on a pilgrimage paying my homage to different altars. It is a special thrill to pursue the source of life, which some examples of our species vulgarly refer to as snatch or pussy. I think that is coarse and vulgar, but i enjoy being consumed by it. Altough it appears to be you, that makes her clothes slip to the floor, as much as you want to be in control, as much as you fancy yourself as a seducer, she always consumes you. She looks at you, a glance, a simple gesture and you feel it in her, glowing. Speaking to her is like exploring a rare and beautiful instrument, a soft tone, a strong one, feeling what she needs and giving it, making her erupt with a force so rare and so beautiful as life itself, and then leave, like a violinist after a concert, without ever feeling what the violine was actually feeling. But knowing that you alone brought this pleasure and beauty to her. She is still looking at me, waiting to be touched, but refusing so gently so willingly. After all these years, I still dont know what it is behind those eyes that makes me shiver. What drags me to her and into her so forcefully. Im just sitting here with some fragile melody in the background like Tesla who wanted to figure out electricity.
DJ My fourteen birthday. I chose a nice spot for my party, uninhabited: a small, romantic, clearing in the middle of woods. And I have organised a picnic for my male friends. Yes, I didn` want to invite girls a I considered them borning and frankly speaking. I didn`t even have a real female friend and besides, I never felt quite wellin their company. On the contrary of boys which I admired and worshiped. Especiall one of them was the object of my admiration, my best friend: intelligent, handsome, communicative, the best athlete of entire school. We had many common points, the only topic that made me freeze was about girls. I was ashamed to admit that I don`t find the girls exciting at all, as he thruly admired them and to be honest the really knew how to treat them. Therefore my beloved friend attributedmy luck of interest in gentle sex to my shyness. Wele, to get the story short, for my birthday we had this madly beautiful picnic, male only, male games, male tolk..till 7 o/clock in the evening, when my friend "drove" me birthday present, an experienced young whore... Boys went off, my friend handed me a bottle of whiskey and kissed me, on my mounth. Yes, it was a first kiss on my mounth, i drowned in his fleshy lips with my tongue I touched his and I wanted the world stop in exact moment that nothing happened even after... Another look, tears in my eyes, puzzlement in his eyes somehow he managet to say:"hold on pro. the chic knows it all, yust relax....
When I was 15 I had sex with my best friend's girl friend - that
fact turned out rather stimulating on my surprise. She shared a room
with her best friend and I spent all night fantasizing about her - she
was pretending that she is sleeping on the other bad in that room.
After five years I met that other girl at university. I felt such a
strong desire to fulfil my fantasies from five years ago that I
invested some energy to seduce her and get her into my bed. I dumped
her afterwards. It was a bit unpleasantly because she felt in love with
me in the process, but I finally realized what are the things that
makes me happy and satisfied. And that's important to know!
Yours...
My love, my lost and found and lost again half, i know you can't understand we won't see us any more. After you placed on the altar of passion all you have, all your trust and all your sensitivity, when i buried my spear of beauty into your beauty and we touched the stars and all gods of universe, you knew that you were looking all your life for this… the most beautiful animal i knew was awaken in you. In our snarling all your questions drawned. About your husband, your kids and what will happen tomorrow. I knew you belong to me totaly and unconditionaly. I could do with you anything. I researched all your hidden nooks and corners and seattled them with me; I will be for ever engraved in your inside and i hope the prickling will be always nice when you'll remember of me. I am an animal. Very nice animal. There is no past and no future for me. Just now. And now you are asking yourself if it is possible that all what happened between us is just lie and pretending. Think carefully. Was it?
Inspired by Byron written by Ruth.
I want a man an uncommon want, To stay with me till the dying of light, When our bodies have no other wants except the sharing of each others lives This time is precious let's stop for a while and see on his face the Don Juan Smile But only in the glitter of his hooded eye.
`````````jelousy is uncool
All negative emotions are uncool, that however does not mean that we do not possess them. we know they drain us of energy ,demean us make us into ugly green monsters and in the end do not change anything. How can we get rid of them?
